diana

aaaahhhhh, struggling with peace in my home, in my children...
It's a tough time of transition for us, we're moving in with another
family and giving up a lot of taken-for-granted freedoms we'd not
considered. The move is my responsibility alone and the burden
has not left me with much physical energy, let alone the
emotional space to deal with the *now* with my kids.
Hayden, 7, is the most visibly agitated: his voice often has a
grumpy, growly tone, even when saying *yes* to something. After
a few days, it's become hard to ignore the tone and listen to the
message underneath, especially when his friends and their
parents focus on the tone and ignore the message. Hannah, 9,
has also become needier than I expected, with unbeforeseen
levels of whining and clinginess.
hmmmm, has *MY* voice been on edge and crabby? does *MY*
inner child want to whine and cling? Am I seeing the fruit of my
own struggle blossom in my children? YOU BETCHA!!
I see that "taking my time" with the move has not been the
benefit I anticipated, a quick clean break would have left me with
less ruminating time and more time to deal with what's at hand
now.

As I wandered about on Sandra's website, I found a great story
about a family interaction where she has an 'aha!' moment --
realizing she is more "my children's mother than my mother's
child" This really resonated with me as I, too, realize how easy it
is to give in to the really loud voices in my head (revert to
standard/authoritarian parenting) even though they aren't the
ones that make the most sense (they're just the loudest and
most practiced of the voices <g>)

So today, I will be their mom, the product of what I've learned
since they've come along, not the product of my parents. I will
breathe, smile and cuddle; find every opportunity to say yes; and I
will get our things organized and moved so to make the rest of
the transition easier.

:) diana

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/21/2005 7:20:58 A.M. Mountain Daylight Time,
hahamommy@... writes:

So today, I will be their mom, the product of what I've learned
since they've come along, not the product of my parents. I will
breathe, smile and cuddle; find every opportunity to say yes; and I
will get our things organized and moved so to make the rest of
the transition easier.
____




This was nice to read this morning, Diana. While we aren't moving in with
another family, we did just move from our home in Florida (leaving my sister,
my mom and my sister's two children who are my kids best friends) to New
Mexico. We're in a rental house next door to my in-laws while we look for a
house. For the most part, we have stayed busy and positive but last night Brenna
and I just gave in for awhile. We were both close to tears sitting on the
couch and we looked at each other and at the same time said..."This stinks!"
It's been hard.

I miss my mom, my sister, our house, my running trails, all the kids from
the neighborhood running in and out, our pool, my husband (he had a home office
in Florida), how to get to all my familiar places....... Most of all, I miss
the joy in my children as they ran back and forth visiting and hanging out
with their cousins. (Whine, Whine, Whine...I'm done now..<g>)

We planned it for a very long time and I was sure it was the right decision.
The reality of it has been so much more difficult than I could have ever
imagined. I get up every day so determined to do just what you have said above
and so far haven't been very successful..

Moving and change are just hard. I'm realizing that moving with older
children (12 and 16) has different challenges in meeting new people. It's not
quite as easy when you can't just go to a park day to meet other families. I
keep telling my kids it takes time but I think at any given moment we would all
move back to Florida.

I'm so glad we are unschooling as we can sleep in, explore, discover our new
surrounding to our hearts content. We're fortunate to have another
unschooling family close by who have welcomed and included us...(Thanks Sandra!) I
look at the mountains and I really don't miss Florida at all. It was never
home to me and this is where I want to be. I do however, miss our lives there.
I'm realizing that I have to grieve and let go of that before I can truly
be joyful here.

I know all the right things to do and we're doing them....I just want things
to be better right now!! <g> I'm hoping things get easier for you soon,
Diana, and that you enjoy your new home.

Gail (not known for either her patience or adapting to change but is working
on both :-)


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[email protected]

In a message dated 9/21/05 9:50:50 AM, gailbrocop@... writes:


> We're fortunate to have another 
> unschooling family close by who have welcomed and included us...(Thanks 
> Sandra!)  I
> look at the mountains and I really don't miss Florida at  all.  It was never
> home to me and this is where I want to be.  I do  however, miss our lives
> there.
> I'm realizing that I have to grieve and let  go of that before I can truly
> be joyful here.
>
>
------------------------------

Keith wanted use to move to Minneapolis at one point, and it horrified me.
I think I might have died. That makes me feel like an oath-breaking wimp
(having sworn marriage-stuff in public and all), and I would probably adapt if I
had to, but there's something about being around familiar air and familiar
food that makes me feel alive.

I feel so bad for the displaced hurricane survivors who are plopped hither
and yon with foreign water and pillows and strange weeds and newscasters they
don't recognize and weather maps they don't understand. Some of them might
not mind as much as others. Some people thrive on galavanting and on
mysterious newness. Some don't.

The only place I've ever wanted to go and stay was England. Is still think
about it. I think I wouldn't last three months, but I like to wish I could.
I would probably curl up and cry, wanting high dry-desert air and a green
chile enchilada.

Diana's at least in the same town, but sometimes it's what one sees going to
sleep or waking up that can be joy or discomfort. So even a different room
in the same house can be disconcerting for someone who likes sameness. Kirby
and I are both like that. I see it in Holly and Marty a little less, but
some. It's probably somewhat genetic. Maybe gypsies who didn't want to move
were less likely to find a mate (or would find one who also wanted to buy a
house and get a steady job <g>).

