OT: Fighting kids
Kim J. Flowers
What do you guys do when your kids fight? I am looking for an immediate
reaction/consequence and long term (how we can encourage peace). I really
need to nip this in the bud quick. Their fighting gets super intense. I
have tried just talking to them, having them talk it out, and seperating
them.
I am hoping for any ideas you all can give me. I am at a loss. Please help
me.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 10 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
reaction/consequence and long term (how we can encourage peace). I really
need to nip this in the bud quick. Their fighting gets super intense. I
have tried just talking to them, having them talk it out, and seperating
them.
I am hoping for any ideas you all can give me. I am at a loss. Please help
me.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 10 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Aubrey Lane
If anyone has advice on this please respond to the group. I'd like to hear
some ideas also.
Thanks, Aubrey
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Kim J. Flowers
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2005 12:29 PM
To: Kim J. Flowers
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] OT: Fighting kids
What do you guys do when your kids fight? I am looking for an immediate
reaction/consequence and long term (how we can encourage peace). I really
need to nip this in the bud quick. Their fighting gets super intense. I
have tried just talking to them, having them talk it out, and seperating
them.
I am hoping for any ideas you all can give me. I am at a loss. Please help
me.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 10 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
some ideas also.
Thanks, Aubrey
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Kim J. Flowers
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2005 12:29 PM
To: Kim J. Flowers
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] OT: Fighting kids
What do you guys do when your kids fight? I am looking for an immediate
reaction/consequence and long term (how we can encourage peace). I really
need to nip this in the bud quick. Their fighting gets super intense. I
have tried just talking to them, having them talk it out, and seperating
them.
I am hoping for any ideas you all can give me. I am at a loss. Please help
me.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 10 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
Ann
Kim,
I have a policy of not interferring in sibling conflict unless they ask for my help, or, more likely, come to complain about the sibling. I find that most of the time they will work it out and adult intervention isn't particulary helpful. When they do ask for my help, I usually make several suggestions to see if any of those are aggreable to both. If after several suggestions neither is aggreable to solving the issue, I remove whatever the source fo the issue is until they come up with an idea. As an example, if the dispute is over a game, this would be a common one at my house. I would make several suggestions, like replay the turn, start a new game, have older kid 'show them how to get through the 'level', then give younger kid two turns, change to single player and alternate rather than compete etc... If none of this works, then they just have to take a break from the game until they can solve it.
Another frequent conflict is if they both want to use the same cd for the computer. I just don't buy duplicate software:0)...sooo I will try to suggest a cool alternative so they are happy about taking turns. Clue finders is popular at my house right now, so while one is playing clue finders I have a cool dvd for the other to watch, then they could switch. Once in a while it just helps for themto have an afternoon apart. In which case I let them each invite a friend over so they play separately for a while. Hope this helps.
Ann
"Kim J. Flowers" <kim@...> wrote:
What do you guys do when your kids fight? I am looking for an immediate
reaction/consequence and long term (how we can encourage peace). I really
need to nip this in the bud quick. Their fighting gets super intense. I
have tried just talking to them, having them talk it out, and seperating
them.
I am hoping for any ideas you all can give me. I am at a loss. Please help
me.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 10 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: <http://www.unschooling.info>
SPONSORED LINKS
Graduate school education High school education Home school education Middle school education New york school education School education in california
---------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "UnschoolingDiscussion" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
Yahoo! FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have a policy of not interferring in sibling conflict unless they ask for my help, or, more likely, come to complain about the sibling. I find that most of the time they will work it out and adult intervention isn't particulary helpful. When they do ask for my help, I usually make several suggestions to see if any of those are aggreable to both. If after several suggestions neither is aggreable to solving the issue, I remove whatever the source fo the issue is until they come up with an idea. As an example, if the dispute is over a game, this would be a common one at my house. I would make several suggestions, like replay the turn, start a new game, have older kid 'show them how to get through the 'level', then give younger kid two turns, change to single player and alternate rather than compete etc... If none of this works, then they just have to take a break from the game until they can solve it.
Another frequent conflict is if they both want to use the same cd for the computer. I just don't buy duplicate software:0)...sooo I will try to suggest a cool alternative so they are happy about taking turns. Clue finders is popular at my house right now, so while one is playing clue finders I have a cool dvd for the other to watch, then they could switch. Once in a while it just helps for themto have an afternoon apart. In which case I let them each invite a friend over so they play separately for a while. Hope this helps.
Ann
"Kim J. Flowers" <kim@...> wrote:
What do you guys do when your kids fight? I am looking for an immediate
reaction/consequence and long term (how we can encourage peace). I really
need to nip this in the bud quick. Their fighting gets super intense. I
have tried just talking to them, having them talk it out, and seperating
them.
I am hoping for any ideas you all can give me. I am at a loss. Please help
me.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 10 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: <http://www.unschooling.info>
SPONSORED LINKS
Graduate school education High school education Home school education Middle school education New york school education School education in california
---------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "UnschoolingDiscussion" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
Yahoo! FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Nov 14, 2005, at 1:47 PM, Ann wrote:
Depending on the cost - maybe the kids would like to save up. Or you
could find the software really inexpensive (often gets way cheaper
when it gets older).
We bought THREE of the most recent Harry Potter books. I bought one
and two of my three kids bought their own. It isn't a sin to want
your own copy of something.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Another frequent conflict is if they both want to use the same cdIf it is 'frequent conflict" - I'd buy duplicates of the favorites.
> for the computer. I just don't buy duplicate software:0)
Depending on the cost - maybe the kids would like to save up. Or you
could find the software really inexpensive (often gets way cheaper
when it gets older).
