Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1410
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/5/01 2:52:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< > It comes down to what you are saying, words hurt worse than tone.
I disagree with this point. I had an english grandmother that could say
things like "that's lovely, dear" in a tone that made you feel like it was
the worst thing you could have ever done. She was also adept at intense
guilt trips. She hardly ever raised her voice or shouted. I often felt like
I was an immense failure to her and often would avoid her company.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
know when they are being ignored, blown off, or treated insignificantly. I
was trying to say yelling at my dd to knock it off (I can't think of a proper
example right now) is better than calling her a brat or blaming her for
ruining our evening. She didn't ruin our evening her behavior ruined the
evening and it should be discussed I agree but there are times a parent like
myself and my background lose their cool and yell or snap. I do not however
blame. shame or call names. I also do not use adult "tones" on children. I
treat them as another human being nothing less.I do not subscribe to the
"old" children should be seen and not heard and a lot of tone in adults comes
from this mind set. I also despise it when another adult ignores a child when
they speak. We have a friend who does this, drives me batty. He didn't use to
until his gf came along w/ her child controlling issues. Now he trwats kids
differently. Bummer.
[email protected] writes:
<< > It comes down to what you are saying, words hurt worse than tone.
I disagree with this point. I had an english grandmother that could say
things like "that's lovely, dear" in a tone that made you feel like it was
the worst thing you could have ever done. She was also adept at intense
guilt trips. She hardly ever raised her voice or shouted. I often felt like
I was an immense failure to her and often would avoid her company.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
>>Ok I should clarify, tone being sarcastic or pacifying hurts too. Kids
know when they are being ignored, blown off, or treated insignificantly. I
was trying to say yelling at my dd to knock it off (I can't think of a proper
example right now) is better than calling her a brat or blaming her for
ruining our evening. She didn't ruin our evening her behavior ruined the
evening and it should be discussed I agree but there are times a parent like
myself and my background lose their cool and yell or snap. I do not however
blame. shame or call names. I also do not use adult "tones" on children. I
treat them as another human being nothing less.I do not subscribe to the
"old" children should be seen and not heard and a lot of tone in adults comes
from this mind set. I also despise it when another adult ignores a child when
they speak. We have a friend who does this, drives me batty. He didn't use to
until his gf came along w/ her child controlling issues. Now he trwats kids
differently. Bummer.
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/5/01 2:52:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< <<"stop being a brat">>
Now in our family, no one would think twice about that and no one would
consider it name calling. Our phrase is "don't be such a jerk" which
translates into "I really don't like what you are doing. Could you please
do it somewhere else?" It is kind of like dh can flip me off and I laugh
but if somebody else did it, I would get mad.
I don't think it really comes down to the words or the tone but the intent
behind it, trying to hurt someone vs. expressing yourself.
Julie
background? Now when dd isn't in the room dh and I do use phrases we wouldn't
use w/ her. I do flip dh off he doesn't do that to me. He is a word person I
am a face and gesture person.I am so easy to read. DD inherited my gift for
faces. :o)
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
<< <<"stop being a brat">>
Now in our family, no one would think twice about that and no one would
consider it name calling. Our phrase is "don't be such a jerk" which
translates into "I really don't like what you are doing. Could you please
do it somewhere else?" It is kind of like dh can flip me off and I laugh
but if somebody else did it, I would get mad.
I don't think it really comes down to the words or the tone but the intent
behind it, trying to hurt someone vs. expressing yourself.
Julie
>>For some reason this doesn't agree w/ me personally. Maybe it is my
background? Now when dd isn't in the room dh and I do use phrases we wouldn't
use w/ her. I do flip dh off he doesn't do that to me. He is a word person I
am a face and gesture person.I am so easy to read. DD inherited my gift for
faces. :o)
NICKI~
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/5/01 2:52:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< As he's grown I've learned that he is just more emotionally extreme than
my
other boys. He's either extatic or furious, and can change in an instant.
There is no simmering or cooling down period in his nature. Even his normal
speaking voice is LOUD. We've had to remind him to speak quietly, and in a
few minutes he's yelling again.
At least in some cases, I believe it is just nature.
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
<< As he's grown I've learned that he is just more emotionally extreme than
my
other boys. He's either extatic or furious, and can change in an instant.
There is no simmering or cooling down period in his nature. Even his normal
speaking voice is LOUD. We've had to remind him to speak quietly, and in a
few minutes he's yelling again.
At least in some cases, I believe it is just nature.
>>This is Zoe to a T.
NICKI~
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/5/01 2:52:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Sometimes it gets annoying... when he gets involved in a computer game at
2 in
the morning and all you can hear (when I want to sleep) is the sound of boom-
boom... and Sean giggling!!! But I guess those are the nights I'm not
sleeping
that heavily anyway... oh well, this too shall pass.
Jeanmarie >>
headphones!
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
<< Sometimes it gets annoying... when he gets involved in a computer game at
2 in
the morning and all you can hear (when I want to sleep) is the sound of boom-
boom... and Sean giggling!!! But I guess those are the nights I'm not
sleeping
that heavily anyway... oh well, this too shall pass.
Jeanmarie >>
headphones!
NICKI~
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/5/01 2:52:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< agree that there are many qualities that are just nature-----they are born
that way. I do think that if his normal speaking voice is also loud that
it
would be a good idea to have his hearing evaluated. One can have below
"normal" hearing without being deaf and speaking loudly is indeed a symptom.
vicki---from a hearing impaired household >>
I have often thought of getting Zoe's hearing checked. Then she pipes up
about a subject dh and I were wispering about. She is just like our
dog,selective hearing. Runs in the highstrung catagory of animals I think. <g>
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
<< agree that there are many qualities that are just nature-----they are born
that way. I do think that if his normal speaking voice is also loud that
it
would be a good idea to have his hearing evaluated. One can have below
"normal" hearing without being deaf and speaking loudly is indeed a symptom.
vicki---from a hearing impaired household >>
I have often thought of getting Zoe's hearing checked. Then she pipes up
about a subject dh and I were wispering about. She is just like our
dog,selective hearing. Runs in the highstrung catagory of animals I think. <g>
NICKI~
Johanna SanInocencio
I understand now.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: <RValvo7626@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, September 05, 2001 7:09 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1410
> In a message dated 9/5/01 2:52:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
> [email protected] writes:
>
> << > It comes down to what you are saying, words hurt worse than tone.
>
> I disagree with this point. I had an english grandmother that could say
> things like "that's lovely, dear" in a tone that made you feel like it
was
> the worst thing you could have ever done. She was also adept at intense
> guilt trips. She hardly ever raised her voice or shouted. I often felt
like
> I was an immense failure to her and often would avoid her company.
> Johanna
> Life is the ultimate learning experience!
>
> >>
>
>
> Ok I should clarify, tone being sarcastic or pacifying hurts too. Kids
> know when they are being ignored, blown off, or treated insignificantly. I
> was trying to say yelling at my dd to knock it off (I can't think of a
proper
> example right now) is better than calling her a brat or blaming her for
> ruining our evening. She didn't ruin our evening her behavior ruined the
> evening and it should be discussed I agree but there are times a parent
like
> myself and my background lose their cool and yell or snap. I do not
however
> blame. shame or call names. I also do not use adult "tones" on children. I
> treat them as another human being nothing less.I do not subscribe to the
> "old" children should be seen and not heard and a lot of tone in adults
comes
> from this mind set. I also despise it when another adult ignores a child
when
> they speak. We have a friend who does this, drives me batty. He didn't use
to
> until his gf came along w/ her child controlling issues. Now he trwats
kids
> differently. Bummer.
>
>
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