Nicoletta Manns

> I don't
> generally like restrictions but I think we should probably drop this
> subject,
> particularly the part about Jesus. I doubt we'll ever agree.
> with respect for all, Amalia >>


Who is asking for agreement? I just shared something I heard and choose to
believe and someone disagreed/reacted. I wasn't asking for anyone to agree
with me.

I am wondering why some people seem so afraid of disagreements. At least
that is my projection here.


>
> Wise idea.
>
> candice
>


> Ditto for me. This isnt a place we need to go on this list. Let's
celebrate
>our sameness - homeschooling/unschooling.

> I like to celebrate everyone's differences as well, for that is what makes
us
> human, however, as mentioned, this list isn't for this type of debate.
Dawn


Why isn't this list for this type of debate? What debate? One person says
something another disagrees, the first person has no intention of arguing
her first point and yet it seems some people get all flustered and have to
make sure things stay calm and smooth and homogenized. And this is not meant
as a personal attack or anything like that - I see it happen all the time
and I am just really wondering about this kind of dynamic, because I see it
happen in families and what goes on in families is merely a reflection of
what goes on in society as a whole (or vice versa).


>...........I think we can all learn so much more by not agreeing than
agreeing. I
>wanted to thank everyone for their informative answers. They really helped
>me understand where your coming from. I feel that only by exploring all
>things can we find the truth. Isn't that what unschooling is all
about?...........


Well said (whoever said that last quote above). I like that. And along those
lines I want to share something from another list I belong to: it refers to
school in some way but I found it very worthwhile reading anyway:

Subject: Emotions and the stuff of life.

As is, we equate shame with emotional drive. Incorporation of emotions into
daily life is considered the opposite of intelligence, and so, emotions are
rarely mentioned. We hide them under a facade. Emotions lead us to being out
of control. Does this seem like what nature would intend for its highest
achievement? Were we accidentally genetically programmed over millions of
years to eventuate as a conflicted self, unable even to organize its own
state of being?

An organism survives by being organized. Its organization is integration of
its systems. Integration of mental-emotional aspects creates the assemblage
of intelligence. The organism survives. Humans are different than many
organisms. Their integration occurs more gradually taking about fifteen
years to become concrete. This integration process may be perceived as two
important transitions.

There are transitions children move through. First, their consciousness
knows nothing but being the interaction they are engaged in. After the first
transition children are also aware that they can think of interactions apart
from what is occurring. A second transition around age eleven allows
creative thought about interactions that they have not experienced.

Each transition can occur with maximum benefit if the previous stage has
been worked over like a fresh slab of concrete. This means that the
substance of life is poured into the framework that mom provides. Then the
substance is "textured", worked over experientially again and again that
particles settle and harden in place, and the suspension, the confusion, is
wicked away.

Now imagine an upbringing where many rules are set in concrete. The child
learns to perform socially. The child learns to perform for school. The
child performs as a child according to rules imposed on childhood. The rules
are hard set. Only generally cemented in place is how the basic life
interactions work. Thus, a child usually learns to crawl, walk, talk, count
and have manners, but these are developed as rules, not as the nearly
infinite interrelationships that actually comprise life's foundation. Doing
in Rome as the Romans do is ruled out of a child's experience. The parents
consider broad exposure dangerous. How else could a child learn The Rules
but by limitation. In this limitation the rules are set in concrete while
the stuff of life wicks away.

What is the stuff of life? For one, it is the imprinting in the brain of the
magnificent range of interactions that comprise life. For another, it is the
emotional/intuitive qualities associated with the range of interactions.
These things together, emotions and interactions, create a working
foundation from which can spring a working ego, an easy and practical way of
survival, and a practical creativity that has all kinds of fun expanding on
the given world, the stuff of life.

But what happened to fun intelligent creativity? What happened to
intelligent ease of survival? These things got swept away as suspension
(actually dissolved at eleven years old) while the concrete rules settled as
the way of life. Intelligence cannot function as intended without
emotional/intuitive associations. Emotions and intuition are integral parts
of our being. The imposition of rules cannot bypass these to recreate
intelligence in some pagan image of humanity. Our genetic programming is far
too complex to manage as such a simplistic idealism. The brain fails. And
with it goes the sophisticated intelligence that easily, intuitively,
understands getting by in life, and understands how to expend energy
joyfully enhancing the quality of life.

What needs cementing in the child is not a limited set of rules. What the
child needs is the full set of interrelationships that are the stuff of
life. And what glues this stuff with intelligent consciousness is emotions.
If emotions are ruled out when we absurdly try to recreate life, then the
stuff of life cannot become a solid foundation for intelligence to erect
upon. Instead, intelligence becomes an abstract with the purpose of
recreating life as a bunch of unfounded rules.

