chores
rick and deborah farrington
thanks Lisa, your testamonie was good. my kids are teens now and its too
late! :-(
but dd and i came to an agreement on the dishes and bathroom. she hate
dishes and i hate bathroom. and i actually like dishes and she doesn't
mind bathroom. so we do it this way but i still nag over WHEN the br
gets done and i shouldn't.
and ds prefers the outside jobs. so we are in agreement on what we want
to do.
its just when they get around to doing it. i'm finding i'm just a nag!
yikes!
late! :-(
but dd and i came to an agreement on the dishes and bathroom. she hate
dishes and i hate bathroom. and i actually like dishes and she doesn't
mind bathroom. so we do it this way but i still nag over WHEN the br
gets done and i shouldn't.
and ds prefers the outside jobs. so we are in agreement on what we want
to do.
its just when they get around to doing it. i'm finding i'm just a nag!
yikes!
[email protected]
I wanted to get in on this thread about chores.
First off, I have six children (soon to be 7) and we live in a 1300 sq. ft.
house. We also have a 90 lb. golden lab who is mostly inside and a cat who
is mostly outside (by choice!)
My dh works approx. 70 hrs per week in a town one hour from here, so add 12
hours of commuting per week to that 70 hrs. and that's how much he's gone!
It would be impossible for me to do all the chores by myself.
We fought with this issue for years and finally had several family meetings
and came up with these ideas...
We divided the work into major zones and major times of day when they need to
be done. For example, we have three major daily task areas: Kitchen, Pets
and Pick-up and
Laundry. In each of those areas, there are specific tasks that need to be
done. They are posted. Each week (by choice of the kids), these areas are
rotated. Only the three older childred (8,10,12) take rotations of these
chores.
Dishes are done on a rotation basis, too. The assigned kitchen person does
breakfast, the three older each do 2 days/wk for lunch and Dad and I always
do supper.
The 6 yo does two chores each day...pick-up basket (he goes around putting
away stuff that we all throw into a clothes basket each day when we find
something on the floor) and sorting out recycling. The 4 and 2yo basically
help Mom out with whatever she's doing, plus pick up their toys. The 4 yo is
starting to make his own bed, which all of the kids do also. These younger
kids will probably start in the rotation when they are a little older. Each
child is ready at a different age. I also expect that by the time the 4yo is
ready to do laundry, the now 12 yo will be doing more outside of the house
and not be as available. BTW, the kids have gotten so good at their chores
that they usually only spend between 20-40 minutes per day doing them. (not
including dishes!)
Then on Saturdays, we have a chore jar and each child picks two or three
slips out of the jar and those are his/her chores. This is when the extra
chores (like scrubbing the bathroom floor) get done.
We don't pay or give rewards for chores, but we do have two areas that we pay
the kids for after they have demonstrated ability and responsibilty: lawn
mowing and babysitting.
I (Mom) still do the majority of the heavier cleaning, most of the cooking
(although my 12 yog and 10yob do a fair amount on their weeks in the
kitchen), errand running, bill paying, ironing, gardening.
Because we have only 2 bedrooms for six kids, the kids are also expected to
keep their bedrooms clean. Mostly, because their things end up getting
trashed if the rooms are not picked up. I don't nag at them about this and
each of them have a private space that is not allowed to be handled by any
outsiders (especially parents) in which to keep their treasures.
This has worked well for us and we are going into our third year with this
schedule.
We devised this system as a family, after trying many options. I would like
to say we never nag or remind or that the kids always do these things
happily, but that would be a lie. For the most part, however, they are very
cooperative about it. Whenever they complain, we have a family meeting to
discuss how to change things, but so far nothing better has really come up,
although we have refined the system.
I'm sure that to some of you, this system will seem too controlling, but we
all felt the need for some structure around here before this. To qualify, I
will say that we are very flexible within these guidelines. If a child (or
an adult) is not feeling well, has another commitment, etc., others either
pitch in and do their chores or they don't get done that day (except the
essentials like feeding the pets and us!)
Sometimes the kids trade without involving me. Or sometimes they'll come to
me and bargain...For instance..."Mom, since I have soccer practice every
night this week, could my job be to do the supper dishes after I get home
instead of vacuuming?"
All the kids have worked out their own systems to complete their chores and
they all do them quite differently. I don't mess with that. They are also
allowed a lot of freedom about when the chores get done, but they've all kind
of come to their own realization that it's easiest to do things when they
first get up, so they don't have to worry about it later. I've seen a lot of
learning come out of this system.
