Is it Unschooling if...
Shay Seaborne
I've been in "lurk" mode, and even "web only" for a while, but have
recently gone back to digest mode. I have a difficult transition to face.
I spent the last "school" year driving my children to their weekly clubs
and classes: Play & Learn, Fun With Real Math Club, Spanish Club, Drama
Club, riding lessons and dance classes. They had a blast, and are
interested in doing virtually all of these again this year. However, I
strongly feel that our home/family life has suffered; we've hardly ever
been home!
I'm reassessing our lives, and leaning heavily toward making this year a
time to focus on things close to home. Maybe using "The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective Families" as our text. Thinking hardline; giving up the
regular external activities. I'm not stopping all going out, just the
weekly scheduled endeavors--except probably math club, because both kids
really need it. It's very low-key, too. Unlike many of the other
activities, which require much involvement outside of the meeting
time-such as helping to provide props and scenery and such for the Drama
Club and dance recitals; 80 minutes of driving for each riding lesson;
hosting the Play & Learn group every month (and coming up w/activities,
books, snacks, etc.).
The more I think about it, the better it feels in my guts. I think we
really just need to focus more on our family, and less on externally
structured activities. I believe it will be a positive experience for all
of us, and improve the health of our family relationships.
We really need to work on cooperation, family team spirit and such.
That's why I'm thinking of using The 7 Habits as our "curriculum" for at
least several months. Otherwise, I might just hop on that plane to
Bermuda.
In addition, last year's activities required spending several hundred
dollars, and we've had some bad luck with health and injuries this year,
which has created a financial problem for us. And, we have a whole room
full of (paid for) art & craft supplies waiting to be used--if we're ever
home long enough. It seems wise to cut back on expenses and utilize the
resources immediately at hand.
However, my children are upset with this decision; they want to continue
as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse to give my kids the
classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced similar situations?
Any suggestions for making the transition easier?
-Shay
FOLC homeschool support group: http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
"Va. Eclectic Homeschool" discussion list:
[email protected]
Va. Home Education Association:
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network: http://www.nhen.org
FOLC homeschool support group: http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
"Va. Eclectic Homeschool" discussion list:
[email protected]
Va. Home Education Association:
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network: http://www.nhen.org
recently gone back to digest mode. I have a difficult transition to face.
I spent the last "school" year driving my children to their weekly clubs
and classes: Play & Learn, Fun With Real Math Club, Spanish Club, Drama
Club, riding lessons and dance classes. They had a blast, and are
interested in doing virtually all of these again this year. However, I
strongly feel that our home/family life has suffered; we've hardly ever
been home!
I'm reassessing our lives, and leaning heavily toward making this year a
time to focus on things close to home. Maybe using "The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective Families" as our text. Thinking hardline; giving up the
regular external activities. I'm not stopping all going out, just the
weekly scheduled endeavors--except probably math club, because both kids
really need it. It's very low-key, too. Unlike many of the other
activities, which require much involvement outside of the meeting
time-such as helping to provide props and scenery and such for the Drama
Club and dance recitals; 80 minutes of driving for each riding lesson;
hosting the Play & Learn group every month (and coming up w/activities,
books, snacks, etc.).
The more I think about it, the better it feels in my guts. I think we
really just need to focus more on our family, and less on externally
structured activities. I believe it will be a positive experience for all
of us, and improve the health of our family relationships.
We really need to work on cooperation, family team spirit and such.
That's why I'm thinking of using The 7 Habits as our "curriculum" for at
least several months. Otherwise, I might just hop on that plane to
Bermuda.
In addition, last year's activities required spending several hundred
dollars, and we've had some bad luck with health and injuries this year,
which has created a financial problem for us. And, we have a whole room
full of (paid for) art & craft supplies waiting to be used--if we're ever
home long enough. It seems wise to cut back on expenses and utilize the
resources immediately at hand.
However, my children are upset with this decision; they want to continue
as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse to give my kids the
classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced similar situations?
Any suggestions for making the transition easier?
