The Mowery Family

passed on from a friend on loop - Enjoy!!
 
Karen
 
 
 
>  > Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm
> telling
>  > you in advance, so
don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be
>  > coming, I've
made a few small changes:
>  >
>  > Our sidewalk
will not be lined with
>  > homemade, paper bag luminaries. After
a trial run, it was decided
> that
>  > no matter how
cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have
> the
>  > desired welcoming effect.
>  >
>  > Once
inside, our guests will note
>  > that the entry hall is not
decorated with the swags of Indian corn
> and
>  > fall
foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids
>  >
involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn
>  > leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
>  >
>  > The dining table will not be
>  > covered with
expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If
>  >
possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a
>
fork.
>  > Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using
the plastic
> Peter
>  > Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins
from last Christmas.
>  >
>  > Our centerpiece will
not be
>  > the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised.
Instead we
> will be
>  > displaying a hedgehog-like
decoration hand-crafted from the finest
>  > construction paper.
The artist assures me it is a turkey.
>  > We will be dining
fashionably late.
>  >
>  > The children will
entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will
> be
>  >
happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding
>
Thanksgiving,
>  > pilgrims and the turkey hotline.
>  > Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m.
>
upon
>  > discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut
diamonds.
> As
>  > accompaniment to the children's recital,
I will play a recording of
>  > tribal drumming. If the children
should mention that I don't own a
>  > recording of tribal
drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds
>  > suspiciously like a
frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
> They
>  >
are lying.
>  >
>  > We toyed with the idea of
ringing a
>  > dainty silver bell to announce the start of our
feast. In the end,
> we
>  > chose to keep our traditional
method.
>  >
>  > We've also decided against a
formal seating arrangement. When the
> smoke
>  > alarm
sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.
>
In
>  > the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at
a separate
>  > table. In a separate room. Next
door.
>  >
>  > Now, I know you have all
seen
>  > pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a
crowd of
>  > appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening
at our dinner.
> For
>  > safety reasons, the turkey will be
carved in a private ceremony. I
>  > stress "private"
meaning:
>  >
>  > Do not, under any circumstances,
enter the kitchen to laugh at me.
> Do
>  > not send small,
unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I
> have an
>  > electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I
>
will
>  > eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
>  >
>  > I would like to take this
>  >
opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is
> not
a
>  > football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in
the head
> with
>  > warm Tasty bread.
>  >
>  > Before I forget, there is one last
>  >
change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different
>
scrumptious
>  > desserts, we will be serving the traditional
pumpkin pie, garnished
> with
>  > whipped cream and small
fingerprints. You will still have a choice;
> take
>  > it
or leave it.
>  >
>  > Martha Stewart will not be
dining
>  > with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come
next year either.
>  > I am thankful.  
>  >
>  >   Happy
Thanksgiving