We tried for years on a just kind of "help as needed" basis, but I think the
kids actually resented that more, because it seemed like the kids who were
more "willing" were always the ones "chosen" to help.
Again, this is just our family's way of doing things, but I thought I'd share
because you asked!
And yes, I still consider myself an unschooler!
Carol from WI
First off, I have six children (soon to be 7) and we live in a 1300 sq. ft.
house. We also have a 90 lb. golden lab who is mostly inside and a cat who
is mostly outside (by choice!)
My dh works approx. 70 hrs per week in a town one hour from here, so add 12
hours of commuting per week to that 70 hrs. and that's how much he's gone!
It would be impossible for me to do all the chores by myself.
We fought with this issue for years and finally had several family meetings
and came up with these ideas...
We divided the work into major zones and major times of day when they need to
be done. For example, we have three major daily task areas: Kitchen, Pets
and Pick-up and
Laundry. In each of those areas, there are specific tasks that need to be
done. They are posted. Each week (by choice of the kids), these areas are
rotated. Only the three older childred (8,10,12) take rotations of these
chores.
Dishes are done on a rotation basis, too. The assigned kitchen person does
breakfast, the three older each do 2 days/wk for lunch and Dad and I always
do supper.
The 6 yo does two chores each day...pick-up basket (he goes around putting
away stuff that we all throw into a clothes basket each day when we find
something on the floor) and sorting out recycling. The 4 and 2yo basically
help Mom out with whatever she's doing, plus pick up their toys. The 4 yo is
starting to make his own bed, which all of the kids do also. These younger
kids will probably start in the rotation when they are a little older. Each
child is ready at a different age. I also expect that by the time the 4yo is
ready to do laundry, the now 12 yo will be doing more outside of the house
and not be as available. BTW, the kids have gotten so good at their chores
that they usually only spend between 20-40 minutes per day doing them. (not
including dishes!)
Then on Saturdays, we have a chore jar and each child picks two or three
slips out of the jar and those are his/her chores. This is when the extra
chores (like scrubbing the bathroom floor) get done.
We don't pay or give rewards for chores, but we do have two areas that we pay
the kids for after they have demonstrated ability and responsibilty: lawn
mowing and babysitting.
I (Mom) still do the majority of the heavier cleaning, most of the cooking
(although my 12 yog and 10yob do a fair amount on their weeks in the
kitchen), errand running, bill paying, ironing, gardening.
Because we have only 2 bedrooms for six kids, the kids are also expected to
keep their bedrooms clean. Mostly, because their things end up getting
trashed if the rooms are not picked up. I don't nag at them about this and
each of them have a private space that is not allowed to be handled by any
outsiders (especially parents) in which to keep their treasures.
This has worked well for us and we are going into our third year with this
schedule.
We devised this system as a family, after trying many options. I would like
to say we never nag or remind or that the kids always do these things
happily, but that would be a lie. For the most part, however, they are very
cooperative about it. Whenever they complain, we have a family meeting to
discuss how to change things, but so far nothing better has really come up,
although we have refined the system.
I'm sure that to some of you, this system will seem too controlling, but we
all felt the need for some structure around here before this. To qualify, I
will say that we are very flexible within these guidelines. If a child (or
an adult) is not feeling well, has another commitment, etc., others either
pitch in and do their chores or they don't get done that day (except the
essentials like feeding the pets and us!)
Sometimes the kids trade without involving me. Or sometimes they'll come to
me and bargain...For instance..."Mom, since I have soccer practice every
night this week, could my job be to do the supper dishes after I get home
instead of vacuuming?"
All the kids have worked out their own systems to complete their chores and
they all do them quite differently. I don't mess with that. They are also
allowed a lot of freedom about when the chores get done, but they've all kind
of come to their own realization that it's easiest to do things when they
first get up, so they don't have to worry about it later. I've seen a lot of
learning come out of this system.
We tried for years on a just kind of "help as needed" basis, but I think the
kids actually resented that more, because it seemed like the kids who were
more "willing" were always the ones "chosen" to help.
Again, this is just our family's way of doing things, but I thought I'd share
because you asked!
And yes, I still consider myself an unschooler!
Carol from WI
A.Y.
