Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] outwitting those wily toddlers
Sonia Ulan
Hey Amy, YOU can't be "the nasty Mom from Saskatoon"...what would that
make me? (I'm REALLY in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan!) Actually, here in
Saskatoon, there is no such thing as "a nasty Mom"!!! That's just
rumour...
heh, heh, heh,
Sonia
Benedict/Kosmacher wrote:
make me? (I'm REALLY in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan!) Actually, here in
Saskatoon, there is no such thing as "a nasty Mom"!!! That's just
rumour...
heh, heh, heh,
Sonia
Benedict/Kosmacher wrote:
>
> , "I must be the worst nanny in the
> >world, I'm so mean!" for good measure and it usually
> >provokes a smile. I've never had any of the kids agree
> >with me, and sometimes they even have defended me -
> >"No you're not, you let us ..."
> >
> recently I have been "The nasty Mom from Saskatoon" --- which my 5 year
> old thought was hysterical at first -- it completely disarmed her. But I
> used it once too many and the last time she shot back "No -- YOU'RE FROM
> WISCONSIN!"
>
> Amy now from NH
>
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In a message dated 7/7/2000 11:12:57 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
naake1999@... writes:
<< when he can be
quiet or stop spitting or stop throwing food or whatever (aren't toddlers
delightful? Well, yes, they can be....). T >>
I forgot i have all this to look forward to with Max... Zak threw food all
over the kitchen and at the walls for the longest time and we never thought
we'd have a white kitchen again and then one day it stopped and he moved onto
different behavior. Now if Icould just get max to stop standing up in the
bath (hmmmmmmm)
Dawn F
naake1999@... writes:
<< when he can be
quiet or stop spitting or stop throwing food or whatever (aren't toddlers
delightful? Well, yes, they can be....). T >>
I forgot i have all this to look forward to with Max... Zak threw food all
over the kitchen and at the walls for the longest time and we never thought
we'd have a white kitchen again and then one day it stopped and he moved onto
different behavior. Now if Icould just get max to stop standing up in the
bath (hmmmmmmm)
Dawn F
[email protected]
naake1999@... writes:
all week! Daddy could go home and bring us some food...
louder" routine and it really bothers me.
him to rejoin us when he's done (usually within about 15 seconds). When I
tell him "fuss room!" and he decides to quit fussing instead, that's find,
but if dh does it, he wants him to go there, even if he was willing to stay
with us and be pleasant. Then Brian usually stays longer and fusses more and
more loudly.
:-) Diane
>I know this sounds strange, but when my 3yo objects to something, what oftenThis works for us, too. I wish we could stay all day! I wish we could stay
>works is to sympathize ("I know it's really rotten that we have to leave
>now, I wish we could stay..." "I would love to get some French fries! I wish
>I had some now!"). It seems to make him feel better than if I try to change
>his mind about being unhappy.
all week! Daddy could go home and bring us some food...
> When he objects to something in a very loud and whiny way, I tell himright
> away that he can cry as hard as he wants and it's not going to change myI tell Brian, "But you're welcome to fuss about it." My dh does the "Louder,
> mind. (Screaming for candy in the store is one example.) I actually urge
> him, very sincerely, to scream and howl as loudly as he can. (Louder!
> Louder!)
louder" routine and it really bothers me.
> That really seems to take the wind out of his sails for tantrums. It worksWe send Brian to the "fuss room" if he gets intrusive with it, and it's up to
> for my little guy ... maybe it will help someone else too.
>
>As far as not behaving civilly at home...I think we're pretty tolerant, but
>if he completely disrupts dinner, or Tony and I can't read a book because
>Nicky is yelling that he wants to read something else, I take him by the
>hand and lead him to his room. I tell him he can rejoin us when he can be
>quiet or stop spitting or stop throwing food or whatever (aren't toddlers
>delightful? Well, yes, they can be....). That seems to leave the decision to
>return in his control.
him to rejoin us when he's done (usually within about 15 seconds). When I
tell him "fuss room!" and he decides to quit fussing instead, that's find,
but if dh does it, he wants him to go there, even if he was willing to stay
with us and be pleasant. Then Brian usually stays longer and fusses more and
more loudly.
:-) Diane
Sunshine Daydream
Hi, I'm new to this list. I don't have any kids of my
own, but I have been a nanny to many many kids over
the past 8 years and when I do have my own kids (soon,
I hope!) I definitely plan to unschool them.
sometimes add in, "I must be the worst nanny in the
world, I'm so mean!" for good measure and it usually
provokes a smile. I've never had any of the kids agree
with me, and sometimes they even have defended me -
"No you're not, you let us ..."
I also tell the kids, "You are welcome to scream and
cry and make a fuss about this. You may be as upset as
you like, in your room (or outside). Because I'm doing
[whatever I'm doing] here in the [whatever room I'm
in], I can't listen to you cry right now." I think
this acknowledges that the kid is upset, and that he
has a right to express that upset-ness, but that it's
not going to control my world. I usually have success
with this.
Danna =]
__________________________________________________
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own, but I have been a nanny to many many kids over
the past 8 years and when I do have my own kids (soon,
I hope!) I definitely plan to unschool them.
