response to Tammy
Sarah Carothers
Dear Tammy,
I'm Sarah... the one who recently posted about her dd wanting to become a
doctor, etc etc etc. Remember me?
We went through the SAME things you mentioned. It was six months to the DAY
(!) that we de-schooled and I was in a panic. If it hadn't been for my best
friend trying this radical thing called UNschooling alongside me, I would've
given in. Some of the things you mentioned made bells ring in my head and
I'm going to throw them out there for consideration. I'm sure we' ve read
the same books... Teenage Liberation Handbook, Real Lives, John HOlt
stuff...
I got the feeling from reading your post that you are still giving your dd
the impression that *you* hold the strings and yet you don't realize you're
doing it. By purchasing all these goodies (I can't blame you... I did it
too), she still senses your control. And she still sits. Now, I don't think
you can blame her... she's just doing what comes naturally. But as long as
she feels like these things are around for her to do, *she's* not in control
(in her mind, anyway).
Example: When we took Katie out of kindergarten years ago, I did the school
at home thing, too... complete with blackboard, desk, textbooks
:-P It was a fight daily and Katie grew to HATE to read. HATE to... and
still doesn't choose to read for pleasure but only for information. Anyway,
when I began the unschooling thing around 3rd grade with her, that six
months was the longest time of my life. Several times I wanted to shake her
and say, "wake up!! READ THIS GOOD BOOK!" But I refrained, thanks to my
friend Lili, who shared this venture with me. ( I often returned the favor,
BTW). So, at that six month point, Katie came to me one day and said,
"remember that Miquan Math we used to do?"
Yes, I said.
"well," says she, "where is it?"
"Look on my closet shelf, behind the blah blah blah."
She went to my closet, got the Miquan and returned to her room closing the
door behind her. Frantically and happily, I called Lili and told her of the
events :-). I said to Lili, "well, I gotta get off the phone and go help
Katie with this math stuff" only to have Lili shout in my ear, "OH NO YOU
DON"T!!!! You'll undo all the de-schooling we've been through!" Lili was
right. If I had gone to Katie, I would've been taking ownership of it again.
I know... I know... you're thinking this is ridiculous. But I don't think so
from a child's perspective, anyway.
So, I stayed away... sucked on the stub of MY tongue <g> and during that
first "unschooled" day, she went through 20-some pages of Miquan all by
herself. When she had a question, she'd come to me, I'd answer *just* the
question and nothing more. It's been like this ever since. It took time for
me to adapt to her method of madness.... one subject, intently, for a while
then off to something completely different. Then back again...There were
also lulls of a few weeks where she would not do anything I considered
educational but since she's now focused on medicine, she's stopped doing
that.
It just sounds to me like you're at that same point... where you have to let
her *completely* take ownership of her education and her goals in life. So,
go grab another cup of coffee, *another* good book (try Punished by Rewards
by Alfie Kohn) and kick back. It'll happen.
Sarah
I'm Sarah... the one who recently posted about her dd wanting to become a
doctor, etc etc etc. Remember me?
We went through the SAME things you mentioned. It was six months to the DAY
(!) that we de-schooled and I was in a panic. If it hadn't been for my best
friend trying this radical thing called UNschooling alongside me, I would've
given in. Some of the things you mentioned made bells ring in my head and
I'm going to throw them out there for consideration. I'm sure we' ve read
the same books... Teenage Liberation Handbook, Real Lives, John HOlt
stuff...
I got the feeling from reading your post that you are still giving your dd
the impression that *you* hold the strings and yet you don't realize you're
doing it. By purchasing all these goodies (I can't blame you... I did it
too), she still senses your control. And she still sits. Now, I don't think
you can blame her... she's just doing what comes naturally. But as long as
she feels like these things are around for her to do, *she's* not in control
(in her mind, anyway).
Example: When we took Katie out of kindergarten years ago, I did the school
at home thing, too... complete with blackboard, desk, textbooks
:-P It was a fight daily and Katie grew to HATE to read. HATE to... and
still doesn't choose to read for pleasure but only for information. Anyway,
when I began the unschooling thing around 3rd grade with her, that six
months was the longest time of my life. Several times I wanted to shake her
and say, "wake up!! READ THIS GOOD BOOK!" But I refrained, thanks to my
friend Lili, who shared this venture with me. ( I often returned the favor,
BTW). So, at that six month point, Katie came to me one day and said,
"remember that Miquan Math we used to do?"
Yes, I said.
"well," says she, "where is it?"
"Look on my closet shelf, behind the blah blah blah."
She went to my closet, got the Miquan and returned to her room closing the
door behind her. Frantically and happily, I called Lili and told her of the
events :-). I said to Lili, "well, I gotta get off the phone and go help
Katie with this math stuff" only to have Lili shout in my ear, "OH NO YOU
DON"T!!!! You'll undo all the de-schooling we've been through!" Lili was
right. If I had gone to Katie, I would've been taking ownership of it again.
I know... I know... you're thinking this is ridiculous. But I don't think so
from a child's perspective, anyway.
So, I stayed away... sucked on the stub of MY tongue <g> and during that
first "unschooled" day, she went through 20-some pages of Miquan all by
herself. When she had a question, she'd come to me, I'd answer *just* the
question and nothing more. It's been like this ever since. It took time for
me to adapt to her method of madness.... one subject, intently, for a while
then off to something completely different. Then back again...There were
also lulls of a few weeks where she would not do anything I considered
educational but since she's now focused on medicine, she's stopped doing
that.
It just sounds to me like you're at that same point... where you have to let
her *completely* take ownership of her education and her goals in life. So,
go grab another cup of coffee, *another* good book (try Punished by Rewards
by Alfie Kohn) and kick back. It'll happen.
