kids friends
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/00 4:54:14 AM, [email protected] writes:
<< I wonder if my kids are really missing
something. >>
carron,
remember that what they are missing may not really be desirable! i have fond
memories too of growing up in a neighborhood with the neighborhood kids...
but i am so greatful now (from a mom pov) that we live out in the country
without little people knocking at my door everyday. we get to choose when we
are ready for guests... but the bigger benefit, to me, is that the behavior
kids learn when they are around peers a lot has many down sides! my kids
have so enjoyed socializing with our friends of ALL ages. they have whole
families that they consider "their" friends-- the mom, the dad, the kids of
all ages; as well as our elderly neighbor... that rounded view is one we
strive for as we see that life is filled with people of all ages, shapes and
sizes, etc... it sounds to me like your kids are getting plenty of
interaction... maybe there is someone in the condo that you'd like to get to
know better? it can be a great service to a lucky person or two with whom
you start a relationship.
erin
<< I wonder if my kids are really missing
something. >>
carron,
remember that what they are missing may not really be desirable! i have fond
memories too of growing up in a neighborhood with the neighborhood kids...
but i am so greatful now (from a mom pov) that we live out in the country
without little people knocking at my door everyday. we get to choose when we
are ready for guests... but the bigger benefit, to me, is that the behavior
kids learn when they are around peers a lot has many down sides! my kids
have so enjoyed socializing with our friends of ALL ages. they have whole
families that they consider "their" friends-- the mom, the dad, the kids of
all ages; as well as our elderly neighbor... that rounded view is one we
strive for as we see that life is filled with people of all ages, shapes and
sizes, etc... it sounds to me like your kids are getting plenty of
interaction... maybe there is someone in the condo that you'd like to get to
know better? it can be a great service to a lucky person or two with whom
you start a relationship.
erin
M & J Welch
>>but i am so greatful now (from a mom pov) that we live out in the countrywithout little people knocking at my door everyday. we get to choose when
we
are ready for guests...<<
Erin you are so right that this is an advantage to living in the country.
Living in the city the way we do we have to work at preventing psed kids
from coming over to ask ds to play constantly. I don't feel that a primary
child needs to socialize outside the family more than 2-3 hours a day tops,
(I actually make sure my ds socializes less often then that-about 3-4 days a
week at 2-3 hours at a time) but many of the psed kids in our neighborhood
spend their entire day outside of the home-get out of school, then they hit
the streets. Their parents don't have the slightest idea what their kids
may be getting into.
What's also tough is trying to keep the "bad" kids away. (They're not
"bad"-just neglected and ignored by their parents and the system at large.)
Ds formed temporary friendships with these kids, then the sociopathic
behavior started up (constant lying, physical threats, extreme profanity,
encouraging ds to break outside playtime rules etc.) and I've had to forbid
the friendship between 3 neighbor kids and ds. These kids still come over
and ask ds to play (when their more compatible sociopathic friends are not
available). This is not a great situation, and it angers me that these
children are allowed to behave in this manner with no parental intervention.
I did try to influence one little girl with whom ds had formed a special
attachment, but when I found out she was encouraging him to cross the street
and go to the neighborhood store without my consent, to lie to me, and to go
into her home when he knew he wasn't supposed to, run off with her without
letting me know where he was going, I ended the relationship. I didn't have
the leverage I needed to teach her the right way to act, and instead, my son
was learning inappropriate social behavior which he admitted to me he felt
uncomfortable doing. He wasn't happy in the friendship anymore, he felt
manipulated and used, so the desire to make the effort left us. I still
think about this little girl and wonder with concern about her future.
So-yeah! Absolutely living in the country and not having to deal with the
ethics of sticky socialization issues is preferable!
Lee
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/11/2000 8:40:23 AM Central Daylight Time,
MorelFam@... writes:
the neighborhood don't really like the behavior and attitudes of the kids who
are available. There is a lot to be said for being able to pick and choose
and not open your door to every little one who knocks on it!