> I know this sounds strange, but when my 3yo objectsI do the same thing with sympathizing. I also
> to something, what often
> works is to sympathize ("I know it's really rotten
> that we have to leave
> now, I wish we could stay..." "I would love to get
> some French fries! I wish
> I had some now>
> I actually urge
> him, very sincerely, to scream and howl as loudly as
> he can. (Louder!
> Louder!)
sometimes add in, "I must be the worst nanny in the
world, I'm so mean!" for good measure and it usually
provokes a smile. I've never had any of the kids agree
with me, and sometimes they even have defended me -
"No you're not, you let us ..."
I also tell the kids, "You are welcome to scream and
cry and make a fuss about this. You may be as upset as
you like, in your room (or outside). Because I'm doing
[whatever I'm doing] here in the [whatever room I'm
in], I can't listen to you cry right now." I think
this acknowledges that the kid is upset, and that he
has a right to express that upset-ness, but that it's
not going to control my world. I usually have success
with this.
Danna =]
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get Yahoo! Mail � Free email you can access from anywhere!
http://mail.yahoo.com/
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/7/2000 11:24:11 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
cen46624@... writes:
<< When he objects to something in a very loud and whiny way, I >>
We use the technique of saying to Zak "that's whiny voice... that hurts my
ears" and then we give him an example of a regular voice... It usually takes
about 5 mins to get a sentence out of him between the whining and the regular
voice, but he does end up doing it, otherwise we don't respond.
The other thing we do is that Zak likes to shout lots of requests from his
bedroom and we've told him that if he wants help or to talk to us he has to
come into the kitchen/lounge/office whereever we are and talk to us in front
of us... We ignore him until he does this. At first it took over an hour,
but now it's only about 5 mins before he realizes that someone is not coming
to fix whatever the problem is and that he has to come and ask us in a
regular voice. This is all so much more exhausting than it was working in an
office somewhere and having my boss tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing
(LOL)
Dawn F
cen46624@... writes:
<< When he objects to something in a very loud and whiny way, I >>
We use the technique of saying to Zak "that's whiny voice... that hurts my
ears" and then we give him an example of a regular voice... It usually takes
about 5 mins to get a sentence out of him between the whining and the regular
voice, but he does end up doing it, otherwise we don't respond.
The other thing we do is that Zak likes to shout lots of requests from his
bedroom and we've told him that if he wants help or to talk to us he has to
come into the kitchen/lounge/office whereever we are and talk to us in front
of us... We ignore him until he does this. At first it took over an hour,
but now it's only about 5 mins before he realizes that someone is not coming
to fix whatever the problem is and that he has to come and ask us in a
regular voice. This is all so much more exhausting than it was working in an
office somewhere and having my boss tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing
(LOL)
Dawn F
Benedict/Kosmacher
, "I must be the worst nanny in the
old thought was hysterical at first -- it completely disarmed her. But I
used it once too many and the last time she shot back "No -- YOU'RE FROM
WISCONSIN!"
Amy now from NH
>world, I'm so mean!" for good measure and it usuallyrecently I have been "The nasty Mom from Saskatoon" --- which my 5 year
>provokes a smile. I've never had any of the kids agree
>with me, and sometimes they even have defended me -
>"No you're not, you let us ..."
>
old thought was hysterical at first -- it completely disarmed her. But I
used it once too many and the last time she shot back "No -- YOU'RE FROM
WISCONSIN!"
Amy now from NH
Tracy Oldfield
Dawn, has he actually fallen down yet? are you always there to
catch him, lift him out if he went under? Perhaps if he found out
what happens if it goes wrong would make him think twice? (I'm
not saying you dunk him... <G>)
Tracy (yes, amy I'm feeling chatty again, must be the American
Zinfandel I've been drinking...)
catch him, lift him out if he went under? Perhaps if he found out
what happens if it goes wrong would make him think twice? (I'm
not saying you dunk him... <G>)
Tracy (yes, amy I'm feeling chatty again, must be the American
Zinfandel I've been drinking...)
On 8 Jul 2000, at 2:22, NumoAstro@... wrote:
Now if Icould just get max to stop standing up in the
bath (hmmmmmmm)
Dawn F
Tracy Oldfield
This is a sore point in our house, but there again, me and Rob do it
to each other so it's hard for me to put my foot down... though
we've all got better about it. And if I expect them to do that, I try
to do it too. What gets up my nose about tidying up is that so little
of the stuff in this house that needs tidying up is actually mine,
except that it's all mine since I chose to marry my dh and have
kids, but you know what I mean...
Tracy
to each other so it's hard for me to put my foot down... though
we've all got better about it. And if I expect them to do that, I try
to do it too. What gets up my nose about tidying up is that so little
of the stuff in this house that needs tidying up is actually mine,
except that it's all mine since I chose to marry my dh and have
kids, but you know what I mean...
Tracy
On 8 Jul 2000, at 10:34, NumoAstro@... wrote:
The other thing we do is that Zak likes to shout lots
of requests from his
bedroom and we've told him that if he wants help or to
talk to us he has to
come into the kitchen/lounge/office whereever we are
and talk to us in front
of us... We ignore him until he does this.
