Computers in Rooms
[email protected]
We have a bit of a dilema. Lelia just recently got her own computer thanks to
her grandparents. For now, we have it in the family room (I am using it as
well, as my 2 year old deleted our hard drive). When we move next week, she
wants to put it in her own room. I have always held the position of no
computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating. She does
almost all of her research for anything she is interested in on the internet.
She is really pushing this issue, mainly I think because her friends all have
their computers in their own rooms. I am just interested in other unschoolers
perspectives on this and how you deal with this issue in your house.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
her grandparents. For now, we have it in the family room (I am using it as
well, as my 2 year old deleted our hard drive). When we move next week, she
wants to put it in her own room. I have always held the position of no
computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating. She does
almost all of her research for anything she is interested in on the internet.
She is really pushing this issue, mainly I think because her friends all have
their computers in their own rooms. I am just interested in other unschoolers
perspectives on this and how you deal with this issue in your house.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dennis/Laurie Brown
My standard is that computers must be in the main area of the house. DS is
very good about not intentionally going to sites I consider inappropriate.
Even with that, we have had the experience of his chatting with his cousins
(both families hold similar values) and I just 'happened' to walk by as the
cousin was taking DS to a site that is off limits. I was able to redirect
the activity before DS was exposed to what would have been some pretty nasty
stuff. This reinforced the standard for our family and I've never given it
another thought.
I'd be very willing to set up a separate computer station for DS if/when he
gets a computer of his own, but it will be in the main area of the house.
My opinion, FWIW,
Eiraul
very good about not intentionally going to sites I consider inappropriate.
Even with that, we have had the experience of his chatting with his cousins
(both families hold similar values) and I just 'happened' to walk by as the
cousin was taking DS to a site that is off limits. I was able to redirect
the activity before DS was exposed to what would have been some pretty nasty
stuff. This reinforced the standard for our family and I've never given it
another thought.
I'd be very willing to set up a separate computer station for DS if/when he
gets a computer of his own, but it will be in the main area of the house.
My opinion, FWIW,
Eiraul
----- Original Message -----
From: <lite2yu@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: June 04, 2001 6:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Computers in Rooms
> I have always held the position of no
> computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating. She does
> almost all of her research for anything she is interested in on the
internet.
> She is really pushing this issue, mainly I think because her friends all
have
> their computers in their own rooms. I am just interested in other
unschoolers
> perspectives on this and how you deal with this issue in your house.
>
>
> lovemary
Johanna
first off, only you know your daughter's responsibility and maturity level. You did not mention her age. Have you observed her with her online activities recently? we presently have one computer and it is in my bedroom. My oldest two have been bugging to get a computer in their rooms. I don't feel comfortable with them having internet access uncontrolled at this time because we have already had a few situations of inappropriate usage. (phone # given out, sexual talk coming from a 11 yo). Before you do, maybe a discussion about what is expected and acceptable would be in order.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: lite2yu@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, June 04, 2001 8:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Computers in Rooms
We have a bit of a dilema. Lelia just recently got her own computer thanks to
her grandparents. For now, we have it in the family room (I am using it as
well, as my 2 year old deleted our hard drive). When we move next week, she
wants to put it in her own room. I have always held the position of no
computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating. She does
almost all of her research for anything she is interested in on the internet.
She is really pushing this issue, mainly I think because her friends all have
their computers in their own rooms. I am just interested in other unschoolers
perspectives on this and how you deal with this issue in your house.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I guess I should explain myself a bit further. I do not have a problem with
anything my daughter may be "exposed" to on the internet. We have had many
good discussions about all the types of things and people on the internet,
and I trust her judgement completely. More importantly, she trusts herself
and knows I trust her to do what is right for her. I don't consider things of
a sexual nature to be inappropriate and the issues I have are nothing to do
with that. My problem with the computer in her room is that she spends a good
deal of time on it, and I am fine with that, but with the amount of time she
spends on it, she would be away from us for a good part of the day, and one
of the things I like is that as she does her research or whatever on the
computer, we have talks about various things. There is a lot of interaction
that goes on while she is on the computer that I don't want to let go of. I
know she enjoys it too, and has admitted to me that it is primarily a thing
of her friends have the computers in their rooms kind of thinking.
I also have said that I won't have a computer in my own bedroom for the same
reason, so I am not asking her to do anything that I would not do. I just
don't believe in that. However, the issue I wrestle with is that if I am
really for her making her own choices regarding her life, isn't this one of
them? Perhaps I am being hyprocritical by stepping in regarding this issue
and imposing my own set of rules that she has not been allowed to partake in
the making of such rules. Food for thought. I know its something that she and
I have to come to a decision on, but reading how others who think outside the
box handle this may help me to come to greater clarity.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
anything my daughter may be "exposed" to on the internet. We have had many
good discussions about all the types of things and people on the internet,
and I trust her judgement completely. More importantly, she trusts herself
and knows I trust her to do what is right for her. I don't consider things of
a sexual nature to be inappropriate and the issues I have are nothing to do
with that. My problem with the computer in her room is that she spends a good
deal of time on it, and I am fine with that, but with the amount of time she
spends on it, she would be away from us for a good part of the day, and one
of the things I like is that as she does her research or whatever on the
computer, we have talks about various things. There is a lot of interaction
that goes on while she is on the computer that I don't want to let go of. I
know she enjoys it too, and has admitted to me that it is primarily a thing
of her friends have the computers in their rooms kind of thinking.
I also have said that I won't have a computer in my own bedroom for the same
reason, so I am not asking her to do anything that I would not do. I just
don't believe in that. However, the issue I wrestle with is that if I am
really for her making her own choices regarding her life, isn't this one of
them? Perhaps I am being hyprocritical by stepping in regarding this issue
and imposing my own set of rules that she has not been allowed to partake in
the making of such rules. Food for thought. I know its something that she and
I have to come to a decision on, but reading how others who think outside the
box handle this may help me to come to greater clarity.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vicki A. Dennis
There is a lot of interaction
enjoys the interaction and does not *really* want to be isolated but has a
difficult time explaining that to her friends. *I* would try to talk to her
about it for further input.
Since you do trust her judgment completely, maybe when it gets to the point
that your family has more than one working computer.....she can have one in her
room but still use the family room one during the typical interaction
hours---having the best of all worlds.
Vicki
> that goes on while she is on the computer that I don't want to let go of. ICould be that she *needs* for *you* to take the heat on this one. That she
> know she enjoys it too, and has admitted to me that it is primarily a thing
> of her friends have the computers in their rooms kind of thinking.
enjoys the interaction and does not *really* want to be isolated but has a
difficult time explaining that to her friends. *I* would try to talk to her
about it for further input.
Since you do trust her judgment completely, maybe when it gets to the point
that your family has more than one working computer.....she can have one in her
room but still use the family room one during the typical interaction
hours---having the best of all worlds.