I am such an unstructured person, I didn't think any kind of structured chore
duties would work for me or my kids. But, we have been doing it a bit. My kids
are still very little (6,4,3) But, each day on the calendar I have put a child
or combo of kids for emptying the dishwasher so whatever day it needs emptying,
the child on the calendar does it. I hear no complaints. Then other days are
scheduled too.... Mon, clean house..Tues, laundry ect.... This helps keep me
from getting too far under, and the kids know what they have to do each day.
Laundry days they have to bring all their dirty clothes to the laundry room,
clean up day we all go room to room picking up and putting away ect...
It works for even this VERY unstructured family.
Ann
duties would work for me or my kids. But, we have been doing it a bit. My kids
are still very little (6,4,3) But, each day on the calendar I have put a child
or combo of kids for emptying the dishwasher so whatever day it needs emptying,
the child on the calendar does it. I hear no complaints. Then other days are
scheduled too.... Mon, clean house..Tues, laundry ect.... This helps keep me
from getting too far under, and the kids know what they have to do each day.
Laundry days they have to bring all their dirty clothes to the laundry room,
clean up day we all go room to room picking up and putting away ect...
It works for even this VERY unstructured family.
Ann
[email protected]
deborah f.,
there has got to be better way for us than to feel like nags or to do it all
ourselves.
i think it must be in what we already know: just keeping to the forefront our
patient selves, encouraging when we see improvement, agreeing with children
on consequences if it doesnt happen, and being consistent while keeping an
upbeat attitude... :)
keep on keepin' on...
erin
there has got to be better way for us than to feel like nags or to do it all
ourselves.
i think it must be in what we already know: just keeping to the forefront our
patient selves, encouraging when we see improvement, agreeing with children
on consequences if it doesnt happen, and being consistent while keeping an
upbeat attitude... :)
keep on keepin' on...
erin
[email protected]
hi carol from wi!
thanks too for all the details! even tho i know each family is unique and
has to find their own way, i loooove to hear specifics sometimes or i dont
get a good picture of how others do it!
it is encouraging to hear others that have struggled thru it, and that
reminders are just a part of being the parent...
the family meeting thing has worked well for us, too. we used to have them
regularly (monthly), but at this point are having them on an as needed basis.
(like when mom is ready to promote/launch a new household program she has
brewed up...)
with our kind of lifestyle the kids realize it is all just part of life, and
making life go along well for the group, and supporting each other... that is
a good lesson in itself!
erin
thanks too for all the details! even tho i know each family is unique and
has to find their own way, i loooove to hear specifics sometimes or i dont
get a good picture of how others do it!
it is encouraging to hear others that have struggled thru it, and that
reminders are just a part of being the parent...
the family meeting thing has worked well for us, too. we used to have them
regularly (monthly), but at this point are having them on an as needed basis.
(like when mom is ready to promote/launch a new household program she has
brewed up...)
with our kind of lifestyle the kids realize it is all just part of life, and
making life go along well for the group, and supporting each other... that is
a good lesson in itself!
erin
[email protected]
Erin wrote:
<< with our kind of lifestyle the kids realize it is all just part of life,
and
making life go along well for the group, and supporting each other... that
is
a good lesson in itself!
As for managing e-mail (I think it was you who asked), I tend to read it in
big chunks of time once a day (usually for me that's late at night). I tend
to skim really quickly through most of the posts and then read more closely
posts that pertain to my specific areas of interest. That's why clear
subject lines are so important! I know I miss a lot this way, but I still
feel like I keep abreast of what's going on. It's fun. Glad to have you
here!
Carol from WI
<< with our kind of lifestyle the kids realize it is all just part of life,
and
making life go along well for the group, and supporting each other... that
is
a good lesson in itself!
>>Hear, hear!
As for managing e-mail (I think it was you who asked), I tend to read it in
big chunks of time once a day (usually for me that's late at night). I tend
to skim really quickly through most of the posts and then read more closely
posts that pertain to my specific areas of interest. That's why clear
subject lines are so important! I know I miss a lot this way, but I still
feel like I keep abreast of what's going on. It's fun. Glad to have you
here!
Carol from WI
Pam Hartley
> Do you all have a list of chores that you expect your children toMine are young yet, but already help a great deal, on their own. I sometimes
> do? For instance, do you expect them to clean their room and do
> their share of the work around the house ... even if it is just
> taking the garbage down to the road or picking up their own gear and
> not leave it for mom?
request that they clean up a particular mess they've made, and I sometimes
just clean it (since I'm the one the mess is bothering, this seems fair to
me <g>). My husband cleans without being asked (a benefit of both working at
home) and either of us will help the other if requested.
