[email protected]

In a message dated 7/30/2000 6:45:41 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< I have always
encouraged my children to speak their minds, even if what is
coming out of their mouths may be insulting to me. >>

I encourage my oldest, and will with the youngest, to say what's going on
with them including their feelings and thoughts. However that does not
include calling me names (which is unproductive and rude), shouting requests
across the room or generally not listening to me when I ask something of him
(eventually then).

I believe it's important that Zak tells me what he's feeling and why and I
help him with that stuff. When I see him frustrated I name that for him and
say "looks like your feeling frustrated do you need my help" or "how does
that make you feel".

Yes that's the difference between Zak saying "but you told Debra that Grandma
would never go on a diet" (in front of Grandma) (this is not something he's
actually said, I'm just pulling something out of the air) in which case I
ought not to be gossiping and he's just caught me out. That's sassy to me.
As opposed to "Your a pig and I'm not doing anything you say because your an
idiot" that he's never said either and he would have had to hear that from
someone else to say that. As Zak watches minimal TV (pretty much PBS and
Discovery, or tapes) he doesn't get that from the media... My husband never
speaks to me in that way and I don't associate with parents who are spoken to
like that and then their kids repeat it.

So I guess the above is a very good definition of the difference between
being sassy and being rude.

Dawn F