[Unschooling-dotcom] Brain Atrophy
Nanci Kuykendall
I cut an pasted this whole message from the digest, as
I wanted everyone to take another look at it. I just
have one thing to say about it. BRAVO!
Nanci K.
******************************************************
I think we need to realize, though, that the people
doing these studies have a different opinion about
what kind of "achievement" is important, and what kind
of "coping skills" are best. I do not agree that
achievement is important, nor that the typical coping
skills are necessarily healthy (and I have been
trained as a psychological counselor). Therefore, I
cannot look to these studies to tell me what is best
for my child, because the parameters of the study will
only give the researches the answer to the questions
they asked....and I believe they are asking the wrong
questions, therefore getting the wrong answers.
Authoritarian parenting is not good, we agree on that.
But I don't believe authoritative is any better. I
believe there is a kind of parenting that is not
measured by any study, and has yet to be labeled
because so few parents use it, and so few researchers
understand it. I personally would call it "intuitive
parenting". All the other labels...authoritarian,
permissive, etc....focus on the parents disciplinary
style. But I don't believe you have to focus on that.
That's focusing on externals....behavior. I believe
we need to focus
on what's inside....thoughts, feelings, and
perceptions, which is what makes people behave the way
they do. I don't think the studies focus on that type
of parenting, and therefore I personally don't put
much faith in those traditional, mainstream type of
studies.
Judie C. Rall
__________________________________________________
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I wanted everyone to take another look at it. I just
have one thing to say about it. BRAVO!
Nanci K.
******************************************************
I think we need to realize, though, that the people
doing these studies have a different opinion about
what kind of "achievement" is important, and what kind
of "coping skills" are best. I do not agree that
achievement is important, nor that the typical coping
skills are necessarily healthy (and I have been
trained as a psychological counselor). Therefore, I
cannot look to these studies to tell me what is best
for my child, because the parameters of the study will
only give the researches the answer to the questions
they asked....and I believe they are asking the wrong
questions, therefore getting the wrong answers.
Authoritarian parenting is not good, we agree on that.
But I don't believe authoritative is any better. I
believe there is a kind of parenting that is not
measured by any study, and has yet to be labeled
because so few parents use it, and so few researchers
understand it. I personally would call it "intuitive
parenting". All the other labels...authoritarian,
permissive, etc....focus on the parents disciplinary
style. But I don't believe you have to focus on that.
That's focusing on externals....behavior. I believe
we need to focus
on what's inside....thoughts, feelings, and
perceptions, which is what makes people behave the way
they do. I don't think the studies focus on that type
of parenting, and therefore I personally don't put
much faith in those traditional, mainstream type of
studies.
Judie C. Rall
__________________________________________________
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Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
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Nanci Kuykendall
I agree with Judie, what are we all afraid of?
Intelligent discourse is stimulating, and being
passionate about your beliefs and ideas is wonderful.
I don't begrude anyone their ideas, and why can't we
share them with each other without being threatened
and running to hide about it? I am not threatented by
differences. I grew up in the heart of San Francisco,
and it is impossible to grow up there and not become
respectful of different beliefs and lifestyles. Well,
not impossible I'm sure, but not easy either.
As the parent of a child with very little impulse
control I completely understand the need to look out
for his best interests. We also have a bedtime
because, like Judie, I need quiet time in the evenings
to myself, because I am important too. The boys are
allowed to play quietly as long as they like in their
rooms. My kids also say please, thank you, AND you're
welcome naturally, because we model it.
As a person who suffers myself from poor self
discipline, I sometimes am grateful to my husband for
gently insisting that I need to go to bed, because I
DO get sick when I stay up too long. He also reminds
me when I need to eat, as being hypoglycemic I
sometimes get real busy with the kids or other things
and "forget" to eat. When my blood sugar is real low
I am not thinking too clearly or level headedly. I
appreciate having him look out for me. I never had
that before in my life, and it sure feels nice.
Nanci K.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
Intelligent discourse is stimulating, and being
passionate about your beliefs and ideas is wonderful.
I don't begrude anyone their ideas, and why can't we
share them with each other without being threatened
and running to hide about it? I am not threatented by
differences. I grew up in the heart of San Francisco,
and it is impossible to grow up there and not become
respectful of different beliefs and lifestyles. Well,
not impossible I'm sure, but not easy either.
>As to a child going to sleep when they are tired,I agree with this, I think it was Lynda who said it.
>that is not a given ........That happens in some
>children and in a perfect world .......And quite a
>few that get so tired that they can make themselves
>physically ill. Sometimes it is a positive thing for
>someone to be looking out for the well-being of
>another.
As the parent of a child with very little impulse
control I completely understand the need to look out
for his best interests. We also have a bedtime
because, like Judie, I need quiet time in the evenings
to myself, because I am important too. The boys are
allowed to play quietly as long as they like in their
rooms. My kids also say please, thank you, AND you're
welcome naturally, because we model it.
