Rita B.

lol ... Poor gal don't ya just hate trying to explain what ya mean LOL
I think I do understand what you're saying :) Hope I can be of a little
help ...


=========
Do you all have a list of chores that you expect your children to
do?
=========
I personally do not have a list of chores but if you are wanting to earn
money for them,
they know they can come to me and deal on the issue ... for instance my
daughter is into dragonball z
but I will not buy the stuff for her (videos etc) so she came to me and
asked if she did the kitchen
living room everyday etc ... could she earn a video a week? ($3 a day -
sure!)
When she stopped, I started picking it back up and she just didn't get the
money anymore,
but I never made an issue out of it ...

As far as their bedrooms - If I am having special company, I inspect every
room prior to their arrival
and they need to be perfect ... other than that ... as long as there is no
food in the room and "garbage"
is thrown into the garbage can, not left in the room, I feel that is their
domain and I let them keep it
how they want ... They are pretty neat kids, (NOW - never used to be lol)
and choose to keep
things pretty orderly most of the time ... If I notice it is getting a bit
ridiculous, I will throw in
a "maybe we should get this cleaned up so you can find what you are looking
for etc ..."
But normally it is never an issue.


====================
Does the loose or non-existant "control" of
the child's education STOP when it comes to their responsible
participation in the everyday running of the family household?
===========

No - flexibility in educational issues does not reflect on other areas of
common living.
But this depends on the parent - some may be flexible in everything ...
some may not be.
We are a team - teams play together, work together - etc so they can enjoy
life together.
When I look up the definition MOM in the dictionary, it doesn't give me a
list of things
I have to do just because I am a mom - I birthed you but there are five of
us in this house
and we can all help to get done what needs done ... we don't have "set
jobs" but if I need
the trash taken out, I will do it or will ask someone nearby ...

If you help when asked ... I will enjoy giving you a treat or a break once
in awhile -
like $5.00 in quarters for video games when we go to the movies ... or
whatever ...
but if you cop a tude about it or do not do what needs done, then you have
earned a No ..
and when you ask me to do something - I will cash in my NO ...


====================
Do you have consequences when they don't do their share of the
chores? Do they have tv or stereo taken away? Are these
consequences consistently enforced?
===========
Yes! If there is no consistancy, there is no reason to follow
as you will constantly be testing to find that line, because it
keeps moving so you are constantly lost! Wherever you set the lines
don't move them - when they test these lines, reinforce them.
They have to test - thats their job !

I think under certain circumstances we can be mothers of
grace and offer a break but for the norm ... it must always remain
consistant ... I do not ask much of my kids ... I'm a pretty easy
mom to live with but when they see a line - they know it is not
worth crossing ,,, They will not lose their stereo for a day - they
will lose it until they earn it back ...

I will listen to their reasoning - and see if grace is justified - but
normally
excuses will not constitute disobeying ... and if it is blatant direspect
then
I will let them offer an explanation but there will never be grace ... as I
will not tolerate disrepect....

My oldest pushed us so far (prior to beginning homeschooling)
that she ended up having a room that looked like a room from
a shelter ... it had a bed in it and a lamp and that was it ...
she was given an outfit every day to wear and had nothing
else in there ... makeup - GONE - hair stuff - GONE ... everything- GONE!!!
until I saw a positive change (mind you, this was a drastic case
when she disappeared until 2 in the morning so I was up crying
and scared until I found her) but I don't play games ... You blow it -
you knew ahead of time the consequences - so you decided they
were worth it to be able to do what you wanted to do.

Thank the Lord, she never did anything so silly again and we moved
from the city with the bad influences because of that ... but I was
not giving an inch on it , as I didn't want it repeated.
====================



If they are, then how does that go back to not enforcing consequences
if the child doesn't do anything "constructive" towards his or her
education during the week. And I'm sure constructive isn't exactly
the right word to use either ... that definition and labels issue
again ... but how do you deal with the issue of being permissive in
their education and not being or being too permissive in their
participation in the family's life?
==========

I myself feel the difference in unschooling and homeschooling is
that you are not breeding a non desire to learn ... you are creating an
atmosphere
where their desire is enlightened enough to think of the things they wish
to learn when they are ready.
If I unschool my child and my child is not taking an initiative to learn
anything ...
then I as a parent can do one of two things - stand by and watch my child
become a byproduct of bad parenting - or I can find ways to encourage them
and ignite that desire to learn new things... We are not here to corral
them into
learning a structured curriculum, but it is our job to be sure they receive
an education.
So we encourage and spark in them their desire ... does that make sense?
======================


Hope this helps Kathy :)
Rita





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~ Rita ~ of WA
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