giving up
sugozzi2000
Well, I finally got the courage to tell my husband about unschooling
after last night online chat with Sandra and others. We have been HS
for the last 5 yrs and finally decided to US. Just got way to
frustrating and time consuming(and unhealthy) for me and my son to sit
in front of books for the 9-3 it would take him to do the little work
we had set to do. I was very unhappy. And like they say "if mamma
ain't happy......"
So I told my hubby about US and his reply was "it sound like a bunch
of.....". "it sounds like we are giving up" That made me laugh
because i could never count on him to do any school work our son, even
if i had a Dr. appt. or something where it would have been nice for
him to help out. So i really didn't get the WE part. Anyhow, it's
going to be a struggle everyday. I get the "when are you going to do
school work?" thing every morning which I dread!!!!!! So much for
support. I am on my own with a husband that believes that school is
the only way. I believe that "schooling" probably made him as narrow
minded as he is! Anyway, the positive is that we travel a bit and
spend months out of the country. How can books teach you anything
about the world and diff. cultures better than living them! Learn
thru life is my new motto!
after last night online chat with Sandra and others. We have been HS
for the last 5 yrs and finally decided to US. Just got way to
frustrating and time consuming(and unhealthy) for me and my son to sit
in front of books for the 9-3 it would take him to do the little work
we had set to do. I was very unhappy. And like they say "if mamma
ain't happy......"
So I told my hubby about US and his reply was "it sound like a bunch
of.....". "it sounds like we are giving up" That made me laugh
because i could never count on him to do any school work our son, even
if i had a Dr. appt. or something where it would have been nice for
him to help out. So i really didn't get the WE part. Anyhow, it's
going to be a struggle everyday. I get the "when are you going to do
school work?" thing every morning which I dread!!!!!! So much for
support. I am on my own with a husband that believes that school is
the only way. I believe that "schooling" probably made him as narrow
minded as he is! Anyway, the positive is that we travel a bit and
spend months out of the country. How can books teach you anything
about the world and diff. cultures better than living them! Learn
thru life is my new motto!
Sandra Dodd
> We have been HSIf your husband doesn't agree, who's the "we?"
> for the last 5 yrs and finally decided to US.
You could move from what you're doing gradually, by doing things
differently. Instead of your son reading a chapter and answering the
questions, you could read the chapter aloud, stopping to talk if it
was interesting, or zipping through if it wasn't. Or you could go
through the questions aloud yourself before reading it, and if he
knows it all already, skip that chapter.
It might be a way to satisfy your husband's concerns and not abruptly
change your son's expectations or routine. If he's comfortable with
unschooling, that's fine, but I never talked to my kids much about
unschooling at all--I just found cool things to do when they were
babies and continued to do so until... well I still do that.
You and your son could mine the school materials for good parts,
maybe, and if you can't find any good parts that will give you both
confidence. If you DO find good parts, that can indicate what other
kinds of things you might want to move toward. If he likes grammar,
there are LOTS of humorous books on the history of English--trivia
books with short passages on words and phrases that will tie into
history and geography and explorations. Sometimes explorers brought
back gold, but sometimes they brought back words and ideas--names for
new things and conditions and objects and mountains and religious icons.
-=-So i really didn't get the WE part. -=-
Yeah, I didn't either, up above, or here. If he's not helping and is
letting you make decisions about how your son learns, good. But if
he's going to bug you every morning, maybe say "Don't ask this
question for a year." Put it on the calendar if you need to. Tell
him you want a year of non-interference and THEN the two of you can
talk about it and consider what to do then. But then you'll need to
make that year a great, fun, sparkly one! (as all unschoolers' years
should be)
-=-I am on my own with a husband that believes that school is the only
way. -=-
Be careful that you don't end up on your own without a husband, and
with a judge who decrees that school is the only way.
http://sandradodd.com.divorce
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hi Sandra. Enjoyed the chat last night>
Sorry I wasn;t clear on the "we" part. When I said "we" I meant me and my son. In regaurds to my DH not being on board, well that's a whole other topic in its self.
We have gradually been doing less and less school work to ease into unschooling. Actually we have no routine, we do less days of school work than we do schoolwork. But he is noticing since he's retired and home all day. Which i would think it's a positive for our son to have bother parents to be with all day.
We, my son and I, read a lot and he is fluent and literate in 2 and almost 3 languages. He did not get that from doing schoolwork.
As to divorce, I dare not since I would probably have to find a job, work all day and send my son to school. That is not something I want for me or my son. We will find our way into it and my hubby will, hopefully, start enjoying our son as well. I am positive that it will work out once he sees that I am happier and so is my son. It also will give us the freedom to do things since my hubby waits around for us to finish schoolwork to go out.
Thanks, your site has been very helpful.
Carla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sorry I wasn;t clear on the "we" part. When I said "we" I meant me and my son. In regaurds to my DH not being on board, well that's a whole other topic in its self.