The point is this: Emotions cement the integration of intelligence. For
emotions to be a part of the concrete stuff of life they have to be freely
experienced by children while being freely modeled by adults. Then they can
begin to move through the transitions mentioned in the third paragraph. From
experiencing self as only the experience of emotion the child can transit to
seeing a relationship of self to emotions. From here the child transits to
imagining varied possibilities of using emotions as tools for recreating
relationships in the stuff of life. Here is true control.

This intelligently functional child will have the ability to relate
happiness to the work of quickly changing society into what works better and
with more happiness. This focused attention is so different than our
associating happiness with laziness, with addictions, with breaking rules,
with distractions. This intelligence I am speaking of is far different than
today's "smart" person who can outwit others, avoid being caught, escape
paying taxes, and get the most for the least amount of time spent away from
his personal distractions and addictions.

Where do emotions and the stuff of life come together? In play.
Rules/rigidity and play/emotions are antithetical. We can have one or the
other. In order to choose intelligence and success we must also choose play
and emotions. Choosing these means using a vocabulary of emotions freely.
This will enable transitions as the time comes for them. Choosing these also
means adults have to play with children. Children are to take adults into
their realm of child-play, and, adults are to take children into their world
of adult-play. To the child there will be no dividing line. Emotions will
glue in place first experiences, and then emotions will glue in place
additional experiences. All of it will be play. There will be no transition
into abstract rules because the rules will be obvious as being the way life
works. Finally, doing what does _not_ work in life will simply be an act of
stupidity. And we won't have many stupid people when people are doing what
comes natural with the concrete stuff of life.



Subject: Rules and the stuff of life.

Life does need rules, but these are meant as measuring sticks, not as
idealisms abstracting life as some fairy tale. Fairy tales and superstitions
don't work well in real life. What does work is to measure what is occurring
and then do things that measure up even better.

The best measures are simple guideposts that everyone understands. Once we
become fluent in these, more complex measures may be gradually implemented.
Likewise, results will become more refined and the benefits will define
higher "values". These values still won't be The Rules. They will simply be
what works.

Simple guideposts are nicely provided for in "Living Joyfully With Children"
by Win & Bill Sweet. Their down-home experience with their own children is
easily translated to other daily situations.

My own idea of applying material in this book is to simply post one of the
lists of behaviors and then schedule some sort of interaction measuring
actual behavior against the experimental wish list. To understand this,
let's make up a scenario.

Here is a list to post:
(pg. 18) Honoring Play
* Encourage solitary play.
* Provide opportunities for authentic free play with other children.
* Play with your children on their terms.

At a weekly school meeting the children are asked to comment on these and
reach some sort of consensus. The children reply that there has been lots of
time for free play with each other, but not enough space at school to play
alone, and, as to adults playing "correctly", the children did not
understand the question. The adult's response to this measuring of behavior
was to divide up a room so that individuals could have their own space. The
adults also set aside alternating days one week to deliberately play
correctly one day and incorrectly the next. This had the result that
children vehemently requested correct play. Not only did they think correct
play was better than incorrect, but it added so much to the school
experience that children were requesting adult attendance in a third of
their activities. The adults thought the experimental list such a success
that they created a suggested schedule for similar experiments using five
more lists. They thought that after doing that much they could decide on
hiring a psychology professor to help with more technical experiments of
"higher" value.

These are some of the other lists available in the book:
* Kinds of play that pass the play test. (pg.17)
* Degrading themes to avoid in the milieu. (pg.4)
* Appropriate responses to crying. (pg.26)
* Traits of a strong emotional core. (pg.33)
* Responsive/not imposing actions of adults. (pg.36)
* Principles vs. rules. (chapter 9)

There are more lists in this book of 186 pages. But in reading it you will
develop ideas for your own lists applicable to your situation. I promise,
doing these experiments will make a profound difference in the sense of
effectiveness and satisfaction.


To get the book...

http://www.amazon.com:80/exec/obidos/ASIN/1889051179/qid=979501620/102-43236
05-2367305
Amazon.com: buying info: Living Joyfully With Children
 
Living Joyfully With Children
by Win Sweet, Bill Sweet

List Price: $13.95
Our Price: $11.16
You Save: $2.79 (20%)



~Nicoletta
*********************************************************
"It is paradoxical, yet true: Children are the most in
need of loving attention when they act the least
deserving of it!"
by Aletha Solter, 1998
from the article "Why Children Misbehave"
www.awareparenting.com
*********************************************************