Sarah
[email protected]
Hi Sarah,
Boy does that sound good!! To hear somebody else is/was feeling this way. I
know I have read it all over these message boards, and keep going back to
make sure I have not missed some vital info. I feel like if I dont sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position Im going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!! How old is your dd now? Is she focused and has she
spoken with you about the process? Im sorry to drill you but my mind is
always going a mile a minute. Its all I ever think about. I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
Thanks Again
Tamie
Boy does that sound good!! To hear somebody else is/was feeling this way. I
know I have read it all over these message boards, and keep going back to
make sure I have not missed some vital info. I feel like if I dont sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position Im going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!! How old is your dd now? Is she focused and has she
spoken with you about the process? Im sorry to drill you but my mind is
always going a mile a minute. Its all I ever think about. I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
Thanks Again
Tamie
Sarah Carothers
<I feel like if I don't sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position I'm going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!!>>>>>>.
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position I'm going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!!>>>>>>.
You're quite welcome but I'll have to
give the credit back to my friend, Lili as well as these HEM boards where I used
to hang out a *lot* and also to all the good books on the subject. (Holt,
Llewellyn, Armstrong & A. Kohn)
Sarah
----- Original Message -----From: Tamilooch@...Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 1:32 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to TammyHi Sarah,
Boy does that sound good!! To hear somebody else is/was feeling this way. I
know I have read it all over these message boards, and keep going back to
make sure I have not missed some vital info. I feel like if I dont sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position Im going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!! How old is your dd now? Is she focused and has she
spoken with you about the process? Im sorry to drill you but my mind is
always going a mile a minute. Its all I ever think about. I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
Thanks Again
Tamie
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Sarah Carothers
<I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
>>>>>>>>>>
I nearly forgot to answer this
part...
Stop suggesting! Get involved in YOUR
life and she'll come around all by herself. But *you* get busy doing something
you've always wanted to do.
Sarah
----- Original Message -----From: Tamilooch@...Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 1:32 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to TammyHi Sarah,
Boy does that sound good!! To hear somebody else is/was feeling this way. I
know I have read it all over these message boards, and keep going back to
make sure I have not missed some vital info. I feel like if I dont sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position Im going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!! How old is your dd now? Is she focused and has she
spoken with you about the process? Im sorry to drill you but my mind is
always going a mile a minute. Its all I ever think about. I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
Thanks Again
Tamie
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Lynda
You have to get really creative with the computer
<g> You laugh and 'talk" to the computer -- "wow, that's neat, oh
well, sigh." Then go on to other things but don't mention what you are
wowing and sighin about. Doesn't take long before they want to know what
you're talking about. "Oh just some neat stuff." and go on with what
you are doing.
Pretty soon mine were tip toeing up behind me to
see what I was talking about. I always went to the web sites and they'd
look over my shoulder.
Lynda (hello, Sarah)
----- Original Message -----From: Sarah CarothersSent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 12:11 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to Tammy<I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
>>>>>>>>>>I nearly forgot to answer this part...Stop suggesting! Get involved in YOUR life and she'll come around all by herself. But *you* get busy doing something you've always wanted to do.Sarah----- Original Message -----From: Tamilooch@...Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 1:32 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to TammyHi Sarah,
Boy does that sound good!! To hear somebody else is/was feeling this way. I
know I have read it all over these message boards, and keep going back to
make sure I have not missed some vital info. I feel like if I dont sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position Im going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!! How old is your dd now? Is she focused and has she
spoken with you about the process? Im sorry to drill you but my mind is
always going a mile a minute. Its all I ever think about. I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
Thanks Again
Tamie
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Sarah Carothers
Hey there, Redwoods
Lynda,
I see I'm graced with your presence
once again :)
I had to chuckle when I read your
post about 'ooowing and ahing' over your computer. We've done some
creative things with this little screen and keyboard, haven't we
<bweg>! Why, we've even thrown a party or two that turned out to be
pretty fun !
Well, it's good to be here with you
and Cindy.
Sarah (aka The Queen)
----- Original Message -----From: LyndaSent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 8:07 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to TammyYou have to get really creative with the computer <g> You laugh and 'talk" to the computer -- "wow, that's neat, oh well, sigh." Then go on to other things but don't mention what you are wowing and sighin about. Doesn't take long before they want to know what you're talking about. "Oh just some neat stuff." and go on with what you are doing.Pretty soon mine were tip toeing up behind me to see what I was talking about. I always went to the web sites and they'd look over my shoulder.Lynda (hello, Sarah)----- Original Message -----From: Sarah CarothersSent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 12:11 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to Tammy<I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
>>>>>>>>>>I nearly forgot to answer this part...Stop suggesting! Get involved in YOUR life and she'll come around all by herself. But *you* get busy doing something you've always wanted to do.Sarah----- Original Message -----From: Tamilooch@...Sent: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 1:32 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] response to TammyHi Sarah,
Boy does that sound good!! To hear somebody else is/was feeling this way. I
know I have read it all over these message boards, and keep going back to
make sure I have not missed some vital info. I feel like if I dont sit on my
hands, gag my mouth and roll into fetal position Im going to explode.So for
your story, I Thank You!!! How old is your dd now? Is she focused and has she
spoken with you about the process? Im sorry to drill you but my mind is
always going a mile a minute. Its all I ever think about. I have also
reverted to hiding how much time I spend on the computer , because she seems
to think every time I suggest something, its because somebody on the computer
told me too. I feel like a thief in the night just waiting for my chance to
steal some time online. (really its not that bad , but she does comment about
it alot.)
Thanks Again
Tamie
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