As a person who suffers myself from poor self
discipline, I sometimes am grateful to my husband for
gently insisting that I need to go to bed, because I
DO get sick when I stay up too long. He also reminds
me when I need to eat, as being hypoglycemic I
sometimes get real busy with the kids or other things
and "forget" to eat. When my blood sugar is real low
I am not thinking too clearly or level headedly. I
appreciate having him look out for me. I never had
that before in my life, and it sure feels nice.
Nanci K.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
Nanci Kuykendall
I agree with Judie, what are we all afraid of?
Intelligent discourse is stimulating, and being
passionate about your beliefs and ideas is wonderful.
I don't begrude anyone their ideas, and why can't we
share them with each other without being threatened
and running to hide about it? I am not threatented by
differences. I grew up in the heart of San Francisco,
and it is impossible to grow up there and not become
respectful of different beliefs and lifestyles. Well,
not impossible I'm sure, but not easy either.
As the parent of a child with very little impulse
control I completely understand the need to look out
for his best interests. We also have a bedtime
because, like Judie, I need quiet time in the evenings
to myself, because I am important too. The boys are
allowed to play quietly as long as they like in their
rooms. My kids also say please, thank you, AND you're
welcome naturally, because we model it.
As a person who suffers myself from poor self
discipline, I sometimes am grateful to my husband for
gently insisting that I need to go to bed, because I
DO get sick when I stay up too long. He also reminds
me when I need to eat, as being hypoglycemic I
sometimes get real busy with the kids or other things
and "forget" to eat. When my blood sugar is real low
I am not thinking too clearly or level headedly. I
appreciate having him look out for me. I never had
that before in my life, and it sure feels nice.
Nanci K.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
Intelligent discourse is stimulating, and being
passionate about your beliefs and ideas is wonderful.
I don't begrude anyone their ideas, and why can't we
share them with each other without being threatened
and running to hide about it? I am not threatented by
differences. I grew up in the heart of San Francisco,
and it is impossible to grow up there and not become
respectful of different beliefs and lifestyles. Well,
not impossible I'm sure, but not easy either.
>As to a child going to sleep when they are tired,I agree with this, I think it was Lynda who said it.
>that is not a given ........That happens in some
>children and in a perfect world .......And quite a
>few that get so tired that they can make themselves
>physically ill. Sometimes it is a positive thing for
>someone to be looking out for the well-being of
>another.
As the parent of a child with very little impulse
control I completely understand the need to look out
for his best interests. We also have a bedtime
because, like Judie, I need quiet time in the evenings
to myself, because I am important too. The boys are
allowed to play quietly as long as they like in their
rooms. My kids also say please, thank you, AND you're
welcome naturally, because we model it.
As a person who suffers myself from poor self
discipline, I sometimes am grateful to my husband for
gently insisting that I need to go to bed, because I
DO get sick when I stay up too long. He also reminds
me when I need to eat, as being hypoglycemic I
sometimes get real busy with the kids or other things
and "forget" to eat. When my blood sugar is real low
I am not thinking too clearly or level headedly. I
appreciate having him look out for me. I never had
that before in my life, and it sure feels nice.
Nanci K.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
Pam Hartley
----------
children's rooms every time she wanted to go in, paused for a moment for
them to say "come in", and then entered. She felt it was respectful of their
privacy.
She started this when they were about a day old, though of course they
didn't say "come in" at that point, she would pause and then enter just as
if they had.
Not surprisingly, by the time the children could crawl, they would all on
their own knock on their mother's door and wait for her to say, "come in".
Children, for good or ill, do what they see the adults around them doing. If
they have choices, they choose to emulate the adults who treat them with
respect, kindness and courtesy, rather than those who don't.
There's always good news and bad news with this sort of thing. <g>
Pam
>From: [email protected]Someone said
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1241
>Date: Thu, May 17, 2001, 1:00 PM
>
> <<And, children do not "naturally" use phrases such as "please" and "thankSandra replied
> you." >>
>
> Mine do, because all the adults around them do. Mine share, because we shareA friend of mine told me once that she knocked on the doors to her
> with them--clothes, money, time, toys--when I've had a toy or game or
> curiosity or tool I thought my kids might break, I kept it up or hidden until
> they were old enough to use it, and when they were older I brought it down
> and shared. I share the computer. I share the phone. Not just with my
> kids, for show, but with anyone--friends, houseguests--who's over and needs
> them.
children's rooms every time she wanted to go in, paused for a moment for
them to say "come in", and then entered. She felt it was respectful of their
privacy.
She started this when they were about a day old, though of course they
didn't say "come in" at that point, she would pause and then enter just as
if they had.
Not surprisingly, by the time the children could crawl, they would all on
their own knock on their mother's door and wait for her to say, "come in".
Children, for good or ill, do what they see the adults around them doing. If
they have choices, they choose to emulate the adults who treat them with
respect, kindness and courtesy, rather than those who don't.
There's always good news and bad news with this sort of thing. <g>
Pam