Advice Please
Aubrey Lane
My son is 9 years old. He has decided that he would like to watch the
movie Freddie vs Jason. We discussed the movie with him (my husband
has seen it) and let him know as best we could what is in the movie so
that he could make an informed decision. After thinking about for a
couple of days he decided that he would still like to see the movie.
My daughter, who is 6, heard us talking about it and now insists that
she see the movie also. My daughter is very tender-hearted (she cried
for 2 days when Chuck lost Wilson in Cast Away)I have talked with her
about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things we told our son)
but she still wants to see it. I feel that the reason is to do what
her brother is doing, not because she wants to see the movie. I also
feel that, knowing her gentle personality and tremendous sense of
empathy, it would disturb her immensly.
What would you do?
Thanks, Aubrey
movie Freddie vs Jason. We discussed the movie with him (my husband
has seen it) and let him know as best we could what is in the movie so
that he could make an informed decision. After thinking about for a
couple of days he decided that he would still like to see the movie.
My daughter, who is 6, heard us talking about it and now insists that
she see the movie also. My daughter is very tender-hearted (she cried
for 2 days when Chuck lost Wilson in Cast Away)I have talked with her
about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things we told our son)
but she still wants to see it. I feel that the reason is to do what
her brother is doing, not because she wants to see the movie. I also
feel that, knowing her gentle personality and tremendous sense of
empathy, it would disturb her immensly.
What would you do?
Thanks, Aubrey
Barb Lundgren
Aubrey,
If she wants to see it after you have offered your best caveats, let her see
it! She can leave the room anytime she wants, right? If she is scared for
days afterward, she can talk to you about it, or climb into bed with you for
comfort, etc... right? I think kids are ready for things when they say they
are ready. Try not to feel guilty about it either! She's got your hand to
hold... which is why she is brave enough to say she wants to see it now.
Barb
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness
has genius, power, and magic in it." Goethe
From: "Aubrey Lane" <a-lane@...>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Date: Wed, 09 Nov 2005 19:08:44 -0000
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Advice Please
My son is 9 years old. He has decided that he would like to watch the
movie Freddie vs Jason. We discussed the movie with him (my husband
has seen it) and let him know as best we could what is in the movie so
that he could make an informed decision. After thinking about for a
couple of days he decided that he would still like to see the movie.
My daughter, who is 6, heard us talking about it and now insists that
she see the movie also. My daughter is very tender-hearted (she cried
for 2 days when Chuck lost Wilson in Cast Away)I have talked with her
about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things we told our son)
but she still wants to see it. I feel that the reason is to do what
her brother is doing, not because she wants to see the movie. I also
feel that, knowing her gentle personality and tremendous sense of
empathy, it would disturb her immensly.
What would you do?
Thanks, Aubrey
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If she wants to see it after you have offered your best caveats, let her see
it! She can leave the room anytime she wants, right? If she is scared for
days afterward, she can talk to you about it, or climb into bed with you for
comfort, etc... right? I think kids are ready for things when they say they
are ready. Try not to feel guilty about it either! She's got your hand to
hold... which is why she is brave enough to say she wants to see it now.
Barb
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness
has genius, power, and magic in it." Goethe
From: "Aubrey Lane" <a-lane@...>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Date: Wed, 09 Nov 2005 19:08:44 -0000
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Advice Please
My son is 9 years old. He has decided that he would like to watch the
movie Freddie vs Jason. We discussed the movie with him (my husband
has seen it) and let him know as best we could what is in the movie so
that he could make an informed decision. After thinking about for a
couple of days he decided that he would still like to see the movie.
My daughter, who is 6, heard us talking about it and now insists that
she see the movie also. My daughter is very tender-hearted (she cried
for 2 days when Chuck lost Wilson in Cast Away)I have talked with her
about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things we told our son)
but she still wants to see it. I feel that the reason is to do what
her brother is doing, not because she wants to see the movie. I also
feel that, knowing her gentle personality and tremendous sense of
empathy, it would disturb her immensly.
What would you do?
Thanks, Aubrey
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
averyschmidt
> I have talked with herHas she seen pictures of what the character Freddy looks like? That
> about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things we told our son)
> but she still wants to see it.
might make the nature of the movie more clear to her than a verbal
description. I think my middle son decided he didn't want to see
Freddy vs. Jason based on the trailer he saw online. You might be
able to find it if you do a search.