-Shay
FOLC homeschool support group: http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
"Va. Eclectic Homeschool" discussion list:
[email protected]
Va. Home Education Association:
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network: http://www.nhen.org
FOLC homeschool support group: http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
"Va. Eclectic Homeschool" discussion list:
[email protected]
Va. Home Education Association:
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network: http://www.nhen.org
Billy or Nancy
Shay,
I think a big part of unschooling is treating kids with respect and as an
important part of the family. That means letting them have input in family
decisions and knowing why things are being done, it does not mean that they
get to make all of the decisions and that you are to be at their beck and
call.
For many years, we did very little in the way of any scheduled activities
outside of the home. About two years ago we got involved in more, Brownies,
acting classes, swimming lessons, ice skating. It was fun but was also
beginning to put stress on us financially and time wise. Since we work from
home, it was very hard to have to in the middle of a project to rush off to
some scheduled event.
We started cutting back. The kids were good about understanding that we
couldn't do everything they might want to do, and we let them be involved in
picking what was most important to them. (I tend to prefer activities that I
can also participate in, so ice skating stayed on the list ;-)
Another good way to let them decide is to set a budget. Let them know how
much is available to spend and how much the different activities cost. The
budget doesn't have to be money, you could set a number of hours or days per
week for outside activities.
Sometimes less is more, and the kids can really benefit from being less busy
(and having a parent who is less worn out from shuttling them all over the
place). Involve them in the process and they may surprise you at how well
they survive cutting back on activities!
Good luck!
Billy
Billy
Family Unschoolers Network
http://www.unschooling.org
FUN Books
http://www.FUN-Books.com
Featuring the new John Taylor Gatto book!
I think a big part of unschooling is treating kids with respect and as an
important part of the family. That means letting them have input in family
decisions and knowing why things are being done, it does not mean that they
get to make all of the decisions and that you are to be at their beck and
call.
For many years, we did very little in the way of any scheduled activities
outside of the home. About two years ago we got involved in more, Brownies,
acting classes, swimming lessons, ice skating. It was fun but was also
beginning to put stress on us financially and time wise. Since we work from
home, it was very hard to have to in the middle of a project to rush off to
some scheduled event.
We started cutting back. The kids were good about understanding that we
couldn't do everything they might want to do, and we let them be involved in
picking what was most important to them. (I tend to prefer activities that I
can also participate in, so ice skating stayed on the list ;-)
Another good way to let them decide is to set a budget. Let them know how
much is available to spend and how much the different activities cost. The
budget doesn't have to be money, you could set a number of hours or days per
week for outside activities.
Sometimes less is more, and the kids can really benefit from being less busy
(and having a parent who is less worn out from shuttling them all over the
place). Involve them in the process and they may surprise you at how well
they survive cutting back on activities!
Good luck!
Billy
Billy
Family Unschoolers Network
http://www.unschooling.org
FUN Books
http://www.FUN-Books.com
Featuring the new John Taylor Gatto book!
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Shay Seaborne [mailto:s-seaborne@...]
> Sent: Thursday, August 03, 2000 12:46 PM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Is it Unschooling if...
>
> I spent the last "school" year driving my children to
> their weekly clubs
> and classes: Play & Learn, Fun With Real Math Club, Spanish
> Club, Drama
> Club, riding lessons and dance classes. They had a blast, and are
> interested in doing virtually all of these again this year. However, I
> strongly feel that our home/family life has suffered; we've
> hardly ever
> been home!
> I'm reassessing our lives, and leaning heavily toward
> making this year a
> time to focus on things close to home. Maybe using "The 7 Habits of
> Highly Effective Families" as our text. Thinking hardline;
> giving up the
> regular external activities. I'm not stopping all going out, just the
> weekly scheduled endeavors--except probably math club,
> because both kids
Sue
> However, my children are upset with this decision; they want to continueHi Shay,
> as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse to give my kids the
> classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced similar situations?
> Any suggestions for making the transition easier?
>
> -Shay
I believe that you are still unschooling even if you don't give your
children everything they want, these activities were consuming your
time and money at a rate that you didn't care to keep up.