Vicki
Rachel Wolfe Ravenhart
lite2yu@... wrote:
your family rules of living together without commiting homicide are,
it's hard to comment. I would like to applaud your stance on trusting
your kid on the internet. Brava! In our house we have one tv - and the
playstation is hooked to that, so the kidlets have to share. The little
one is here m-f from 6- 6 basically, so the 5 year old has to give HER
time to watch *gasp* barney. I'm hoping it's a summer thing, not true
love. Anyway, we have family time. Doesn't mean you have to DO anything,
just be offline and off the games. Perhaps if your daughter is willing
to concede that family tme is important to her (and it sounds like she
has), she can make special times to be offline or, if online, on the
family 'puter.
Long winded tonight,
Rachel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I also have said that I won't have a computer in my own bedroom forIMNSHO, it depends on the family. Since I don't know you guys, or what
> the same
> reason, so I am not asking her to do anything that I would not do. I
> just
> don't believe in that. However, the issue I wrestle with is that if I
> am
> really for her making her own choices regarding her life, isn't this
> one of
> them?
your family rules of living together without commiting homicide are,
it's hard to comment. I would like to applaud your stance on trusting
your kid on the internet. Brava! In our house we have one tv - and the
playstation is hooked to that, so the kidlets have to share. The little
one is here m-f from 6- 6 basically, so the 5 year old has to give HER
time to watch *gasp* barney. I'm hoping it's a summer thing, not true
love. Anyway, we have family time. Doesn't mean you have to DO anything,
just be offline and off the games. Perhaps if your daughter is willing
to concede that family tme is important to her (and it sounds like she
has), she can make special times to be offline or, if online, on the
family 'puter.
Long winded tonight,
Rachel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 06/05/2001 1:55:00 AM !!!First Boot!!!, lite2yu@...
writes:
will be crowded in our dining area (that has never had a dining table :) ),
that's where the 2nd one will go.
I know it seems cruel and unreasonable and the kids will have to learn to
actually work on the PCs sitting next to each other and their lives are
harsh, but that's too bad.
And sometimes, just occasionally, the kids actually do have questions for me.
They can't do it all on their own yet.
Just my opinion.
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> I have always held the position of noIsolating and dangerous. We are about to get our 2nd one and, even though it
> computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating.
will be crowded in our dining area (that has never had a dining table :) ),
that's where the 2nd one will go.
I know it seems cruel and unreasonable and the kids will have to learn to
actually work on the PCs sitting next to each other and their lives are
harsh, but that's too bad.
And sometimes, just occasionally, the kids actually do have questions for me.
They can't do it all on their own yet.
Just my opinion.
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 06/05/2001 4:34:29 AM !!!First Boot!!!, lite2yu@...
writes:
Some people seemed to feel the child should decide things and some felt the
parents should under circumstances where there could be a danger or insight
was needed that the child hadn't yet achieved.
Or was there a 3rd opinion as well??
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> . However, the issue I wrestle with is that if I amDidn't we just have this discussion! :)
> really for her making her own choices regarding her life, isn't this one of
> them?
Some people seemed to feel the child should decide things and some felt the
parents should under circumstances where there could be a danger or insight
was needed that the child hadn't yet achieved.
Or was there a 3rd opinion as well??
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<< I have always held the position of no
computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating. >>
It's her own computer.
It's a drag that the baby deleted the hard drive, but commandeering someone
else's personal gift strikes chords in me personally (since you asked) of my
parents (mom) taking stuff that's given to one person and "making them share"
to the point that they have nothing, and nothing special even in the meantime.
Isolation is also called privacy and peace and quiet. Some people need
isolation more than others. I'm not crazy about it myself, but my husband
is. One of our kids needs alone time. The others, not so much.
<< one
of the things I like is that as she does her research or whatever on the
computer, we have talks about various things. There is a lot of interaction
that goes on while she is on the computer that I don't want to let go of. >>
My guess is she'll come out, ask you a question, you'll go in there, and
discuss it.
At least that's how my kids are with things. When we had a little house you
could hear someone yell from anywhere, and the yelling was often "HEY! This
is COOL!" or "COME LOOK!"
Now the house is bigger and people get exercise finding witnesses to
something cool. But it happens regularly.
Sandra
computers in our personal rooms as I feel it is very isolating. >>
It's her own computer.
It's a drag that the baby deleted the hard drive, but commandeering someone
else's personal gift strikes chords in me personally (since you asked) of my
parents (mom) taking stuff that's given to one person and "making them share"
to the point that they have nothing, and nothing special even in the meantime.
Isolation is also called privacy and peace and quiet. Some people need
isolation more than others. I'm not crazy about it myself, but my husband
is. One of our kids needs alone time. The others, not so much.
<< one
of the things I like is that as she does her research or whatever on the
computer, we have talks about various things. There is a lot of interaction
that goes on while she is on the computer that I don't want to let go of. >>
My guess is she'll come out, ask you a question, you'll go in there, and
discuss it.
At least that's how my kids are with things. When we had a little house you
could hear someone yell from anywhere, and the yelling was often "HEY! This
is COOL!" or "COME LOOK!"
Now the house is bigger and people get exercise finding witnesses to
something cool. But it happens regularly.
Sandra
[email protected]
Thanks Sandra. . . I had a suspicion yours would be the voice of clarity on
this that I was looking for. Now. . . Bryan may take a little covincing. :)
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
this that I was looking for. Now. . . Bryan may take a little covincing. :)
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
A
Though my kids are still young, and don't use the Internet, I purposely put our
computer in our dining room kitchen area. We have a VERY open floor plan... I
will never allow computer (hooked up to the internet) in their rooms. If they
want to get into whatever ,then they can do it with all of us.... ;)
Ann
computer in our dining room kitchen area. We have a VERY open floor plan... I
will never allow computer (hooked up to the internet) in their rooms. If they
want to get into whatever ,then they can do it with all of us.... ;)
Ann
[email protected]
We have two internet-hooked up computers, one in what used to be the dining
room (living room has become dining room, as we have two other couch-sitting
rooms, the library and the den), so that's basically in the kitchen, and one
in my office, which is very near there (close enough to talk).
Kids have TVs and video games (the boys do) in their rooms. If they got
their own computers we'd let them have them in their rooms.
As it is, they stay up late and are online after we go to bed. So it doesn't
matter that the computers aren't in their own rooms, they still have privacy.
I know each has looked at a bit of nasty sci-fi fan art (I mean of a sexual
nature, which I think most readers here are considering "nasty"). Someone
one night looked at porn sites. They didn't keep on doing it (or they
learned to clean the trail of what shows as last sites visited, although I
don't check up on them and only noticed those in passing). I know enough of
what they ARE doing online that I'm not worried about a little exploration,
and they stay home a lot which is healthy. If they really wanted to be
seeing dirty pictures, they could do so at their other teen friends' houses
I'm sure, or out in the community one way or another. But they're home.
