irrational fear
Annette Naake
Has anyone had any experience with children suddenly displaying fearful
behavior? I have an 8yo who suddenly is scared to be in his room alone, or
even to be upstairs alone. He cries -- and I mean really frightened crying.
He's afraid to sleep in his room. He won't consider being dropped off at a
friend's house or Scouts. Just starts crying and clinging. This has been
going on about two weeks. No major scary events in our lives lately. My
mother suggests it is because we are together too much and he needs to be
out more with other people and "children his age." Has anyone had any
experience with this?
Annette
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behavior? I have an 8yo who suddenly is scared to be in his room alone, or
even to be upstairs alone. He cries -- and I mean really frightened crying.
He's afraid to sleep in his room. He won't consider being dropped off at a
friend's house or Scouts. Just starts crying and clinging. This has been
going on about two weeks. No major scary events in our lives lately. My
mother suggests it is because we are together too much and he needs to be
out more with other people and "children his age." Has anyone had any
experience with this?
Annette
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp
Julie Stauffer
Hi Annette,
A sudden change like that would probably indicate some kind of trauma, but
it might not even be external. He may just have figured out that everybody
dies and what that means or seen something on television that frightened
him. What does he say to you about it? My thought would be to let him be
as clingy as he needs to be, when he feels secure and safe he will be better
able to express himself to you.
Julie
A sudden change like that would probably indicate some kind of trauma, but
it might not even be external. He may just have figured out that everybody
dies and what that means or seen something on television that frightened
him. What does he say to you about it? My thought would be to let him be
as clingy as he needs to be, when he feels secure and safe he will be better
able to express himself to you.
Julie
[email protected]
Annette,
My little boy, 9, doesn't like to be upstairs by himself either. His
fear developed quite suddenly also. We couldn't figure it out and he was
reluctant to explain. Finally he told us about a bad dream he'd had.
That's it. A dream, but strange and frightening enough to affect him
profoundly. After a lot of thinking and talking we realized his dream
occurred after a report he'd seen on the news about a child abducted from
her home. In this news report they talked about boys being more likely
to be abducted and gave statistics, etc. A child should be able to
believe they are safe at home, and this opened my sons eyes to the
reality that sometimes you're not safe anywhere.
Sudden behavioral changes usually happen for a reason. Someone may have
said something that frightened him, or sent his mind thinking about
frightening possibilities. It may even have been another child telling a
story. He may have over heard a conversation about locking the windows
at night or home security. He may have seen, at someone else's house
even, something , anything frightening on TV.
Kids can get the wrong idea easily. My son has always been homeschooled,
but before we had decided on homeschooling, when my son was 4, an old
Aunt said:
" Next year you'll go off to school and have a teacher and be with other
kids."
My son took this to mean he would be leaving us for good, never to return
home again.
He was a lot younger than your son, but still, you can't always be sure
if they have reasoned a situation out in the right way.
Has your mother ever suggested in front of him that he needs to be away
from you?
Could he be thinking there's a plan developing to send him away?
Then the other more horrible possibility that someone in his life has
frightened him on purpose. Make sure he knows you will stop this person
if he tells you who it is. Give him examples of ways this person could
be stopped. And don't make him do anything he's afraid to do until you
have it figured out. You may unknowingly be forcing him into the same
frightening experience all over again.
Hold on to him and make him feel as safe as possible. My little guy is
starting to feel better about things. Reassurance is an ongoing process.
If you talk with him a lot you might get it figured out.
Deb L
My little boy, 9, doesn't like to be upstairs by himself either. His
fear developed quite suddenly also. We couldn't figure it out and he was
reluctant to explain. Finally he told us about a bad dream he'd had.
That's it. A dream, but strange and frightening enough to affect him
profoundly. After a lot of thinking and talking we realized his dream
occurred after a report he'd seen on the news about a child abducted from
her home. In this news report they talked about boys being more likely
to be abducted and gave statistics, etc. A child should be able to
believe they are safe at home, and this opened my sons eyes to the
reality that sometimes you're not safe anywhere.
Sudden behavioral changes usually happen for a reason. Someone may have
said something that frightened him, or sent his mind thinking about
frightening possibilities. It may even have been another child telling a
story. He may have over heard a conversation about locking the windows
at night or home security. He may have seen, at someone else's house
even, something , anything frightening on TV.
