Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall

We just loved her to death. But she started acting this way at about 3 years old and I wonder if she isn't autistic to some degree.
>Since that time, she has gone from being our very sweet loving baby to being very difficult for anyone in the family to live with.
>Kandice

Oh my Kandice! I would have her checked for allergies right away!! In the meantime, until you can get in to see an allergist, start an elimination diet beginning with all the major suspicious items (dairy, wheat, etc) and remember that it may take weeks for effects to leave here system, so be patient. Stick to whole foods, raw fruits and veggies (as long as she is not allergic to them) and get educated about allerges if you are not already. Look for behavior changes after mealtime, or addict type behavior in demanding certain foods also. Pay attention to self limiting in her diet and whether she obsesses over certain foods.

Since we have a highly allergic family, and also one acutely allergic child, I have been learning a lot about allergies in the past few years. It sure sounds to me like this "changed" little girl is profoundly unhappy and suffering in some way. If allergies prove not to be the problem (which would surprise me) I would look into chemical brain imbalances and whether she needs help to regulate that and allow her to function normally. She may be depressed. I was at that age, and I was NOT a pleasant child, let me tell you.

Nanci K.

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LisaKK

Kandice, have you visited our message boards yet? There is a wonderful
group of women who deal with differently abled kids, some autistic, some
aspergers, some sensory integration problems there. They should be able to
point you to many many resources. go to
http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/board-topics.html and find the
speical needs folder.

Kandie Dermerst are you here???

LisaKK
-----Original Message-----
From: Kandice Crockett <naturalmom@...>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Date: Wednesday, August 16, 2000 6:33 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] My 4 year old


>My daughter finally began calling us Mommy and Daddy at 3 years or so old
>but mixed the names up for quite a while and still sometimes. She can't
>draw a line from the "A" to the "B" or put a circle on the "B" or tell me
if
>there are two balls or three.
>She can't really make a sentence yet. We can't particularly communicate
>with her because she doesn't understand much of what we say unless we use
>the very few words in her vocabulary.
>When she talks, we often can figure out what she wants but just as often,
we
>can't.
>She spends a lot of her time throwing fits of frustration and being
stubborn
>about everything and anything.
>She was raised as a baby very lovingly by both me and my husband. She was
>very pampered and never left to cry. We just loved her to death. But she
>started acting this way at about 3 years old and I wonder if she isn't
>autistic to some degree. I have heard that this usually occurs at about 3
>years.
>Since that time, she has gone from being our very sweet loving baby to
being
>very difficult for anyone in the family to live with. She spends a lot of
>her time screaming at siblings.
>If the kids take her outside for a walk, it becomes a big long screaming
fit
>for Michelle who isn't happy with anything at all particularly if it
>involves the word "no". If we try to play with her, she is very likely to
>grunt loudly at us defiantly and refuse to co-operate in anything.
>I just don't know what to do with her.
>I don't expect her to be like the gifted son and be a super child in her
>abilities, but it would be nice if there was at least reasonable ability to
>communicate with her. I don't know how to work with her and help her and
>there isn't a way to explain anything to her that she is upset and
screaming
>about.
>I don't mean to be one of those mothers who labels her kid and has too much
>expectation. I just don't know if everything is okay with her or not. If
>more time and freedom to do her own thing is all she needs, that would be
>great. She is free to have it here. I just don't know if that's the case
>and am worried.
>
>Blessings to you,
>
>Kandice
>If I could show you how to make $300-$800+ mo. part-time at home with no
selling, inventory,or huge
>start-up cost, would you like to hear about it? NOT Amway! ;)
kandyc@...
>
>-----------------------------------------------
>FREE! The World's Best Email Address @...
>Reserve your name now at http://www.email.com
>
>
>
>
>
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Donald and Crystal Meaker

Could it just be that the child is simply at a point in her life where
she is testing? I would hate to jump up and say "Autism" right away. Is
she suddenly "unpampered". If she was pampared as a baby she may be
resisting a change to anything that even smells like not getting her way.