I found a Cosmopolitan magazine in Kirby's bathroom. I had bought it myself,
I forget why now. Now it's in the cabinet in a boy's bathroom. I left it
there and didn't tease him or shame him about it, just left the toilet paper
I was delivering and didn't make a big deal. Usually we get kids to deliver
toilet paper to the bathrooms, but that one day I did it myself.
People have different priorities and fears. My boys are 14 and 12. I would
buy them Hustler magazines myself before I would try to shelter them totally
from any awareness that such things exist. Maybe I should do that anyway.
Probably there is no greater deterrent or sexual turn-off than "My mom told
me to look at this." Eyew. Maybe a unit study on the evil realities of
pornography. If they learned to associate porn with their aging mom that
might put them off sex for life, though, and their future wives wouldn't
appreciate that.
I don't personally associate the internet with frightening evil, but I know
some people do. I've seen my kids use it all kinds of bright, useful,
sensible ways they can share with their mom and little sister. They're
honest kids who think. It's no more dangerous than other situations, and
less so since they're safe at home.
My idiot fetal-alcohol-syndrome half brother, on the other hand, doesn't like
computers at all but got his Mormon teen girlfriend (some years ago) in a
compromising situation, having been photographed nude (and maybe with him,
which is too gross for me to think much about) by a scuzzy
illegal-snake-importing drug dealer and then being threatened with the
release of the photos. He would have been WAY better off on the internet in
some isolated bedroom somewhere. They were briefly married, until he stole a
truck and some money from her relatives. Now he has a girlfriend who's a
talented Indian artist. Oh. She's in jail for a knife fight with her
brother. Oh, brothers.
My magical safety on my kids is keeping them away from their uncle!
Sandra
room (living room has become dining room, as we have two other couch-sitting
rooms, the library and the den), so that's basically in the kitchen, and one
in my office, which is very near there (close enough to talk).
Kids have TVs and video games (the boys do) in their rooms. If they got
their own computers we'd let them have them in their rooms.
As it is, they stay up late and are online after we go to bed. So it doesn't
matter that the computers aren't in their own rooms, they still have privacy.
I know each has looked at a bit of nasty sci-fi fan art (I mean of a sexual
nature, which I think most readers here are considering "nasty"). Someone
one night looked at porn sites. They didn't keep on doing it (or they
learned to clean the trail of what shows as last sites visited, although I
don't check up on them and only noticed those in passing). I know enough of
what they ARE doing online that I'm not worried about a little exploration,
and they stay home a lot which is healthy. If they really wanted to be
seeing dirty pictures, they could do so at their other teen friends' houses
I'm sure, or out in the community one way or another. But they're home.
I found a Cosmopolitan magazine in Kirby's bathroom. I had bought it myself,
I forget why now. Now it's in the cabinet in a boy's bathroom. I left it
there and didn't tease him or shame him about it, just left the toilet paper
I was delivering and didn't make a big deal. Usually we get kids to deliver
toilet paper to the bathrooms, but that one day I did it myself.
People have different priorities and fears. My boys are 14 and 12. I would
buy them Hustler magazines myself before I would try to shelter them totally
from any awareness that such things exist. Maybe I should do that anyway.
Probably there is no greater deterrent or sexual turn-off than "My mom told
me to look at this." Eyew. Maybe a unit study on the evil realities of
pornography. If they learned to associate porn with their aging mom that
might put them off sex for life, though, and their future wives wouldn't
appreciate that.
I don't personally associate the internet with frightening evil, but I know
some people do. I've seen my kids use it all kinds of bright, useful,
sensible ways they can share with their mom and little sister. They're
honest kids who think. It's no more dangerous than other situations, and
less so since they're safe at home.
My idiot fetal-alcohol-syndrome half brother, on the other hand, doesn't like
computers at all but got his Mormon teen girlfriend (some years ago) in a
compromising situation, having been photographed nude (and maybe with him,
which is too gross for me to think much about) by a scuzzy
illegal-snake-importing drug dealer and then being threatened with the
release of the photos. He would have been WAY better off on the internet in
some isolated bedroom somewhere. They were briefly married, until he stole a
truck and some money from her relatives. Now he has a girlfriend who's a
talented Indian artist. Oh. She's in jail for a knife fight with her
brother. Oh, brothers.
My magical safety on my kids is keeping them away from their uncle!
Sandra
Betsy Hill
>Could be that she *needs* for *you* to take the heat on this one. Thatshe
>enjoys the interaction and does not *really* want to be isolated but hasa
>difficult time explaining that to her friends.Do you suppose her friends have concerns about your whole family being able
to walk by and read their chatter on screen?
Can she use the computer in the main part of the house but put some kind of
privacy hood on it some of the time?
Can she use the computer in her room, but you require her to keep the door
open so you can interact a bit?
Can you put the computer on some kind of cart with wheels and relocate it
every so often?
Or move the computer to the bedroom and agree on a limit for how much time
will be spent using it in isolation?
I realize none of these is perfect for your situation, but maybe it will
help you think of other possibilities.
We have all the family's computers in the spare bedroom right now. (Only 1
kid, thus extra space.) When we move soon, we're thinking about having the
computers in a dining room or den space that is very close to the kitchen,
in the hopes that we can interact more when computers are in use. BUT,
staring at the screen really seems to slow down my husband's speech
centers. I find it aggravating to wait so long for a response. So, I
really don't have all the answers.
Betsy
Laura Yolo
Our rule is they can have a computer in their room,
but no internet access. We have the internet on the
family pc in the living room, and it's never been
issue.
=====
Laura, blessed to be the mommy of
Jenny 11/6/85
Shaw 5/22/87
Ryan 7/9/89
Noah 3/9/92
Aidan 1/24/00
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35
a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/
but no internet access. We have the internet on the
family pc in the living room, and it's never been
issue.
=====
Laura, blessed to be the mommy of
Jenny 11/6/85
Shaw 5/22/87
Ryan 7/9/89
Noah 3/9/92
Aidan 1/24/00
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35
a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/
[email protected]
I just want to pop in and say that I know what you are talking about here.
My problem with my ds having his computer in his room is the isolation thing.
But, maybe you could try this. Let her have it in her room to chat and such
for a certain amount of time per day. Her research could still be done on
the puter in the part of the house where she would be around others. That
way she would get a little of what she wants and you would not be "deprived
of her company" that's how I explained it to my ds. So, we do schooling type
things in here, he can do his role play and chat in his room. Just my two
cents
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My problem with my ds having his computer in his room is the isolation thing.
But, maybe you could try this. Let her have it in her room to chat and such
for a certain amount of time per day. Her research could still be done on
the puter in the part of the house where she would be around others. That
way she would get a little of what she wants and you would not be "deprived
of her company" that's how I explained it to my ds. So, we do schooling type
things in here, he can do his role play and chat in his room. Just my two
cents
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Ok. My .02.
On the issue of isolation, I can relate because it was my husband who
isolated himself in his office nightly. Was he looking at porn? No.
