stress prevention
Sandra Dodd
Someone sent me this a while back, and I have it in a file of things
to put on the website. Found it just now. I don't know who was
being quoted, but that's fine.
Very practical advice from Ren.
Begin forwarded message:
From: "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...>
Date: November 17, 2005 7:13:45 AM PST
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Intro. etc...
Reply-To: [email protected]
"I tend to "hide" from the kids when I'm overwhelmed and of
course it's just a vicious cycle."
Being sensitive to stimulation makes it difficult as a parent....I
think being very proactive in a situation like that really helps.
Don't wait for the "overwhelmed" thing to happen, take steps when
you're feeling calm and centered.
Having many tools in your toolbelt helps...like the stash of toys,
Pam's chopsticks, new games etc..., taking time to sit quietly with a
cup of tea or a bath when everyone is sleeping, whatever feeds your
spirit so you can connect with your children from a loving center.
I have found that when things get tense, a short "meditation walk"
will really help re-focus my energy...or if the kids come along, we
all see new things, find our joy again by being in a new setting.
Just a quick shift into a different place, or different situation can
really change the energy in the house. Going for a drive can do the
same thing. I have a big enough van to keep the children that are
having issues, FAR away from each other.:)
Being present isn't always easy, heck, I forget to listen to my own
advice at times!! We're human, we get cranky, we have hormones and
life issues and frustrations. Luckily, we also have an incredible web
of support (thanks to technology) and a chance to do better every day.
I wake up sometimes and really think about how I will respond THIS
day. Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm
going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do
theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to
be present starting right now. I drink my tea, breathe deeply of the
new day, think about preparing some yummy food they will love to help
start their day off on a positive note.
All this helps me really BE there when they awake and come out for
hugs. Those are the days that things really flow, that I'm not getting
as frustrated (even when challenges arise), because I've made a CHOICE.
Every day isn't going to be smooth...that's just life. But when we
choose mindfulness, choose to be present in each moment, choose to
prepare ourselves for the most important role in our lives...it's
going to be good.
Ren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to put on the website. Found it just now. I don't know who was
being quoted, but that's fine.
Very practical advice from Ren.
Begin forwarded message:
From: "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...>
Date: November 17, 2005 7:13:45 AM PST
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Intro. etc...
Reply-To: [email protected]
"I tend to "hide" from the kids when I'm overwhelmed and of
course it's just a vicious cycle."
Being sensitive to stimulation makes it difficult as a parent....I
think being very proactive in a situation like that really helps.
Don't wait for the "overwhelmed" thing to happen, take steps when
you're feeling calm and centered.
Having many tools in your toolbelt helps...like the stash of toys,
Pam's chopsticks, new games etc..., taking time to sit quietly with a
cup of tea or a bath when everyone is sleeping, whatever feeds your
spirit so you can connect with your children from a loving center.
I have found that when things get tense, a short "meditation walk"
will really help re-focus my energy...or if the kids come along, we
all see new things, find our joy again by being in a new setting.
Just a quick shift into a different place, or different situation can
really change the energy in the house. Going for a drive can do the
same thing. I have a big enough van to keep the children that are
having issues, FAR away from each other.:)
Being present isn't always easy, heck, I forget to listen to my own
advice at times!! We're human, we get cranky, we have hormones and
life issues and frustrations. Luckily, we also have an incredible web
of support (thanks to technology) and a chance to do better every day.
I wake up sometimes and really think about how I will respond THIS
day. Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm
going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do
theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to
be present starting right now. I drink my tea, breathe deeply of the
new day, think about preparing some yummy food they will love to help
start their day off on a positive note.
All this helps me really BE there when they awake and come out for
hugs. Those are the days that things really flow, that I'm not getting
as frustrated (even when challenges arise), because I've made a CHOICE.
Every day isn't going to be smooth...that's just life. But when we
choose mindfulness, choose to be present in each moment, choose to
prepare ourselves for the most important role in our lives...it's
going to be good.
