Do any of you have this problem?
Kim J. Flowers
And how do you deal with it?
My kids LOVE to talk to adults, but 9 out of 10 adults that my kids talk to
get really annoyed and frustrated and are sometimes just rude. It is almost
like these people don't think that children are worthy to talk to them.
That is how they act anyway.
How would you deal with that? I don't want to tell my kids not to talk to
adults, but I find myself telling them to "come here" or "go play" because I
don't want them getting their feelings hurt or even thinking that that is
how adults are.
I am in serious need of suggestions or ideas. Thanks.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 9 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My kids LOVE to talk to adults, but 9 out of 10 adults that my kids talk to
get really annoyed and frustrated and are sometimes just rude. It is almost
like these people don't think that children are worthy to talk to them.
That is how they act anyway.
How would you deal with that? I don't want to tell my kids not to talk to
adults, but I find myself telling them to "come here" or "go play" because I
don't want them getting their feelings hurt or even thinking that that is
how adults are.
I am in serious need of suggestions or ideas. Thanks.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 9 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Liz in AZ
Oh, yes. And I think it is exactly that people don't think children
are worthy to talk to.
I start by recognizing that I am not likely to change the person's
attitude, certainly not by lecturing them. Having said that, I will
say "Meredith is talking to you" to my sister-in-law, who seems to
feel that my daughter should always wait until the adults are done
before chiming in.
Usually, though, I focus on giving the respect of listening to my
daughter *myself*, by saying "excuse me" to the adult (if I was
involved in a conversation with him or her) and "yes, Meredith? I'd
like to hear what you have to say", or some such, to my daughter. I
refuse to allow the other adult to engage me until my daughter has
had a reasonable conversational turn.
If it is someone I wasn't already talking to, I come over and say
something like "it doesn't look like s/he is interested in talking
right now" (loud enough for the adult to hear, for sure) and maybe
follow up with "what was that you were saying about dinosaurs?".
In private moments, I sometimes remind my daughter that if someone
is being rude to her, she doesn't have to have a conversation with
them. I've gently said that some people aren't good at talking with
kids, and that it's more fun to talk to people who are.
And yes, it really frosts me when people try to pretend she's not
even there. But there you have it.
Liz
--- In [email protected], "Kim J. Flowers"
<kim@t...> wrote:
are worthy to talk to.
I start by recognizing that I am not likely to change the person's
attitude, certainly not by lecturing them. Having said that, I will
say "Meredith is talking to you" to my sister-in-law, who seems to
feel that my daughter should always wait until the adults are done
before chiming in.
Usually, though, I focus on giving the respect of listening to my
daughter *myself*, by saying "excuse me" to the adult (if I was
involved in a conversation with him or her) and "yes, Meredith? I'd
like to hear what you have to say", or some such, to my daughter. I
refuse to allow the other adult to engage me until my daughter has
had a reasonable conversational turn.
If it is someone I wasn't already talking to, I come over and say
something like "it doesn't look like s/he is interested in talking
right now" (loud enough for the adult to hear, for sure) and maybe
follow up with "what was that you were saying about dinosaurs?".
In private moments, I sometimes remind my daughter that if someone
is being rude to her, she doesn't have to have a conversation with
them. I've gently said that some people aren't good at talking with
kids, and that it's more fun to talk to people who are.
And yes, it really frosts me when people try to pretend she's not
even there. But there you have it.
Liz
--- In [email protected], "Kim J. Flowers"
<kim@t...> wrote:
> And how do you deal with it?kids talk to
> My kids LOVE to talk to adults, but 9 out of 10 adults that my
> get really annoyed and frustrated and are sometimes just rude. Itis almost
> like these people don't think that children are worthy to talk tothem.
beanmommy2
--- In [email protected], "Kim J. Flowers"
<kim@t...> wrote:
The reason I ask is because once a few years ago I was at the
library typing at the computer with my baby and two kids came up and
I guess were interested in the baby, then started talking to me.
