Looking for Solutions
[email protected]
I am looking for creative solutions to something our family is experiencing
with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into everything, etc. He also
begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his way". . ie. today
two things come to mind. We are in the car and he is trying to get out of his
car seat, and has become adept at figuring out how to almost get completely
out of it. We pull over, and explain to him why he cant get out (his own
safety) and then go on, and he continues doing the same thing. Later in the
day, my husband has him in the basement working with him, and after being
told he cannot empty the cat litter box onto the floor, as he has been trying
to do, he does it anyway. My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for solutions. We try
diverting his attention but that goes nowhere. Once he sets his mind on
something, he is intent. I end up yelling at times which I hate. But this
afternoon he was headed for a dangerous area and I kept saying no, and he got
this mischievous grin and kept going until I yelled loudly, which made him
stop. . . to cry. So, I am looking for alternatives that I am just not seeing
at the moment. Probably things I know, but need reminding of. Thanks in
advance.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into everything, etc. He also
begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his way". . ie. today
two things come to mind. We are in the car and he is trying to get out of his
car seat, and has become adept at figuring out how to almost get completely
out of it. We pull over, and explain to him why he cant get out (his own
safety) and then go on, and he continues doing the same thing. Later in the
day, my husband has him in the basement working with him, and after being
told he cannot empty the cat litter box onto the floor, as he has been trying
to do, he does it anyway. My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for solutions. We try
diverting his attention but that goes nowhere. Once he sets his mind on
something, he is intent. I end up yelling at times which I hate. But this
afternoon he was headed for a dangerous area and I kept saying no, and he got
this mischievous grin and kept going until I yelled loudly, which made him
stop. . . to cry. So, I am looking for alternatives that I am just not seeing
at the moment. Probably things I know, but need reminding of. Thanks in
advance.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 05/28/2001 12:23:05 AM !!!First Boot!!!, lite2yu@...
writes:
In similar situations I pull the car over, stop everything, wait for clever
child to put seat belt back on, then proceed. This sometimes needed to be
repeated. The absolute rule about seatbelts doesn't seem to bother them
nearly as much as the car actually just stopping. Not making progress and
just sitting there was enough to get their attention. I've had this with
both my kids.
The kitty litter thing falls in the category of rearranging your house, imo.
Putting things on higher shelves and knives in their own, high, drawer, etc.
That sort of thing. Eventually, mine are now 6 and 8 yo, you don't have to
do so much of this. Of course, by now, I am used to having the knives there,
but . . .
You are allowed to be in charge and a mean Mom if you need to get a little
one's attention. Picking someone up and putting them in another room is also
a good idea sometimes. A 2 yo crying because they don't want to go somewhere
or want to destroy something or want to do something dangerous is not
anything to get too upset about, imo. If you didn't do the grownup thing and
stop them, by voice or action, then I would be upset.
My 2 cents.
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> I am looking for creative solutions to something our family is experiencingSounds about right to me! :) Unfortunately.
> with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into everything, etc. He
> also
> begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his way". . ie. today
> two things come to mind.
In similar situations I pull the car over, stop everything, wait for clever
child to put seat belt back on, then proceed. This sometimes needed to be
repeated. The absolute rule about seatbelts doesn't seem to bother them
nearly as much as the car actually just stopping. Not making progress and
just sitting there was enough to get their attention. I've had this with
both my kids.
The kitty litter thing falls in the category of rearranging your house, imo.
Putting things on higher shelves and knives in their own, high, drawer, etc.
That sort of thing. Eventually, mine are now 6 and 8 yo, you don't have to
do so much of this. Of course, by now, I am used to having the knives there,
but . . .
You are allowed to be in charge and a mean Mom if you need to get a little
one's attention. Picking someone up and putting them in another room is also
a good idea sometimes. A 2 yo crying because they don't want to go somewhere
or want to destroy something or want to do something dangerous is not
anything to get too upset about, imo. If you didn't do the grownup thing and
stop them, by voice or action, then I would be upset.
My 2 cents.