Pax,
Crys

On Wed, 16 Aug 2000 19:58:13 -0500 "LisaKK" <LisaBugg@...>
writes:
> Kandice, have you visited our message boards yet? There is a
> wonderful
> group of women who deal with differently abled kids, some autistic,
> some
> aspergers, some sensory integration problems there. They should be
> able to
> point you to many many resources. go to
> http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/board-topics.html and
> find the
> speical needs folder.
>
> Kandie Dermerst are you here???
>
> LisaKK
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kandice Crockett <naturalmom@...>
> To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
> Date: Wednesday, August 16, 2000 6:33 PM
> Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] My 4 year old
>
>
> >My daughter finally began calling us Mommy and Daddy at 3 years or
> so old
> >but mixed the names up for quite a while and still sometimes. She
> can't
> >draw a line from the "A" to the "B" or put a circle on the "B" or
> tell me
> if
> >there are two balls or three.
> >She can't really make a sentence yet. We can't particularly
> communicate
> >with her because she doesn't understand much of what we say unless
> we use
> >the very few words in her vocabulary.
> >When she talks, we often can figure out what she wants but just as
> often,
> we
> >can't.
> >She spends a lot of her time throwing fits of frustration and being
> stubborn
> >about everything and anything.
> >She was raised as a baby very lovingly by both me and my husband.
> She was
> >very pampered and never left to cry. We just loved her to death.
> But she
> >started acting this way at about 3 years old and I wonder if she
> isn't
> >autistic to some degree. I have heard that this usually occurs at
> about 3
> >years.
> >Since that time, she has gone from being our very sweet loving baby
> to
> being
> >very difficult for anyone in the family to live with. She spends a
> lot of
> >her time screaming at siblings.
> >If the kids take her outside for a walk, it becomes a big long
> screaming
> fit
> >for Michelle who isn't happy with anything at all particularly if
> it
> >involves the word "no". If we try to play with her, she is very
> likely to
> >grunt loudly at us defiantly and refuse to co-operate in anything.
> >I just don't know what to do with her.
> >I don't expect her to be like the gifted son and be a super child
> in her
> >abilities, but it would be nice if there was at least reasonable
> ability to
> >communicate with her. I don't know how to work with her and help
> her and
> >there isn't a way to explain anything to her that she is upset and
> screaming
> >about.
> >I don't mean to be one of those mothers who labels her kid and has
> too much
> >expectation. I just don't know if everything is okay with her or
> not. If
> >more time and freedom to do her own thing is all she needs, that
> would be
> >great. She is free to have it here. I just don't know if that's
> the case
> >and am worried.
> >
> >Blessings to you,
> >
> >Kandice
> >If I could show you how to make $300-$800+ mo. part-time at home
> with no
> selling, inventory,or huge
> >start-up cost, would you like to hear about it? NOT Amway! ;)
> kandyc@...
> >
> >-----------------------------------------------
> >FREE! The World's Best Email Address @...
> >Reserve your name now at http://www.email.com
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> >Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
> >
> >Addresses:
> >Post message: [email protected]
> >Unsubscribe: [email protected]
> >List owner: [email protected]
> >List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>

>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
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Joseph May

Kandice,
I know exactly what you are going through. My son know 7 was nonverbal until almost 4. I went from Dr. to Dr. and told he was just slow. I took him to a group of specialists and had a battery of tests run on him and was told he was austic. He also was uncontrolable. Screaming fits, frustritated very easily. I decided on a whim to go to an ENT DR. I found out he could not hear. He had fluid build up behind his ears(not due to ear infections) and his adnoide were 80% enlarged. I asked why no one found this sooner. DR. said no one ever did a tampanagram (SP?) on him. The funny thing was he could pass a regular hearing test.. Tubes went in the ears, adnoids and toncisls came out. He cried the first time he heard a plane fly over. He didn't know what it was. If you have ever read the checklist for autisum a large percentage of children would fall into the catagory.
After we took care of my sons hearing the negative behavior stoped almost instantly. He started picking up things. He dosn't like loud noises they hurt him.
I just wanted to share my experience with you and hope it helps.
Dianna

Shelley A Stefanic

Kandice,
I don't know anything about autism, possibly that is the case. However,
even in "normal" children, 3 is an age where your loving "Dr. Jekel" can
turn into "Mr. Hyde". The "terrible two's" have nothing on the "VERY
trying three's".
~Shelley

Sonia Ulan

Hi Kandice;

Is there a chance your delicious daughter could be affected by
vaccinations? There are many who theorize some of us do react to infant
vaccinations and your situation could be the result 3-4 years
later...Perhaps a homeopath could shed some light?


