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In a message dated 8/24/2000 5:15:39 PM Central Daylight Time,
HollyAtch@... writes:

> Buzz,
>
> I don't have any advice to share, but good luck to you. And BRAVO! I
have
> said for years that when my girls get older they can do whatever they want
> to their hair INCLUDING dying it pink! My hope with that is that if I let
> them express themselves freely in that way maybe, MAYBE they won't go off
> the deep end and try other not-so-safe things (like drugs, ect.)
>
> Holly
>

One day Haley, who's three, had used a black pen to draw up and down her arms
and then asked for a temporary Cupid tatoo on her arm. That night, we took
our kids to a drop-in day care center that we use occassionally when our
babysitting options are limited. The kids really have fun there. When we
got to the center, the teacher looked at her and said, "Your parents let you
do that to yourself?" My husband said, "Sure, why not?" The teacher, who is
really a sweet -- if conventional -- woman, looked at us like we were crazy.
I was very proud of my husband.

My husband really has come a long way in the last couple of years. When we
went to our first unschooling conference, my husband got to see that
unschooled teenagers aren't particularly weird or frightening or anything
like that. I think he expected that they'd all be dressed in goth with pasty
white faces and black lipstick. But, no, they were a pretty mundane bunch.
In fact, near the end of the conference, he was saying that they were all TOO
well adjusted and that just wasn't normal. They're supposed to be rebelling
against their parents at this age, he insisted. But during the very last
workshop, experienced unschooling parents explained that yes, their kids did
rebel, just like all kids, but with two big differences.

First, they had more time to do it. Parents of school kids only see their
kids for a short time each day and get a concentrated dose of rebellion.
Besides, school kids are so caught up in popular culture, that their moods
and their actions change rapidly, and parents just see this worldwind of
change and emotion in their kids. Homeschooled kids are less influenced by
peers and popular culture.

Second, homeschool families and unschoolers in particular are a lot more
tolerant of individualism and experimentation and a lot more respectful of
their children as people. Allowing kids to experiment takes a lot of the
sting out of rebellion.

Now, my husband has come to believe that "traditional" rebellion is in fact
rebellion against artificial control that many parents, especially school
parents, inflict on their children in order to gain a sense of balance.

Carron