Dalene Mactier

Hi

I'm still in the early days of unschooling. My son is three and a half.
Inspired by The Unschooling Handbook i've spent some time recording some of
his learning and I'm amazed at just how much learning takes place every day.

Just this morning we spent time building towers with food tins - due to the
lack of blocks - and we learned about big and small, stabilizers, we counted
the tins, we created some cities, discovered that smaller tins to best on
top, talked about the veggies inside and read the labels.

So I really do not have any doubts as far as the academics go, but I do
wonder about the social development. Although I think being home would be
perfect for my child's temperament I do often get counter arguments from
other people. They argue that homeschooled children are very precious while
young, but they often turn into odd maladapted adults who struggle in their
relationships.

What do you do to ensure that your child's social development does not fall
behind his peers at school??

Dalene
http://www.geocities.com/mactiers

dawn

do you think you well spend all of your time in the home? I only wish we
spent more time at home. the world is for socialisation. we do way too
much between music classes, chess club, math club, playing at frieds'
houses, playing in the neighborhood, and trying to remain civil to each
other within the family.


dawn h-s
**********
Some who support more coercive strategies assume that children will run
wild if they are not controlled. However, the children for whom this is
true typically turn out to be those accustomed to being controlled--those
who are not trusted, given explanations, encouraged to think for
themselves, helped to develop and internalize good values, and so
on. Control breeds the need for more control, which is then used to
justify the use of control.

---Alfie Kohn, Punished by Rewards, p. 33.
**********

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/17/01 12:35:25 PM Pacific Standard Time,
Mactier@... writes:

<< What do you do to ensure that your child's social development does not fall
behind his peers at school? >>

Dalene,

Your spelling and referring to "tins" of veggies, makes me ask, where are you
from? Sorry, I'm just fascinated by how the same language can change and
evolve in different ways.

Reflecting on school environments, I'm sure you'll see that much of the
socialization that takes place in schools is more negative than beneficial.
School often teaches kids things like:
how to hone in on the weakest person in a group.
how to torment anyone who is different from you.
how to segregate according to age and pretend to be superior to those who
are younger, less athletic, less academic, etc.
how to stand up to or run and hide from bullies.
how to take orders without asking questions
how to blindly follow the mob

I could go on, but I'm sure you see my point. I'm not so extreme as to think
that nothing good can come out of the schools, but at what sacrifice?
Homeschooled kids can be raised in an insulated way, never dealing with or
the real world or interacting with people different from themselves. I would
say, though, that they would be the exception and were not really educated at
all.

Most homeschooled, and especially unschooled, children are involved in life.
They talk to the people they meet when you go on errands, learn to deal with
the neighborhood kids of different ages, meet people when they volunteer or
take a class or seminar. They participate in sports, visit with the elderly
or help care for younger children. They make friends at the park or the
skating rink, or in 4-H or Scouts. They are too busy being involved with
people to worry about being properly socialized.

It sounds like you already know what kind of education you want for your
child. Look here for support when the doubts of others become your own.

candice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
-Langston Hughes

Valerie Stewart

They argue that homeschooled children are very precious while
young, but they often turn into odd maladapted adults who struggle in their
relationships.

**Who are these experts who know all these adults who were homeschooled? How
many current adults were homeschooled, much less unschooled?

What do you do to ensure that your child's social development does not fall
behind his peers at school??

**I don't see the schools doing anything to "enhance" social development.

--Valerie in Tacoma

Julie

Hello Dalene
My 6 year old commented to me recently, "Isn't it funny how I can make
friends wherever I go, and S can't. And she's 10!" It seems to me a clear
statement that we all have different needs when it comes to socializing.
Some of us like big crowds, like lots of people, some like one-to-one, some
like parties and some like activities and some like libraries.
I said the same thing that you said about my 10 year old when she was 4
(that home is better for her temperament) and we made the decision to carry
through with home education. She was overwhelmed by the large numbers of
children at groups and has always preferred a small group. I tried not get
worried, not see myself in this shy little girl. She has blossomed over
the last few months. Suddenly it is drama club and ice skating parties and
pen pals and staying with other home-ed friends, and them staying here, and
going out to the shops on her own, and of course, hours on the phone. :-)
My point is that as unschoolers, our children make their own decisions about
what they do and learn, including socialization. We all have our own
timetables for our development, and others do not know what that is. Still,
they can be very good at undermining our confidence, making all sorts of
statements based on what they 'think'. My response, if somebody were to
make comments about maladjusted adults would be, depending on my mood, 1) to
ask where the research is which says this? There isn't any. 2) To say "you
are absolutely right. Nobody I know who went to school has any relationship
problems!"
;-) 3) Ask them if it is appropriate for you to tell them how they should
be socializing? It is not, and it is equally inappropriate for them to be
telling you and your child. 4) Or I would point out that there are loads of
kids and groups out there that you can interact with who either don't go to
school or are available after school hours.

What's the problem with these people? Quite frankly, it isn't any of their
business. I admit that I get hostile more often than I used to for the
simple reason that I have heard people say things like this so many times.
These of course are the same people who complain about bullying, peer
pressure, consumer competition, drugs, kids making fun of each other (for
being smart, or dumb, or wearing non-brand name trainers), power struggles
and hierarchy, peer dependence, stress about grades, and all of the rest of
the wonderful pathological socialization which happens to institutionalised
groups.
It seems so obvious to me that these things not only happen IN schools, but
happen BECAUSE of schools.
I suppose I will climb down from my soapbox now. I think you get the idea
that I don't worry about my kids socialization. I would however worry if
they were in school. ;-)

Peace
Julie


> Hi
>
> I'm still in the early days of unschooling. My son is three and a half.
> Inspired by The Unschooling Handbook i've spent some time recording some
of
> his learning and I'm amazed at just how much learning takes place every
day.
>
> Just this morning we spent time building towers with food tins - due to
the
> lack of blocks - and we learned about big and small, stabilizers, we
counted
> the tins, we created some cities, discovered that smaller tins to best on
> top, talked about the veggies inside and read the labels.
>
> So I really do not have any doubts as far as the academics go, but I do
> wonder about the social development. Although I think being home would be
> perfect for my child's temperament I do often get counter arguments from
> other people. They argue that homeschooled children are very precious
while
> young, but they often turn into odd maladapted adults who struggle in
their
> relationships.
>
> What do you do to ensure that your child's social development does not
fall
> behind his peers at school??
>
> Dalene