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Terri Allen
Not much help here.......Going through the EXACT same thing, Mary, with my almost two year old daughter (August 18 b-day). She has become a tiny tyrant when she doesn't get her way. Kicking the dog, screaming that will shatter windows, absolute defiance when told "no"....we are trying to find something that works with her and is effective. Distraction only helps occasionally, yelling doesn't at all, a swat across the rear and she just looks at you, and forget "time-outs"--they are pointless with her. If you come across the magic solution, please bottle it and send it my way! Dr. James Dobson would re-write "The Strong-Willed Child" if he had to live with Jenna for a week!!!
I just keep chanting to myself, "This too shall pass, this too shall pass...."
Terri
I just keep chanting to myself, "This too shall pass, this too shall pass...."
Terri
----- Original Message -----
From: lite2yu@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2001 7:18 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Looking for Solutions
I am looking for creative solutions to something our family is experiencing
with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into everything, etc. He also
begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his way". . ie. today
two things come to mind. We are in the car and he is trying to get out of his
car seat, and has become adept at figuring out how to almost get completely
out of it. We pull over, and explain to him why he cant get out (his own
safety) and then go on, and he continues doing the same thing. Later in the
day, my husband has him in the basement working with him, and after being
told he cannot empty the cat litter box onto the floor, as he has been trying
to do, he does it anyway. My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for solutions. We try
diverting his attention but that goes nowhere. Once he sets his mind on
something, he is intent. I end up yelling at times which I hate. But this
afternoon he was headed for a dangerous area and I kept saying no, and he got
this mischievous grin and kept going until I yelled loudly, which made him
stop. . . to cry. So, I am looking for alternatives that I am just not seeing
at the moment. Probably things I know, but need reminding of. Thanks in
advance.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenni Dreams
Hi,
I'm going to jump in here (I'm a lurker) with a
suggestion that I hope will help. I'm sure you've
read/heard it before but maybe just a reminder will
help??
When the 2 yr olds are acting like this, imo they are
asking for direct interaction with you. They'll do
whatever it takes to get your attention, even if it's
negative behavior. They've at least gotten your
attention, right? While I don't suggest being at
their constant beckon call, perhaps setting aside
specific times of day for one on one with them (first
thing in the morning, right before lunch and then
again before you put them in the carseat to run the
errands, etc.). Be sure to point out that they have
you heart and soul during this time and try to make it
a routine so that they come to depend on that time
with you. It was the only way I was ever able to
accomplish my work years ago when my girls were young.
Good luck!
Jenni
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
JenniD.
I'm going to jump in here (I'm a lurker) with a
suggestion that I hope will help. I'm sure you've
read/heard it before but maybe just a reminder will
help??
When the 2 yr olds are acting like this, imo they are
asking for direct interaction with you. They'll do
whatever it takes to get your attention, even if it's
negative behavior. They've at least gotten your
attention, right? While I don't suggest being at
their constant beckon call, perhaps setting aside
specific times of day for one on one with them (first
thing in the morning, right before lunch and then
again before you put them in the carseat to run the
errands, etc.). Be sure to point out that they have
you heart and soul during this time and try to make it
a routine so that they come to depend on that time
with you. It was the only way I was ever able to
accomplish my work years ago when my girls were young.
Good luck!
Jenni
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
> Not much help here.......Going through the EXACT=====
> same thing, Mary, with my almost two year old
> daughter (August 18 b-day). She has become a tiny
> tyrant when she doesn't get her way. Kicking the
> dog, screaming that will shatter windows, absolute
> defiance when told "no"....we are trying to find
> something that works with her and is effective.
JenniD.
Simpson
What a great response, I have a 2 year old who also does this stuff and you are very right, they are looking for special time I know my son acts crazed like that when all he really wants is for me to read or take a walk or color or play with the play food with him!! it really does work!!! and I almost always forget that that is what is really going on!! thanks for the reminder!!!
also if you have a whiner, I used to tell my kids when they would whine, I am sorry I cannot hear you when you talk like that you have to talk nicely ( I know it sounds all wishy washy yuck) but what happened was my daughter 2 or 3 yo at the time then looked up at me and made her voice as deep as she possibly could and said mom could I have a cookie!! it was sooo funny to hear that voice come out of her body it was like a mans voice !! but she wasn't whining and she knew it!!