They told me they were homeschooled and chatted with me a little,
which I didn't mind at first. But the boy kept telling me all kinds
of details about his trading cards or something, and kept going on
and on even after I thought he was done and I would smile, nod, and
go back to typing. I had no idea who he was, his parents were
nowhere in sight, and I was trying to get something done. (He was
about ten or eleven.)
I guess I should have politely dismissed him at some point, but
honestly, at the time I thought to myself, "Gosh, do all
homeschooled kids walk up to total strangers and talk on and on
about themselves, and the parent does nothing to intervene?"
I have a feeling that's probably not what you meant, though?
Jenny
<kim@t...> wrote:
> My kids LOVE to talk to adults, but 9 out of 10 adults that mykids talk to
> get really annoyed and frustrated and are sometimes just rude. Itis almost
> like these people don't think that children are worthy to talk tothem.
> That is how they act anyway.Do you mean with your friends, or total strangers?
The reason I ask is because once a few years ago I was at the
library typing at the computer with my baby and two kids came up and
I guess were interested in the baby, then started talking to me.
They told me they were homeschooled and chatted with me a little,
which I didn't mind at first. But the boy kept telling me all kinds
of details about his trading cards or something, and kept going on
and on even after I thought he was done and I would smile, nod, and
go back to typing. I had no idea who he was, his parents were
nowhere in sight, and I was trying to get something done. (He was
about ten or eleven.)
I guess I should have politely dismissed him at some point, but
honestly, at the time I thought to myself, "Gosh, do all
homeschooled kids walk up to total strangers and talk on and on
about themselves, and the parent does nothing to intervene?"
I have a feeling that's probably not what you meant, though?
Jenny
Brandie
> just rude. It is almostCan you give us an example? Like, what's something
> like these people don't think that children are
> worthy to talk to them.
one of your children have said or asked of an adult
and what did the adult say?
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
Pam Sorooshian
Sheesh. Find different adults to hang out with, Kim.
We have a park day full of adults who would LOVE to talk with your
kids. I never get enough kid-talk, because the kids are all busy
running around with their friends.
-pam
We have a park day full of adults who would LOVE to talk with your
kids. I never get enough kid-talk, because the kids are all busy
running around with their friends.
-pam
On Sep 15, 2005, at 11:32 AM, Kim J. Flowers wrote:
> How would you deal with that? I don't want to tell my kids not to
> talk to
> adults, but I find myself telling them to "come here" or "go play"
> because I
> don't want them getting their feelings hurt or even thinking that
> that is
> how adults are.
> I am in serious need of suggestions or ideas. Thanks.
>
[email protected]
> -=-My kids LOVE to talk to adults, but 9 out of 10 adults that my kids talkIf they're just walking up to random strangers at parks and in stores and
> to
> get really annoyed and frustrated and are sometimes just rude. It is almost
> like these people don't think that children are worthy to talk to them.
> That is how they act anyway.
> How would you deal with that?-=-
>
starting conversations, you might help them figure out how to gauge whether
someone is iterested. Have they been watching them and smiling at them?
Inviting interaction with non-verbal clues?
At a park, if someone says "Nice bike!" that's a possible moment for a return
comment. If someone is reading a newspaper or a book, that is NOT a good
person to start up a chat with.
In a case in which it wouldn't be cool for an adult to start a conversation
with another person, it's not okay for a child to either. Even if all
adults did see adults and children equally (which we know they don't), it's not
okay for adults to "love to talk to adults" in a non-discriminate way.
The other day Keith and I were going for a walk, and a police car stopped
right by us and the guy got out, right by a bike path that goes along a drainage
ditch by our house. We didn't know he wasn't wanting to talk to us, but it
wasn't likely. He was going to talk to a homeless guy who was up on the side
of the ditch against someone's back wall. He knew his name and all. Keith
and I were just happening to be there. That was really NOT a good time to go
and get into the conversation. We did greet the policeman and he made a
friendly comment of some sort and then went to talk to the guy.
Would a child know that was a bad time to ask questions? Would a child know
it wasn't a good time to say "I'm Sandra and this is my dog Gudrun?" (We
did have Gudrun with us, and she wasn't on a leash, but nobody in the situation
cared.)