Ren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
A dad named Sam wrote the following a few weeks ago.
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] spilled milk
Reply-To: [email protected]
I've mentioned my old attitude and how I'm working on things. I had
an awesome moment about half an hour ago that made me feel really
good. My youngest son told me matter of factly that he had spilled
his milk. I got up, found something close to begin cleaning and asked
him to get another towel that was farther away, but was big enough to
finish the job. We cleaned the milk up together and got him into some
new clothes. This probably sounds really simple, and basically, the
actions were the same ones I would have followed just a few months
ago. The spill was cleaned and the clothes changed. The difference
this time was that no one yelled, screamed, sighed, huffed, growled,
stomped and no one else cried, screamed or got scared of his father.
It also took a fraction of the time to just smile and wipe.
In the middle of all that I had a moment where I realized how much
nicer it was to just deal with the situation. It wasn't a moment to
teach him not to spill his milk. It wasn't a moment to deride or
correct. It was just spilled milk and a little boy with a cold strip
down the front of his clothes. And that's all they ever are, just
spilled milk and soggy britches.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] spilled milk
Reply-To: [email protected]
I've mentioned my old attitude and how I'm working on things. I had
an awesome moment about half an hour ago that made me feel really
good. My youngest son told me matter of factly that he had spilled
his milk. I got up, found something close to begin cleaning and asked
him to get another towel that was farther away, but was big enough to
finish the job. We cleaned the milk up together and got him into some
new clothes. This probably sounds really simple, and basically, the
actions were the same ones I would have followed just a few months
ago. The spill was cleaned and the clothes changed. The difference
this time was that no one yelled, screamed, sighed, huffed, growled,
stomped and no one else cried, screamed or got scared of his father.
It also took a fraction of the time to just smile and wipe.
In the middle of all that I had a moment where I realized how much
nicer it was to just deal with the situation. It wasn't a moment to
teach him not to spill his milk. It wasn't a moment to deride or
correct. It was just spilled milk and a little boy with a cold strip
down the front of his clothes. And that's all they ever are, just
spilled milk and soggy britches.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sandalmom
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd
<Sandra@S...> wrote:
ages 9,7,4. The 7yo was in the cart. While my back was turned, the
4yo jumped onto the side of the cart and the whole thing tipped
over. Groceries all over the floor, my coffee (not hot) spilled, and
two boys sprawled, fortunately not hurt, on the floor. My 4yo is
wailing.
A kind woman came over to help upright things, a kind store clerk
assured me that the spilt coffee was no problem and went to get a
mop. My 9yo started picking up the spilled groceries and re-loading
them. I held the other two, reassuring them that as long as they
were not hurt, all was well. We waited calmly until my 4yo could
pull himself together a bit, and then we went on.
Before choosing to live mindfully, I would have been totally stressed
out by this. I would have communicated exasperation, disappointment,
anger, and would have added so much negative energy to a situation
that needed the exact opposite.
*One* woman went by us frowning and harumphing. So what.
~Christa
<Sandra@S...> wrote:
>strip
> *******A dad named Sam wrote the following a few weeks ago.
> >
> In the middle of all that I had a moment where I realized how much
> nicer it was to just deal with the situation. It wasn't a moment to
> teach him not to spill his milk. It wasn't a moment to deride or
> correct. It was just spilled milk and a little boy with a cold
> down the front of his clothes. And that's all they ever are, justSimilar story: I was just out grocery shopping with my three boys,
> spilled milk and soggy britches.*******
ages 9,7,4. The 7yo was in the cart. While my back was turned, the
4yo jumped onto the side of the cart and the whole thing tipped
over. Groceries all over the floor, my coffee (not hot) spilled, and
two boys sprawled, fortunately not hurt, on the floor. My 4yo is
wailing.