He was working on his internet shopping mall. But once my dd and I
told him that we missed his 'just being in the same room' with us, he
moved it into the family. So now he sits and works on his computer
but is still with us for the occassional talk or question. Perhaps
if the concern of isolation was told to the child in question, he/she
(I can't remember which right now) would also opt for being in the
family room.
On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard about a girl or
boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting some pervert?
Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And you hope that
they will remember and will have listened. But kids still get caught
in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for you, maybe this
type of danger would be.
Thirdly, it's a fortunate family that can have more than one internet
access. So even if the computer is not considered a family item, I
would think the internet access would be.
For these three reasons, my dd will never have a computer in her room
that has internet access.
Jane
On the issue of isolation, I can relate because it was my husband who
isolated himself in his office nightly. Was he looking at porn? No.
He was working on his internet shopping mall. But once my dd and I
told him that we missed his 'just being in the same room' with us, he
moved it into the family. So now he sits and works on his computer
but is still with us for the occassional talk or question. Perhaps
if the concern of isolation was told to the child in question, he/she
(I can't remember which right now) would also opt for being in the
family room.
On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard about a girl or
boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting some pervert?
Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And you hope that
they will remember and will have listened. But kids still get caught
in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for you, maybe this
type of danger would be.
Thirdly, it's a fortunate family that can have more than one internet
access. So even if the computer is not considered a family item, I
would think the internet access would be.
For these three reasons, my dd will never have a computer in her room
that has internet access.
Jane
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., HSMOTGO@a... wrote:
> I just want to pop in and say that I know what you are talking
about here.
> My problem with my ds having his computer in his room is the
isolation thing.
> But, maybe you could try this. Let her have it in her room to
chat and such
> for a certain amount of time per day. Her research could still be
done on
> the puter in the part of the house where she would be around
others. That
> way she would get a little of what she wants and you would not
be "deprived
> of her company" that's how I explained it to my ds. So, we do
schooling type
> things in here, he can do his role play and chat in his room. Just
my two
> cents
> Teresa
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tracy Oldfield
Ok. My .02.
On the issue of isolation, I can relate because it was
my husband who
isolated himself in his office nightly. Was he looking
at porn? No.
He was working on his internet shopping mall. But once
my dd and I
told him that we missed his 'just being in the same
room' with us, he
moved it into the family. So now he sits and works on
his computer
but is still with us for the occassional talk or
question. Perhaps
if the concern of isolation was told to the child in
question, he/she
(I can't remember which right now) would also opt for
being in the
family room.
s'funny, our 'puter's in the office, and dh doesn't
want it in the 'family room' because he hates hearing
the keyboard clacking while he's watching the telly or
reading! So unfortunately our computer is an isolating
thing, which i don't really like, but there again...
On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard
about a girl or
boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting
some pervert?
Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And
you hope that
they will remember and will have listened. But kids
still get caught
in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for
you, maybe this
type of danger would be.
Mmmm... personal evaluation of child's appraisal of
'risk' needed here I think...
Thirdly, it's a fortunate family that can have more
than one internet
access. So even if the computer is not considered a
family item, I
would think the internet access would be.
Net access may be a problem, but networking the
computers themselves wouldn't be... Cable-modems and
stuff can be used for access on more than one 'puter...
For these three reasons, my dd will never have a
computer in her room
that has internet access.
I think saying 'never' is a little short-sighted, there
are circumstances and compromises for most things, I
think. I'm not goign to say 'never' though I'd prefer
to have at least one computer in a more 'mainsteram'
part of the house.
Tracy
On the issue of isolation, I can relate because it was
my husband who
isolated himself in his office nightly. Was he looking
at porn? No.
He was working on his internet shopping mall. But once
my dd and I
told him that we missed his 'just being in the same
room' with us, he
moved it into the family. So now he sits and works on
his computer
but is still with us for the occassional talk or
question. Perhaps
if the concern of isolation was told to the child in
question, he/she
(I can't remember which right now) would also opt for
being in the
family room.
s'funny, our 'puter's in the office, and dh doesn't
want it in the 'family room' because he hates hearing
the keyboard clacking while he's watching the telly or
reading! So unfortunately our computer is an isolating
thing, which i don't really like, but there again...
On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard
about a girl or
boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting
some pervert?
Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And
you hope that
they will remember and will have listened. But kids
still get caught
in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for
you, maybe this
type of danger would be.
Mmmm... personal evaluation of child's appraisal of
'risk' needed here I think...
Thirdly, it's a fortunate family that can have more
than one internet
access. So even if the computer is not considered a
family item, I
would think the internet access would be.
Net access may be a problem, but networking the
computers themselves wouldn't be... Cable-modems and
stuff can be used for access on more than one 'puter...
For these three reasons, my dd will never have a
computer in her room
that has internet access.
I think saying 'never' is a little short-sighted, there
are circumstances and compromises for most things, I
think. I'm not goign to say 'never' though I'd prefer
to have at least one computer in a more 'mainsteram'
part of the house.
Tracy
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/5/2001 5:07:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
jforgey@... writes:
unhappy and looking for some love and affection anywhere they can get it.
This is not the issue in our home. I think it is only a danger if I am an
unaware parent living unconsciously, which unfortuantely many people do. I
hope I am not. . . I don't think I am. :) And I truly believe that
everything that happens in our lives is an opportunity for growth. . . and I
mean anything and everything, including the "bad" things. I have felt this
way through quite a few of those and have learned a great deal . . . I
suspect I have a lot more to learn in this life.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jforgey@... writes:
> On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard about a girl orAgain, I think it may be a danger for young people (or older people) who are
> boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting some pervert?
> Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And you hope that
> they will remember and will have listened. But kids still get caught
> in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for you, maybe this
> type of danger would be.
unhappy and looking for some love and affection anywhere they can get it.
This is not the issue in our home. I think it is only a danger if I am an
unaware parent living unconsciously, which unfortuantely many people do. I
hope I am not. . . I don't think I am. :) And I truly believe that
everything that happens in our lives is an opportunity for growth. . . and I
mean anything and everything, including the "bad" things. I have felt this
way through quite a few of those and have learned a great deal . . . I
suspect I have a lot more to learn in this life.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
lovemary -
I too believe you get what you think. However, I also like to be
prudent and not 'borrow trouble'. I hope you are aware just as I
hope I am aware of what's going on with my child. However, those
words have been echoed by others who found out - too late - that they
really weren't as aware as they thought they were. Just playing it
safe; not sorry.
Jane
I too believe you get what you think. However, I also like to be
prudent and not 'borrow trouble'. I hope you are aware just as I
hope I am aware of what's going on with my child. However, those
words have been echoed by others who found out - too late - that they
really weren't as aware as they thought they were. Just playing it
safe; not sorry.
Jane
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., lite2yu@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 6/5/2001 5:07:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
> jforgey@t... writes:
>
>
> > On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard about a girl
or
> > boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting some
pervert?
> > Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And you hope
that
> > they will remember and will have listened. But kids still get
caught
> > in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for you, maybe
this
> > type of danger would be.