I'm just rambling, I think; sorry.
When Holly has gone to visit other houses and there's not a set time to come
home, I've coached her to watch for clues that they're planning to do
something else as a family, or fixing dinner or something, and come home then, when
the climate seems to change. She was good at that. Some people are better at
it than others. Maybe some parents don't think to suggest it.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/16/2005 10:35:44 AM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
Even if all
adults did see adults and children equally (which we know they don't), it's
not
okay for adults to "love to talk to adults" in a non-discriminate way.
~~~
We were in the grocery store the other day, Will and I. I was in the peanut
butter aisle, choosing some (not Jif! Ha, cultural reference!). There was
a woman in a service-worker's uniform (McDonalds or something) up ahead. She
was talking on her cell phone. I had my back to her and I wasn't paying any
attention to her, choosing pb, but I could tell she was about to end her
phone call because of what she was saying that I couldn't help but hear.
I picked up the pb and then turned to walk up the aisle with Will. In one
breath the woman on the phone said, "Okay, I love you, Bye! Is school out
today?", as she closed the phone.
I was taken aback....was she talking to us? As I squeezed by her cart, I
looked at her strangely, concluding that she was, indeed now talking to us, and
I said, rather curtly, "We don't believe in school."
Undaunted, she said, "Oh, you must be homeschoolers!" in a rather demanding
way, like, "you must engage me in conversation because I'm manic and can't
help myself." By then I was a good 10 feet away from her and widening the gap.
I stopped, turned around, looked her in the eye and said, "School is for
losers.", then turned on my heel and walked away.
This woman was rude and talking inappropriately to someone she didn't know
and asking personal questions. She didn't have the courtesy to address me or
let me know she was addressing me. Just asked her question like we're
supposed to be in her brain and bend to her wishes.
I don't actually believe school is for losers. It's a joke Will and I have.
But I don't feel the need to be polite to someone so rude and answer her
questions. I'd much rather her think I'm crazy than have such a person think
I'm open to speaking with her just because she speaks to me. If she had gone
on, I would have said something less rude and more direct, such as "I'm too
busy to talk."
I've had experiences with kids who wanted to talk and talk, and I think
there are lots of people who need to learn when enough is enough and when it's
appropriate to speak, not just kids.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
Even if all
adults did see adults and children equally (which we know they don't), it's
not
okay for adults to "love to talk to adults" in a non-discriminate way.
~~~
We were in the grocery store the other day, Will and I. I was in the peanut
butter aisle, choosing some (not Jif! Ha, cultural reference!). There was
a woman in a service-worker's uniform (McDonalds or something) up ahead. She
was talking on her cell phone. I had my back to her and I wasn't paying any
attention to her, choosing pb, but I could tell she was about to end her
phone call because of what she was saying that I couldn't help but hear.
I picked up the pb and then turned to walk up the aisle with Will. In one
breath the woman on the phone said, "Okay, I love you, Bye! Is school out
today?", as she closed the phone.
I was taken aback....was she talking to us? As I squeezed by her cart, I
looked at her strangely, concluding that she was, indeed now talking to us, and
I said, rather curtly, "We don't believe in school."
Undaunted, she said, "Oh, you must be homeschoolers!" in a rather demanding
way, like, "you must engage me in conversation because I'm manic and can't
help myself." By then I was a good 10 feet away from her and widening the gap.
I stopped, turned around, looked her in the eye and said, "School is for
losers.", then turned on my heel and walked away.
This woman was rude and talking inappropriately to someone she didn't know
and asking personal questions. She didn't have the courtesy to address me or
let me know she was addressing me. Just asked her question like we're
supposed to be in her brain and bend to her wishes.
I don't actually believe school is for losers. It's a joke Will and I have.
But I don't feel the need to be polite to someone so rude and answer her
questions. I'd much rather her think I'm crazy than have such a person think
I'm open to speaking with her just because she speaks to me. If she had gone
on, I would have said something less rude and more direct, such as "I'm too
busy to talk."