A kind woman came over to help upright things, a kind store clerk
assured me that the spilt coffee was no problem and went to get a
mop. My 9yo started picking up the spilled groceries and re-loading
them. I held the other two, reassuring them that as long as they
were not hurt, all was well. We waited calmly until my 4yo could
pull himself together a bit, and then we went on.
Before choosing to live mindfully, I would have been totally stressed
out by this. I would have communicated exasperation, disappointment,
anger, and would have added so much negative energy to a situation
that needed the exact opposite.
*One* woman went by us frowning and harumphing. So what.
~Christa
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jan 30, 2006, at 1:18 PM, sandalmom wrote:
Good for you for handling that mishap so well.
Things that happen in public can be the worst triggers for old
behaviors to rise up out of nowhere, sometimes.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> *One* woman went by us frowning and harumphing. So what.Poor her. She has to live with herself. No escape.
Good for you for handling that mishap so well.
Things that happen in public can be the worst triggers for old
behaviors to rise up out of nowhere, sometimes.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"Things that happen in public can be the worst triggers for old
behaviors to rise up out of nowhere, sometimes."
That used to be a really tough one for me, as my family raised us to
be overly aware of what everyone else thought. ugh.
I can now look at my child and think "I care more about his/her
feelings than these strangers that I'll never see again" if I need to
center for a second.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
behaviors to rise up out of nowhere, sometimes."
That used to be a really tough one for me, as my family raised us to
be overly aware of what everyone else thought. ugh.
I can now look at my child and think "I care more about his/her
feelings than these strangers that I'll never see again" if I need to
center for a second.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
April Morris
This is something my husband really struggles with. He was raised with the
importance of keeping up appearances. It didn't really matter how good or
bad reality was as long as the family/house/belongings/vacations/job/etc.
looked good and presentable. It was all about "what will people think of
us". Lots of formality. He hated that and still does, but sometimes
aspects of it still come back to haunt him. We live in a small townhouse, I
am admittedly not the best housekeeper nor am I a gormet cook. All the
fancy china and silver from his mother and grandmother sit wrapped nicely in
basement....unused. I don't think there's an ounce of formaility to our
home. 90% of the time, he loves the fun and chaos of our home. But
occasionaly his upbringing rears it's ugly head then it's difficult for all
of us. Usually it's when he has stress from other areas of his life. It
doesn't take as much to get it under control anymore either.
~April
Mom to Kate-19, Lisa-16, Karl-14, & Ben-10.
*REACH Homeschool Grp, an inclusive group in Oakland County
http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
* Michigan Unschoolers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigan_unschoolers/
*Check out Chuck's art www.artkunst23.com
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf the Grey
importance of keeping up appearances. It didn't really matter how good or
bad reality was as long as the family/house/belongings/vacations/job/etc.
looked good and presentable. It was all about "what will people think of
us". Lots of formality. He hated that and still does, but sometimes
aspects of it still come back to haunt him. We live in a small townhouse, I
am admittedly not the best housekeeper nor am I a gormet cook. All the
fancy china and silver from his mother and grandmother sit wrapped nicely in
basement....unused. I don't think there's an ounce of formaility to our
home. 90% of the time, he loves the fun and chaos of our home. But
occasionaly his upbringing rears it's ugly head then it's difficult for all
of us. Usually it's when he has stress from other areas of his life. It
doesn't take as much to get it under control anymore either.
~April
Mom to Kate-19, Lisa-16, Karl-14, & Ben-10.
*REACH Homeschool Grp, an inclusive group in Oakland County
http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
* Michigan Unschoolers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigan_unschoolers/
*Check out Chuck's art www.artkunst23.com
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf the Grey
On 1/30/06, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> "Things that happen in public can be the worst triggers for old
> behaviors to rise up out of nowhere, sometimes."
>
> That used to be a really tough one for me, as my family raised us to
> be overly aware of what everyone else thought. ugh.
>
> I can now look at my child and think "I care more about his/her
> feelings than these strangers that I'll never see again" if I need to
> center for a second.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
>
--
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]