> Do you have consequences when they don't do their share of theI am completely unimpressed with such punishments, I think they are, if you
> chores? Do they have tv or stereo taken away? Are these
> consequences consistently enforced?
will pardon the phrase, a bunch of hooey. :) If my husband or I don't do our
share, should we punish each other, or just have a sensible discussion on
the division of household labor? And if the second is obviously true, why on
earth wouldn't we do the same with our kids?
> If they are, then how does that go back to not enforcing consequencesI have no requirement, written or unwritten, stated or unstated, thought or
> if the child doesn't do anything "constructive" towards his or her
> education during the week. And I'm sure constructive isn't exactly
> the right word to use either ... that definition and labels issue
> again ... but how do you deal with the issue of being permissive in
> their education and not being or being too permissive in their
> participation in the family's life?
unthought, that my children do anything <mufasa shudder> "constructive"
towards their education in a week, month, year, or lifetime. The idea of it
is completely the reverse of how I think about their learning, and is not
applicable to unschooling, IMHO. You can't say, "You have complete freedom"
and then say, "Except that you must produce, or else."
Mine (6 and 3) help around the house on their own (some), get asked (some)
and get picked up after (some). I do not get all caught up in scorekeeping
-- if I feel overburdened, I speak up, and three other people (45, 6, and 3)
help me. Same goes if one of them needs my help. We're a family, not a
competitive sport. :)
Pam
Helen Hegener
At 6:30 PM -0700 5/23/01, Pam Hartley wrote:
sometimes one of us does more than anyone else on a given day, but
sometimes that same person might sit on their arse and not do
anything - and it's okay for the most part because everyone knows
that it all comes out in the wash eventually. It's just being a
family and sharing responsibilities with each other.
Helen
>I have no requirement, written or unwritten, stated or unstated, thought orExactly! Well said, old friend!
>unthought, that my children do anything <mufasa shudder> "constructive"
>towards their education in a week, month, year, or lifetime. The idea of it
>is completely the reverse of how I think about their learning, and is not
>applicable to unschooling, IMHO. You can't say, "You have complete freedom"
>and then say, "Except that you must produce, or else."
>Mine (6 and 3) help around the house on their own (some), get asked (some)Just so. Same here. We give and take, share and trade off, and
>and get picked up after (some). I do not get all caught up in scorekeeping
>-- if I feel overburdened, I speak up, and three other people (45, 6, and 3)
>help me. Same goes if one of them needs my help. We're a family, not a
>competitive sport. :)
sometimes one of us does more than anyone else on a given day, but
sometimes that same person might sit on their arse and not do
anything - and it's okay for the most part because everyone knows
that it all comes out in the wash eventually. It's just being a
family and sharing responsibilities with each other.
Helen
Tammy Graves
Pam Hartley said: "Mine (6 and 3)"
Pam, are you in the Chicago area? I met someone earlier this month in a hs
meeting and I cannot remember her name and she had 2 boys, same age as yours
which I thought was cool since I have 2 girls same age.
Pam, are you in the Chicago area? I met someone earlier this month in a hs
meeting and I cannot remember her name and she had 2 boys, same age as yours
which I thought was cool since I have 2 girls same age.
Pam Hartley
Nope, we're in Tracy, California (in the Central Valley, about 1 hour from
everywhere -- Sacramento, San Jose, and San Francisco). It's 100 here today
(and that will be quite common until October). But, hey, it's a DRY heat.
<gg>
Pam
----------
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1266
Date: Thu, May 24, 2001, 12:26 PM
Pam, are you in the Chicago area? I met someone earlier this month in a hs
meeting and I cannot remember her name and she had 2 boys, same age as yours
which I thought was cool since I have 2 girls same age.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
everywhere -- Sacramento, San Jose, and San Francisco). It's 100 here today
(and that will be quite common until October). But, hey, it's a DRY heat.
<gg>
Pam
----------
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1266
Date: Thu, May 24, 2001, 12:26 PM
Pam, are you in the Chicago area? I met someone earlier this month in a hs
meeting and I cannot remember her name and she had 2 boys, same age as yours
which I thought was cool since I have 2 girls same age.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jon and Rue Kream
Here's the perfect example of how things work in our house: I just started
to unload the dishwasher. My four year old (who had a temp of 103 this
morning and had stitches taken out last night) got up off of the couch and
started unloading with me. I told her she was very sweet but that she could
go lie down. She said no thanks, continued to clean, and then said, "see,
didn't that go faster?". It didn't FEEL like a chore :). ~Rue
to unload the dishwasher. My four year old (who had a temp of 103 this
morning and had stitches taken out last night) got up off of the couch and
started unloading with me. I told her she was very sweet but that she could
go lie down. She said no thanks, continued to clean, and then said, "see,
didn't that go faster?". It didn't FEEL like a chore :). ~Rue
Pam Hartley
----------
Cinderella, but I'm not making her do it, nor am I punishing her by taking
away privileges if she does not.