Kids can get the wrong idea easily. My son has always been homeschooled,
but before we had decided on homeschooling, when my son was 4, an old
Aunt said:
" Next year you'll go off to school and have a teacher and be with other
kids."
My son took this to mean he would be leaving us for good, never to return
home again.
He was a lot younger than your son, but still, you can't always be sure
if they have reasoned a situation out in the right way.
Has your mother ever suggested in front of him that he needs to be away
from you?
Could he be thinking there's a plan developing to send him away?
Then the other more horrible possibility that someone in his life has
frightened him on purpose. Make sure he knows you will stop this person
if he tells you who it is. Give him examples of ways this person could
be stopped. And don't make him do anything he's afraid to do until you
have it figured out. You may unknowingly be forcing him into the same
frightening experience all over again.
Hold on to him and make him feel as safe as possible. My little guy is
starting to feel better about things. Reassurance is an ongoing process.
If you talk with him a lot you might get it figured out.
Deb L
[email protected]
<< I have an 8yo who suddenly is scared to be in his room alone, or
even to be upstairs alone. He cries -- and I mean really frightened crying.
Maybe he just had a thought about what could happen.
Kids get comfortable with their own understanding of the world and then when
it grows, sometimes they're afraid for a while until some time passes while
1) the fears don't materialize
2) the thoughts get older
3) the child rationalizes and processes the fears
Holly had a dream so scary two nights ago that she doesn't want to tell it.
That has never happened. She was easily frustrated all day yesterday--partly
waking up badly and partly the thoughts of the dream. All I knew was it
involved our back gate, a double metal gate big enough for a car to drive in
the yard, which opens onto a big vacant lot. I had asked, at a distance from
our house, if the gate was open (it looked funny to me, from a couple of
blocks away where we were). Holly said "No, I locked it. No, that was in
my dream." but it was locked.
This morning she got up when I did, which is unusual. I asked if her dream
was so scary se didn't want to talk about it. She said kinda. I asked if
there was anything we could do to make her feel safer. She said keep the
gate locked.
Maybe you could ask your son what you could do to make him feel safer. It
might get him talking about what he's thinking (if he even knows).
Can you let him sleep with you for a while, or near you, or can you sleep
with him? Maybe music or a story tape going while he's alone would help.
Maybe closing all the closet drawers and closing all things like shower
curtains would help. (That's my personal safety routine.)
He also might be a little sick and not recognizing the changed
perceptions--things might be tasting funny or sounding funny and making the
world seem creepy.
Sandra
------------------------------------------------
even to be upstairs alone. He cries -- and I mean really frightened crying.
>>Maybe he had a dream he doesn't even clearly remember.
Maybe he just had a thought about what could happen.
Kids get comfortable with their own understanding of the world and then when
it grows, sometimes they're afraid for a while until some time passes while
1) the fears don't materialize
2) the thoughts get older
3) the child rationalizes and processes the fears
Holly had a dream so scary two nights ago that she doesn't want to tell it.
That has never happened. She was easily frustrated all day yesterday--partly
waking up badly and partly the thoughts of the dream. All I knew was it
involved our back gate, a double metal gate big enough for a car to drive in
the yard, which opens onto a big vacant lot. I had asked, at a distance from
our house, if the gate was open (it looked funny to me, from a couple of
blocks away where we were). Holly said "No, I locked it. No, that was in
my dream." but it was locked.
This morning she got up when I did, which is unusual. I asked if her dream
was so scary se didn't want to talk about it. She said kinda. I asked if
there was anything we could do to make her feel safer. She said keep the
gate locked.
Maybe you could ask your son what you could do to make him feel safer. It
might get him talking about what he's thinking (if he even knows).
Can you let him sleep with you for a while, or near you, or can you sleep
with him? Maybe music or a story tape going while he's alone would help.
Maybe closing all the closet drawers and closing all things like shower
curtains would help. (That's my personal safety routine.)
He also might be a little sick and not recognizing the changed
perceptions--things might be tasting funny or sounding funny and making the
world seem creepy.