Patti
Kimberly Viducich
Hi Aubrey,
It sounds like maybe she thinks she is missing out on
something that her brother gets to do. I have a 6 1/2
year old daughter as well. In our family just because
one gets to do something doesn't mean that the other
does(not that it's like that in your family). That is
very hard sometimes but we work through the feelings.
In this situation I would absolutely not let my
daughter see that movie. I don't think my daughter
could grasp what she is going to see, no matter what I
told her about it or what pictures I showed her. I
feel that part of my job as her mom is to know certain
things about her and make some decisions for her that
she may not like.
warmly, Kimberly
--- Aubrey Lane <a-lane@...> wrote:
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
It sounds like maybe she thinks she is missing out on
something that her brother gets to do. I have a 6 1/2
year old daughter as well. In our family just because
one gets to do something doesn't mean that the other
does(not that it's like that in your family). That is
very hard sometimes but we work through the feelings.
In this situation I would absolutely not let my
daughter see that movie. I don't think my daughter
could grasp what she is going to see, no matter what I
told her about it or what pictures I showed her. I
feel that part of my job as her mom is to know certain
things about her and make some decisions for her that
she may not like.
warmly, Kimberly
--- Aubrey Lane <a-lane@...> wrote:
> My son is 9 years old. He has decided that he would__________________________________
> like to watch the
> movie Freddie vs Jason. We discussed the movie with
> him (my husband
> has seen it) and let him know as best we could what
> is in the movie so
> that he could make an informed decision. After
> thinking about for a
> couple of days he decided that he would still like
> to see the movie.
> My daughter, who is 6, heard us talking about it and
> now insists that
> she see the movie also. My daughter is very
> tender-hearted (she cried
> for 2 days when Chuck lost Wilson in Cast Away)I
> have talked with her
> about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things
> we told our son)
> but she still wants to see it. I feel that the
> reason is to do what
> her brother is doing, not because she wants to see
> the movie. I also
> feel that, knowing her gentle personality and
> tremendous sense of
> empathy, it would disturb her immensly.
> What would you do?
> Thanks, Aubrey
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
[email protected]
If you get the DVD, you could sit with your son (or get your husband to) and
have the remote right at hand. Pause often to discuss special effects and
acting, and to remind them that there's a camera crew there, sound guys,
director, assistants, LOTS of people in the room.
If your daughter wants to see some, find some parts that arent' too scary and
let her see some of that, so she can say she did, but I would hold her, and
keep her moving, mess with her hands, don't let her get sucked in. Don't
settle in with popcorn to watch the whole movie. Little bits, broken up, and let
them NOT watch when and if they don't want to.
Having the two hour experience of a movie with other stimuli blocked out
(darkness, soft chair, movie-style) with the full scary soundtrack and no side
conversations is too much even for lots of adults! Having the side-analysis,
lights on, conversation, "Oh look! I bet I know how they did that" version
isn't going to be as scary at all.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have the remote right at hand. Pause often to discuss special effects and
acting, and to remind them that there's a camera crew there, sound guys,
director, assistants, LOTS of people in the room.
If your daughter wants to see some, find some parts that arent' too scary and
let her see some of that, so she can say she did, but I would hold her, and
keep her moving, mess with her hands, don't let her get sucked in. Don't
settle in with popcorn to watch the whole movie. Little bits, broken up, and let
them NOT watch when and if they don't want to.
Having the two hour experience of a movie with other stimuli blocked out
(darkness, soft chair, movie-style) with the full scary soundtrack and no side
conversations is too much even for lots of adults! Having the side-analysis,
lights on, conversation, "Oh look! I bet I know how they did that" version
isn't going to be as scary at all.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ameliegoldstein
Aubrey, I am of the same opinion as Kimberly. You know your
daughter, and you know that she is very sensitive.
No amount of warning her of the movie's violence and how scary it
is, showing her images, the trailer, etc. are going to prepare her
for that kind of horror movie. A child who hears that a movie is
incredibly scary will think of the scariest movie he or she has seen
up until that point and assume that is what the parent is talking
about. Most children who have not been exposed to movies such as
this before simply do NOT have the experience to imagine what it is
going to be like, and to anticipate the extent to which it may
disturb them. Now, if your daughter really loved horror movies and
didn't upset easily, it might be a different sotry, yet it seems
like this is not the case. My daughter is extremely sensitive as
well.