When we say we don't give our kids chores, we're not saying they don't do
chores.
Pam
>From: [email protected]The key word is "give". My child might take it into her head to scrub like
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1454
>Date: Tue, Sep 11, 2001, 7:09 AM
>
> No offense but many of you say you don't give your kids chores . . . but,
> they help do this and that, or they take care of this. Guess what?
> Those are chores.
Cinderella, but I'm not making her do it, nor am I punishing her by taking
away privileges if she does not.
When we say we don't give our kids chores, we're not saying they don't do
chores.
Pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/5/02 10:33:52 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I had to laugh about cleaning the toilet. I don't. My son does. He
thinks
it is fun. Don't anybody come to my house and tell him otherwise, either! >>
LOL!
I was scouring out the kitchen sink the other day and my son was a little
miffed that I didn't ask him to do it (8y.o.). "Mom, you never let me do cool
jobs like that"
I handed him the brush and turned him loose.
Well, here comes 4 y.o. dd completely irritated with me for giving Jared the
job!! "Why can't I do the sink like that?"
So I offered the bathroom to her. I just stood there scratching my head, one
kid scouring the kitchen sink, the other going to town on the bathroom.
Applying unschooling ideals to chores is a GREAT idea!!!
I might "let" them do more of this.....hehe.
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< I had to laugh about cleaning the toilet. I don't. My son does. He
thinks
it is fun. Don't anybody come to my house and tell him otherwise, either! >>
LOL!
I was scouring out the kitchen sink the other day and my son was a little
miffed that I didn't ask him to do it (8y.o.). "Mom, you never let me do cool
jobs like that"
I handed him the brush and turned him loose.
Well, here comes 4 y.o. dd completely irritated with me for giving Jared the
job!! "Why can't I do the sink like that?"
So I offered the bathroom to her. I just stood there scratching my head, one
kid scouring the kitchen sink, the other going to town on the bathroom.
Applying unschooling ideals to chores is a GREAT idea!!!
I might "let" them do more of this.....hehe.
Ren
susan marie
Tom Sawyer and the fence -- one of the best methods ever developed for
getting things done! :-D
s.
getting things done! :-D
s.
On Sunday, May 5, 2002, at 08:52 PM, starsuncloud@... wrote:
> In a message dated 5/5/02 10:33:52 AM Central Daylight Time,
> [email protected] writes:
>
> << I had to laugh about cleaning the toilet. I don't. My son does. He
> thinks
> it is fun. Don't anybody come to my house and tell him otherwise,
> either! >>
>
> LOL!
> I was scouring out the kitchen sink the other day and my son was a
> little
> miffed that I didn't ask him to do it (8y.o.). "Mom, you never let me
> do cool
> jobs like that"
> I handed him the brush and turned him loose.
> Well, here comes 4 y.o. dd completely irritated with me for giving
> Jared the
> job!! "Why can't I do the sink like that?"
> So I offered the bathroom to her. I just stood there scratching my
> head, one
> kid scouring the kitchen sink, the other going to town on the bathroom.
> Applying unschooling ideals to chores is a GREAT idea!!!
> I might "let" them do more of this.....hehe.
> Ren
>
>
>
> ~~~ Don't forget! If you change the topic, change the subject line! ~~~
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website:
> http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
Peace,
Susan
There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of
the deepest messages of the Incarnation. -- Madeleine L'Engle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie Stauffer
I think our house must run similar to Sandra's. Everyone is expected to
pick up after themselves. For general cleaning, the kids divvy up chores
among themselves for the upstairs (it is all kid territory up there). They
decide who is going to do what and when.
The oldest 2 do their own laundry. I got tired of re-washing clean clothes
because the kids hadn't put them away and simply mixed them back in with the
dirty. We tried several approaches but the kids were never able to keep the
clean from the dirty. Sooo...I simply said "You do it the way you want"
and handed over all control. I do remind them about upcoming baseball
games, parties, etc., so they will have time to wash clothes.