I've had experiences with kids who wanted to talk and talk, and I think
there are lots of people who need to learn when enough is enough and when it's
appropriate to speak, not just kids.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kim J. Flowers
Well, for example, we were at the doctors office where my son gets his light
treatments. He was talking to the nurse that was prepping him and one time
he told her about his pokemon cards and she said absolutely nothing with the
rolling eyes attitude, and another time he had asked her if she saw a movie
that he had just seen and she replied in a very condescending way that "I
don't watch cartoons" and he said that it wasn't a cartoon and she replied
"whatever". I was so appalled that I didn't know what to say for once in my
life. And he has to see her 3 times a week! I really want to tell him just
to not talk to her cause she is rude, but I don't know what to say.
Another time we were at the park and he had been playing with this ladys
child and he went up to her and told her that he enjoyed her sons company
and she just looked at him with an annoyed smile on her face and turned
around and ignored him.
Those are just a couple of examples of this rudeness, though, unfortunately
there are many more!
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 9 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So, today I have finished a bottle of vodka, A bottle of red wine, a bottle
of Jack Daniel's, my Prozac, a small box of chocolates and a quart of Rocky
Road. You have no idea how good I feel."
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Brandie
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 8:12 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Do any of you have this problem?
one of your children have said or asked of an adult
and what did the adult say?
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
treatments. He was talking to the nurse that was prepping him and one time
he told her about his pokemon cards and she said absolutely nothing with the
rolling eyes attitude, and another time he had asked her if she saw a movie
that he had just seen and she replied in a very condescending way that "I
don't watch cartoons" and he said that it wasn't a cartoon and she replied
"whatever". I was so appalled that I didn't know what to say for once in my
life. And he has to see her 3 times a week! I really want to tell him just
to not talk to her cause she is rude, but I don't know what to say.
Another time we were at the park and he had been playing with this ladys
child and he went up to her and told her that he enjoyed her sons company
and she just looked at him with an annoyed smile on her face and turned
around and ignored him.
Those are just a couple of examples of this rudeness, though, unfortunately
there are many more!
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 9 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So, today I have finished a bottle of vodka, A bottle of red wine, a bottle
of Jack Daniel's, my Prozac, a small box of chocolates and a quart of Rocky
Road. You have no idea how good I feel."
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Brandie
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 8:12 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Do any of you have this problem?
> just rude. It is almostCan you give us an example? Like, what's something
> like these people don't think that children are
> worthy to talk to them.
one of your children have said or asked of an adult
and what did the adult say?
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kim J. Flowers
No, I am always there when my children approach someone that they find
interesting. I always explain to them if I see the person is busy or
something, but like the examples in my previous email said, these people
would have been perfectly acceptable to talk to.
You are right about being too busy with children carrying on, If I notice
one of my kids giving TMI, I do redirect them, cause I wouldn't want to
subject an innocent bystander to the details of our lives! But I guess I do
expect some common courtesy. I am positive none of those people would have
even considered talking to me like that if I were to say something to them.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 9 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So, today I have finished a bottle of vodka, A bottle of red wine, a bottle
of Jack Daniel's, my Prozac, a small box of chocolates and a quart of Rocky
Road. You have no idea how good I feel."
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of beanmommy2
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 8:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: Do any of you have this problem?
--- In [email protected], "Kim J. Flowers"
<kim@t...> wrote:
The reason I ask is because once a few years ago I was at the
library typing at the computer with my baby and two kids came up and
I guess were interested in the baby, then started talking to me.
They told me they were homeschooled and chatted with me a little,
which I didn't mind at first. But the boy kept telling me all kinds
of details about his trading cards or something, and kept going on
and on even after I thought he was done and I would smile, nod, and
go back to typing. I had no idea who he was, his parents were
nowhere in sight, and I was trying to get something done. (He was
about ten or eleven.)
I guess I should have politely dismissed him at some point, but
honestly, at the time I thought to myself, "Gosh, do all
homeschooled kids walk up to total strangers and talk on and on
about themselves, and the parent does nothing to intervene?"
I have a feeling that's probably not what you meant, though?