Take her somewhere fun and special one afternoon, while her brother
and father watch the movie at home. Or, if it turns out she isn't
just interested in Freddy vs. Jason because her brother is (which I
suspect she is), then watch some *less-horrific* horror movies with
her if she would like and first see how she responds to those. Then
go from there.
Amelie
daughter, and you know that she is very sensitive.
No amount of warning her of the movie's violence and how scary it
is, showing her images, the trailer, etc. are going to prepare her
for that kind of horror movie. A child who hears that a movie is
incredibly scary will think of the scariest movie he or she has seen
up until that point and assume that is what the parent is talking
about. Most children who have not been exposed to movies such as
this before simply do NOT have the experience to imagine what it is
going to be like, and to anticipate the extent to which it may
disturb them. Now, if your daughter really loved horror movies and
didn't upset easily, it might be a different sotry, yet it seems
like this is not the case. My daughter is extremely sensitive as
well.
Take her somewhere fun and special one afternoon, while her brother
and father watch the movie at home. Or, if it turns out she isn't
just interested in Freddy vs. Jason because her brother is (which I
suspect she is), then watch some *less-horrific* horror movies with
her if she would like and first see how she responds to those. Then
go from there.
Amelie
[email protected]
I don't know how sensitive either of your kids are, but I am almost 34 years old and I **still** have nightmares when it comes to Freddy.
This is just my opinion, of course, but I think he is really the most terrifying thing I've ever heard of. I mean, think about it - this is a bad guy who either can't be killed or resurrects himself if the kids do manage to kill him. He feeds off your fear and gets stronger every second. He plays mind games with the kids in the movie and no one is *EVER* safe, even when the movie is over. In at least one of the movies, Freddy actually kills the girl's parents and poses as the dad's ghost who has come to tell her he loves her before going to heaven. She hugs him and tells him goodbye and that she loves him and then he kills her!!! Can you imagine your **own father*** stabbing you in the guts with a hand full of knives??? This is ***not*** something I want my kids to worry about!!! I would probably (definitely?) err on the side of caution when it comes to terror!!!
I guess I was about 12 the first time I saw a Freddy movie - I was spending the night at my cousin's house and there were a bunch of us kids and my aunt. She sat in the kitchen area with the light on and laughed at us!!!
We, in our infinite wisdom, turned off all the lights, pulled our blankets around and settled in. Oh, did I mention it was storming horribly that night??? I don't know how many times we "lucked out" with huge lightning flashes or thunder rolls just at a horribly scary moment in the movie...
Several times something happened in the movie and all us kids dove underneath whatever furniture we could reach, sometimes shoving someone else out the other side!!! My aunt almost fell off the chair laughing so hard, but I can assure you I woke up in tears screaming for a long time thereafter. To be fair, I don't think the other kids dreamed about it like I did, at least I didn't hear about it, but I thought it was awful to be so afraid!
I did watch a few more Freddy movies as I got older but always with all the lights on, a bunch of people talking and distracting me and I paused the movies a LOT! I never even got through all of them and I skipped the Jason movies almost altogether. I saw the H20 movie finally, but I was in my late 20's at least!!!
And to make it worse, a few years ago when they remade the movie about the guy with the chainsaw, the boyfriend wanted to go with a bunch of our friends. I was dubious, but I agreed.
BIG MISTAKE!!! I absolutely HATED the movie, got so scared that I nearly vomited right in the theater and literally had nightmares almost every single night for 2 months!!!
I may be more reactive to these kinds of things than others since I have an extremely VIVID imagination, but my point is that once you are exposed to that, you can't sweep it up and put it back in its box. It's there and you either deal with it or suffer like I do. (Yes, I really do consider this suffering - nightmares and uncontrollable nausea can be very hard things to live with.)
You have to be the one to decide if your son and daughter are ready for these movies since you know them better than anyone, and truthfully, you are the one who will have to deal with any fallout. I hope that whatever decision you come to, it works out for everyone!
(I guess it's pretty obvious whether my kids (age 7, 3 and 1) would be allowed to see these anytime soon! <laugh!>)
--- Aubrey Lane <a-lane@...> wrote:
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This is just my opinion, of course, but I think he is really the most terrifying thing I've ever heard of. I mean, think about it - this is a bad guy who either can't be killed or resurrects himself if the kids do manage to kill him. He feeds off your fear and gets stronger every second. He plays mind games with the kids in the movie and no one is *EVER* safe, even when the movie is over. In at least one of the movies, Freddy actually kills the girl's parents and poses as the dad's ghost who has come to tell her he loves her before going to heaven. She hugs him and tells him goodbye and that she loves him and then he kills her!!! Can you imagine your **own father*** stabbing you in the guts with a hand full of knives??? This is ***not*** something I want my kids to worry about!!! I would probably (definitely?) err on the side of caution when it comes to terror!!!