Whatever the cause, she will certainly thrive in your tender,
supportive, sensitive and loving care!

Some behaviorial problems can be tempered with a routine the child can
count on. My best friend's daughter struggled with behaviorial and
communicative frustrations until almost 5 when SUDDENLY her
speech/vocabulary improved sufficiently that she could communicate more
effectively. My friend also tried limiting refined sugars and white
flour. Food sensitivities can be under-diagnosed and explain some of
what you might be seeing.

Good luck!

Sonia



Kandice Crockett wrote:
>
> My daughter finally began calling us Mommy and Daddy at 3 years or so old
> but mixed the names up for quite a while and still sometimes. She can't
> draw a line from the "A" to the "B" or put a circle on the "B" or tell me if
> there are two balls or three.
> She can't really make a sentence yet. We can't particularly communicate
> with her because she doesn't understand much of what we say unless we use
> the very few words in her vocabulary.
> When she talks, we often can figure out what she wants but just as often, we
> can't.
> She spends a lot of her time throwing fits of frustration and being stubborn
> about everything and anything.
> She was raised as a baby very lovingly by both me and my husband. She was
> very pampered and never left to cry. We just loved her to death. But she
> started acting this way at about 3 years old and I wonder if she isn't
> autistic to some degree. I have heard that this usually occurs at about 3
> years.
> Since that time, she has gone from being our very sweet loving baby to being
> very difficult for anyone in the family to live with. She spends a lot of
> her time screaming at siblings.
> If the kids take her outside for a walk, it becomes a big long screaming fit
> for Michelle who isn't happy with anything at all particularly if it
> involves the word "no". If we try to play with her, she is very likely to
> grunt loudly at us defiantly and refuse to co-operate in anything.
> I just don't know what to do with her.
> I don't expect her to be like the gifted son and be a super child in her
> abilities, but it would be nice if there was at least reasonable ability to
> communicate with her. I don't know how to work with her and help her and
> there isn't a way to explain anything to her that she is upset and screaming
> about.
> I don't mean to be one of those mothers who labels her kid and has too much
> expectation. I just don't know if everything is okay with her or not. If
> more time and freedom to do her own thing is all she needs, that would be
> great. She is free to have it here. I just don't know if that's the case
> and am worried.
>
> Blessings to you,
>
> Kandice
> If I could show you how to make $300-$800+ mo. part-time at home with no selling, inventory,or huge
> start-up cost, would you like to hear about it? NOT Amway! ;) kandyc@...
>
> -----------------------------------------------
> FREE! The World's Best Email Address @...
> Reserve your name now at http://www.email.com
>
>
>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Addresses:
> Post message: [email protected]
> Unsubscribe: [email protected]
> List owner: [email protected]
> List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom

[email protected]

SO TRUE ABOUT 3 YR OLDS! One minute my beautiful sweet child, the next a
very, very difficult person.

Julie

Kimberly Van Meter

Kandice,

I know that you've gotten a variety of response here, but I would say,
based on my own experiences with my daughter, your description of your
daughter definitely sounds as if she might have some sort of developmental
delay, and she may also be dealing with other issues such as sensory
integration dysfunction, which is often one of the features of autism. My
daughter was adopted from Russia at 22 months and was unable to speak even
very simple words until about 3. At 4 she began to use more words, but
they were still unintelligible to most people outside our family. She has
had a lot of speech therapy (as well as occupational therapy and physical
therapy), and she now, at 5-1/2, is speaking in 3-4 word sentences, though
she is still difficult to understand. She has many emotional and social
issues that make it a challenge for her to interact with other kids,
including my two younger kids (2 & 3). She has many screaming fits, and
there is often major frustration for her in trying to make us understand
her needs. She also unreasonably wants what the other kids have much of
the time, and she can often be quite aggressive with them. This is not to
say that she can't be a wonderful kid. She definitely can be and is. She
definitely has her own set of challenges, however, challenges that we don't
always know how to handle.

What is important to realize, however, is that there are MANY resources
available for kids with these kinds of challenges. You can contact your
local area education agency, and they will provide free evaluations of your
daughter's needs. We have chosen to have Sheridan attend a special needs
preschool that is located at the local public school, although we are
homeschooling the younger two kids. Even if she did not attend this
school, however, Sheridan would be eligible for speech therapy,
occupational therapy, and physical therapy (and now, starting this fall,
music therapy, which we are THRILLED about because she responds incredibly
well to music) paid for by the local school district.

