Re: Television
Pam Hartley
And some of you thought shouting or guns were controversial. <g>
considers becoming less predictable. Nah. <g>)
If he has options and he knows what they are specifically and in general
(plenty of games, art supplies, Mom willing to drop a lot of things to help
him with projects, websites, cooking, Legos, a fall garden, a small business
of walking the neighbors dogs at mid-day while they're at work, activities
with other homeschoolers, Scouts, karate, soccer (dependent on the car of
course), AND anything he might think up on his own -- he will be able to
make a good and valuable CHOICE: do I want to watch TV, or do I NOT want to
watch TV?
At that point, whatever he decides is what's right for him. He may be one of
those people who gravitates to TV when bored (my husband is). He may be one
of those people who will ONLY watch TV when compelled by the program (I am
-- the LAST thing I'm likely to do when bored is sit still, I am twitchy and
have to move around, usually vacuuming <g> See, it could be a lot worse,
your son could turn to some freakish hobby like cleaning, and what would the
neighbors think? ;)
But really, if he is watching TV because he's interested, that's great,
that's unschooling. If he is watching TV because he's bored, make sure that
the boredom is "not your fault" (i.e, that there is plenty of
usually-interesting-to-him things to do if he wants to, and that he knows
this) and still let him decide. It's likely his way to unwind, let his brain
reorganize itself and just, well to be a Valley girl, veg.
Pam
> By the way....the television is somewhat of a problem. My husbandYes. (Pauses to note no one is shocked that I have thoughts on this,
> will not let me take it out of the house, which is what I want to do!
> My son CAN sit in front of that thing for hours if I were to let him
> and I almost feel he has been doing just that for the past couple
> days as a silent protest against my method of "instruction." He did
> not watch much television over the summer and now he cannot seem to
> be able to shut it off. Of course, it may be that all of his
> neighborhood friends have gone off to school. For the time being
> should I plan lots of activity in the home...experiments, read
> outloud time, playing games, etc...my car is broken down and won't be
> ready for a least a week. Some unschoolers believe that I should just
> let boredom take it's toll and let the kids lead the activity when
> they are ready. Any thoughts on this??????
considers becoming less predictable. Nah. <g>)
If he has options and he knows what they are specifically and in general
(plenty of games, art supplies, Mom willing to drop a lot of things to help
him with projects, websites, cooking, Legos, a fall garden, a small business
of walking the neighbors dogs at mid-day while they're at work, activities
with other homeschoolers, Scouts, karate, soccer (dependent on the car of
course), AND anything he might think up on his own -- he will be able to
make a good and valuable CHOICE: do I want to watch TV, or do I NOT want to
watch TV?
At that point, whatever he decides is what's right for him. He may be one of
those people who gravitates to TV when bored (my husband is). He may be one
of those people who will ONLY watch TV when compelled by the program (I am
-- the LAST thing I'm likely to do when bored is sit still, I am twitchy and
have to move around, usually vacuuming <g> See, it could be a lot worse,
your son could turn to some freakish hobby like cleaning, and what would the
neighbors think? ;)
But really, if he is watching TV because he's interested, that's great,
that's unschooling. If he is watching TV because he's bored, make sure that
the boredom is "not your fault" (i.e, that there is plenty of
usually-interesting-to-him things to do if he wants to, and that he knows
this) and still let him decide. It's likely his way to unwind, let his brain
reorganize itself and just, well to be a Valley girl, veg.
Pam
Bonni Sollars
Rachel, I think watching with is the best. That way I can use it as a
springboard for conversation. But one time my kids were watching the
Simpsons, I was in the room, and this man exploded, really violent and
bloody and degrading, and all my kids made a collective gasp, and turned
it off and discussed why it was wrong together. I said a few things
about it, but realized that they were figuring all this out on their own.
I really respect them and admire them for that. I have not noticed them
wanting to watch the Simpsons since then. They like the humor, but did
not find that funny. The way I see it is, if I control my children's
television when I'm there then when I'm not they will just watch what
they want anyway, so it is better to let them set their boundaries now
rather than try and do it when they're adults on their own with no
knowledge of how to set their own boundaries. Of course, even such a
sick display can be a springboard of, what kind of message is the
producer of this show sending, except to say, hey, this is funny because
we are mocking American culture which revels in blood and gore in film.
The only thing I said was, The reason I don't like watching the Simpsons
is because it is unpredictable, and you never know when they're going to
show something like this, and also because it is a cartoon with people
with baby-like facial features which attracts children's attention, but
with adult-style sarcasm. In the past, the kids would change the channel
when the Itchy and Scratchy show was coming on, which they also figured
out on their own that they didn't want to see. Years ago, I refused to
let them watch the Simpsons, but my husband would watch it, so they would
too. But now it is on daily on Fox. I have relaxed a lot when it comes
to television, as on many things over the years that I once believed
strongly I should control, simply because I found myself in a losing
battle. But now I am seeing this as a blessing, because it freed up my
family to make more choices and matured me into a less controlling
person.