Tanya
suggestion that I hope will help. I'm sure you've
read/heard it before but maybe just a reminder will
help??
When the 2 yr olds are acting like this, imo they are
asking for direct interaction with you. They'll do
whatever it takes to get your attention, even if it's
negative behavior. They've at least gotten your
attention, right? While I don't suggest being at
their constant beckon call, perhaps setting aside
specific times of day for one on one with them (first
thing in the morning, right before lunch and then
again before you put them in the carseat to run the
errands, etc.). Be sure to point out that they have
you heart and soul during this time and try to make it
a routine so that they come to depend on that time
with you. It was the only way I was ever able to
accomplish my work years ago when my girls were young.
Good luck!
Jenni
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
JenniD.
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
also if you have a whiner, I used to tell my kids when they would whine, I am sorry I cannot hear you when you talk like that you have to talk nicely ( I know it sounds all wishy washy yuck) but what happened was my daughter 2 or 3 yo at the time then looked up at me and made her voice as deep as she possibly could and said mom could I have a cookie!! it was sooo funny to hear that voice come out of her body it was like a mans voice !! but she wasn't whining and she knew it!!
Tanya
>>>>>Hi,I'm going to jump in here (I'm a lurker) with a
suggestion that I hope will help. I'm sure you've
read/heard it before but maybe just a reminder will
help??
When the 2 yr olds are acting like this, imo they are
asking for direct interaction with you. They'll do
whatever it takes to get your attention, even if it's
negative behavior. They've at least gotten your
attention, right? While I don't suggest being at
their constant beckon call, perhaps setting aside
specific times of day for one on one with them (first
thing in the morning, right before lunch and then
again before you put them in the carseat to run the
errands, etc.). Be sure to point out that they have
you heart and soul during this time and try to make it
a routine so that they come to depend on that time
with you. It was the only way I was ever able to
accomplish my work years ago when my girls were young.
Good luck!
Jenni
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
> Not much help here.......Going through the EXACT=====
> same thing, Mary, with my almost two year old
> daughter (August 18 b-day). She has become a tiny
> tyrant when she doesn't get her way. Kicking the
> dog, screaming that will shatter windows, absolute
> defiance when told "no"....we are trying to find
> something that works with her and is effective.
JenniD.
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www.
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http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Terri Allen
LOL! Jenni, I'm not laughing at your suggestion....really! But, if you could see our house---
Let's just say, it's run for the comfort and convenience of the baby!
We have rearranged things, moved things out of the way and made it where there's really nothing that Jenna can't do. She just doesn't hear "no" very often. We try to give her "open doors" to explore. Other than staying out of the street when she's outside, she pretty much has the run of the place....
I think our problem is that she's "spoiled" (I really don't like that term, but...) Jenna knows she has everyone's attention, including our two older kids. They are actually worse than we are, 'cause when she "ooooohs", they jump! And I say, "ooohs", because Jenna talks only when she wants to. Seriously. She doesn't have to, therefore she chooses not to. One of these days, this child will walk up to me and talk in complete sentences. She is extremely bright, so there's no problem. She just has a mind of her own....
By the way, how old are your kids? And what type of work were you able to do at home---like a home business? (I'm gonna keep asking questions, so you won't keep lurking!!)
Terri
Let's just say, it's run for the comfort and convenience of the baby!
We have rearranged things, moved things out of the way and made it where there's really nothing that Jenna can't do. She just doesn't hear "no" very often. We try to give her "open doors" to explore. Other than staying out of the street when she's outside, she pretty much has the run of the place....
I think our problem is that she's "spoiled" (I really don't like that term, but...) Jenna knows she has everyone's attention, including our two older kids. They are actually worse than we are, 'cause when she "ooooohs", they jump! And I say, "ooohs", because Jenna talks only when she wants to. Seriously. She doesn't have to, therefore she chooses not to. One of these days, this child will walk up to me and talk in complete sentences. She is extremely bright, so there's no problem. She just has a mind of her own....