>
> Again, I think it may be a danger for young people (or older
people) who are
> unhappy and looking for some love and affection anywhere they can
get it.
> This is not the issue in our home. I think it is only a danger if I
am an
> unaware parent living unconsciously, which unfortuantely many
people do. I
> hope I am not. . . I don't think I am. :) And I truly believe that
> everything that happens in our lives is an opportunity for
growth. . . and I
> mean anything and everything, including the "bad" things. I have
felt this
> way through quite a few of those and have learned a great
deal . . . I
> suspect I have a lot more to learn in this life.
>
> lovemary
> If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at
yourself, and then
> make a change.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Tracy -
Usually the word 'never' is used to show great conviction in the
belief that your stating. Such as I will 'never' vote for Bush
(People who know me would bet on that to be true.) Or I will never do
this or that. However, there are things that I feel so strongly
about that could probably be connected to the word 'never' and
putting a computer (with internet access) in a child's room is about
on the level (IMO) of my saying I will 'never' purposely run someone
down with my car. Could there come a time when that could possibly
happen? The odds are so astronomically set against that ever
happening that it's safe to say 'never'. Call it shortsighted if you
like, but some people feel strongly enough about their beliefs to say
the word 'never' and mean it.
Jane
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Tracy Oldfield"
<tracy.oldfield@n...> wrote:
Usually the word 'never' is used to show great conviction in the
belief that your stating. Such as I will 'never' vote for Bush
(People who know me would bet on that to be true.) Or I will never do
this or that. However, there are things that I feel so strongly
about that could probably be connected to the word 'never' and
putting a computer (with internet access) in a child's room is about
on the level (IMO) of my saying I will 'never' purposely run someone
down with my car. Could there come a time when that could possibly
happen? The odds are so astronomically set against that ever
happening that it's safe to say 'never'. Call it shortsighted if you
like, but some people feel strongly enough about their beliefs to say
the word 'never' and mean it.
Jane
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Tracy Oldfield"
<tracy.oldfield@n...> wrote:
> Ok. My .02.
>
> On the issue of isolation, I can relate because it was
> my husband who
> isolated himself in his office nightly. Was he looking
> at porn? No.
> He was working on his internet shopping mall. But once
> my dd and I
> told him that we missed his 'just being in the same
> room' with us, he
> moved it into the family. So now he sits and works on
> his computer
> but is still with us for the occassional talk or
> question. Perhaps
> if the concern of isolation was told to the child in
> question, he/she
> (I can't remember which right now) would also opt for
> being in the
> family room.
>
> s'funny, our 'puter's in the office, and dh doesn't
> want it in the 'family room' because he hates hearing
> the keyboard clacking while he's watching the telly or
> reading! So unfortunately our computer is an isolating
> thing, which i don't really like, but there again...
>
>
> On the issue of safety, how many times have we heard
> about a girl or
> boy being in a chat room and being lured into meeting
> some pervert?
> Yes, we talk to our children about those dangers. And
> you hope that
> they will remember and will have listened. But kids
> still get caught
> in that trap. So if viewing porn is not a problem for
> you, maybe this
> type of danger would be.
>
> Mmmm... personal evaluation of child's appraisal of
> 'risk' needed here I think...
>
> Thirdly, it's a fortunate family that can have more
> than one internet
> access. So even if the computer is not considered a
> family item, I
> would think the internet access would be.
>
> Net access may be a problem, but networking the
> computers themselves wouldn't be... Cable-modems and
> stuff can be used for access on more than one 'puter...
>
> For these three reasons, my dd will never have a
> computer in her room
> that has internet access.
>
> I think saying 'never' is a little short-sighted, there
> are circumstances and compromises for most things, I
> think. I'm not goign to say 'never' though I'd prefer
> to have at least one computer in a more 'mainsteram'
> part of the house.
>
> Tracy
Sharon Rudd
Dear Sandra........you are priceless!!! My older boys are 27, 25, and 20........and my sister (ward) is 40. You are doing just fine in the to censor or not to censor department. And you have so much good advice.
My rule of thumb for teens is if can't enforce it don't forbid it.
You are so right.........you have to trust the kids to think on their own, because they do!
And be available to help (even BIG help) if they make an error. or two or three. or BIG TROUBLE. How can anyone stay awake 24 ours a day everyday to monitor a child.........or if there are two or more it is useless to even think of it.
Sharon
p.s. Is your sorry brother really FAS or was that just a sibling epithet? IQ and disability related slander that is something the victim can't help rather than a character flaw, is not really coming from your best side. Your irritation with him being something to guard against got the better of you! It is only by the Grace of God that any of us doesn't have the label Fetal Alcohol Syndrome of Moron or some such to actually describe us.
SandraDodd@... wrote:
If they really wanted to be
seeing dirty pictures, they could do so at their other teen friends' houses
or out in the community . But they're home.
Probably there is no greater deterrent or sexual turn-off than "My mom told
me to look at this."
They're
honest kids who think.
Oh, brothers.
Sandra
---------------------------------
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My rule of thumb for teens is if can't enforce it don't forbid it.
You are so right.........you have to trust the kids to think on their own, because they do!
And be available to help (even BIG help) if they make an error. or two or three. or BIG TROUBLE. How can anyone stay awake 24 ours a day everyday to monitor a child.........or if there are two or more it is useless to even think of it.
Sharon
p.s. Is your sorry brother really FAS or was that just a sibling epithet? IQ and disability related slander that is something the victim can't help rather than a character flaw, is not really coming from your best side. Your irritation with him being something to guard against got the better of you! It is only by the Grace of God that any of us doesn't have the label Fetal Alcohol Syndrome of Moron or some such to actually describe us.
SandraDodd@... wrote:
If they really wanted to be
seeing dirty pictures, they could do so at their other teen friends' houses
or out in the community . But they're home.
Probably there is no greater deterrent or sexual turn-off than "My mom told
me to look at this."
They're
honest kids who think.
Oh, brothers.
Sandra
---------------------------------
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/7/01 10:53:18 AM, bearspawprint@... writes:
<< Is your sorry brother really FAS or was that just a sibling epithet? >>
My mother was drunk when he was conceived, didn't know she was pregnant until
she was five months along, drank throughout, was out drinking and dancing
(with my generous and concerned pre-med boyfriend, who had gone to take care
of her nine-month-pregnant self and drive her home, because she was going to
go one way or another) the night she went into labor.
I had custody of him twice when he was growing up, when he was 4 and 5, and
again when he was 13, 14. No conscience. Inability to process information
in any useful way.
Sad and frustrating. Drinks a lot himself. His dad was a truckdriver,
diabetic, died of drinking on top of diabetes, when my brother was four or
so. Just glad he didn't die while driving that big truck.
My dad wasn't an alcoholic. My mom wasn't drinking fulltime until I was
mid-teens. I am not alcoholic. My only full sibling (sister) is, but
abstains.
