DiamondAir

> From: Samantha Stopple <sammimag@...>
> > "Can I have cookies?"
> > Yes, after dinner.
>
> But does it mean they(being the kids) are always happy
> to wait? It's not my experience even when stated
> positively.


I try to remember that it's not my job to keep my kids continously happy. I
have to make the best decisions I can for things like their safety (and that
sometimes means real "No's" - "No, you can't run into the street"), for
their health ("Yes, you may eat cookies after dinner") and for their
well-being. Sometimes that makes them unhappy, and that is en emotion they
need to be able to recognize and deal with effectively. So if the kids are
not happy to wait, I just empathize with them "It's frustrating to have to
wait for something you really want now". I have these frustrations in my own
life too, and when I don't acknowledge them, they build to an unhealthy
point.
My mantra is "I'm not responsible for my child's emotions, I am only
responsible for my reaction to them." I try really hard to avoid falling
into my mom's pitfall, which is that she always wants to "fix" any "bad"
emotions. She changes the subject or ignores the negative emotion or tries
to bribe someone out of it. It took me a very long time as an adult to even
recognize my emotions and be able to acknowledge them as valid.
So IMHO, along with changing the way we present things, reflection and
validation of whatever emotions arise are also useful tools.

Blue Skies!
-Robin-
Mom to Mackenzie (8/28/96) "I'm going to puff a bunch of hot air into the
atmosphere and then it will be spring!"
and Asa (10/5/99) the aspiring gymnast
http://www.geocities.com/the_clevengers Flying Clevenger Family