Sandra
------------------------------------------------
[email protected]
I would say his fear is not irrational at all if it is a fear to him, and I
would try to look at my own feelings about that and what I might be
projecting to him. . . we all have fears at different times in our lives. . .
I think the best thing you can do is allow him to have those fears and help
him with extra time with him and letting him be where he is in the moment.
lovemary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
would try to look at my own feelings about that and what I might be
projecting to him. . . we all have fears at different times in our lives. . .
I think the best thing you can do is allow him to have those fears and help
him with extra time with him and letting him be where he is in the moment.
lovemary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
On Tue, 4 Sep 2001 10:00:00 EDT lite2yu@... writes:
right around their 9th birthdays... all of the sudden they seem to feel
the largeness of the world in a different way, or something. It's very
different from the expansiveness and confidence that many 8 yr olds seem
to have. They all seem to just weather the storm, eventually. The Ames
and Ilg books are wonderful for some of this developmental stages stuff,
even though they're 50 years old and dated in a lot of ways... I was
skeptical of them for a long time but I kept reading the ones for Cacie's
age and they kept resonating with something...
Daron
> I would say his fear is not irrational at all if it is a fear to him,and I
> would try to look at my own feelings about that and what I might beI've seen something like this happen with some of my daughter's friends
> projecting to him. . . we all have fears at different times in our
> lives. . .
right around their 9th birthdays... all of the sudden they seem to feel
the largeness of the world in a different way, or something. It's very
different from the expansiveness and confidence that many 8 yr olds seem
to have. They all seem to just weather the storm, eventually. The Ames
and Ilg books are wonderful for some of this developmental stages stuff,
even though they're 50 years old and dated in a lot of ways... I was
skeptical of them for a long time but I kept reading the ones for Cacie's
age and they kept resonating with something...
Daron
Twana Brock
Annette,
I have had the same experience with my 8 year old, Jaryd...only it started
about a year ago. See, he went to kindergarden in ps and I think that might
be the cause of it. But then again...who knows. I just go with the
flow...I don't force either him or my 5 yr old to do anything. The local
church has been after me to send them on the church bus on Sunday mornings,
but they don't want to go even though my cousin goes to that church. They
think it's silly, but I tell the church that it is up to my boys. I feel
that I pushed him by making him go to school and now I regret it. My
parents neither one understand. They feel I should "cut the strings"
because he'll be 9 in May...but I don't agree. Jaryd likes to sleep on the
couch if Ty, the 5 yr old doesn't want to sleep with him in his room, and I
let him. The only rule is that as soon as he wakes up and watches his
cartoons covered up, his pillow and blanket have to be put back in his room.
Sorry for the long-windedness :) (if that's a word) Don't worry
Twana (mom to Jaryd 8, and Ty 5)
I have had the same experience with my 8 year old, Jaryd...only it started
about a year ago. See, he went to kindergarden in ps and I think that might
be the cause of it. But then again...who knows. I just go with the
flow...I don't force either him or my 5 yr old to do anything. The local
church has been after me to send them on the church bus on Sunday mornings,
but they don't want to go even though my cousin goes to that church. They
think it's silly, but I tell the church that it is up to my boys. I feel
that I pushed him by making him go to school and now I regret it. My
parents neither one understand. They feel I should "cut the strings"
because he'll be 9 in May...but I don't agree. Jaryd likes to sleep on the
couch if Ty, the 5 yr old doesn't want to sleep with him in his room, and I
let him. The only rule is that as soon as he wakes up and watches his
cartoons covered up, his pillow and blanket have to be put back in his room.
Sorry for the long-windedness :) (if that's a word) Don't worry
Twana (mom to Jaryd 8, and Ty 5)
----- Original Message -----
From: Annette Naake <naake1999@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2001 1:15 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] irrational fear
>
>
> Has anyone had any experience with children suddenly displaying fearful
> behavior? I have an 8yo who suddenly is scared to be in his room alone, or
> even to be upstairs alone. He cries -- and I mean really frightened
crying.
> He's afraid to sleep in his room. He won't consider being dropped off at a
> friend's house or Scouts. Just starts crying and clinging. This has been
> going on about two weeks. No major scary events in our lives lately. My
> mother suggests it is because we are together too much and he needs to be
> out more with other people and "children his age." Has anyone had any
> experience with this?
>
> Annette
>
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