Bonni
springboard for conversation. But one time my kids were watching the
Simpsons, I was in the room, and this man exploded, really violent and
bloody and degrading, and all my kids made a collective gasp, and turned
it off and discussed why it was wrong together. I said a few things
about it, but realized that they were figuring all this out on their own.
I really respect them and admire them for that. I have not noticed them
wanting to watch the Simpsons since then. They like the humor, but did
not find that funny. The way I see it is, if I control my children's
television when I'm there then when I'm not they will just watch what
they want anyway, so it is better to let them set their boundaries now
rather than try and do it when they're adults on their own with no
knowledge of how to set their own boundaries. Of course, even such a
sick display can be a springboard of, what kind of message is the
producer of this show sending, except to say, hey, this is funny because
we are mocking American culture which revels in blood and gore in film.
The only thing I said was, The reason I don't like watching the Simpsons
is because it is unpredictable, and you never know when they're going to
show something like this, and also because it is a cartoon with people
with baby-like facial features which attracts children's attention, but
with adult-style sarcasm. In the past, the kids would change the channel
when the Itchy and Scratchy show was coming on, which they also figured
out on their own that they didn't want to see. Years ago, I refused to
let them watch the Simpsons, but my husband would watch it, so they would
too. But now it is on daily on Fox. I have relaxed a lot when it comes
to television, as on many things over the years that I once believed
strongly I should control, simply because I found myself in a losing
battle. But now I am seeing this as a blessing, because it freed up my
family to make more choices and matured me into a less controlling
person.
Bonni
Rachel Wolfe Ravenhart
Thanks for all the responses, flox. I feel better when I have a plan,
and with a bit of rearranging, the living room now has a toy shelf
near the tv. It was great, today - he played with his toys, watched some
tv, then decided it was time to turn it off and go ride his bike!
Rachel Ravenhart
and with a bit of rearranging, the living room now has a toy shelf
near the tv. It was great, today - he played with his toys, watched some
tv, then decided it was time to turn it off and go ride his bike!
Rachel Ravenhart
Bonni Sollars
For years I tried to keep my kids from watching tv. I thought tv was
bad. Especially the shows that made me mad. So, if my kids liked those
shows, they would watch behind my back. Problem solved.=}
On a serious note, here are some things we did. First, I accepted that I
could not change that they were going to watch things I did not want them
to. Second, I quit enforcing rules. Third, we all sat down and talked
about how we felt and what we all wanted. As a family we agreed for the
kids to watch tv or videos only after 3pm on Mondays, Thursdays and
Fridays, but all day on the other days if they wanted. (I won't go into
the reasons why I thought they were watching too much during the earlier
part of the day.) We wrote it all down in a book and signed it.
Finally, if something comes on tv that I dislike, I say so and why and it
usually starts a discussion.
I think if I had a problem with my son watching too much, I would talk
with him to find out what his reasons are, what the thinking is behind
the behavior. Then I would accept his reasoning as valid. That in
itself might open up all sorts of possible solutions. If it bothers you,
I would give information that describes why you think the behavior is
negative, and describe your feelings as to how the behavior affects you.
Then you could ask him to help you find a mutually agreeable solution.
Another thing you can do is, when he is watching a show, mention an
alternative thing that is available after the show. That way he has time
to think about it and choose to do it in his own time. I have a son who
fixates on things and the only way I can get through to him is if when I
interrupt him I say, "Can I have five minutes of your time?" If after
talking, you still can't agree, then maybe acceptance is the answer.
Bonni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bad. Especially the shows that made me mad. So, if my kids liked those
shows, they would watch behind my back. Problem solved.=}
On a serious note, here are some things we did. First, I accepted that I
could not change that they were going to watch things I did not want them
to. Second, I quit enforcing rules. Third, we all sat down and talked
about how we felt and what we all wanted. As a family we agreed for the
kids to watch tv or videos only after 3pm on Mondays, Thursdays and
Fridays, but all day on the other days if they wanted. (I won't go into
the reasons why I thought they were watching too much during the earlier
part of the day.) We wrote it all down in a book and signed it.
Finally, if something comes on tv that I dislike, I say so and why and it
usually starts a discussion.
I think if I had a problem with my son watching too much, I would talk
with him to find out what his reasons are, what the thinking is behind
the behavior. Then I would accept his reasoning as valid. That in
itself might open up all sorts of possible solutions. If it bothers you,
I would give information that describes why you think the behavior is
negative, and describe your feelings as to how the behavior affects you.