Other work, like feeding animals, is done by choice.
Julie
pick up after themselves. For general cleaning, the kids divvy up chores
among themselves for the upstairs (it is all kid territory up there). They
decide who is going to do what and when.
The oldest 2 do their own laundry. I got tired of re-washing clean clothes
because the kids hadn't put them away and simply mixed them back in with the
dirty. We tried several approaches but the kids were never able to keep the
clean from the dirty. Sooo...I simply said "You do it the way you want"
and handed over all control. I do remind them about upcoming baseball
games, parties, etc., so they will have time to wash clothes.
Other work, like feeding animals, is done by choice.
Julie
kayb85
> Other work, like feeding animals, is done by choice.But what if no one chooses to feed the animals?
>
> Julie
Here's the situation in our house: Dd feeds the cat every day. She
got her brother to agree to change the cat's water every day, but he
quit after a few days. Now every day I listen to arguing about who's
going to change the water.
We got them each a hermit crab. They share a cage. They were
supposed to take turns taking care of the hermit crabs, but ds quit.
Dd told him that if he quits, then she gets to claim both hermit
crabs as her own. He said he didn't care.
We also have a fish tank. Ds begged for a gold fish that ended up
getting quite big. The other fish were picked out by dd (because she
was the only one who wanted any other than ds's goldfish). Again,
they were supposed to take turns taking care of the fish because ds
had a goldfish in there. He quit. She said if she's going to take
care of the fish then she wants to get rid of the goldfish. Ds
doesn't care but now we can't find anyone who wants the goldfish...
Sheila
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/5/02 1:11:20 PM, sheran@... writes:
<< But what if no one chooses to feed the animals? >>
When the cats come putting their tails in people's faces I might ask the kid
who's been the nearest to the cat food station for the longest whether
they've been fed. Maybe the cats just want petting.
Either a kid will volunteer to do it or say "No, I didn't feed them."
And maybe I'll do it, unless I'm folding laundry or making dinner or
something that outranks cat feeding in that moment. And if I ask a kid to do
it, he'll do it. And often it's just done and I don't know who did, and it
doesn't matter.
The dog eats in the kitchen so she gets scraps from cooks, and leftover bowls
and plates are set down at her place. Sometimes she has a pan and three
dishes in addition to her own, and someone (usually but not always me) picks
those up and puts them in the dishwasher.
Sandra
<< But what if no one chooses to feed the animals? >>
When the cats come putting their tails in people's faces I might ask the kid
who's been the nearest to the cat food station for the longest whether
they've been fed. Maybe the cats just want petting.
Either a kid will volunteer to do it or say "No, I didn't feed them."
And maybe I'll do it, unless I'm folding laundry or making dinner or
something that outranks cat feeding in that moment. And if I ask a kid to do
it, he'll do it. And often it's just done and I don't know who did, and it
doesn't matter.
The dog eats in the kitchen so she gets scraps from cooks, and leftover bowls
and plates are set down at her place. Sometimes she has a pan and three
dishes in addition to her own, and someone (usually but not always me) picks
those up and puts them in the dishwasher.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/5/02 2:11:05 PM Central Daylight Time, sheran@...
writes:
responsibility for the animals. :o( That would be frustrating for me too. It
sounds like your dd is ready, and willing to take care of the animals in her
care, and although it might not seem "fair" for her to take all the
responsibility, if she is already doing it...
I do know something about goldfish and tropical tanks. How big is the tank? A
good rule of thumb is one inch of fish per gallon. If the goldfish is too big
it might be better to take him out. (I would) The reason is this, 1) goldfish
are DIRTY and make the Ammonia and Nitrite levels in the tank soar! (You
don't want this) and 2) goldfish (the fancy ones, not the feeder ones) have
been bread to grow large, and live in water where temperatures and pH levels
differ. (This is where you get into trouble with the other tropical fish,
because normal community fish don't do well in extreme temps [76 to 82
degrees is best] or extreme pH levels [anything below 7.0 or above 7.8 and
that can be high for some]) These fancy goldfish or Koi are what people put
in their garden ponds. If your daughter wants to get rid of the goldfish (I
agree with her) I would call a pet store and ask if they would take him (some
will. I know the chain store Petsmart has done so.) or if you know someone
who has fancy goldfish or Koi in a pond, you could give him to them. Good
luck!