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/8/2000 5:20:57 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
tracy.oldfield@... writes:
<< Dawn, has he actually fallen down yet? are you always there to
catch him, lift him out if he went under? Perhaps if he found out
what happens if it goes wrong would make him think twice? (I'm
not saying you dunk him... <G>) >>
hmmm Tracy.. I feel an uncomfortable feeling coming on at the thought of
letting him fall face down into the water... No he hasn't fallen down because
I'm always there to catch him and I figure that because he's 9 months old he
(a) ought not to be standing in the bath as that's a safety issue and (b) I
think I'm more concerned about him drowning in 5 inches of water... I'll have
to give this some thought because in some ways it's a freedom issue and I'm
not sure at 9 months he's ready for that freedom, nor will he remember the
consequences of his choices.... But I'll give it some thought.
Dawn F
(feeling very uncomfortable with the above suggestion)
tracy.oldfield@... writes:
<< Dawn, has he actually fallen down yet? are you always there to
catch him, lift him out if he went under? Perhaps if he found out
what happens if it goes wrong would make him think twice? (I'm
not saying you dunk him... <G>) >>
hmmm Tracy.. I feel an uncomfortable feeling coming on at the thought of
letting him fall face down into the water... No he hasn't fallen down because
I'm always there to catch him and I figure that because he's 9 months old he
(a) ought not to be standing in the bath as that's a safety issue and (b) I
think I'm more concerned about him drowning in 5 inches of water... I'll have
to give this some thought because in some ways it's a freedom issue and I'm
not sure at 9 months he's ready for that freedom, nor will he remember the
consequences of his choices.... But I'll give it some thought.
Dawn F
(feeling very uncomfortable with the above suggestion)
Tracy Oldfield
well it was just a thought. I've been reading Deb Jackson's Three
in a Bed, which borrows a certain amount from (while adding
clarity and balance to) Jean Liedloff's Continuum Concept.
Jackson describes it as 'minimalist mothering,' doing nothing for
the child that he can do for himself. No doubt I'll be coming over
all Yequana for a while <g>
BTW, I doubt he'd fall face first, more likely on his no doubt well-
rounded bottom and then perhaps slide back onto his head. The
thing is, at that age, mine were in the bath with me, not me waiting
by the side, so perhaps it's different...
Tracy
in a Bed, which borrows a certain amount from (while adding
clarity and balance to) Jean Liedloff's Continuum Concept.
Jackson describes it as 'minimalist mothering,' doing nothing for
the child that he can do for himself. No doubt I'll be coming over
all Yequana for a while <g>
BTW, I doubt he'd fall face first, more likely on his no doubt well-
rounded bottom and then perhaps slide back onto his head. The
thing is, at that age, mine were in the bath with me, not me waiting
by the side, so perhaps it's different...
Tracy
On 8 Jul 2000, at 23:30, NumoAstro@... wrote:
hmmm Tracy.. I feel an uncomfortable feeling coming on
at the thought of
letting him fall face down into the water... No he
hasn't fallen down because
I'm always there to catch him and I figure that because
he's 9 months old he
(a) ought not to be standing in the bath as that's a
safety issue and (b) I
think I'm more concerned about him drowning in 5 inches
of water... I'll have
to give this some thought because in some ways it's a
freedom issue and I'm
not sure at 9 months he's ready for that freedom, nor
will he remember the
consequences of his choices.... But I'll give it some
thought.
Dawn F
(feeling very uncomfortable with the above suggestion)
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Benedict/Kosmacher
My daughters will enjoy this immensely! OOOOPS! My apologies to all
the delightful mamas of Saskatoon! Amy
Hey Amy, YOU can't be "the nasty Mom from Saskatoon"...what would that
the delightful mamas of Saskatoon! Amy
Hey Amy, YOU can't be "the nasty Mom from Saskatoon"...what would that
>make me? (I'm REALLY in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan!) Actually, here in
>Saskatoon, there is no such thing as "a nasty Mom"!!! That's just
>rumour...
>
>heh, heh, heh,
>
>Sonia
>
>
>Benedict/Kosmacher wrote:
>>
>> , "I must be the worst nanny in the
>> >world, I'm so mean!" for good measure and it usually
>> >provokes a smile. I've never had any of the kids agree
>> >with me, and sometimes they even have defended me -
>> >"No you're not, you let us ..."
>> >
>> recently I have been "The nasty Mom from Saskatoon" --- which my 5 year
>> old thought was hysterical at first -- it completely disarmed her. But I
>> used it once too many and the last time she shot back "No -- YOU'RE FROM
>> WISCONSIN!"
>>
>> Amy now from NH
>>
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> Missing old school friends? Find them here:
>> http://click.egroups.com/1/5534/14/_/448294/_/963082195/
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
>> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>>
>> Addresses:
>> Post message: [email protected]
>> Unsubscribe: [email protected]
>> List owner: [email protected]
>> List settings page: http://www.egroups.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
>
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