I risked my marriage to take care of him when it shouldn't really have been
my problem. My mom should have used birth control, should have been more
responsible all along the way, he lied to us, stole from us, compromised the
safety of our home (while I had baby Kirby), and still I helped emotionally
and financially for years. I have quit doing it and won't do it anymore.
It wasn't just sibling epithet. (the short answer, too late now! <g>) I'm
more grumpy with my mom for providing me with the unhappy option of
dedicating my life to cleaning up after her, or choosing to break off
relationships with blood relatives. Neither much fun. She has a disease,
too, and I have had much sympathy over the years. But I want my children to
be able to live without knowing firsthand how it can be when a drunk gets
home at 2:30 and starts yelling and throwing stuff around and accidently
setting something on fire, etc....
Sandra
<< Is your sorry brother really FAS or was that just a sibling epithet? >>
My mother was drunk when he was conceived, didn't know she was pregnant until
she was five months along, drank throughout, was out drinking and dancing
(with my generous and concerned pre-med boyfriend, who had gone to take care
of her nine-month-pregnant self and drive her home, because she was going to
go one way or another) the night she went into labor.
I had custody of him twice when he was growing up, when he was 4 and 5, and
again when he was 13, 14. No conscience. Inability to process information
in any useful way.
Sad and frustrating. Drinks a lot himself. His dad was a truckdriver,
diabetic, died of drinking on top of diabetes, when my brother was four or
so. Just glad he didn't die while driving that big truck.
My dad wasn't an alcoholic. My mom wasn't drinking fulltime until I was
mid-teens. I am not alcoholic. My only full sibling (sister) is, but
abstains.
I risked my marriage to take care of him when it shouldn't really have been
my problem. My mom should have used birth control, should have been more
responsible all along the way, he lied to us, stole from us, compromised the
safety of our home (while I had baby Kirby), and still I helped emotionally
and financially for years. I have quit doing it and won't do it anymore.
It wasn't just sibling epithet. (the short answer, too late now! <g>) I'm
more grumpy with my mom for providing me with the unhappy option of
dedicating my life to cleaning up after her, or choosing to break off
relationships with blood relatives. Neither much fun. She has a disease,
too, and I have had much sympathy over the years. But I want my children to
be able to live without knowing firsthand how it can be when a drunk gets
home at 2:30 and starts yelling and throwing stuff around and accidently
setting something on fire, etc....
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 06/07/2001 9:53:20 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
bearspawprint@... writes:
I do understand the points that people are trying to make on this issue,
but I really feel the need to add a different perspective to this. I agree
that "kids will be kids", but I also feel that it is my duty, as a parent, to
point out the "sex sells" attitude in this country, and that sexual
exploitation and deviance is rampant. I could let them form there own
opinions on this issue, or on the issue of drugs, or any other societal
issue, without ever sharing my views, but I want us to share our views, as a
family. I also feel that a parent has a right to decide what is in the home,
and if they don't want porno, or sexually exploitive materials in their
lives , they should have the right to make that rule.
"Beanachtai' geal"
(Bright blessings)
Sheree
AIM: ShereeS411
ICQ# 78470094
"Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds."
..Albert Einstein
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bearspawprint@... writes:
> You are so right.........you have to trust the kids to think on their own,Hello everyone;
> because they do!
>
I do understand the points that people are trying to make on this issue,
but I really feel the need to add a different perspective to this. I agree
that "kids will be kids", but I also feel that it is my duty, as a parent, to
point out the "sex sells" attitude in this country, and that sexual
exploitation and deviance is rampant. I could let them form there own
opinions on this issue, or on the issue of drugs, or any other societal
issue, without ever sharing my views, but I want us to share our views, as a
family. I also feel that a parent has a right to decide what is in the home,
and if they don't want porno, or sexually exploitive materials in their
lives , they should have the right to make that rule.
"Beanachtai' geal"
(Bright blessings)
Sheree
AIM: ShereeS411
ICQ# 78470094
"Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds."
..Albert Einstein
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Johanna
Sandra and Sharon, the situation I was referring to that started this thread was an eleven year old girl (who just turned eleven by the way), not a teenager first of all, and my niece in my temporary custody to boot. She was forbidden to be on chat rooms by her mother before she came to stay with us for the year, lied to me, saying her mom had allowed her to. When her mom confronted her with the situation she was told no chatting until an appropriate chat room was found by her mom or me. She was going into chat rooms using my 16 yo daughter's identity, using sexual language and giving out personal information over the internet. I don't need a wacko stalking my family and she was not using common sense. are you recommending in a situation such as this, I should just let her continue? In our family evidence of maturity and responsibility are indicators for privileges given. Internet access is a privilege, not a right.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: Sharon Rudd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, June 07, 2001 11:52 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Computers in Rooms cosmo in the bathroom
Dear Sandra........you are priceless!!! My older boys are 27, 25, and 20........and my sister (ward) is 40. You are doing just fine in the to censor or not to censor department. And you have so much good advice.
My rule of thumb for teens is if can't enforce it don't forbid it.
You are so right.........you have to trust the kids to think on their own, because they do!
And be available to help (even BIG help) if they make an error. or two or three. or BIG TROUBLE. How can anyone stay awake 24 ours a day everyday to monitor a child.........or if there are two or more it is useless to even think of it.
Sharon
p.s. Is your sorry brother really FAS or was that just a sibling epithet? IQ and disability related slander that is something the victim can't help rather than a character flaw, is not really coming from your best side. Your irritation with him being something to guard against got the better of you! It is only by the Grace of God that any of us doesn't have the label Fetal Alcohol Syndrome of Moron or some such to actually describe us.
SandraDodd@... wrote:
If they really wanted to be
seeing dirty pictures, they could do so at their other teen friends' houses
or out in the community . But they're home.
Probably there is no greater deterrent or sexual turn-off than "My mom told
me to look at this."
They're
honest kids who think.
Oh, brothers.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kate mcdaniel
I know I am not the only parent that agrees with censorship. I don't feel a
child is informed enough to make a wise decision regarding pornography on
the internet. It is so easy to be swayed be smooth-typing,praise-giving
perverts. I believe it is the parents responsibility to determine the
appropriateness of certain websites. You wouldn't allow your child to drink
themselves silly just to show them the drunkness is not a good thing. Would
you? How would you respond to the police if your child's unsupervised
activity resulted in their death? Won't happen on the internet? Haven't
you heard of stalkers, child pornographers and others getting information
from innocent children.
I can understand if your children are 20-27. They should be free to do that
in their own home. I thought we were discussing children that reside in
their parents home and were under their parents direct supervision.
child is informed enough to make a wise decision regarding pornography on
the internet. It is so easy to be swayed be smooth-typing,praise-giving
perverts. I believe it is the parents responsibility to determine the
appropriateness of certain websites. You wouldn't allow your child to drink
themselves silly just to show them the drunkness is not a good thing. Would
you? How would you respond to the police if your child's unsupervised
activity resulted in their death? Won't happen on the internet? Haven't
you heard of stalkers, child pornographers and others getting information
from innocent children.