By the way, how old are your kids? And what type of work were you able to do at home---like a home business? (I'm gonna keep asking questions, so you won't keep lurking!!)
Terri
----- Original Message -----
From: Jenni Dreams
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2001 8:43 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Looking for Solutions
Hi,
I'm going to jump in here (I'm a lurker) with a
suggestion that I hope will help. I'm sure you've
read/heard it before but maybe just a reminder will
help??
When the 2 yr olds are acting like this, imo they are
asking for direct interaction with you. They'll do
whatever it takes to get your attention, even if it's
negative behavior. They've at least gotten your
attention, right? While I don't suggest being at
their constant beckon call, perhaps setting aside
specific times of day for one on one with them (first
thing in the morning, right before lunch and then
again before you put them in the carseat to run the
errands, etc.). Be sure to point out that they have
you heart and soul during this time and try to make it
a routine so that they come to depend on that time
with you. It was the only way I was ever able to
accomplish my work years ago when my girls were young.
Good luck!
Jenni
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
> Not much help here.......Going through the EXACT
> same thing, Mary, with my almost two year old
> daughter (August 18 b-day). She has become a tiny
> tyrant when she doesn't get her way. Kicking the
> dog, screaming that will shatter windows, absolute
> defiance when told "no"....we are trying to find
> something that works with her and is effective.
=====
JenniD.
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
www.
Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
To unsubscribe, set preferences, or read archives:
http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
Another great list sponsored by Home Education Magazine!
http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Johanna
in our family there are 7 children, and when the 2yo or the 3yo starts acting this way, it is often because of older brother torment, or the need for mommy time.
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: Jenni Dreams
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2001 8:43 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Looking for Solutions
Hi,
I'm going to jump in here (I'm a lurker) with a
suggestion that I hope will help. I'm sure you've
read/heard it before but maybe just a reminder will
help??
When the 2 yr olds are acting like this, imo they are
asking for direct interaction with you. They'll do
whatever it takes to get your attention, even if it's
negative behavior. They've at least gotten your
attention, right? While I don't suggest being at
their constant beckon call, perhaps setting aside
specific times of day for one on one with them (first
thing in the morning, right before lunch and then
again before you put them in the carseat to run the
errands, etc.). Be sure to point out that they have
you heart and soul during this time and try to make it
a routine so that they come to depend on that time
with you. It was the only way I was ever able to
accomplish my work years ago when my girls were young.
Good luck!
Jenni
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
> Not much help here.......Going through the EXACT
> same thing, Mary, with my almost two year old
> daughter (August 18 b-day). She has become a tiny
> tyrant when she doesn't get her way. Kicking the
> dog, screaming that will shatter windows, absolute
> defiance when told "no"....we are trying to find
> something that works with her and is effective.
=====
JenniD.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tracy Oldfield
I am looking for creative solutions to something our
family is experiencing
with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into
everything, etc. He also
begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his
way". . ie. today
two things come to mind. We are in the car and he is
trying to get out of his
car seat, and has become adept at figuring out how to
almost get completely
out of it. We pull over, and explain to him why he cant
get out (his own
safety) and then go on, and he continues doing the same
thing.
I second stopping the car for this kind of thing, I do
this for bickering or whining while I'm driving, or
waving things around which will distract me. It's
important to me not only that they're safe but that I'm
not distracted while I'm driving...
Later in the
day, my husband has him in the basement working with
him, and after being
told he cannot empty the cat litter box onto the floor,
as he has been trying
to do, he does it anyway.
Ewwww! Does he get told why you don't want him (it
isn't that he can't is it, he's capable of it, which
he's proving, you don't want him to) to tip out the cat
litter? And do you mean the clean or the used???
Blech!