Jenny
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
interesting. I always explain to them if I see the person is busy or
something, but like the examples in my previous email said, these people
would have been perfectly acceptable to talk to.
You are right about being too busy with children carrying on, If I notice
one of my kids giving TMI, I do redirect them, cause I wouldn't want to
subject an innocent bystander to the details of our lives! But I guess I do
expect some common courtesy. I am positive none of those people would have
even considered talking to me like that if I were to say something to them.
Kim Flowers - Wife to Nolan for 9 years
Stay at Home Mama of 4 wonderful boys
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So, today I have finished a bottle of vodka, A bottle of red wine, a bottle
of Jack Daniel's, my Prozac, a small box of chocolates and a quart of Rocky
Road. You have no idea how good I feel."
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of beanmommy2
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2005 8:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: Do any of you have this problem?
--- In [email protected], "Kim J. Flowers"
<kim@t...> wrote:
> My kids LOVE to talk to adults, but 9 out of 10 adults that mykids talk to
> get really annoyed and frustrated and are sometimes just rude. Itis almost
> like these people don't think that children are worthy to talk tothem.
> That is how they act anyway.Do you mean with your friends, or total strangers?
The reason I ask is because once a few years ago I was at the
library typing at the computer with my baby and two kids came up and
I guess were interested in the baby, then started talking to me.
They told me they were homeschooled and chatted with me a little,
which I didn't mind at first. But the boy kept telling me all kinds
of details about his trading cards or something, and kept going on
and on even after I thought he was done and I would smile, nod, and
go back to typing. I had no idea who he was, his parents were
nowhere in sight, and I was trying to get something done. (He was
about ten or eleven.)
I guess I should have politely dismissed him at some point, but
honestly, at the time I thought to myself, "Gosh, do all
homeschooled kids walk up to total strangers and talk on and on
about themselves, and the parent does nothing to intervene?"
I have a feeling that's probably not what you meant, though?
Jenny
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
SPONSORED LINKS
Secondary
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary
+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=G
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Christy Mahoney
Gosh, do all
were. I have had this happen a lot of times with my dd, who also
loves to talk to adults. Many adults will just look at me like I'm
supposed to get my daughter to stop talking to them before they even
respond to her! It's like they are scared to talk to a child - it's
really weird to me. I talk to kids at the park a lot.
It's different if my dd is about to interrupt someone who's already
talking to someone else. I will let her know that she shouldn't
interrupt, and if someone is rude or just won't answer her or make
eye contact, I'll tell her that I don't think they want to talk
right now. But I don't think there's anything wrong with her
talking to an adult at the park who is not already talking and
obviously not doing anything but watching his/her kids play.
So many adults seem so uncomfortable when a kid talks to them. More
than once, one or the other of my daughters has approached a person
at the park with a dog. They are right there at the playground
where there are kids playing, and when dd asks if the dog is
friendly, they say NO or that the dog doesn't like kids/strangers or
whatever. Then why bring the dog to sit by the playground? Do most
adults just think that kids should never talk to them or that it is
somehow rude? I don't get it.
-Christy
> homeschooled kids walk up to total strangers and talk on and onI wonder why you did not just tell him you were busy, since you
> about themselves, and the parent does nothing to intervene?
were. I have had this happen a lot of times with my dd, who also
loves to talk to adults. Many adults will just look at me like I'm
supposed to get my daughter to stop talking to them before they even
respond to her! It's like they are scared to talk to a child - it's
really weird to me. I talk to kids at the park a lot.
It's different if my dd is about to interrupt someone who's already
talking to someone else. I will let her know that she shouldn't
interrupt, and if someone is rude or just won't answer her or make
eye contact, I'll tell her that I don't think they want to talk
right now. But I don't think there's anything wrong with her
talking to an adult at the park who is not already talking and
obviously not doing anything but watching his/her kids play.
So many adults seem so uncomfortable when a kid talks to them. More
than once, one or the other of my daughters has approached a person
at the park with a dog. They are right there at the playground
where there are kids playing, and when dd asks if the dog is
friendly, they say NO or that the dog doesn't like kids/strangers or
whatever. Then why bring the dog to sit by the playground? Do most
adults just think that kids should never talk to them or that it is
somehow rude? I don't get it.
