Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: General observation
Shirley A Richardson-McCourt
We seem to have a few folks who don't deal very well with the concept that
some people will NEVER agree with them and that they are entitled to think
whatever they like. It IS possible to be an intelligent person and hold an
opinion that conflicts with that of another person. That's why they are
called OPINIONS!
I guess what's bugging me is the condescending, supercillious, and just
plain nasty tones of some recent posts. I like a good debate as well as the
next homeschooler, but I really get uncomfortable when the issues get lost
in the personalities. I realize that we could avoid all this by just turning
this into a milk-and-cookies board (my personal term for a list where
nothing but "warm fuzzies" are allowed) but I'd personally hate to see that
happen.
Does anyone else think that there must be a middle ground here between "too
nasty" and "too nice?"
Shirley
some people will NEVER agree with them and that they are entitled to think
whatever they like. It IS possible to be an intelligent person and hold an
opinion that conflicts with that of another person. That's why they are
called OPINIONS!
I guess what's bugging me is the condescending, supercillious, and just
plain nasty tones of some recent posts. I like a good debate as well as the
next homeschooler, but I really get uncomfortable when the issues get lost
in the personalities. I realize that we could avoid all this by just turning
this into a milk-and-cookies board (my personal term for a list where
nothing but "warm fuzzies" are allowed) but I'd personally hate to see that
happen.
Does anyone else think that there must be a middle ground here between "too
nasty" and "too nice?"
Shirley
Cindy L.
Shirley,
I couldn't agree more. We may never know the good that comes from
discussing such topics, it would be a shame to discourage people from asking
questions. There is the idea that when one person in a group asks a
question they are speaking for others in the group too. This discussion
does not have to be about changing minds, but instead it could be seen as an
opportunity to exchange ideas, to throw out our own stories that might aid
someone else. It has been mentioned that some parents who were raised with
corporal punishment are looking for ideas to help them avoid repeating the
past. Certainly I have never changed my mind or learned anything by being
reprimanded or scolded, so I don't think this is an effective way to get a
point across.
I for one don't believe in 'punishment' in any form as a device for teaching
children (or adults for that matter), but due to my history I have a nasty
temper, my parents rarely hit us but there was emotional violence, and lots
of throwing objects and such. So even though I have come to terms with all
of this, and I have found a philosophy that I try to live by, I am not
perfect. Heaven knows I can use reminders of helpful hints from time to
time. The best idea I've found is singing- it calms myself and my son. But
it's helpful to be reminded when I'm not thinking clear. My husband on the
other hand grew up in a family where voices were never raised, emotions
never shown either, so when I forget and start to scream he gets quite
upset. But it never helps if he criticizes me at this point, if instead he
tries to understand, or if he would gently start to sing I could calm down,
this is what I want to do after all.
So it seems that Corallyn wanted ideas that she could use to avoid a
situation she was uncomfortable with, and some people did answer with
compassion for her intent, that can help. Continuing to back her into a
corner can never accomplish anything.
I am very new to this list, but this seemed very important to me- the idea
of approaching a situation in a loving helpful manner, rather than creating
ill feelings & defensiveness, so that everyone feels safe to seek help &
advice about any matters that may ultimately benefit their children.
Cindy L.
I couldn't agree more. We may never know the good that comes from
discussing such topics, it would be a shame to discourage people from asking
questions. There is the idea that when one person in a group asks a
question they are speaking for others in the group too. This discussion
does not have to be about changing minds, but instead it could be seen as an
opportunity to exchange ideas, to throw out our own stories that might aid
someone else. It has been mentioned that some parents who were raised with
corporal punishment are looking for ideas to help them avoid repeating the
past. Certainly I have never changed my mind or learned anything by being
reprimanded or scolded, so I don't think this is an effective way to get a
point across.
I for one don't believe in 'punishment' in any form as a device for teaching
children (or adults for that matter), but due to my history I have a nasty
temper, my parents rarely hit us but there was emotional violence, and lots
of throwing objects and such. So even though I have come to terms with all
of this, and I have found a philosophy that I try to live by, I am not
perfect. Heaven knows I can use reminders of helpful hints from time to
time. The best idea I've found is singing- it calms myself and my son. But
it's helpful to be reminded when I'm not thinking clear. My husband on the
other hand grew up in a family where voices were never raised, emotions
never shown either, so when I forget and start to scream he gets quite
upset. But it never helps if he criticizes me at this point, if instead he
tries to understand, or if he would gently start to sing I could calm down,
this is what I want to do after all.
So it seems that Corallyn wanted ideas that she could use to avoid a
situation she was uncomfortable with, and some people did answer with
compassion for her intent, that can help. Continuing to back her into a
corner can never accomplish anything.
I am very new to this list, but this seemed very important to me- the idea
of approaching a situation in a loving helpful manner, rather than creating
ill feelings & defensiveness, so that everyone feels safe to seek help &
advice about any matters that may ultimately benefit their children.
Cindy L.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Shirley A Richardson-McCourt" <thediva@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2000 2:00 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: General observation
> We seem to have a few folks who don't deal very well with the concept that
> some people will NEVER agree with them and that they are entitled to think
> whatever they like. It IS possible to be an intelligent person and hold an
> opinion that conflicts with that of another person. That's why they are
> called OPINIONS!
>
> I guess what's bugging me is the condescending, supercillious, and just
> plain nasty tones of some recent posts. I like a good debate as well as
the
> next homeschooler, but I really get uncomfortable when the issues get lost
> in the personalities. I realize that we could avoid all this by just
turning
> this into a milk-and-cookies board (my personal term for a list where
> nothing but "warm fuzzies" are allowed) but I'd personally hate to see
that
> happen.
>
> Does anyone else think that there must be a middle ground here between
"too
> nasty" and "too nice?"
>
> Shirley