My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for
solutions. We try
diverting his attention but that goes nowhere. Once he
sets his mind on
something, he is intent. I end up yelling at times
which I hate. But this
afternoon he was headed for a dangerous area and I kept
saying no, and he got
this mischievous grin and kept going until I yelled
loudly, which made him
stop. . . to cry. So, I am looking for alternatives
that I am just not seeing
at the moment. Probably things I know, but need
reminding of. Thanks in
advance.
I like the Faber/Mazlish books, part of their 'plan' is
that if all else fails, TAKE ACTION! ie physical
action, like if a child's running towards a road and
there's a car coming, grab 'em, rather than shouting.
If a teenager consistently 'borrows' tools without
returning them or they're not cleaned up, then lock up
the tool box... I have one child that if you don't
catch her at the right moment to empathise, she just
screams and stamps her feet, so timing's pretty
important too, I think.
HTH a little, consider it an 'advice buffet' *grin*
Tracy
family is experiencing
with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into
everything, etc. He also
begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his
way". . ie. today
two things come to mind. We are in the car and he is
trying to get out of his
car seat, and has become adept at figuring out how to
almost get completely
out of it. We pull over, and explain to him why he cant
get out (his own
safety) and then go on, and he continues doing the same
thing.
I second stopping the car for this kind of thing, I do
this for bickering or whining while I'm driving, or
waving things around which will distract me. It's
important to me not only that they're safe but that I'm
not distracted while I'm driving...
Later in the
day, my husband has him in the basement working with
him, and after being
told he cannot empty the cat litter box onto the floor,
as he has been trying
to do, he does it anyway.
Ewwww! Does he get told why you don't want him (it
isn't that he can't is it, he's capable of it, which
he's proving, you don't want him to) to tip out the cat
litter? And do you mean the clean or the used???
Blech!
My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for
solutions. We try
diverting his attention but that goes nowhere. Once he
sets his mind on
something, he is intent. I end up yelling at times
which I hate. But this
afternoon he was headed for a dangerous area and I kept
saying no, and he got
this mischievous grin and kept going until I yelled
loudly, which made him
stop. . . to cry. So, I am looking for alternatives
that I am just not seeing
at the moment. Probably things I know, but need
reminding of. Thanks in
advance.
I like the Faber/Mazlish books, part of their 'plan' is
that if all else fails, TAKE ACTION! ie physical
action, like if a child's running towards a road and
there's a car coming, grab 'em, rather than shouting.
If a teenager consistently 'borrows' tools without
returning them or they're not cleaned up, then lock up
the tool box... I have one child that if you don't
catch her at the right moment to empathise, she just
screams and stamps her feet, so timing's pretty
important too, I think.
HTH a little, consider it an 'advice buffet' *grin*
Tracy
[email protected]
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., lite2yu@a... wrote:
here is to state what you think they're feeling - "You sound very
frustrated", "It makes you angry when you can't play with the
knife", "You feel sad when the kitty doesn't want his tail pulled",
that sort of thing. That helps them to understand their emotions in
a non-judgemental way. And the tantrums are going to happen, that's
just a fact of life with most kids this age. One thing I try to keep
in mind is that it's not my job to make my kids happy 100% of the
time. I try to keep them safe, and provide lots of time for
interaction and fun with them, but there will always be things in
life that are frustrating for them that I can't solve. Now it may be
the fact that they want to play with the sharp knives. In 15 years
maybe it will be a girl they want to date that doesn't like them. I
can help them process their emotions, but I can't take them away.
When I think of it that way, it helps me get out of the mode where
I'm trying to solve everything for them, or think that I have to
somehow "make it all better". OTOH, I don't just let them cry or
scream, I do my best to help them work through their emotions.
ie. today
how to unbuckle her seat belt. We try not to use the car too much
right now unless she's got lots of distractions. We sing fun songs or
I have a book she can look at along the way. If she does unbuckle, we
obviously pull over and buckle her back in. There's not much else to
do, really. TTSP (this too shall pass).
Later in the
bet. Personally, I wouldn't have a toddler in the same room as a cat
litter box, esp. since my good friend found her toddler sitting in
theirs, using the scoop as a spoon... ewwwwwww.
