DiamondAir

> From: "Eileen M." <ravensegg@...>
> I can't tell you how reassuring it is to read your
> posts. My parents are fretting away, keep trying to
> push me into scheduling up our days more. It's nice
> to know that it's at least *possible* that my son can
> grow up to be functional even if I go with my heart
> and don't *push* him into achievement. I think we
> *all* fear that he will only do what is easy and avoid
> anything that requires sustained effort... learned
> helplessness is a huge issue in my family, and my son
> shows every sign of being a chip off the familial
> block.

So let's see.... your family has huge problems with motivation, and yet they
want you to take their advice on child-rearing???

I always think it's interesting when that happens. That's like my mom giving
me advice on why I should force my kids to eat certain things. This after
she's spent a lifetime on and off diets, my sister almost died of
anorexia... yeah, mom I really need to start the food battles with my kids
early.

Sometimes it seems like it's the things that people are most frustrated with
in their own life that they choose to badger other people about doing just
like them, illogical as that may be.


> I read too much, I think; half of the 'experts' say
> that children shouldn't be pushed too hard, the other
> says that their anxieties and fears will overwhelm
> them later if they don't learn how to deal with them
> by overcoming teasing etc. in childhood.


The problem is, there's no such thing as "experts" other than us, when it
comes to our own children. And most of the "problems" that we're supposed to
be preparing our kids for come from.... compulsory schooling! In the
parenting magazines for children of my son's age (almost kindergarten) are
tons of articles about how to deal with teasing, bullying, wearing the right
clothes.... all these "crises" are *manufactured* by our mandatory prison
...er..school.. sentences for children. Remove the entire issue of forced
schooling from our kids lives, and so many of these "problems", anxieties,
and fears are just non-issues (or at the very least, much smaller issues).
I'm always amazed at how much my son already *doesn't* know about these
issues as he's never been in preschool. He doesn't yet know that people
might not want to talk or play with him, that his beloved plaid jeans are
hopelessly out of fashion, that boys don't wear "magical" sparkly fingernail
polish, that he still talks with a bit of a lisp.... I'm sure he will
discover these things, over time, but they are not being rammed down his
throat 8 hours a day by other small institutionalized souls who have nothing
else to occupy their time.


Blue Skies!
-Robin-
Mom to Mackenzie (8/28/96) who has a best friend named "Eiznekcam"
and Asa (10/5/99) the girl who climbs everything!
http://www.geocities.com/the_clevengers Flying Clevenger Family

Valerie

That is exactly what people do. Hey, I took a few Psychology courses,
I know what's going on!

Valerie


> Sometimes it seems like it's the things that people are most
frustrated with
> in their own life that they choose to badger other people about
doing just
> like them, illogical as that may be.


School is a wonderful institution...but who wants to be in an
institution?

Valerie

This brings up a point about my book. I truly hope that none of you
are insulted by my explanations of being an unschooling parent. I
know that YOU know what you should do...it's the naysayers I feel a
need to reach.

Valerie


> The problem is, there's no such thing as "experts" other than us,
when it
> comes to our own children. And most of the "problems" that we're
supposed to
> be preparing our kids for come from.... compulsory schooling! In the
> parenting magazines for children of my son's age (almost
kindergarten) are
> tons of articles about how to deal with teasing, bullying, wearing
the right
> clothes.... all these "crises" are *manufactured* by our mandatory
prison
> ...er..school.. sentences for children. Remove the entire issue of
forced
> schooling from our kids lives, and so many of these "problems",
anxieties,
> and fears are just non-issues (or at the very least, much smaller
issues).
> I'm always amazed at how much my son already *doesn't* know about
these
> issues as he's never been in preschool. He doesn't yet know that
people
> might not want to talk or play with him, that his beloved plaid
jeans are
> hopelessly out of fashion, that boys don't wear "magical" sparkly
fingernail
> polish, that he still talks with a bit of a lisp.... I'm sure he
will
> discover these things, over time, but they are not being rammed
down his
> throat 8 hours a day by other small institutionalized souls who
have nothing
> else to occupy their time.
>
>
> Blue Skies!
> -Robin-
> Mom to Mackenzie (8/28/96) who has a best friend named "Eiznekcam"
> and Asa (10/5/99) the girl who climbs everything!
> http://www.geocities.com/the_clevengers Flying Clevenger Family

Eileen M.

--- DiamondAir <diamondair@...> wrote:

> So let's see.... your family has huge problems with
> motivation, and yet they
> want you to take their advice on child-rearing???
>
ROFL!!! Good point! Although mostly their problem is
with *my* lack of motivation, the fact is that their
'push her til she squeaks' method certainly didn't
work with *me*, so why they think it will work with ds
I have no clue. If I tried to do things their way the
results would be even worse, because a)I would feel
guilty and resistant to it myself and b)I wouldn't do
it consistantly, so it would just confuse my ds and
make him even more passive-resistant than he is now.

I think I'll do what feels right to *me*. At least
then he'll be happy, even if he comes out lazy and
unmotivated!

> Sometimes it seems like it's the things that people
> are most frustrated with
> in their own life that they choose to badger other
> people about doing just
> like them, illogical as that may be.
>
Illogical, yes, but true nonetheless, IMO. I know
that the faults that bother me most in other people
are the ones that are either go against dearly held
values of mine OR the ones I have myself.
>
Remove the
> entire issue of forced
> schooling from our kids lives, and so many of these
> "problems", anxieties,
> and fears are just non-issues (or at the very least,
> much smaller issues).

If our experience of summer break is any indication, I
think that's true. I had to take my son to a
therapist this winter because he was having outbursts
of self-destructive anger where he was saying horrible
things *about himself* and slamming his head against
walls. I told the therapists how painful it was to
see this, when all summer he had been so happy and
carefree... and then within a week of starting school
he was depressed and anxious and self-abusing. I'm
looking forward to seeing my enthusiastic, sunny child
again!

Eileen

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>
>
> > The problem is, there's no such thing as "experts" other than us,
> when it
> > comes to our own children. And most of the "problems" that we're
> supposed to
> > be preparing our kids for come from.... compulsory schooling! In
the
> > parenting magazines for children of my son's age (almost
> kindergarten) are
> > tons of articles about how to deal with teasing, bullying,
wearing
> the right
> > clothes.... all these "crises" are *manufactured* by our
mandatory
> prison
> > ...er..school.. sentences for children. Remove the entire issue
of
> forced
> > schooling from our kids lives, and so many of these "problems",
> anxieties,
> > and fears are just non-issues (or at the very least, much smaller
> issues).
> > I'm always amazed at how much my son already *doesn't* know about
> these
> > issues as he's never been in preschool. He doesn't yet know that
> people
> > might not want to talk or play with him, that his beloved plaid
> jeans are
> > hopelessly out of fashion, that boys don't wear "magical" sparkly
> fingernail
> > polish, that he still talks with a bit of a lisp.... I'm sure he
> will
> > discover these things, over time, but they are not being rammed
> down his
> > throat 8 hours a day by other small institutionalized souls who
> have nothing
> > else to occupy their time.
> >
> >
> > Blue Skies!
> > -Robin-
> > Mom to Mackenzie (8/28/96) who has a best friend named "Eiznekcam"
> > and Asa (10/5/99) the girl who climbs everything!
> > http://www.geocities.com/the_clevengers Flying Clevenger Family