-Kim, who hasn't officially introduced herself yet but who has been lurking
about for the last few weeks.


At 07:58 PM 8/16/00 -0500, you wrote:
>Kandice, have you visited our message boards yet? There is a wonderful
>group of women who deal with differently abled kids, some autistic, some
>aspergers, some sensory integration problems there. They should be able to
>point you to many many resources. go to
>http://www.unschooling.com/discus/messages/board-topics.html and find the
>speical needs folder.
>
>Kandie Dermerst are you here???
>
>LisaKK
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Kandice Crockett <naturalmom@...>
>To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
>Date: Wednesday, August 16, 2000 6:33 PM
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] My 4 year old
>
>
> >My daughter finally began calling us Mommy and Daddy at 3 years or so old
> >but mixed the names up for quite a while and still sometimes. She can't
> >draw a line from the "A" to the "B" or put a circle on the "B" or tell me
>if
> >there are two balls or three.
> >She can't really make a sentence yet. We can't particularly communicate
> >with her because she doesn't understand much of what we say unless we use
> >the very few words in her vocabulary.
> >When she talks, we often can figure out what she wants but just as often,
>we
> >can't.
> >She spends a lot of her time throwing fits of frustration and being
>stubborn
> >about everything and anything.
> >She was raised as a baby very lovingly by both me and my husband. She was
> >very pampered and never left to cry. We just loved her to death. But she
> >started acting this way at about 3 years old and I wonder if she isn't
> >autistic to some degree. I have heard that this usually occurs at about 3
> >years.
> >Since that time, she has gone from being our very sweet loving baby to
>being
> >very difficult for anyone in the family to live with. She spends a lot of
> >her time screaming at siblings.
> >If the kids take her outside for a walk, it becomes a big long screaming
>fit
> >for Michelle who isn't happy with anything at all particularly if it
> >involves the word "no". If we try to play with her, she is very likely to
> >grunt loudly at us defiantly and refuse to co-operate in anything.
> >I just don't know what to do with her.
> >I don't expect her to be like the gifted son and be a super child in her
> >abilities, but it would be nice if there was at least reasonable ability to
> >communicate with her. I don't know how to work with her and help her and
> >there isn't a way to explain anything to her that she is upset and
>screaming
> >about.
> >I don't mean to be one of those mothers who labels her kid and has too much
> >expectation. I just don't know if everything is okay with her or not. If
> >more time and freedom to do her own thing is all she needs, that would be
> >great. She is free to have it here. I just don't know if that's the case
> >and am worried.
> >
> >Blessings to you,
> >
> >Kandice
> >If I could show you how to make $300-$800+ mo. part-time at home with no
>selling, inventory,or huge
> >start-up cost, would you like to hear about it? NOT Amway! ;)
>kandyc@...
> >
> >-----------------------------------------------
> >FREE! The World's Best Email Address @...
> >Reserve your name now at http://www.email.com
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> >Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
> >
> >Addresses:
> >Post message: [email protected]
> >Unsubscribe: [email protected]
> >List owner: [email protected]
> >List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
>Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
>Addresses:
>Post message: [email protected]
>Unsubscribe: [email protected]
>List owner: [email protected]
>List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
>

Cathie _

Kandace, I know very little about autism, but I read an article about it
yesterday in Good Housekeeping magazine-I don't know what issue it was, but
from what I read there are treatments that are effective for autistic
children now, but early intervention is crucial. If you suspect this is her
problem, please see your doctor and find out. I am not one who goes to a
doctor much myself, but in this situation it is pretty important. Waiting
could mean the difference between your daughter having a normal life or
being severely disabled if she is indeed autistic.