I can understand if your children are 20-27. They should be free to do that
in their own home. I thought we were discussing children that reside in
their parents home and were under their parents direct supervision.
On Fri, 8 Jun 2001 00:57:23 -0500, [email protected] wrote:
> Sandra and Sharon, the situation I was referring to that started this
thread was an eleven year old girl (who just turned eleven by the way), not
a teenager first of all, and my niece in my temporary custody to boot. She
was forbidden to be on chat rooms by her mother before she came to stay with
us for the year, lied to me, saying her mom had allowed her to. When her mom
confronted her with the situation she was told no chatting until an
appropriate chat room was found by her mom or me. She was going into chat
rooms using my 16 yo daughter's identity, using sexual language and giving
out personal information over the internet. I don't need a wacko stalking my
family and she was not using common sense. are you recommending in a
situation such as this, I should just let her continue? In our family
evidence of maturity and responsibility are indicators for privileges given.
Internet access is a privilege, not a right.
> Johanna
>
>
>
> Dear Sandra........you are priceless!!! My older boys are 27, 25, and
20........and my sister (ward) is 40. You are doing just fine in the to
censor or not to censor department. And you have so much good advice.
> My rule of thumb for teens is if can't enforce it don't forbid >
I agree with Johanna. Internet access is a priviledge, not a right. Just
curious to know what else you don't forbid because you can't enforce it.
_______________________________________________________
Send a cool gift with your E-Card
http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/7/01 11:52:10 PM, saninocencio1@... writes:
<< I don't need a wacko stalking my family and she was not using common
sense. are you recommending in a situation such as this, I should just let
her continue? >>
Since we freely gave our best advice in a hypothetical situation in which
only partial information was given, I (probably naively and unfairly) think
we should be thanked, not criticized.
I do believe (being hypothetical and general again) that whatever problems a
girl has experienced to have this change of household, and whatever beliefs
her mother has and expresses might have more to do with her activities,
beliefs and habits than would the existence of the internet or the location
of a computer within a home.
<<Internet access is a privilege, not a right.>>
So is life, so is a place to live, so is the regard of others. There will be
people to define anything as a privilege-not-a-right. That cutoff point is
not a constant in the universe.
Mental health wasn't even a concept a hundred years ago. Eating was
considered a privilege, not a right. Privacy seemed to be considered
NOBODY's right except perhaps that of a landed male person who had a library
that couldn't be entered, but women, children and servants had no right to
privacy.
There are families now, today, who consider children have no right to
privacy. Hands outside the covers. No private papers, e-mail or phone
conversations.
Rights or privilege?
That's a *huge* philosophical issue, bigger than the internet itself.
Sandra
<< I don't need a wacko stalking my family and she was not using common
sense. are you recommending in a situation such as this, I should just let
her continue? >>
Since we freely gave our best advice in a hypothetical situation in which
only partial information was given, I (probably naively and unfairly) think
we should be thanked, not criticized.
I do believe (being hypothetical and general again) that whatever problems a
girl has experienced to have this change of household, and whatever beliefs
her mother has and expresses might have more to do with her activities,
beliefs and habits than would the existence of the internet or the location
of a computer within a home.
<<Internet access is a privilege, not a right.>>
So is life, so is a place to live, so is the regard of others. There will be
people to define anything as a privilege-not-a-right. That cutoff point is
not a constant in the universe.
Mental health wasn't even a concept a hundred years ago. Eating was
considered a privilege, not a right. Privacy seemed to be considered
NOBODY's right except perhaps that of a landed male person who had a library
that couldn't be entered, but women, children and servants had no right to
privacy.
There are families now, today, who consider children have no right to
privacy. Hands outside the covers. No private papers, e-mail or phone
conversations.
Rights or privilege?
That's a *huge* philosophical issue, bigger than the internet itself.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/7/01 8:50:12 PM, ShereeS411@... writes:
<< I could let them form there own
opinions on this issue, or on the issue of drugs, or any other societal
issue, without ever sharing my views >>
I doubt that there is any family here whose children form their own opinions
without a clue as to their parents beliefs.
When a parent makes a concrete-wall issue out of something to the point that
a child can't have a computer in her room because of -*IT*- then whatever
"IT" is becomes a bigger presence in that home than in a home where it is
just one of tens of thousands of things.
Sandra
<< I could let them form there own
opinions on this issue, or on the issue of drugs, or any other societal
issue, without ever sharing my views >>
I doubt that there is any family here whose children form their own opinions
without a clue as to their parents beliefs.
When a parent makes a concrete-wall issue out of something to the point that
a child can't have a computer in her room because of -*IT*- then whatever
"IT" is becomes a bigger presence in that home than in a home where it is
just one of tens of thousands of things.
Sandra
Sharon Rudd
Dear Johanna and Kate
I CAN enforce limited internet access if I feel it is needed (such as a child throwing out challenges to the unkown. And you?) I CAN unplug the computer if nobody is willing to shut it down. If the room where it is in inasseccible I can FLIP THE CIRCUT BREAKER. I have done it. Loose programs. Oh well. I have even ruined recording sessions with my older sons when they were younger. I have forbidden their friends and girlfriends from engagning in certain behaviors.probably not the ones you are thinking of (they are now married.......for 7 years). The girl's physcologist told her I had no right to forbid what I did.....but I did. I'm like Mammy Yokum when "I has spoken!" I has spoken. I do say NO, ENOUGH, NO MORE, and I'VE HAD IT, and I ABSOLUTELY mean it when I do. It is easy for any kids near me to know what I find acceptable (my husband, on the other hand, can't figure it out).
The 11 year old girl will outgrow her yucky attitude if she survives long enough........... and if you do.If you have faith in her essential goodness, she'll become aware of it too. Perhaps she secretly idolizes you 16 year old daughter (hence the use of her id?).Perhaps she will also "TRY ON" some of your daughter's other behaviors? How much is your daughter willing to "take her under her wing"?
Goodness, but you do have your hands full! When I took custody of my 11 year old sister (yes, I went to court and TOOK her). She was in the habit of climbing out of windows at night to go to bars and such. I caught her the first time she tried it with me......that's how I found out.....What a royal %^%&$ !! I still can't bear to repeat some of the ugly, mean spirted, hurtfull things she said to me over the years. I STILL have to remind myself where that was really comming from. (Her pain) She is beautiful inside and out now. And a mother of three young adults (?)herself. She does know all the tricks!! And she doesn't say hurtfull things to anybody, now. I, on the other hand, am less gracious.
Have faith in the girl...sounds like she really really needs you. Don't be afraid to be the grown up. If a child refuses to be reasonable... don't reason. Shut the show down. There are other things in the world besides computers. Let 'em know why........and that you CAN enforce it. And you'll probably WILL have to prove it!