I guess I was about 12 the first time I saw a Freddy movie - I was spending the night at my cousin's house and there were a bunch of us kids and my aunt. She sat in the kitchen area with the light on and laughed at us!!!
We, in our infinite wisdom, turned off all the lights, pulled our blankets around and settled in. Oh, did I mention it was storming horribly that night??? I don't know how many times we "lucked out" with huge lightning flashes or thunder rolls just at a horribly scary moment in the movie...
Several times something happened in the movie and all us kids dove underneath whatever furniture we could reach, sometimes shoving someone else out the other side!!! My aunt almost fell off the chair laughing so hard, but I can assure you I woke up in tears screaming for a long time thereafter. To be fair, I don't think the other kids dreamed about it like I did, at least I didn't hear about it, but I thought it was awful to be so afraid!
I did watch a few more Freddy movies as I got older but always with all the lights on, a bunch of people talking and distracting me and I paused the movies a LOT! I never even got through all of them and I skipped the Jason movies almost altogether. I saw the H20 movie finally, but I was in my late 20's at least!!!
And to make it worse, a few years ago when they remade the movie about the guy with the chainsaw, the boyfriend wanted to go with a bunch of our friends. I was dubious, but I agreed.
BIG MISTAKE!!! I absolutely HATED the movie, got so scared that I nearly vomited right in the theater and literally had nightmares almost every single night for 2 months!!!
I may be more reactive to these kinds of things than others since I have an extremely VIVID imagination, but my point is that once you are exposed to that, you can't sweep it up and put it back in its box. It's there and you either deal with it or suffer like I do. (Yes, I really do consider this suffering - nightmares and uncontrollable nausea can be very hard things to live with.)
You have to be the one to decide if your son and daughter are ready for these movies since you know them better than anyone, and truthfully, you are the one who will have to deal with any fallout. I hope that whatever decision you come to, it works out for everyone!
(I guess it's pretty obvious whether my kids (age 7, 3 and 1) would be allowed to see these anytime soon! <laugh!>)
--- Aubrey Lane <a-lane@...> wrote:
> My son is 9 years old. He has decided that he would> like to watch the > movie Freddie vs Jason. We discussed the movie with> him (my husband > has seen it) and let him know as best we could what> is in the movie so > that he could make an informed decision. After> thinking about for a > couple of days he decided that he would still like> to see the movie.> My daughter, who is 6, heard us talking about it and> now insists that > she see the movie also. My daughter is very> tender-hearted (she cried for 2 days when Chuck lost Wilson in Cast Away)I> have talked with her > about F vs J and how graphic it is (the same things> we told our son) > but she still wants to see it. I feel that the> reason is to do what > her brother is doing, not because she wants to see> the movie. I also > feel that, knowing her gentle personality and> tremendous sense of > empathy, it would disturb her immensly.> What would you do?> Thanks, Aubrey___________________________________________________
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[email protected]
In a message dated 11/10/05 1:32:31 PM, leobellalace@... writes:
movies. I haven't seen Jaws. Might someday. Probably not.
But if a kid of mine really wanted to see it, I would sit on the couch next
to her (it would probably be Holly) and pause lots, and discuss.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> This is just my opinion, of course, but I think he is really the mostSee, well I didn't even know that much. It is possible to just avoid scary
> terrifying thing I've ever heard of. I mean, think about it - this is a bad guy
> who either can't be killed or resurrects himself if the kids do manage to kill
> him. He feeds off your fear and gets stronger every second. He plays mind
> games with the kids in the movie and no one is *EVER* safe, even when the
> movie is over.
>
movies. I haven't seen Jaws. Might someday. Probably not.
But if a kid of mine really wanted to see it, I would sit on the couch next
to her (it would probably be Holly) and pause lots, and discuss.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/10/05 1:32:31 PM, leobellalace@... writes
of horror movies:
imagination could insist on having the lights on, or could watch it in the morning in
broad daylight. And reminders of HOW it was made, that it is NOT true, just
a big special effects extravaganza is neither just dealing with "it" (because
"it" is only a movie) nor is it suffering.
Bill Cosby and the chicken heart...