-Christy
[email protected]
-=-she replied
"whatever". I was so appalled that I didn't know what to say for once in my
life. And he has to see her 3 times a week! I really want to tell him just
to not talk to her cause she is rude, but I don't know what to say.-=-
In cases like that I've just said "I don't think she is around kids much and
she probably just can't think of anything good to say."
If he really wants to talk to her, maybe he could talk about the office, the
treatment, something current (does she have friends or relatives in New
Orleans, something...). Asking her if she has kids or is married probably is way
too personal.
"Rude" isn't informative. One person's rude is another person's boundary
maintenance. Some people lack social skills. Some have been wounded too many
times and have become bitter. Some just had a dog die or something and are
distraught.
Our neighbor is rude to us, rude to our guests, rude to her husband, rude to
her dogs. She's had two of her grown children die and a house burn down.
So she went out to Keith's mom who was in town for surgery and said "We don't
like for people to block our driveway."
I saw her go out there to talk, and I knew she was messing with the wrong
fellow-old-lady. <g> Keith's mom said "Well that's fine, we're not blocking
your driveway."
She was right. The truck was just parked in front of their yard, and not
even NEAR the driveway. I just stayed in the house where it was safe. <g>
But what I tell my kids and their friends is "Don't park in front of Betty's
house because she gets cranky." That's informational. I don't say "Betty's
rude." And I've told them, too, that Betty's life has been really hard, and
that might be why she's harsh with others.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"whatever". I was so appalled that I didn't know what to say for once in my
life. And he has to see her 3 times a week! I really want to tell him just
to not talk to her cause she is rude, but I don't know what to say.-=-
In cases like that I've just said "I don't think she is around kids much and
she probably just can't think of anything good to say."
If he really wants to talk to her, maybe he could talk about the office, the
treatment, something current (does she have friends or relatives in New
Orleans, something...). Asking her if she has kids or is married probably is way
too personal.
"Rude" isn't informative. One person's rude is another person's boundary
maintenance. Some people lack social skills. Some have been wounded too many
times and have become bitter. Some just had a dog die or something and are
distraught.
Our neighbor is rude to us, rude to our guests, rude to her husband, rude to
her dogs. She's had two of her grown children die and a house burn down.
So she went out to Keith's mom who was in town for surgery and said "We don't
like for people to block our driveway."
I saw her go out there to talk, and I knew she was messing with the wrong
fellow-old-lady. <g> Keith's mom said "Well that's fine, we're not blocking
your driveway."
She was right. The truck was just parked in front of their yard, and not
even NEAR the driveway. I just stayed in the house where it was safe. <g>
But what I tell my kids and their friends is "Don't park in front of Betty's
house because she gets cranky." That's informational. I don't say "Betty's
rude." And I've told them, too, that Betty's life has been really hard, and
that might be why she's harsh with others.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Brandie
> So many adults seem so uncomfortable when a kidI think that is a key point -- some adults just don't
> talks to them.
feel comfortable talking to children. It may be
simple to many of us, but for many adults, talking to
a child is very difficult. My husband can talk with
his own children (or even nephews, nieces, etc.), but
if a child comes up that he does not know, he always
feels akward -- he doesn't not do well with making
conversation with them, and even if he just needs to
give a one sentence response, it's still hard for him.
He would much rather talk to an adult (but he is
still a bit shy with adults too).
I, on the other hand, feel extremely comofortable
talking to just about any child. Any age child can
walk up to me and I feel that I am friendly and
responsive to them -- I ask questions (if appropriate)
and listen to them. I've often had child see me again
-- at the park, at the store, wherever -- and remember
me and be excited to see me. I can talk to children
much easier than I can with adults.
Now, I don't think it is okay for adults to be rude to
a child. No matter how akward it is for my husband,
he isn't rude in my opinion, but it is in the eye
(ear?) of the beholder, so maybe he does appear rude
to the parents of these children.