My husband says that he is testing him all day
and/or react to his behavior:
"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk "
"When Anger Hurts Your Kids"
"Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles"
I'd recommend any of these for giving you concrete things you can do
to change your own side of things. Probably nothing right now is
going to change *his* behavior as it is just normal age-appropriate
testing of limits. I know with my daughter, she'll go up and pull the
cat's fur, the cat will get mad and swat her, and the next day she'll
do the same thing. So even pain and fright does not change her
behavior (not that I would implement those things on her, but the cat
does anyways).
But this
headed for something dangerous, I put myself in between it and her,
or scoop her up, or do something to distract her, or whatever. It is
not their responsibility at this age to remember to protect
themselves from danger. It will be many years before they can take
this responsibility on so until then, we are the keepers of their
safety. Don't take his mischievous grin and behavior as an affront to
you or to your discipline. What he's doing is totally and completely
normal toddler behavior. What you can do is to keep reiterating your
safety rules to him (even if it seems like he's not listening, in the
long run it will sink in), model appropriate behavior, and be ready
with tools like distraction, silliness, songs, etc. in the meantime
to help things along. Like in the carseat, now when I buckle my
daughter in, I sing a little tune "Buckle up for SAFETY, buckle up
for SAFETY". When she starts unbuckling herself, I sing the same song
and she joins along. Now she rarely tries to unbuckle herself because
we've got this little song/game going. Eventually, she'll learn what
safety is, and like her older brother she'll make sure everyone in
the car is buckled in before we move!
Blue Skies!
-Robin-
Mom to Mackenzie (8/28/96) "A bee is pollinating my eye"
and Asa (10/5/99) "Asa eat buggy"
http://www.geocities.com/the_clevengers Flying Clevenger Family
> I am looking for creative solutions to something our family isexperiencing
> with our almost 2 year old. He is very active, into everything,etc. He also
> begins to cry and have tantrums when he doesnt get "his way". .So far, this sounds really quite normal. The thing that's worked best
here is to state what you think they're feeling - "You sound very
frustrated", "It makes you angry when you can't play with the
knife", "You feel sad when the kitty doesn't want his tail pulled",
that sort of thing. That helps them to understand their emotions in
a non-judgemental way. And the tantrums are going to happen, that's
just a fact of life with most kids this age. One thing I try to keep
in mind is that it's not my job to make my kids happy 100% of the
time. I try to keep them safe, and provide lots of time for
interaction and fun with them, but there will always be things in
life that are frustrating for them that I can't solve. Now it may be
the fact that they want to play with the sharp knives. In 15 years
maybe it will be a girl they want to date that doesn't like them. I
can help them process their emotions, but I can't take them away.
When I think of it that way, it helps me get out of the mode where
I'm trying to solve everything for them, or think that I have to
somehow "make it all better". OTOH, I don't just let them cry or
scream, I do my best to help them work through their emotions.
ie. today
> two things come to mind. We are in the car and he is trying to getout of his
> car seat, and has become adept at figuring out how to almost getcompletely
> out of it. We pull over, and explain to him why he cant get out(his own
> safety) and then go on, and he continues doing the same thing.Yeah, that happens here too. My daughter (19 months) has figured out
how to unbuckle her seat belt. We try not to use the car too much
right now unless she's got lots of distractions. We sing fun songs or
I have a book she can look at along the way. If she does unbuckle, we
obviously pull over and buckle her back in. There's not much else to
do, really. TTSP (this too shall pass).
Later in the
> day, my husband has him in the basement working with him, andafter being
> told he cannot empty the cat litter box onto the floor, as he hasbeen trying
> to do, he does it anyway.With this kind of thing, environmental control is probably your best
bet. Personally, I wouldn't have a toddler in the same room as a cat
litter box, esp. since my good friend found her toddler sitting in
theirs, using the scoop as a spoon... ewwwwwww.