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> We got them each a hermit crab. They share a cage. They wereSheila, I don't know what to say about your ds not wanting to take
> supposed to take turns taking care of the hermit crabs, but ds quit.
> Dd told him that if he quits, then she gets to claim both hermit
> crabs as her own. He said he didn't care.
>
> We also have a fish tank. Ds begged for a gold fish that ended up
> getting quite big. The other fish were picked out by dd (because she
> was the only one who wanted any other than ds's goldfish). Again,
> they were supposed to take turns taking care of the fish because ds
> had a goldfish in there. He quit. She said if she's going to take
> care of the fish then she wants to get rid of the goldfish. Ds
> doesn't care but now we can't find anyone who wants the goldfish...
>
> Sheila
responsibility for the animals. :o( That would be frustrating for me too. It
sounds like your dd is ready, and willing to take care of the animals in her
care, and although it might not seem "fair" for her to take all the
responsibility, if she is already doing it...
I do know something about goldfish and tropical tanks. How big is the tank? A
good rule of thumb is one inch of fish per gallon. If the goldfish is too big
it might be better to take him out. (I would) The reason is this, 1) goldfish
are DIRTY and make the Ammonia and Nitrite levels in the tank soar! (You
don't want this) and 2) goldfish (the fancy ones, not the feeder ones) have
been bread to grow large, and live in water where temperatures and pH levels
differ. (This is where you get into trouble with the other tropical fish,
because normal community fish don't do well in extreme temps [76 to 82
degrees is best] or extreme pH levels [anything below 7.0 or above 7.8 and
that can be high for some]) These fancy goldfish or Koi are what people put
in their garden ponds. If your daughter wants to get rid of the goldfish (I
agree with her) I would call a pet store and ask if they would take him (some
will. I know the chain store Petsmart has done so.) or if you know someone
who has fancy goldfish or Koi in a pond, you could give him to them. Good
luck!
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alan & Brenda Leonard
1/13/03 04:13:
issues and unemployment. I hope that things work out in the next few months
for you all.
Have you considered just having a calm conversation with him sometime about
how his expectations that you do his housework are affecting his children's
attitude about it? Maybe he's never thought about it that way.
brenda
> My husband hasIt sounds like your husband has a lot going on, emotionally, with medical
> been having some medical issues too, so it has been good to have time to
> schedule doctor appointments, etc. But that still gives him no excuse for
> his attitudes about picking up after himself. You can probably figure this
> out, but he grew up in a home where all his mom did was yell at him to do
> everything!
issues and unemployment. I hope that things work out in the next few months
for you all.
Have you considered just having a calm conversation with him sometime about
how his expectations that you do his housework are affecting his children's
attitude about it? Maybe he's never thought about it that way.
brenda
Jim Selvage
Brenda,
I have considered trying to have the calm conversation, but it doesn't seem
to work. He gets defensive right away. But I did talk to him on the way
home from the doctor today about the concept of asking kids to do chores
instead of "making" them. He seemed to think the idea was good, and so as
we try this we may be able to get to a dialogue point about him. We talked
about the fact that changing our perspective on this will probably change
us a lot more than the kids. He agreed. So at least he sees that there
could be change! (But he did mention something about the fact that not
requiring the children to do chores will make more work for me!) Time will
tell.
Thanks for you suggestion.
blessings,
erin
I have considered trying to have the calm conversation, but it doesn't seem
to work. He gets defensive right away. But I did talk to him on the way
home from the doctor today about the concept of asking kids to do chores
instead of "making" them. He seemed to think the idea was good, and so as
we try this we may be able to get to a dialogue point about him. We talked
about the fact that changing our perspective on this will probably change
us a lot more than the kids. He agreed. So at least he sees that there
could be change! (But he did mention something about the fact that not
requiring the children to do chores will make more work for me!) Time will
tell.
Thanks for you suggestion.
blessings,
erin
> It sounds like your husband has a lot going on, emotionally, with medicalmonths
> issues and unemployment. I hope that things work out in the next few
> for you all.about
>
> Have you considered just having a calm conversation with him sometime
> how his expectations that you do his housework are affecting hischildren's
> attitude about it? Maybe he's never thought about it that way.
>
> brenda
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/24/03 1:51:33 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<<
But I'm learning to appreciate the times when they help instead of
dwelling on the times when they don't. I'm also trying to remember
that when the house gets messy it's because I have three young
children who are in it all day long doing all kinds of cool stuff.