Cathie

>From: Kandice Crockett <naturalmom@...>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] My 4 year old
>Date: Wed, 16 Aug 2000 19:33:17 -0400 (EDT)
>
>My daughter finally began calling us Mommy and Daddy at 3 years or so old
>but mixed the names up for quite a while and still sometimes. She can't
>draw a line from the "A" to the "B" or put a circle on the "B" or tell me
>if
>there are two balls or three.
>She can't really make a sentence yet. We can't particularly communicate
>with her because she doesn't understand much of what we say unless we use
>the very few words in her vocabulary.
>When she talks, we often can figure out what she wants but just as often,
>we
>can't.
>She spends a lot of her time throwing fits of frustration and being
>stubborn
>about everything and anything.
>She was raised as a baby very lovingly by both me and my husband. She was
>very pampered and never left to cry. We just loved her to death. But she
>started acting this way at about 3 years old and I wonder if she isn't
>autistic to some degree. I have heard that this usually occurs at about 3
>years.
>Since that time, she has gone from being our very sweet loving baby to
>being
>very difficult for anyone in the family to live with. She spends a lot of
>her time screaming at siblings.
>If the kids take her outside for a walk, it becomes a big long screaming
>fit
>for Michelle who isn't happy with anything at all particularly if it
>involves the word "no". If we try to play with her, she is very likely to
>grunt loudly at us defiantly and refuse to co-operate in anything.
>I just don't know what to do with her.
>I don't expect her to be like the gifted son and be a super child in her
>abilities, but it would be nice if there was at least reasonable ability to
>communicate with her. I don't know how to work with her and help her and
>there isn't a way to explain anything to her that she is upset and
>screaming
>about.
>I don't mean to be one of those mothers who labels her kid and has too much
>expectation. I just don't know if everything is okay with her or not. If
>more time and freedom to do her own thing is all she needs, that would be
>great. She is free to have it here. I just don't know if that's the case
>and am worried.
>
>Blessings to you,
>
>Kandice
>If I could show you how to make $300-$800+ mo. part-time at home with no
>selling, inventory,or huge
>start-up cost, would you like to hear about it? NOT Amway! ;)
>kandyc@...
>
>-----------------------------------------------
>FREE! The World's Best Email Address @...
>Reserve your name now at http://www.email.com
>
>
>
>
>
>Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
>Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
>Addresses:
>Post message: [email protected]
>Unsubscribe: [email protected]
>List owner: [email protected]
>List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
>
>

________________________________________________________________________
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[email protected]

Kandice,

Your post just drips with your concern over your daughter's delays. I feel
so much empathy toward you. When I read your first posts, I thought too that
you need to relax and let nature take it's course, all children develop at
their own rate. This last post, however, jumps out at me. Now I'm beginning
to think that you may want to consider taking some action. Have you had your
daughter tested by a psychologist or an occupational therapist trained to
recognize developmental delays?

My son was slow to develop, too, and his preschool teacher suggested that he
had ADHD. We had an extensive evaluation done by a child psychologist, and
she told us that his problem is not ADHD, but sensory integration
dysfunction. It is considered an autistic spectrum disorder, but not as
severe. In effect, he doesn't process sensory stimuli the same way "normal"
people do, and it has resulted in delays in gross and fine motor development.
But, intellectually he is not affected.

After the diagnosis, we had an additional evaluation done by an occupational
therapist, who confirmed the diagnosis. He was in occupational therapy for
about two years, and is still in group therapy with other boys his age to
develop better social skills.

Many SI children also often have speech delays which benefit from speech
therapy. The acting out often comes from frustration over the inability to
control the body or communicate effectively. These are all things that can
be successfully addressed in therapy. Our insurance company (we're on an
HMO) recommended the psychologist (who we learned even later has an excellent
reputation). Then our school system recommended the occupational therapy
agency who did the second evaluation and the therapy.

One important thing I learned from this process is that the earlier the
intervention, the better. OT for these children is designed to help the
brain reroute signals and reprocess them in the brain. The brain, however,
becomes hard-wired about age 10, and it becomes progressively more difficult
to retrain the sensory areas of the brain after that.

By the way, our son is doing very well. He's reached the therapy goals we
set when he was four. He's still uncoordinated, and doesn't have a lot of
physical confidence. But he addresses all of these issues in his own way.
He won't play team sports (his choice), but he takes karate and just started
taking ice skating lessons (at his own suggestion)! He looks a bit ungainly
on the ice, and progress is a bit slow, but he loves it!

We decided to homeschool because he could not function in a classroom. It
was the best decision we ever made. Now, of course, we homeschool for
completely different reasons -- because it's the best thing we can do for our
children.

If you'd like to talk about this some more, feel free to post or to e-mail me
off-list.

Carron