I watched The Field last night (for Richard Harris, and I'm kinda sorry I did
because it was disturbing) but part of it dealt with the benefits and also
the silly (and in this case deadly) futility of attaching oneself to a piece of
land, instead of to people and lightness of being. The grown son takes up
with a tinker/traveller, who's never had land and will never want any. My
sympathies were all over the place, with all the characters and all their
referenced ancestors. It made my own attachments seem wrong. (Then I went to
sleep in my own bed, comfortably. <g>)

Sandra




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Angela S.

We all love board games at our house. We just got a new one and I love it
so I thought I share about it here. It's called The Amazing Labyrinth.
It's a game where you plan your moves ahead and use logic and it's really
fun. Both my girls (ages 9 and 10) and I really got into it today. We just
got it and I can tell it's a keeper. You can google it and read more about
it. I know they sell it on Amazon but I got it at a Discovery toys party.

Angela
game-enthusiast@...

Schuyler Waynforth

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:

>
> The only place I've ever wanted to go and stay was England. Is
still think
> about it. I think I wouldn't last three months, but I like to wish
I could.
> I would probably curl up and cry, wanting high dry-desert air and
a green
> chile enchilada.

>
> Sandra


Well, having made that trade-off I must admit to curling up and crying
and missing ever so desperately high dry-desert air and a green chile
enchilada and a burrito from Alcapulco's drive-up stand on San Mateo.
And we've been here for 3 years. Well, I don't curl up so much.
But, I do miss the high dry-desert air and the green chile and the people.

Schuyler

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/21/05 11:12:21 AM, game-enthusiast@... writes:


> -=-It's called The Amazing Labyrinth.
> It's a game where you plan your moves ahead and use logic and it's really
> fun.  Both my girls (ages 9 and 10) and I really got into it today. -=-
>
It's really an excellent game, and very attractive too.

One of the coolest things about it is that you can handicap dads and teenaged
game/puzzle whizzes by just giving them more goal cards. That way younger
kids or those newer to strategy games, having fewer cards to "win," will still
have a fair chance.

Sandra




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[email protected]

Oh, Schulyer, I forgot you were going to be here to say "Yes, you WOULD curl
up and cry."

Darn. We're supposed to be cheering Diana and Gail on, not sending them back.

Off to clean the kitchen then, and make as Brit-as-possible a meatloaf. No
green chile. Stewed currents. Whole boiled eggs in there. La la la la,
citizen of the world, la la la...

Sandra



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Schuyler Waynforth

Oops...hmmm...right off I go for a yummy chip butty (french fries
wrapped in buttered bread) and an evening of watching "What the
Victorians Did for Us", "Little Britain" and "Two Pints of Lager and a
Packet of Crisps" having adapted really well to my new environment
with no thoughts of those things I may have left behind. And with full
knowledge that I am but an e-mail/phone call/plane trip away from
anywhere I once knew as home.

So, sorry about the whole curling up and crying image. Stiff upper
lip and all that...

Schuyler


-- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> Oh, Schuyler, I forgot you were going to be here to say "Yes, you
WOULD curl
> up and cry."
>
> Darn. We're supposed to be cheering Diana and Gail on, not sending
them back.
>
> Off to clean the kitchen then, and make as Brit-as-possible a
meatloaf. No
> green chile. Stewed currents. Whole boiled eggs in there. La
la la la,
> citizen of the world, la la la...
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/21/05 12:59:14 PM, s.waynforth@... writes:


> So, sorry about the whole curling up and crying image.  Stiff upper
> lip and all that...
>

Right-o.
Lovely.

Gail, New Mexico has no hurricanes expected, nor earthquakes.

Do NOT, though, think of England and then order "fish and chips" at Shoney's
at Menaul and Louisiana. The first question they will ask you is "what kind
of potatoes do you want?" Because mashed or baked is okay-fine with them.
And the fish was wrong and the chips were french fries. I nearly curled up
and cried. Should've ordered green chile stew.

Sandra


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Joy

Hi from Wales, UK. :o)

When I'm having down days about moving (mostly from times I didn't
understand the different culture and it caused some kind of
extra stress). I often think of what people in the AF often say while still
getting settled in somewhere new. They have a saying
that people say "The last base or place you just left was always the best!!"
(even if you really disliked it while you were there <g>).

I moved about 5 times while in the military (in 10 years) and have now done
two major moves (next 10 years) since getting out and everytime
this has been true even though we wanted to move everytime. <g>

It does get better and easier as you find all the good things about the new
place and all the unknowns of the new place are replaced.

Joy



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diana jenner

In a message dated 9/21/2005 7:20:58 A.M. Mountain Daylight Time,
hahamommy@... writes:

>So today, I will be their mom, the product of what I've learned
>since they've come along, not the product of my parents. I will
>breathe, smile and cuddle; find every opportunity to say yes; and I
>will get our things organized and moved so to make the rest of
>the transition easier.
>
I'm happy to report the above re-commitment is working <bg> In fact,
life became much easier once I figured out that Hayden's self-imposed
end of caffeine use may have had a *bit* to do with his grouchiness
:::duh, mom::: My attitude adjustment + end of withdrawals = a very
joyful weekend for everyone!

We're also excited to have our 14 year old calico kitty, Patches, rejoin
our family after more than a year at my parents' home. She gained more
than 10 lbs during her stay (I think it was depression) but is shedding
it quickly as she becomes active and social again. It's so nice to have
her back (or nice to have *us* back, for her)

:) diana


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[email protected]

In a message dated 9/25/05 6:55:20 PM, hahamommy@... writes:


> Hayden's self-imposed
> end of caffeine use
>

Kirby went several months once without caffein, for personal reasons. He
had an end date already decided, and when that time came he had a Dr Pepper and
went on without fanfare, with caffein.

Sandra


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