We bought THREE of the most recent Harry Potter books. I bought one
and two of my three kids bought their own. It isn't a sin to want
your own copy of something.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela
> Another frequent conflict is if they both want to use the same cd<<If it is 'frequent conflict" - I'd buy duplicates of the favorites.
> for the computer. I just don't buy duplicate software:0)
Depending on the cost - maybe the kids would like to save up. Or you
could find the software really inexpensive (often gets way cheaper
when it gets older). >>
Maybe it's a sin, but we just burn a copy for the other kid.
Angela
Angela
<<I have a policy of not interferring in sibling conflict unless they ask
for my help, or, more likely, come to complain about the sibling.>>
I do just the opposite. I try to help them communicate before it's a
problem when I can see that they are having trouble working it out but
before they are totally p.o.ed with each other. I help them to communicate
what it is that they each want and we brainstorm ideas to solve the conflict
together. Oftentimes it's just a misunderstanding and it's easy to resolve.
It is very cool to watch the girls work out their differences without my
help. They usually listen to each other and make suggestions as to how to
work it out. They learned to do this with my help.
I get very frustrated when children are fighting and no one steps up to help
them work it out. I have seen things come to blows that could have been
nipped in the bud with a little help with communications.
It works very well for us. My kids rarely fight. They are wonderful
friends to each other. That doesn't mean that they don't disagree sometimes
or hurt each other's feelings sometimes, but it really is not the norm here.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
for my help, or, more likely, come to complain about the sibling.>>
I do just the opposite. I try to help them communicate before it's a
problem when I can see that they are having trouble working it out but
before they are totally p.o.ed with each other. I help them to communicate
what it is that they each want and we brainstorm ideas to solve the conflict
together. Oftentimes it's just a misunderstanding and it's easy to resolve.
It is very cool to watch the girls work out their differences without my
help. They usually listen to each other and make suggestions as to how to
work it out. They learned to do this with my help.
I get very frustrated when children are fighting and no one steps up to help
them work it out. I have seen things come to blows that could have been
nipped in the bud with a little help with communications.
It works very well for us. My kids rarely fight. They are wonderful
friends to each other. That doesn't mean that they don't disagree sometimes
or hurt each other's feelings sometimes, but it really is not the norm here.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/14/2005 4:11:32 PM Central Standard Time,
ann_mv05@... writes:
I have a policy of not interferring in sibling conflict unless they ask for
my help, or, more likely, come to complain about the sibling. I find that
most of the time they will work it out and adult intervention isn't particulary
helpful.
~~~
I had this policy, too, back when my two now-grown sons were small.
It's one of most painful regrets in all of my parenting.
The elder, most compliant and cooperative son was capable of much
domineering behavior over his younger brother. I didn't know it for many years. I
don't see how he could be blamed for recognizing and using that power (bigger
and stronger and smarter) in the total ABSENCE of any kind of parental input. I
am so ashamed of myself for allowing my younger son to even *feel*
victimized and powerless over and over again, in a pattern, set up by my "rules".
This policy FAILED my sons. I have indisputable proof from their very own
mouths about the effects this had on them. Even the eldest knew what he was
doing was wrong, and he shouldn't have had to feel that self-loathing. At the
very least my younger son shouldn't have been made to feel powerless at the
hands of someone who was supposed to love him, while his parents were
complicit in it.
Kids DON'T know how to work it out. They NEED input from their parents.
You DON'T know if they are all happy with the outcome of any spat that you
didn't "interfere" in, because I guarantee you your kids are NOT telling you
everything about how they feel. This policy robs them of any chance of
developing their own power, and they could really suffer from it. I hope you change
your policy.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ann_mv05@... writes:
I have a policy of not interferring in sibling conflict unless they ask for
my help, or, more likely, come to complain about the sibling. I find that
most of the time they will work it out and adult intervention isn't particulary
helpful.
~~~
I had this policy, too, back when my two now-grown sons were small.
It's one of most painful regrets in all of my parenting.
The elder, most compliant and cooperative son was capable of much
domineering behavior over his younger brother. I didn't know it for many years. I
don't see how he could be blamed for recognizing and using that power (bigger
and stronger and smarter) in the total ABSENCE of any kind of parental input. I
am so ashamed of myself for allowing my younger son to even *feel*
victimized and powerless over and over again, in a pattern, set up by my "rules".
This policy FAILED my sons. I have indisputable proof from their very own
mouths about the effects this had on them. Even the eldest knew what he was
doing was wrong, and he shouldn't have had to feel that self-loathing. At the
very least my younger son shouldn't have been made to feel powerless at the
hands of someone who was supposed to love him, while his parents were
complicit in it.
Kids DON'T know how to work it out. They NEED input from their parents.
You DON'T know if they are all happy with the outcome of any spat that you
didn't "interfere" in, because I guarantee you your kids are NOT telling you
everything about how they feel. This policy robs them of any chance of
developing their own power, and they could really suffer from it. I hope you change
your policy.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
camden
So do we ........ I think you're allowed to make back up discs for your programs, right? If not, shame on me :)
Carol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Depending on the cost - maybe the kids would like to save up. Or you
could find the software really inexpensive (often gets way cheaper
when it gets older). >>
Maybe it's a sin, but we just burn a copy for the other kid.
Angela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Carol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Another frequent conflict is if they both want to use the same cd<<If it is 'frequent conflict" - I'd buy duplicates of the favorites.
> for the computer. I just don't buy duplicate software:0)
Depending on the cost - maybe the kids would like to save up. Or you
could find the software really inexpensive (often gets way cheaper
when it gets older). >>
Maybe it's a sin, but we just burn a copy for the other kid.
Angela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]