We have gradually been doing less and less school work to ease into unschooling. Actually we have no routine, we do less days of school work than we do schoolwork. But he is noticing since he's retired and home all day. Which i would think it's a positive for our son to have bother parents to be with all day.
We, my son and I, read a lot and he is fluent and literate in 2 and almost 3 languages. He did not get that from doing schoolwork.
As to divorce, I dare not since I would probably have to find a job, work all day and send my son to school. That is not something I want for me or my son. We will find our way into it and my hubby will, hopefully, start enjoying our son as well. I am positive that it will work out once he sees that I am happier and so is my son. It also will give us the freedom to do things since my hubby waits around for us to finish schoolwork to go out.
Thanks, your site has been very helpful.
Carla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jan 31, 2009, at 2:05 PM, sugozzi2000@... wrote:
does he like to do? What can they do together?
From how you worded it -- and maybe that's what you're feeling at
the moment -- it's sounding like it's the two of you (son and mom) vs
the dad. And that will just drive him further away.
Have you heard about the Peaceful Partnerships list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
Even just reading through the archive should be helpful.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> We will find our way into it and my hubby will, hopefully, startWhat ways can you draw your husband into being with his son? What
> enjoying our son as well.
does he like to do? What can they do together?
From how you worded it -- and maybe that's what you're feeling at
the moment -- it's sounding like it's the two of you (son and mom) vs
the dad. And that will just drive him further away.
Have you heard about the Peaceful Partnerships list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
Even just reading through the archive should be helpful.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
My guess is that you talked about what you're not going to do - no more
seatwork, no more worksheets, etc. Instead of talking about what you're
giving up doing, talk about what you ARE going to do, instead. Start
doing cool things with your kids instead of schoolwork. On a day you
would have done school work, go to a children's museum or the beach or
watch some cool shows on the Discovery Channel.
Don't just say, "We are not going to do school." It is just too much to
expect that most people who aren't with the children all the time and
haven't been reading and talking and thinking unschooling, are going to
even comprehend what you're talking about if you spring it on them all
at once.
I just did it. The first month we did a unit study and had a blast. The
second month we did a unit study that wasn't quite so cool, although it
had some cool aspects and we certainly were FAR from miserable. After
that we unschooled, but I made no big announcement. We just got busy
with doing fun things together. That was their "schooling" as far as I
was concerned, even though it had no resemblance to conventional
schooling. I had no problem at all considering the real-life fun
individual-child-centered life we were living as a perfectly legitimate
way to homeschool. We had no big discussion about it. I WAS still
homeschooling them in the way I knew was by far the most supportive of
them receiving an outstanding "education" tailored just for them
(largely BY them, how could it not be individualized? <g>). I kept a
notebook in which I jotted down what we were doing and I would sometimes
put those things into educationeze. When my husband wanted to talk about
what the children were doing for school, I'd pull that out and talk
about what we'd done. I wish I had those records -but we had a fire in
our house and that notebook was destroyed. I only did it for a few
months, but it was enough for my husband to slowly grasp that we weren't
doing "reading lessons" but we were very much supporting our kids'
developing interest and competency in the skills that would lead to
reading. We weren't doing "science" but we were doing a HUGE amount of
science. This stuff is super easy when the kids are young - a walk
around the block provides social studies and science and math - all
right there for you to explore.
When someone says unschooling sounds like giving up, it means they have
not come close to understanding how very very hands-on intensive
unschooling is.
-pam
9 5:59 AM, sugozzi2000 wrote:
seatwork, no more worksheets, etc. Instead of talking about what you're
giving up doing, talk about what you ARE going to do, instead. Start
doing cool things with your kids instead of schoolwork. On a day you
would have done school work, go to a children's museum or the beach or
watch some cool shows on the Discovery Channel.
Don't just say, "We are not going to do school." It is just too much to
expect that most people who aren't with the children all the time and
haven't been reading and talking and thinking unschooling, are going to
even comprehend what you're talking about if you spring it on them all
at once.
I just did it. The first month we did a unit study and had a blast. The
second month we did a unit study that wasn't quite so cool, although it
had some cool aspects and we certainly were FAR from miserable. After
that we unschooled, but I made no big announcement. We just got busy
with doing fun things together. That was their "schooling" as far as I
was concerned, even though it had no resemblance to conventional
schooling. I had no problem at all considering the real-life fun
individual-child-centered life we were living as a perfectly legitimate
way to homeschool. We had no big discussion about it. I WAS still
homeschooling them in the way I knew was by far the most supportive of
them receiving an outstanding "education" tailored just for them
(largely BY them, how could it not be individualized? <g>). I kept a
notebook in which I jotted down what we were doing and I would sometimes
put those things into educationeze. When my husband wanted to talk about
what the children were doing for school, I'd pull that out and talk
about what we'd done. I wish I had those records -but we had a fire in
our house and that notebook was destroyed. I only did it for a few
months, but it was enough for my husband to slowly grasp that we weren't
doing "reading lessons" but we were very much supporting our kids'
developing interest and competency in the skills that would lead to
reading. We weren't doing "science" but we were doing a HUGE amount of
science. This stuff is super easy when the kids are young - a walk
around the block provides social studies and science and math - all
right there for you to explore.