The solution was to turn off the radio.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of horror movies:
> -=-It's there and you either deal with it or suffer like I do. -=-Honestly, those aren't the only choices. Even someone with a vivid
>
imagination could insist on having the lights on, or could watch it in the morning in
broad daylight. And reminders of HOW it was made, that it is NOT true, just
a big special effects extravaganza is neither just dealing with "it" (because
"it" is only a movie) nor is it suffering.
Bill Cosby and the chicken heart...
The solution was to turn off the radio.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Aubrey Lane
Here's an update---
Yesterday I took my daughter (Emma) to lunch and to play at McDonalds then
grocery shopping. We had a special time together and she got some treats. My
husband watched the movie with my son (Dillon). Dillon kept the remote in
his hand with his thumb on the fast forward button. (He did FF though some
parts.) We came home about 10 minutes before it was over. It was the ending
scene with the big fight between Freddie and Jason. My daughter sat down on
my lap and watched the ending. When it was over she turned to me and said,
"I must have missed the scary part." I said, "You didn't think that was
scary?" She said, as if I was a total idiot, "It's only a movie!" Smarter
than I gave her credit for apparently.
My son wasn't terribly impressed with it. He said that he thought it was a
"trashy money maker".
I personally LOVE horror movies. I saw Amityville Horror when I was 6 and
slept on my mom's floor for about 2 months. Now I can't seem to find one
that scares me at all and believe me I've tried. I guess I never will since
I think like my daughter.
My son did sleep with me last night but he always does so that didn't mean
anything. What surprised me was that Emma opted to sleep in her own room
last night. Go figure kids!
Thanks for all the wonderful and thoughtful advise. I really didn't know
what to do.
Aubrey
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
SandraDodd@...
Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 3:08 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: Advice Please
In a message dated 11/10/05 1:32:31 PM, leobellalace@... writes
of horror movies:
imagination could insist on having the lights on, or could watch it in the
morning in
broad daylight. And reminders of HOW it was made, that it is NOT true,
just
a big special effects extravaganza is neither just dealing with "it"
(because
"it" is only a movie) nor is it suffering.
Bill Cosby and the chicken heart...
The solution was to turn off the radio.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
_____
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yesterday I took my daughter (Emma) to lunch and to play at McDonalds then
grocery shopping. We had a special time together and she got some treats. My
husband watched the movie with my son (Dillon). Dillon kept the remote in
his hand with his thumb on the fast forward button. (He did FF though some
parts.) We came home about 10 minutes before it was over. It was the ending
scene with the big fight between Freddie and Jason. My daughter sat down on
my lap and watched the ending. When it was over she turned to me and said,
"I must have missed the scary part." I said, "You didn't think that was
scary?" She said, as if I was a total idiot, "It's only a movie!" Smarter
than I gave her credit for apparently.
My son wasn't terribly impressed with it. He said that he thought it was a
"trashy money maker".
I personally LOVE horror movies. I saw Amityville Horror when I was 6 and
slept on my mom's floor for about 2 months. Now I can't seem to find one
that scares me at all and believe me I've tried. I guess I never will since
I think like my daughter.
My son did sleep with me last night but he always does so that didn't mean
anything. What surprised me was that Emma opted to sleep in her own room
last night. Go figure kids!
Thanks for all the wonderful and thoughtful advise. I really didn't know
what to do.
Aubrey
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
SandraDodd@...
Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 3:08 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: Advice Please
In a message dated 11/10/05 1:32:31 PM, leobellalace@... writes
of horror movies:
> -=-It's there and you either deal with it or suffer like I do. -=-Honestly, those aren't the only choices. Even someone with a vivid
>
imagination could insist on having the lights on, or could watch it in the
morning in
broad daylight. And reminders of HOW it was made, that it is NOT true,
just
a big special effects extravaganza is neither just dealing with "it"
(because
"it" is only a movie) nor is it suffering.
Bill Cosby and the chicken heart...
The solution was to turn off the radio.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
_____
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
* Visit your group "UnschoolingDiscussion
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion> " on the web.
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscrib
e>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
_____
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler Waynforth
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
them meet his stupid kid who'd smeared the floor with jello and set
the couch on fire.
Schuyler
>My dad used to dream of opening the door to strangers and offer to let
> Bill Cosby and the chicken heart...
>
> The solution was to turn off the radio.
>
> Sandra
them meet his stupid kid who'd smeared the floor with jello and set
the couch on fire.
Schuyler