Melanie ...... re: Constant fighting
MICHAEL MARTINEZ
For what it is worth, here is my two cents.
Your son is old enough to start thinking about WHY he does things. Sit down
and talk to him, I mean really talk to him, not just lecture ... it may be
an issue of jealousy or he just may not be getting it with regard to his
behavior.
Sometimes having a quiet conversation where the child is made to THINK and
not allowed to answer with an "I don't know" or "just because" can be more
painful than a "simple" spanking. Make him connect his behaviors with
consequences and feelings and be empathetic with his sister's position in
this. Try explaining that he needs to be more mature in his response to the
situation.
Also, start taking away previliges and toys. I personally use all types of
discipline ... from counting to three to time-outs to restrictions to
spanking as an absolute last resort. My kids know that I had better not
have to get to the spanking part because if I do, there are also other
punishments that go with it including a lecture from me, from their dad, and
extreme loss of privileges ... I consider it just that serious ... the older
they get the less this has been necessary, I haven't had to reach this level
with my 11 year old and 8 year old for over a year. I just had to spank my
five year old last week ... but it was for continuation of some unsafe
behaviors with the two year old, behaviors that she had previously been
disciplined for in other ways. In addition to the spanking and lecture, she
went a week without tv (not that we watch that much anyway) and lost pool
privileges and a few other things as well. She almost slipped into the old
problem again yesterday and I reminded her of the consequences and if she
wanted them to be strung out longer .... it flipped the light switch on and
so far so good.
The issue for the parent is CONSISTENCY. Whatever you do, it must be
consistent!!!
For your son, I would try the conversation about WHY he's doing what he is
doing. There are some siblings that just really grate on each other's
nerves, their personalities just don't mesh well. You may wind up having to
make allowances for that. You son might get irritated when she invades his
space ... physically and emotionally. There could be any number of
non-obvious reasons for his behavior.
Folks like me can tell you what WE do and give lots of advice <wry grin> but
in truth, sometimes you just have to find out what works for you and your
family ... down to what works with each child individually. Wish I had more
to offer you. I deal with a similar issue between my five year old daughter
and two year old daughter.
Kathy in FL mamkmm2@...
My Website: http://www.easyfunschool.com
Your son is old enough to start thinking about WHY he does things. Sit down
and talk to him, I mean really talk to him, not just lecture ... it may be
an issue of jealousy or he just may not be getting it with regard to his
behavior.
Sometimes having a quiet conversation where the child is made to THINK and
not allowed to answer with an "I don't know" or "just because" can be more
painful than a "simple" spanking. Make him connect his behaviors with
consequences and feelings and be empathetic with his sister's position in
this. Try explaining that he needs to be more mature in his response to the
situation.
Also, start taking away previliges and toys. I personally use all types of
discipline ... from counting to three to time-outs to restrictions to
spanking as an absolute last resort. My kids know that I had better not
have to get to the spanking part because if I do, there are also other
punishments that go with it including a lecture from me, from their dad, and
extreme loss of privileges ... I consider it just that serious ... the older
they get the less this has been necessary, I haven't had to reach this level
with my 11 year old and 8 year old for over a year. I just had to spank my
five year old last week ... but it was for continuation of some unsafe
behaviors with the two year old, behaviors that she had previously been
disciplined for in other ways. In addition to the spanking and lecture, she
went a week without tv (not that we watch that much anyway) and lost pool
privileges and a few other things as well. She almost slipped into the old
problem again yesterday and I reminded her of the consequences and if she
wanted them to be strung out longer .... it flipped the light switch on and
so far so good.
The issue for the parent is CONSISTENCY. Whatever you do, it must be
consistent!!!
For your son, I would try the conversation about WHY he's doing what he is
doing. There are some siblings that just really grate on each other's
nerves, their personalities just don't mesh well. You may wind up having to
make allowances for that. You son might get irritated when she invades his
space ... physically and emotionally. There could be any number of
non-obvious reasons for his behavior.
Folks like me can tell you what WE do and give lots of advice <wry grin> but
in truth, sometimes you just have to find out what works for you and your
family ... down to what works with each child individually. Wish I had more
to offer you. I deal with a similar issue between my five year old daughter
and two year old daughter.
Kathy in FL mamkmm2@...
My Website: http://www.easyfunschool.com
----- Original Message -----
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, May 07, 2001 1:30 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1212
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Mon, 07 May 2001 11:52:37 -0000
> From: vouget@...
> Subject: Constant fighting
>
> 4yods keeps grabbing things away from 1 1/2yodd, and pushing her, and
> yelling at her, etc. I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing
> seems to work. Telling him not to, or just holding her and saying
> something like, "I'm so sad. I don't like to see Rachel cry" or
> anything. I can't leave them alone together for half a minute, and
> even when I'm there, he does this. She still loves her brother, but
> she seems to be afraid of him sometimes. Any suggestions??
>
> Melanie in Indiana