When someone says unschooling sounds like giving up, it means they have
not come close to understanding how very very hands-on intensive
unschooling is.
-pam
9 5:59 AM, sugozzi2000 wrote:
> ell, I finally got the courage to tell my husband about unschooling
> after last night online chat with Sandra and others. We have been HS
> for the last 5 yrs and finally decided to US. Just got way to
> frustrating and time consuming(and unhealthy) for me and my son to sit
> in front of books for the 9-3 it would take him to do the little work
> we had set to do. I was very unhappy. And like they say "if mamma
> ain't happy......"
> So I told my hubby about US and his reply was "it sound like a bunch
> of.....". "it sounds like we are giving up" That made me laugh
> because i could never count on him to do any school work our son, even
> if i had a Dr. appt. or something where it would have been nice for
> him to help out. So i really didn't get the WE part. Anyhow, it's
> going to be a struggle everyday. I get the "when are you going to do
> school work?" thing every morning which I dread!!!!!! So much for
> support. I am on my own with a husband that believes that school is
> the only way. I believe that "schooling" probably made him as narrow
> minded as he is! Anyway, the positive is that we travel a bit and
> spend months out of the country. How can books teach you anything
> about the world and diff. cultures better than living them! Learn
> thru life is my new motto!
oceanbluemom
---Children learn through everything they do..play, tv, visits to the
park, etc. If they want to get knowledge through books, let them, if
they want to get knowledge in other ways, let the as long as they are
learning and don't get hurt. If your husband isn't helping out now
with schooling, then I wouldn't worry about him helping with
unschooling..According to my friend Pebs: unschooling is easier
anyway, you do it naturaly around yur own time and schedule and jus
tle tit happen!
MOMMa
In [email protected], "sugozzi2000"
<sugozzi2000@...> wrote:
park, etc. If they want to get knowledge through books, let them, if
they want to get knowledge in other ways, let the as long as they are
learning and don't get hurt. If your husband isn't helping out now
with schooling, then I wouldn't worry about him helping with
unschooling..According to my friend Pebs: unschooling is easier
anyway, you do it naturaly around yur own time and schedule and jus
tle tit happen!
MOMMa
In [email protected], "sugozzi2000"
<sugozzi2000@...> wrote:
>
> Well, I finally got the courage to tell my husband about unschooling
> after last night online chat with Sandra and others. We have been HS
> for the last 5 yrs and finally decided to US. Just got way to
> frustrating and time consuming(and unhealthy) for me and my son to sit
> in front of books for the 9-3 it would take him to do the little work
> we had set to do. I was very unhappy. And like they say "if mamma
> ain't happy......"
> So I told my hubby about US and his reply was "it sound like a bunch
> of.....". "it sounds like we are giving up" That made me laugh
> because i could never count on him to do any school work our son, even
> if i had a Dr. appt. or something where it would have been nice for
> him to help out. So i really didn't get the WE part. Anyhow, it's
> going to be a struggle everyday. I get the "when are you going to do
> school work?" thing every morning which I dread!!!!!! So much for
> support. I am on my own with a husband that believes that school is
> the only way. I believe that "schooling" probably made him as narrow
> minded as he is! Anyway, the positive is that we travel a bit and
> spend months out of the country. How can books teach you anything
> about the world and diff. cultures better than living them! Learn
> thru life is my new motto!
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-According to my friend Pebs: unschooling is easier
anyway, you do it naturaly around yur own time and schedule and jus
tle tit happen!-=-
Pebs said that!~?
I guess "just let it happen" was the intended message. <g>
Unschooling doesn't just happen, though. Water does flow, but it
doesn't "just flow." Something has to cause it to be at the starting
place, and gravity pulls it down hill.
Unschooling can eventually feel very easy and effortless, but that
only happens once the initial effort has been invested and maintained.
http://sandradodd.com/help
http://sandradodd.com/howto
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
anyway, you do it naturaly around yur own time and schedule and jus
tle tit happen!-=-
Pebs said that!~?
I guess "just let it happen" was the intended message. <g>
Unschooling doesn't just happen, though. Water does flow, but it
doesn't "just flow." Something has to cause it to be at the starting
place, and gravity pulls it down hill.
Unschooling can eventually feel very easy and effortless, but that
only happens once the initial effort has been invested and maintained.
http://sandradodd.com/help
http://sandradodd.com/howto
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]