You are the parent and the descision is yours, they just have to
accept that they may have to misss out on some things that they
enjoyed in the past.
Best of luck,
"One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations,
whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring
effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found
the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an
entire year." ~~ Albert Einstein ~~
aworthen
----- Original Message -----
From: Shay Seaborne <s-seaborne@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, August 03, 2000 12:45 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Is it Unschooling if...>
I spent the last "school" year driving my children to their weekly clubs
> and classes: Play & Learn, Fun With Real Math Club, Spanish Club, Drama
> Club, riding lessons and dance classes. They had a blast, and are
> interested in doing virtually all of these again this year. However, I
> strongly feel that our home/family life has suffered; we've hardly ever
> been home!
We got beyond this by telling each chid that they could do 1 activity. DD #1
picked skating an DD #2 picked dance. Luckily #3 is still too young for all
of this.
Amy
Mom to Samantha, Dana, and Casey
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/3/2000 10:01:40 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
s-seaborne@... writes:
the mom and in the best position to know what is right for your kids!!
As for making the transition easier...fake it 'til it works. LOL
If you feel good about it, just approach it an upbeat way. Let the kids know
this is how it's gonna be and go from there. Make adjustments as needed as
you go. Remember that mom needs to be okay about 'school', too. It's not
only the children that are affected by these decisions, but the whole family!
(not that it actually matters...but...) I like your ideas. Let us know how
it goes.
Eiraul
s-seaborne@... writes:
> However, my children are upset with this decision; they want to continueIt doesn't matter what you call it or what method/program you use...you're
> as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse to give my kids the
> classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced similar situations?
> Any suggestions for making the transition easier?
>
the mom and in the best position to know what is right for your kids!!
As for making the transition easier...fake it 'til it works. LOL
If you feel good about it, just approach it an upbeat way. Let the kids know
this is how it's gonna be and go from there. Make adjustments as needed as
you go. Remember that mom needs to be okay about 'school', too. It's not
only the children that are affected by these decisions, but the whole family!
(not that it actually matters...but...) I like your ideas. Let us know how
it goes.
Eiraul
Tracy Oldfield
No ideas, no suggestions, no empathy from similar situations, just
a thumbs-up for those who said to involve them, and a point that
the thing for me about home-ed is that it has to work for
everyone, not just kids. And perhaps it's one of those things of
not letting kids play on the motorway, though they may want to,
because it's not gonna be good for 'em...
JM2pW
Tracy
a thumbs-up for those who said to involve them, and a point that
the thing for me about home-ed is that it has to work for
everyone, not just kids. And perhaps it's one of those things of
not letting kids play on the motorway, though they may want to,
because it's not gonna be good for 'em...
JM2pW
Tracy
On 3 Aug 2000, at 19:07, braunville@... wrote:
In a message dated 8/3/2000 10:01:40 AM Pacific
Daylight Time,
s-seaborne@... writes:
> However, my children are upset with this decision;
they want to continue
> as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse
to give my kids the
> classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced
similar situations?
> Any suggestions for making the transition easier?
>
It doesn't matter what you call it or what
method/program you use...you're
the mom and in the best position to know what is right
for your kids!!
As for making the transition easier...fake it 'til it
works. LOL
If you feel good about it, just approach it an upbeat
way. Let the kids know
this is how it's gonna be and go from there. Make
adjustments as needed as
you go. Remember that mom needs to be okay about
'school', too. It's not
only the children that are affected by these decisions,
but the whole family!
(not that it actually matters...but...) I like your
ideas. Let us know how
it goes.
Eiraul
Shay Seaborne
Thanks to all for the insightful and supportive responses to my dilemma.
Your responses helped to affirm what I feel is the right thing to do.
Sue, the quote you included:
<<<"One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations,
whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect
on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the
consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire
year." ~~ Albert Einstein ~~>>>
made me laugh! Change the words a bit, and I'm there!
Billy, I like the budget idea and will probably work that in--after
we've had a complete break for a while. I am offering to let them choose
from a particular pallette: which crafts and non-routine activities would
they like to do?