Carron
MorelFam@... writes:
> carron,I'm getting the picture. Some of our hs friends who do have non-hs kids in
>
> remember that what they are missing may not really be desirable!
the neighborhood don't really like the behavior and attitudes of the kids who
are available. There is a lot to be said for being able to pick and choose
and not open your door to every little one who knocks on it!
Carron
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
i have fond memories too of growing up in a neighborhood with the neighborhood kids...
Nanci K.
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>erinMy memories of neighborhood kids are not so fond. I grew up in the city, and while, over the years, I did have a couple of friends and a few pleasant acquaintanceships (is that a word? LOL) with neigbor kids, I also had a lot of negative interaction. Friends often did not stay in the area long, but would move away after a few years or less. My brother was my closest playmate often, even though we were in PS. When I was five, the little boy down the street knocked out two of my teeth, and that was hardly the end of negative interactions with neighbor kids. We had far too much freedom and very little discipline and supervision for kids that lived in the inner city. If we had lived in the country, things would have been much different.
Nanci K.
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Kim
Hi,
I was reading this string with great interest because we live out in the
country too, but we had a similar "city" experience. A boy followed my
girls home one day after their bike ride to the mailbox one mile away and
started coming over to play just about every day. He said he was
homeschooled (ISP program), but I kind of think he got kicked out of school.
He told my girls that he steals! And then he kept hinting around that he
really wanted my DD's Gameboy! I didn't feel comfortable with that so I
ended that relationship. I wonder if I should have called his mother and
told her why her son can't come over. I have felt so torn ever since. I
don't know if I did the right thing!
Kim
I was reading this string with great interest because we live out in the
country too, but we had a similar "city" experience. A boy followed my
girls home one day after their bike ride to the mailbox one mile away and
started coming over to play just about every day. He said he was
homeschooled (ISP program), but I kind of think he got kicked out of school.
He told my girls that he steals! And then he kept hinting around that he
really wanted my DD's Gameboy! I didn't feel comfortable with that so I
ended that relationship. I wonder if I should have called his mother and
told her why her son can't come over. I have felt so torn ever since. I
don't know if I did the right thing!
Kim
> From: "M & J Welch" <seamus@...>country
> Subject: RE: kids friends
>
> >>but i am so greatful now (from a mom pov) that we live out in the
> without little people knocking at my door everyday. we get to choose when
> we
> are ready for guests...<<
>
> Erin you are so right that this is an advantage to living in the country.
Tracy Oldfield
Lee, I know this is probably none of my business, but could you
make it that your kids can play with these kids, but only at your
house? I wouldn't want to actually stop my kids playing with the
others on our street, even though one girl treats them like dolls or
something, stopping another neighbour (who is more of a friend
than the others) from playing with them. The kids on the street
seem to have polarised into the almost-teenage girls and one of
them's sister (said 'owner-type') the 'nice' families down the road
who all live next-door to each other (who are all super
competitive, btw) and the other group, which is my 2, the friend,
who's 9, her sister who's 3 or 4, two boys from down the street
who can be really nasty, but it's the way they've been raised
(victims of victims, or needed karmically to be in that life,
however you want to see it) and another from round the corner
who's equally raised on 'tough-love.' I find it quite strange that my
two have hooked up with these others, especially since there was
a lot of antagonism from the boys to the older girl earlier this
summer. They are learning stuff from playing out with them, and
I wouldn't want to restrict that. Ah, well, Summer's nearly over, if
they're going to 'socialise' it's going to be more indorrs and you
can keep tabs then, and so can I! Good luck with it!