Then you could ask him to help you find a mutually agreeable solution.
Another thing you can do is, when he is watching a show, mention an
alternative thing that is available after the show. That way he has time
to think about it and choose to do it in his own time. I have a son who
fixates on things and the only way I can get through to him is if when I
interrupt him I say, "Can I have five minutes of your time?" If after
talking, you still can't agree, then maybe acceptance is the answer.
Bonni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/11/02 8:21:54 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
BSOLLARS@... writes:
others. Arthur maybe, to some extent?
We don't have cable, only broadcast (our TVs are mostly monitors for videos,
DVDs and video games), but it seems that some of the best stuff for kids is
on during the day, and after 3:00 it goes downhill.
Unless those three days are scheduled park days or there are
outside-the-house activities, that seems to me really arbitrary. There's
nothing inherently different about a Tuesday. If TV's bad one day it won't
be less bad on a different day, will it? If TV is not inherently bad, why
have the TV-free hours?
If as a family kids agreed to limited TV viewing, was that a compromise
between a worse limitation to be imposed by parents? A sacrifice to appease
the parents?
When I need to talk to a TV-involved kid, I wait until the show's over or a
commercial, or I might ask quickly if it's something they've already seen.
More often, it's a game or video they can pause. Interrupting a story is
like tearing some pages out of someone's book.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BSOLLARS@... writes:
> As a family we agreed for theSome of the PBS kids' shows are continuations. Redwall, I'm not sure about
> kids to watch tv or videos only after 3pm on Mondays, Thursdays and
> Fridays, but all day on the other days if they wanted.
others. Arthur maybe, to some extent?
We don't have cable, only broadcast (our TVs are mostly monitors for videos,
DVDs and video games), but it seems that some of the best stuff for kids is
on during the day, and after 3:00 it goes downhill.
Unless those three days are scheduled park days or there are
outside-the-house activities, that seems to me really arbitrary. There's
nothing inherently different about a Tuesday. If TV's bad one day it won't
be less bad on a different day, will it? If TV is not inherently bad, why
have the TV-free hours?
If as a family kids agreed to limited TV viewing, was that a compromise
between a worse limitation to be imposed by parents? A sacrifice to appease
the parents?
When I need to talk to a TV-involved kid, I wait until the show's over or a
commercial, or I might ask quickly if it's something they've already seen.
More often, it's a game or video they can pause. Interrupting a story is
like tearing some pages out of someone's book.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bonni Sollars
"If TV is not inherently bad, why
have the TV-free hours?" That's a good question. I understand your
point, it does seem very restrictive. It was a compromise we came to
since my husband didn't want the kids watching tv all day. Regardless of
his reasons, it did cause us to feel like not everyone was happy.
Something that made us all happy was to ensure watching it after 3:00,
since that is when all the shows are on that the kids like best, but it
doesn't mean watching it all day.
"was that a compromise
between a worse limitation to be imposed by parents? A sacrifice to
appease
the parents?"
I try to listen to why if they want to do something when I think they
should be doing something else, even tv at off times. The truth is,
these problem-solving meetings we have help every one to feel listened to
because all feelings and thoughts are considered in the decision. I
don't enforce it. It is an agreement. The children agreed to it because
they understand the reasons and think it is a fair agreement. They
actually came up with it. They don't always stick with it, but do for
the most part. Even so, the reason is just that their dad thinks tv
during the day is a waste of time when they should be working on
something, and I don't agree with his mindset at all. That's why we talk
about solutions, because we're not willing to kick my husband out:]
Bonni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have the TV-free hours?" That's a good question. I understand your
point, it does seem very restrictive. It was a compromise we came to
since my husband didn't want the kids watching tv all day. Regardless of
his reasons, it did cause us to feel like not everyone was happy.
Something that made us all happy was to ensure watching it after 3:00,
since that is when all the shows are on that the kids like best, but it
doesn't mean watching it all day.
"was that a compromise
between a worse limitation to be imposed by parents? A sacrifice to
appease
the parents?"
I try to listen to why if they want to do something when I think they
should be doing something else, even tv at off times. The truth is,
these problem-solving meetings we have help every one to feel listened to
because all feelings and thoughts are considered in the decision. I
don't enforce it. It is an agreement. The children agreed to it because
they understand the reasons and think it is a fair agreement. They
actually came up with it. They don't always stick with it, but do for
the most part. Even so, the reason is just that their dad thinks tv
during the day is a waste of time when they should be working on
something, and I don't agree with his mindset at all. That's why we talk
about solutions, because we're not willing to kick my husband out:]
Bonni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]