My husband says that he is testing him all day
> long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for solutions.We try
> diverting his attention but that goes nowhere. Once he sets hismind on
> something, he is intent. I end up yelling at times which I hate.A few book recommendations that might help with the way you feel
and/or react to his behavior:
"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk "
"When Anger Hurts Your Kids"
"Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles"
I'd recommend any of these for giving you concrete things you can do
to change your own side of things. Probably nothing right now is
going to change *his* behavior as it is just normal age-appropriate
testing of limits. I know with my daughter, she'll go up and pull the
cat's fur, the cat will get mad and swat her, and the next day she'll
do the same thing. So even pain and fright does not change her
behavior (not that I would implement those things on her, but the cat
does anyways).
But this
> afternoon he was headed for a dangerous area and I kept saying no,and he got
> this mischievous grin and kept going until I yelled loudly, whichmade him
> stop. . . to cry. So, I am looking for alternatives that I am justnot seeing
> at the moment.I try to keep it physical when it comes to safety. If my toddler is
headed for something dangerous, I put myself in between it and her,
or scoop her up, or do something to distract her, or whatever. It is
not their responsibility at this age to remember to protect
themselves from danger. It will be many years before they can take
this responsibility on so until then, we are the keepers of their
safety. Don't take his mischievous grin and behavior as an affront to
you or to your discipline. What he's doing is totally and completely
normal toddler behavior. What you can do is to keep reiterating your
safety rules to him (even if it seems like he's not listening, in the
long run it will sink in), model appropriate behavior, and be ready
with tools like distraction, silliness, songs, etc. in the meantime
to help things along. Like in the carseat, now when I buckle my
daughter in, I sing a little tune "Buckle up for SAFETY, buckle up
for SAFETY". When she starts unbuckling herself, I sing the same song
and she joins along. Now she rarely tries to unbuckle herself because
we've got this little song/game going. Eventually, she'll learn what
safety is, and like her older brother she'll make sure everyone in
the car is buckled in before we move!
Blue Skies!
-Robin-
Mom to Mackenzie (8/28/96) "A bee is pollinating my eye"
and Asa (10/5/99) "Asa eat buggy"
http://www.geocities.com/the_clevengers Flying Clevenger Family
Jenni Dreams
--- Terri Allen <kscajuns@...> wrote:
<By the way, how old are your kids? And what type of
work were you able to do at home---like a home
business? (I'm gonna keep asking questions, so you
won't keep lurking!!)
Terri
since my oldest was born. By "work", I meant doing
laundry or cooking ... the usual stuff. I wish I
*could* figure out how to manage a paying job along
with being a SAHM but I have other irons in the fire
that prevent me from even considering it ( I'm taking
care of an elderly relative).
My girls are now 10 and 15. We've been homeschooling
for about 11 yrs. I'm also a quilter but come from
the old mindset that it should to be hand-sewn. Old
lessons passed down from generations are hard to
un-learn :-).
=====
JenniD.
<By the way, how old are your kids? And what type of
work were you able to do at home---like a home
business? (I'm gonna keep asking questions, so you
won't keep lurking!!)
Terri
>>>>>>>>>>>oops... I didn't mean "work" work. I've been a SAHM
since my oldest was born. By "work", I meant doing
laundry or cooking ... the usual stuff. I wish I
*could* figure out how to manage a paying job along
with being a SAHM but I have other irons in the fire
that prevent me from even considering it ( I'm taking
care of an elderly relative).
My girls are now 10 and 15. We've been homeschooling
for about 11 yrs. I'm also a quilter but come from
the old mindset that it should to be hand-sewn. Old
lessons passed down from generations are hard to
un-learn :-).
=====
JenniD.
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/27/01 6:22:55 PM, lite2yu@... writes:
<< My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for solutions. >>
Adults thing they are SO important... <g>
He's not testing you, he's learning. If he's testing anything, it's his own
power within the universe.
I would say someone should sit next to him in the car, even if that means
nobody's in the front, and interact with him--talk to him, hold his hand,
sing to him.
When you're home, hold him lots. Do you have a hiking backpack?
Aluminum-frame thing? Maybe he'd still be willing to ride in one, even just
around the house. Maybe he'd fall asleep in it and you can slide it off then
and leave him in the frame pack on the floor next to the couch, with that as
a pillow, until he wakes up. (I have done this many times...)