Tracy
make it that your kids can play with these kids, but only at your
house? I wouldn't want to actually stop my kids playing with the
others on our street, even though one girl treats them like dolls or
something, stopping another neighbour (who is more of a friend
than the others) from playing with them. The kids on the street
seem to have polarised into the almost-teenage girls and one of
them's sister (said 'owner-type') the 'nice' families down the road
who all live next-door to each other (who are all super
competitive, btw) and the other group, which is my 2, the friend,
who's 9, her sister who's 3 or 4, two boys from down the street
who can be really nasty, but it's the way they've been raised
(victims of victims, or needed karmically to be in that life,
however you want to see it) and another from round the corner
who's equally raised on 'tough-love.' I find it quite strange that my
two have hooked up with these others, especially since there was
a lot of antagonism from the boys to the older girl earlier this
summer. They are learning stuff from playing out with them, and
I wouldn't want to restrict that. Ah, well, Summer's nearly over, if
they're going to 'socialise' it's going to be more indorrs and you
can keep tabs then, and so can I! Good luck with it!
Tracy
M & J Welch
Tracy I appreciate your suggestions. I've tried letting the neighbor kids
into my home, one on one friend visits and such. It appeared to work pretty
well with the girl I mentioned, until she began to come over and ask ds to
play outside all the time. After having had her in my home I thought I'd
built up a strong enough relationship with her that I knew her. Wrong!! I
let them go outside tp play and reminded ds of the rules. I watched them go
outside and follow my admonishments well enough for awhile. After a half an
hour ds returned home to tell me he couldn't play with her anymore. I asked
why, and he said because she can cross the street, play anywhere she wants,
swears alot, and plays with the mean kids. This girl is only 6 years old
(When I say mean, I mean MEAN. There's a 14 year old who has physically
assaulted several children in this neighborhood and sexually molested his
younger 9 year old sister-and this is the family of children I try to keep
ds away from. His little brother is following in his older brother's
footsteps by physically threatening ds, and stealing toys. The sister who
has been molested lies all the time. All of these kids hang around this
little girl my ds is so fond of. The neighborhood at large has called the
polics and CPS numerous times on the parent of these kids, but nothing has
been resolved. The police have told me to continue calling so the *system*
will finally have enough *evidence* to help these kids, although I think for
the 14 year old it's probably too late. I hope I'm wrong.)
Weelll. Hmmm, I thought. Ds obviously isn't safe playing outside with this
girl because she completely lacks judgement and has a mother who is
incapable of taking care of her daughter correctly. (The mother is very
young, a victim of abuse herself, and is living with a boyfriend who was
convicted of sexual assault. I'm certain he's mentally abusing the mom, if
not physically.) So I decided to limit ds's visiting time with this little
girl to only when they are in my yard or my house. For about a week it
seemed to work, but then the girl noticed ds couldn't go around the
neighborhood with her, or go off by themselves, and she stopped coming over.
I still say hello to her when I see her, and she asks if ds can come out to
play-I tell her she can come over instead. She doesn't come.
The rest of the kids are okay-pretty good kids, they get out of hand once in
awhile-like yesterday 2 psed boys were chasing ds and a friend on bikes
yelling and threatening them. My dh stepped out and did the old "If you do
that again, I'm calling your parents!" routine. I hope it worked!
And without all that pack mentality kids get in school, my ds is learning
everything he needs about undesireable behavior just fine. Ugh. :-) It's too
bad about these families-the neighborhood is actually a pretty good one.
You can walk around at night and not have to worry-most everybody is on a
first name basis with the local police-small town mentality-that sort of
thing. I sometimes think if this were 100 years ago, the children would have
been removed from the parent's influence years ago, and the kids would have
a decent chance of growing up happy.
