Jeff & Diane Gwirtz

> charge of cleaning up my brother's mess) Have you had a conversation with
> your children about what needs to be done and what they see as thier
> responsibility? Children like to pitch in and help around the house, but
> they don't like being told what to do or how to do it!
>
In our house, we talk about what makes our family work - the things we do
for each other and for our home. I think kids want to feel like
they're contributing - like they're an important part of what makes
the family work. Different members of our family prefer different
jobs, so most of the time, I would say that a choice is available.
I've always also been flexible about timing, etc. I don't expect
them to drop what they're doing immediately to clean the bathroom.
I wouldn't want to do that either. When someone's not feeling well,
they probably won't have a job. I think it's all about cooperation.
The kids are here all the time - not at school, so they see what I
do and what their dad does. They just seem to accept the fact that
they should help too. Sometimes, on days when we're feeling lazy,
we try to help motivate each other. My kids and I used to do
something we'd call commercial cleaning. We'd find a tv show we
wanted to watch and then every time a commercial came on, we'd jump
up and run off to see how much of our job we could get done before it
was over. Our house is never spotless, and it's never a case for
the health department. It's just a normal, lived in house that we
all call ours.

Diane from KS
jagwirtz@...

rick and deborah farrington

good question erin, i'd like to know too. i went unschooling partly
because i was tired of telling my kids what to do all day and now i
still have to tell them thier chores. i will not do it all by my self
and they know they're resposibilities. like dd cleans the bathroom,
iwash dishes and vaccum, ds mows grass, empties garbage and brings in
fire wood in winter instead of grass but they always must be reminded.
but icould let the grass go and the bath get horrid and they get
embarrassed if we get company. but i don't like to have that around me (
yucky bathroom or long grass.)
i'm sure some one has some input.......Deborah in Idaho

Lisa Fuller

Unschooling, though, is about choice. Why is dd in charge of the bathroom?
Did she chose that chore or did you assign it? Does she even use the
bathroom or is she tidy and someone else actually makes the mess so she is
resentful? (My chore was always cleaning the bathroom, and I'm sorry, but
boys are very messy in the bathroom and I did not think I should be in
charge of cleaning up my brother's mess) Have you had a conversation with
your children about what needs to be done and what they see as thier
responsibility? Children like to pitch in and help around the house, but
they don't like being told what to do or how to do it!

Just as a side note, notice how your chores are divided up, the boy doing
the outside work while the girl does the inside work. Sex stereotypes abound
and as a pre-teen I was very aware of them (still am:) and resentful of them
since I saw mowing the grass as fun while cleaning up the bathroom was
disgusting.

Enjoy,

Lisa F.

rick and deborah farrington wrote:

> From: rick and deborah farrington <honeybee@...>
>
> good question erin, i'd like to know too. i went unschooling partly
> because i was tired of telling my kids what to do all day and now i
> still have to tell them thier chores. i will not do it all by my self
> and they know they're resposibilities. like dd cleans the bathroom,
> iwash dishes and vaccum, ds mows grass, empties garbage and brings in
> fire wood in winter instead of grass but they always must be reminded.
> but icould let the grass go and the bath get horrid and they get
> embarrassed if we get company. but i don't like to have that around me (
> yucky bathroom or long grass.)
> i'm sure some one has some input.......Deborah in Idaho
>
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deborah in id,
from the posts so far, i have at least received validation that there is a
question worth looking for an answer, tho i dont think it will be an easy
one! i, like you, have noticed a shift from "managing" schooling to
"managing" chores... i want to avoid reminding (nagging) all the time....
cant decide if that is just the way it is especially in these "middle years"
(7-?)
erin

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love your healthy sounding outlook on your happy home!
erin

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In a message dated 99-08-27 19:26:58 EDT, you write:

<<
Just as a side note, notice how your chores are divided up, the boy doing
the outside work while the girl does the inside work. Sex stereotypes abound
and as a pre-teen I was very aware of them (still am:) and resentful of them
since I saw mowing the grass as fun while cleaning up the bathroom was
disgusting.

Enjoy,

Lisa F.
>>
Lisa,
I notice this too, especially around my house as I am the only female. It is
my opinion that boys should clean tolits becasue they are the ones that pee
on them! And cutting the grasss is so irregular around here, I dont really
count it as a chore. It is amazing how that sex stereotype stuff sticks with
you--

Rachael