Interestingly, we already found the shift to be beneficial. Yesterday we
finally had time to inspect two crumbling old cemeteries near the
megamall. We'd been interested in finding the site of the graves of one
of the prominent historical families in the area, but hadn't made time.
The cemeteries were of other families, but the kids found our
exploration "a lot more interesting than we thought it would be." We
talked about burial customs, the forces that degrade the stones, why a
modern family would spend money on replacing the most degraded markers,
why the mall had to be built around the cemeteries, why the wealthiest
and most important have the biggest, fanciest markers, why there were
graves for babies, etc. Now they want to visit other cemeteries.
The kids seem to be a lot less angry about the idea of change. I think
it was the initial shock that upset them, and they're realizing it's
going to be different, but OK.
Maybe it helped that I let them know it isn't a punishment or
withdrawal, but as much about redrawing my personal boundaries as
anything else.
Thanks again!
-Shay
FOLC homeschool support group: http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
"Va. Eclectic Homeschool" discussion list:
[email protected]
Va. Home Education Association:
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network: http://www.nhen.org
Your responses helped to affirm what I feel is the right thing to do.
Sue, the quote you included:
<<<"One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations,
whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect
on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the
consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire
year." ~~ Albert Einstein ~~>>>
made me laugh! Change the words a bit, and I'm there!
Billy, I like the budget idea and will probably work that in--after
we've had a complete break for a while. I am offering to let them choose
from a particular pallette: which crafts and non-routine activities would
they like to do?
Interestingly, we already found the shift to be beneficial. Yesterday we
finally had time to inspect two crumbling old cemeteries near the
megamall. We'd been interested in finding the site of the graves of one
of the prominent historical families in the area, but hadn't made time.
The cemeteries were of other families, but the kids found our
exploration "a lot more interesting than we thought it would be." We
talked about burial customs, the forces that degrade the stones, why a
modern family would spend money on replacing the most degraded markers,
why the mall had to be built around the cemeteries, why the wealthiest
and most important have the biggest, fanciest markers, why there were
graves for babies, etc. Now they want to visit other cemeteries.
The kids seem to be a lot less angry about the idea of change. I think
it was the initial shock that upset them, and they're realizing it's
going to be different, but OK.
Maybe it helped that I let them know it isn't a punishment or
withdrawal, but as much about redrawing my personal boundaries as
anything else.
Thanks again!
-Shay
FOLC homeschool support group: http://expage.com/page/folcfolks
"Va. Eclectic Homeschool" discussion list:
[email protected]
Va. Home Education Association:
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~pm6f/vhea.html
National Home Education Network: http://www.nhen.org
[email protected]
In a message dated 08/03/2000 5:01:36 PM !!!First Boot!!!,
s-seaborne@... writes:
<< However, my children are upset with this decision; they want to continue
as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse to give my kids the
classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced similar situations?
Any suggestions for making the transition easier? >>
I don't know if anyone would care to define what you propose as "unschooling"
or not.
But . . . I think it sounds like good parenting. Good budgeting. Good
family planning. Not all things are readily apparent to children -- all the
nuances that go into a decision like this. And most of us have trouble with
any sort of change.
Maybe later on (months, years from now?) you and the kids will think to add
an outside activity or 2 that will be really meaningful to you. But until
then . . .
Wishing you fun at home!!
Nance
s-seaborne@... writes:
<< However, my children are upset with this decision; they want to continue
as before. My question: Am I unschooling if I refuse to give my kids the
classes and clubs they want? Has anyone else faced similar situations?
Any suggestions for making the transition easier? >>
I don't know if anyone would care to define what you propose as "unschooling"
or not.
But . . . I think it sounds like good parenting. Good budgeting. Good
family planning. Not all things are readily apparent to children -- all the
nuances that go into a decision like this. And most of us have trouble with
any sort of change.
Maybe later on (months, years from now?) you and the kids will think to add
an outside activity or 2 that will be really meaningful to you. But until
then . . .
Wishing you fun at home!!
Nance