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along the lines of needs and choices, my friends and i have had this same
enlightenment (about differentiating) and have adopted the practice of being
careful when we speak to use correct word choices. for example: "i am
choosing for us to stay home from that field trip to give us some downtime"
instead of " we are so busy i just can't to that field trip" or "i chose to
spend the day catching up on email between daily stuff" instead of "i had to
catch up on emails and it ate up my whole day" or (w/kids)"we are choosing
to give a gift to jane bc we care for her" not "we have to bring a gift" etc.

even in the case of women "having" to work to pay the bills, isnt it more
freeing to realize that they are "choosing" to provide for their families
needs?

i love being empowered by this way of thinking. it became most clear to me
when i read covey's "7 habits of highly effective people." now i set limits
and have had other women comment on the freedom it has given them to see an
example . many of us who are not "sleepwalkers" choose to do things even
when we think we are having to do them. (have to go the meeting, have to go
to soccer practice, have to go make supper-- when they are indeed all
choices!!!!) i was able to let go of much resentment towards the sacrifices
that come with marriage and mothering when i realized that i could freely and
lovingly choose.

erin