Put the cat litter where he can't get to it, or give him some clean kitty
litter to play with. It's boring. He won't make it his favorite toy. Let
him sweep some up with a little broom and dust pan. If he wants to see what
it is and what it does, let him clean the litter box. He'll do a bad job,
probably, but so? Then stick him in the bathtub if it grosses you out, or
the shower.
I highly recommend the following bathtub toy: ICE
You don't have to clean it up later. It floats.
Holly, at 9, still plays with ice in the tub.
It's fun to make rings (like in tube pans or jello molds), or to fill small
balloons and freeze them so there's a ball-shaped piece of ice.
Sandra
<< My husband says that he is testing him all day
long. I see it a bit different. . . but I am asking for solutions. >>
Adults thing they are SO important... <g>
He's not testing you, he's learning. If he's testing anything, it's his own
power within the universe.
I would say someone should sit next to him in the car, even if that means
nobody's in the front, and interact with him--talk to him, hold his hand,
sing to him.
When you're home, hold him lots. Do you have a hiking backpack?
Aluminum-frame thing? Maybe he'd still be willing to ride in one, even just
around the house. Maybe he'd fall asleep in it and you can slide it off then
and leave him in the frame pack on the floor next to the couch, with that as
a pillow, until he wakes up. (I have done this many times...)
Put the cat litter where he can't get to it, or give him some clean kitty
litter to play with. It's boring. He won't make it his favorite toy. Let
him sweep some up with a little broom and dust pan. If he wants to see what
it is and what it does, let him clean the litter box. He'll do a bad job,
probably, but so? Then stick him in the bathtub if it grosses you out, or
the shower.
I highly recommend the following bathtub toy: ICE
You don't have to clean it up later. It floats.
Holly, at 9, still plays with ice in the tub.
It's fun to make rings (like in tube pans or jello molds), or to fill small
balloons and freeze them so there's a ball-shaped piece of ice.
Sandra
Sharon Rudd
--- SandraDodd@... wrote:
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35
a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/
> >What a great idea.....Thanks!!!! Sharon
> I highly recommend the following bathtub toy: ICE
> You don't have to clean it up later. It floats.
>
> Holly, at 9, still plays with ice in the tub.
>
> It's fun to make rings (like in tube pans or jello
> molds), or to fill small
> balloons and freeze them so there's a ball-shaped
> piece of ice.
>
> Sandra
>
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35
a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/
[email protected]
Thanks for all the suggestions. . .what I was looking for were ones that
Bryan and I could use. . . I certainly am not looking to change my son's
behavior. I understand what he is doing is perfectly normal. I am so glad I
asked for suggestions when I did because the whole thing came to a head last
night, with my husband yelling that Quinton was deliberately baiting him,.
etc etc. Anyway, the fact that I had the suggestions I did about seeing
things in a different way helped out in the end. I think that Bryan was not
just not fully present with Quinton, and he was doing everything he could to
get his attention. He was not doing these things with me so much as with
Bryan. I think it was pushing some serious buttons with Bryan about a variety
of things, many from his own past. Hopefully, we all learned something. But
it turns out I had the needed words to help out thanks to some of you and I
appreciate it. Once again, my children have held up a mirror and helped us to
learn a little something.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bryan and I could use. . . I certainly am not looking to change my son's
behavior. I understand what he is doing is perfectly normal. I am so glad I
asked for suggestions when I did because the whole thing came to a head last
night, with my husband yelling that Quinton was deliberately baiting him,.
etc etc. Anyway, the fact that I had the suggestions I did about seeing
things in a different way helped out in the end. I think that Bryan was not
just not fully present with Quinton, and he was doing everything he could to
get his attention. He was not doing these things with me so much as with
Bryan. I think it was pushing some serious buttons with Bryan about a variety
of things, many from his own past. Hopefully, we all learned something. But
it turns out I had the needed words to help out thanks to some of you and I
appreciate it. Once again, my children have held up a mirror and helped us to
learn a little something.
lovemary
If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then
make a change.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]