Good luck!!! and prayers for fortitude Sharon
kate mcdaniel <K8MCD@...> wrote: I know I am not the only parent that agrees with censorship
the situation I was referring to that started this
thread was an eleven year old girl She was going into chat
rooms using my 16 yo daughter's identity, Internet access is a privilege, not a right.
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I CAN enforce limited internet access if I feel it is needed (such as a child throwing out challenges to the unkown. And you?) I CAN unplug the computer if nobody is willing to shut it down. If the room where it is in inasseccible I can FLIP THE CIRCUT BREAKER. I have done it. Loose programs. Oh well. I have even ruined recording sessions with my older sons when they were younger. I have forbidden their friends and girlfriends from engagning in certain behaviors.probably not the ones you are thinking of (they are now married.......for 7 years). The girl's physcologist told her I had no right to forbid what I did.....but I did. I'm like Mammy Yokum when "I has spoken!" I has spoken. I do say NO, ENOUGH, NO MORE, and I'VE HAD IT, and I ABSOLUTELY mean it when I do. It is easy for any kids near me to know what I find acceptable (my husband, on the other hand, can't figure it out).
The 11 year old girl will outgrow her yucky attitude if she survives long enough........... and if you do.If you have faith in her essential goodness, she'll become aware of it too. Perhaps she secretly idolizes you 16 year old daughter (hence the use of her id?).Perhaps she will also "TRY ON" some of your daughter's other behaviors? How much is your daughter willing to "take her under her wing"?
Goodness, but you do have your hands full! When I took custody of my 11 year old sister (yes, I went to court and TOOK her). She was in the habit of climbing out of windows at night to go to bars and such. I caught her the first time she tried it with me......that's how I found out.....What a royal %^%&$ !! I still can't bear to repeat some of the ugly, mean spirted, hurtfull things she said to me over the years. I STILL have to remind myself where that was really comming from. (Her pain) She is beautiful inside and out now. And a mother of three young adults (?)herself. She does know all the tricks!! And she doesn't say hurtfull things to anybody, now. I, on the other hand, am less gracious.
Have faith in the girl...sounds like she really really needs you. Don't be afraid to be the grown up. If a child refuses to be reasonable... don't reason. Shut the show down. There are other things in the world besides computers. Let 'em know why........and that you CAN enforce it. And you'll probably WILL have to prove it!
Good luck!!! and prayers for fortitude Sharon
kate mcdaniel <K8MCD@...> wrote: I know I am not the only parent that agrees with censorship
the situation I was referring to that started this
thread was an eleven year old girl She was going into chat
rooms using my 16 yo daughter's identity, Internet access is a privilege, not a right.
> Johanna---------------------------------
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sharon Rudd
Dear Sandra.........I'm sorry. That was hard. You have EARNED the wisdom you share. Thank you.
Seems that a lot of Mama's on this list have been there, and decided in a VERY consious way to stop that cycle. It is so encouraging to me to read all of the posts that share such hard won insights and so much love. Thank you everyone.
Sharon
SandraDodd@... wrote:
My mother was drunk when he was conceived, didn't know she was pregnant until
she was five months along, drank throughout, was out drinking ) the night she went into labor.
I had custody of him twice when he was growing up, when he was 4 and 5, and
again when he was 13, 14. No conscience. Inability to process information
in any useful way.
. She has a disease,
too, and I have had much sympathy over the years. But I want my children to
be able to live without knowing firsthand how it can be when a drunk gets
home
Sandra
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---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Seems that a lot of Mama's on this list have been there, and decided in a VERY consious way to stop that cycle. It is so encouraging to me to read all of the posts that share such hard won insights and so much love. Thank you everyone.
Sharon
SandraDodd@... wrote:
My mother was drunk when he was conceived, didn't know she was pregnant until
she was five months along, drank throughout, was out drinking ) the night she went into labor.
I had custody of him twice when he was growing up, when he was 4 and 5, and
again when he was 13, 14. No conscience. Inability to process information
in any useful way.
. She has a disease,
too, and I have had much sympathy over the years. But I want my children to
be able to live without knowing firsthand how it can be when a drunk gets
home
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
To unsubscribe, set preferences, or read archives:
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Another great list sponsored by Home Education Magazine!
http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Johanna
Thanks Sharon. Right now she only uses the computer to write her mother. My daughter has very much taken her under her wing. My niece's problem is she refuses to accept she is 11, not 16. Sometimes I do find it hard being the "meanie", but I figure they'll thank me someday.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: Sharon Rudd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, June 09, 2001 12:59 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] censorship and internet access
Dear Johanna and Kate
I CAN enforce limited internet access if I feel it is needed (such as a child throwing out challenges to the unkown. And you?) I CAN unplug the computer if nobody is willing to shut it down. If the room where it is in inasseccible I can FLIP THE CIRCUT BREAKER. I have done it. Loose programs. Oh well. I have even ruined recording sessions with my older sons when they were younger. I have forbidden their friends and girlfriends from engagning in certain behaviors.probably not the ones you are thinking of (they are now married.......for 7 years). The girl's physcologist told her I had no right to forbid what I did.....but I did. I'm like Mammy Yokum when "I has spoken!" I has spoken. I do say NO, ENOUGH, NO MORE, and I'VE HAD IT, and I ABSOLUTELY mean it when I do. It is easy for any kids near me to know what I find acceptable (my husband, on the other hand, can't figure it out).
The 11 year old girl will outgrow her yucky attitude if she survives long enough........... and if you do.If you have faith in her essential goodness, she'll become aware of it too. Perhaps she secretly idolizes you 16 year old daughter (hence the use of her id?).Perhaps she will also "TRY ON" some of your daughter's other behaviors? How much is your daughter willing to "take her under her wing"?
Goodness, but you do have your hands full! When I took custody of my 11 year old sister (yes, I went to court and TOOK her). She was in the habit of climbing out of windows at night to go to bars and such. I caught her the first time she tried it with me......that's how I found out.....What a royal %^%&$ !! I still can't bear to repeat some of the ugly, mean spirted, hurtfull things she said to me over the years. I STILL have to remind myself where that was really comming from. (Her pain) She is beautiful inside and out now. And a mother of three young adults (?)herself. She does know all the tricks!! And she doesn't say hurtfull things to anybody, now. I, on the other hand, am less gracious.
Have faith in the girl...sounds like she really really needs you. Don't be afraid to be the grown up. If a child refuses to be reasonable... don't reason. Shut the show down. There are other things in the world besides computers. Let 'em know why........and that you CAN enforce it. And you'll probably WILL have to prove it!
Good luck!!! and prayers for fortitude Sharon
kate mcdaniel <K8MCD@...> wrote: I know I am not the only parent that agrees with censorship
the situation I was referring to that started this
thread was an eleven year old girl She was going into chat
rooms using my 16 yo daughter's identity, Internet access is a privilege, not a right.
> Johanna
---------------------------------
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Personal Address - Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
To unsubscribe, set preferences, or read archives:
http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
Another great list sponsored by Home Education Magazine!
http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]