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Partly in way of explanation, and partly as a separate issue, I wanted to
pursue my objection to the use of the word "ridiculous." I categorize it with
"that's stupid," as a phrase that separates people from thought or possible
acceptance of or exposure to something.

One of the worst blocks to unschooling I've ever seen is negativity, and
often it's in the form of the mom having a category of things she declared to be
"stupid." It might be a genre of music or a type of movie. It might be a
subgroup of people. It might be television or video games. But voicing
"that's stupid" chops off part of the world, walls it off, makes it unavailable.
It causes children to choose to agree with the mom's (literal word use)
prejudice, or to reject the mom to some degree in order to even LOOK at or listen
to or talk to the "Stupid" things or people.

I think the use of "ridiculuous" does the same thing.

I'm touchy about its use on this list because a few years back I was called
ridiculous, and some of the unschooling ideas I had lived with and lived by for
a decade were declared "ridiculous." It's not a good word. It's not a
good category to put things, people, information, books, or ideas in.

If a mom states WHY she thinks the people at the skating rink might be better
to hang around with than the druggies behind the pool hall, then she's giving
information and operating on principle and helping her son or daughter
develop ways to consider in the future how to decide who to hang out with and why.
But if she says "Skaters are good people, but pool players are stupid," she's
moved into the realm of prejudice and fallacy.

Stating the advantages or pitfalls of a practice or a book or an idea can
lead to thought and discussion, where condemnation of it with "stupid" or "ridicul
ous" can't.

Over many years I've tried to nudge people away from their depressive
negative declarations and toward lighter, more hopeful stances and attitudes for the
sake of opening the world up to them as a place to make increasingly easy and
effortless connections. A mom's confidence and attitude make or break
unschooling.

"Maybe" is better than "doesn't."
"Might" is better than "won't."

Incrementally, people who are used to negativity can move toward more
acceptance.

"Not my favorite" is better than "stupid."
"Unnecessary" is better than "ridiculous."

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy Hill

** If a mom states WHY she thinks the people at the skating rink might
be better
to hang around with than the druggies behind the pool hall, then she's
giving
information and operating on principle and helping her son or daughter
develop ways to consider in the future how to decide who to hang out
with and why.
But if she says "Skaters are good people, but pool players are stupid,"
she's
moved into the realm of prejudice and fallacy.

Stating the advantages or pitfalls of a practice or a book or an idea can
lead to thought and discussion, where condemnation of it with "stupid"
or "ridicul
ous" can't.**


Right.

Giving information and letting other people draw their own conclusions
from the information is more helpful and, um, educational than just
handing down the judgement. (for instance, "bad" or "silly")

Sometimes when we disapprove of something it takes time and analysis to
dredge up our reasons and consider them. But it's worth it.

Sometimes when we disapprove of part of something, it's easy to slip
into condemning it completely and not seeing its virtues.

Betsy