Lee
into my home, one on one friend visits and such. It appeared to work pretty
well with the girl I mentioned, until she began to come over and ask ds to
play outside all the time. After having had her in my home I thought I'd
built up a strong enough relationship with her that I knew her. Wrong!! I
let them go outside tp play and reminded ds of the rules. I watched them go
outside and follow my admonishments well enough for awhile. After a half an
hour ds returned home to tell me he couldn't play with her anymore. I asked
why, and he said because she can cross the street, play anywhere she wants,
swears alot, and plays with the mean kids. This girl is only 6 years old
(When I say mean, I mean MEAN. There's a 14 year old who has physically
assaulted several children in this neighborhood and sexually molested his
younger 9 year old sister-and this is the family of children I try to keep
ds away from. His little brother is following in his older brother's
footsteps by physically threatening ds, and stealing toys. The sister who
has been molested lies all the time. All of these kids hang around this
little girl my ds is so fond of. The neighborhood at large has called the
polics and CPS numerous times on the parent of these kids, but nothing has
been resolved. The police have told me to continue calling so the *system*
will finally have enough *evidence* to help these kids, although I think for
the 14 year old it's probably too late. I hope I'm wrong.)
Weelll. Hmmm, I thought. Ds obviously isn't safe playing outside with this
girl because she completely lacks judgement and has a mother who is
incapable of taking care of her daughter correctly. (The mother is very
young, a victim of abuse herself, and is living with a boyfriend who was
convicted of sexual assault. I'm certain he's mentally abusing the mom, if
not physically.) So I decided to limit ds's visiting time with this little
girl to only when they are in my yard or my house. For about a week it
seemed to work, but then the girl noticed ds couldn't go around the
neighborhood with her, or go off by themselves, and she stopped coming over.
I still say hello to her when I see her, and she asks if ds can come out to
play-I tell her she can come over instead. She doesn't come.
The rest of the kids are okay-pretty good kids, they get out of hand once in
awhile-like yesterday 2 psed boys were chasing ds and a friend on bikes
yelling and threatening them. My dh stepped out and did the old "If you do
that again, I'm calling your parents!" routine. I hope it worked!
And without all that pack mentality kids get in school, my ds is learning
everything he needs about undesireable behavior just fine. Ugh. :-) It's too
bad about these families-the neighborhood is actually a pretty good one.
You can walk around at night and not have to worry-most everybody is on a
first name basis with the local police-small town mentality-that sort of
thing. I sometimes think if this were 100 years ago, the children would have
been removed from the parent's influence years ago, and the kids would have
a decent chance of growing up happy.
Lee
Tracy Oldfield
I figured you'd have tried something already, it's a complex
situation you're in there :-(
I find it funny-peculiar that my kids seem to have hooked up with
the ones they have. But hey, I'm not them, so what can I say?
Sounds really tough over there...
Tracy
situation you're in there :-(
I find it funny-peculiar that my kids seem to have hooked up with
the ones they have. But hey, I'm not them, so what can I say?
Sounds really tough over there...
Tracy
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
I sometimes think if this were 100 years ago, the children would have
But because she was not "normal" the town biddies and the sherif were conspiring to get the girls taken away, and would come around the house asking to see the kids and asking all sorts of rude questions that were none of their business. The kids were healthy, well fed, had warm clothing, a very nice home, were loved, and pampered, in thier aunt's own weird way. She was mostly just an "embarrassment." She was romantic and a daydreamer, and often silly. It was very sad.
Nanci K.
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>been removed from the parent's influence years ago, and the kids would have a decent chance of growing up happy.Has anyone seen the movie "Housekeeping"?? I saw it yesterday, and it was along these lines. Two orphaned girls (in about the 1930's or 40's)were bounced around between relatives (who all came to live in the largish house they inherited from their grandmother) until an eccentric aunt came to live with them. She was a bit kooky and had some odd habits, but was generally harmless.
>
>Lee
But because she was not "normal" the town biddies and the sherif were conspiring to get the girls taken away, and would come around the house asking to see the kids and asking all sorts of rude questions that were none of their business. The kids were healthy, well fed, had warm clothing, a very nice home, were loved, and pampered, in thier aunt's own weird way. She was mostly just an "embarrassment." She was romantic and a daydreamer, and often silly. It was very sad.
Nanci K.
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