If I sent them away to school all day long I would have no problem
keeping up with it. When I think of it like that, I'm glad it's
messy. >>
Yes, exactly.
That was a sweet story about your kids making breakfast, thanks for sharing!
My kids like to help, it's just rarely in the ways I would want it if I had a
choice.
Jared saw my paint cans on the table a couple nights ago and started peeling
the dried paint of the edges.
He was helping in his mind. His Dad only saw more mess. I moved Jared out to
the kitchen and asked him to keep "cleaning up the paint can" and he felt so
good that he was helping.
He peeled it for about 10 more minutes and proudly announced that the paint
can was all cleaned up. :)
Whatever he got out of that was important. And it WAS a contribution. It was
HIS contribution, not necessarily what I would have done.
If we just appreciate what they do instead of focusing on what they don't do,
it leads to greater willingness when something is asked of them.
Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected] writes:
<<
But I'm learning to appreciate the times when they help instead of
dwelling on the times when they don't. I'm also trying to remember
that when the house gets messy it's because I have three young
children who are in it all day long doing all kinds of cool stuff.
If I sent them away to school all day long I would have no problem
keeping up with it. When I think of it like that, I'm glad it's
messy. >>
Yes, exactly.
That was a sweet story about your kids making breakfast, thanks for sharing!
My kids like to help, it's just rarely in the ways I would want it if I had a
choice.
Jared saw my paint cans on the table a couple nights ago and started peeling
the dried paint of the edges.
He was helping in his mind. His Dad only saw more mess. I moved Jared out to
the kitchen and asked him to keep "cleaning up the paint can" and he felt so
good that he was helping.
He peeled it for about 10 more minutes and proudly announced that the paint
can was all cleaned up. :)
Whatever he got out of that was important. And it WAS a contribution. It was
HIS contribution, not necessarily what I would have done.
If we just appreciate what they do instead of focusing on what they don't do,
it leads to greater willingness when something is asked of them.
Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
Lee Roversi
Another fun chore "brainstorm" of yesterday -
In the laundry department, I do most of the laundry - after the dirty ones
are deposited in the laundry room (conveniently located on the way to the
outdoor shower!) Washing them falls somehow on my willing shoulders.
Hanging them out and retrieving them before the next tradewind shower is
shared mostly. Folding them somehow becomes my job again, with someone
perhaps present for conversation and a bit of help. The clothes, clean and
folded, then go into individual rooms in baskets for putting away. There
they often stay - for weeks sometimes, until the once folded clothes have
spread themselves in a puddle around the basket, as everyone digs for their
favorites! Yesterday, I put them back into the basket with a little note on
each kids pile "I'm lost . . . will you help me find my way to my home,
please?" Throughout the day, as each kid was in their room for something, I
heard a couple of giggles and, sure enough, got 3 wicker baskets returned
to the laundry room by the end of the day, empty - clothes into drawers and
a couple of kisses! Just a bit of inspiration to share! Wish I had an idea
on the breakfast dishes that are downstairs now, as each of them has eaten
and headed off to their latest project?!? Maybe I'll just go and do them
myself and be grateful.
Love, Lee
North Country Farms
An Eco-Tourism Destination
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, HI 96754
808-828-1513 phone and voice mail
www.northcountryfarms.com
In the laundry department, I do most of the laundry - after the dirty ones
are deposited in the laundry room (conveniently located on the way to the
outdoor shower!) Washing them falls somehow on my willing shoulders.
Hanging them out and retrieving them before the next tradewind shower is
shared mostly. Folding them somehow becomes my job again, with someone
perhaps present for conversation and a bit of help. The clothes, clean and
folded, then go into individual rooms in baskets for putting away. There
they often stay - for weeks sometimes, until the once folded clothes have
spread themselves in a puddle around the basket, as everyone digs for their
favorites! Yesterday, I put them back into the basket with a little note on
each kids pile "I'm lost . . . will you help me find my way to my home,
please?" Throughout the day, as each kid was in their room for something, I
heard a couple of giggles and, sure enough, got 3 wicker baskets returned
to the laundry room by the end of the day, empty - clothes into drawers and
a couple of kisses! Just a bit of inspiration to share! Wish I had an idea
on the breakfast dishes that are downstairs now, as each of them has eaten
and headed off to their latest project?!? Maybe I'll just go and do them
myself and be grateful.
Love, Lee
North Country Farms
An Eco-Tourism Destination
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, HI 96754
808-828-1513 phone and voice mail
www.northcountryfarms.com