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
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Betsy Hill
** So many adults seem so uncomfortable when a kid
talks to them.**
I like to talk, so I'm not uncomfortable. But some kids ARE hard to
understand. One of my best friends has a kid who whispers and mumbles.
His voice is much much quieter than an adult voice, and fairly far away
from the adult's ears (if they are both standing). Also, normal
childish pronunciation can be hard to understand. Families get
accustomed to it and can comprehend stuff that isn't likely to be clear
to a random stranger. When that happens, that can be unconfortable.
Just 2 cents,
Betsy
talks to them.**
I like to talk, so I'm not uncomfortable. But some kids ARE hard to
understand. One of my best friends has a kid who whispers and mumbles.
His voice is much much quieter than an adult voice, and fairly far away
from the adult's ears (if they are both standing). Also, normal
childish pronunciation can be hard to understand. Families get
accustomed to it and can comprehend stuff that isn't likely to be clear
to a random stranger. When that happens, that can be unconfortable.
Just 2 cents,
Betsy
Jason Holm
--- In [email protected], Brandie
<scrapdiva73@y...> wrote:
helps that, when in the play area at the mall, I let my 1yo toddle
over to other adults and look at them, play with fancy colored things
on their shoes, and only intervene if he starts to get upset. I
figure, they are sitting in a kid's play area, they must have a kid
(either theirs, or one they are watching) in here, so someone trusted
them with a child and they came out in public with h**, so they can't
be too bad.
My anxiety comes from growing up with the "never talk to strangers"
mentality. Just a few years ago, my mom got upset at my 19 y/o sister
giving a ride to another teenage girl she barely knew. "You don't
give rides to other people's kids... you just don't."
I think I realize now that *I* am the stranger, and I get afraid that
some mother will see me talking to their child, instantly think I'm
some molester/kidnapper, and either call the cops on me, or at least,
use me as the "scary older man" in some lengthy discussion later on.
I've also seen parents who went ballistic if you gave their kid ANY
sort of directive, order or discipline. Is the kid who is talking to
me decides to start climbing on something nearby (which kids do), am
I supposed to just watch if he falls or breaks something (since I'm
not responsible for them) or tell them not to climb on it and get
reamed out by a parent who tells me their kid does that all the time
and never causes problems, and how dare I discipline their child...
It comes down to, when a child talks to me, I feel like I am going to
be punished by their parents (in some way) for letting the kid talk
to me. I try to locate their parent and look for reassurance, but...
I sometimes think it's worse being a male and talking to a kid, that
people trust you less with their child, for whatever reason.
-Jason
<scrapdiva73@y...> wrote:
> > So many adults seem so uncomfortable when a kidI have been trying to get over my anxiety of talking to kids. It
> > talks to them.
>
> My husband can talk with
> his own children (or even nephews, nieces, etc.), but
> if a child comes up that he does not know, he always
> feels akward
helps that, when in the play area at the mall, I let my 1yo toddle
over to other adults and look at them, play with fancy colored things
on their shoes, and only intervene if he starts to get upset. I
figure, they are sitting in a kid's play area, they must have a kid
(either theirs, or one they are watching) in here, so someone trusted
them with a child and they came out in public with h**, so they can't
be too bad.
My anxiety comes from growing up with the "never talk to strangers"
mentality. Just a few years ago, my mom got upset at my 19 y/o sister
giving a ride to another teenage girl she barely knew. "You don't
give rides to other people's kids... you just don't."
I think I realize now that *I* am the stranger, and I get afraid that
some mother will see me talking to their child, instantly think I'm
some molester/kidnapper, and either call the cops on me, or at least,
use me as the "scary older man" in some lengthy discussion later on.
I've also seen parents who went ballistic if you gave their kid ANY
sort of directive, order or discipline. Is the kid who is talking to
me decides to start climbing on something nearby (which kids do), am
I supposed to just watch if he falls or breaks something (since I'm
not responsible for them) or tell them not to climb on it and get
reamed out by a parent who tells me their kid does that all the time
and never causes problems, and how dare I discipline their child...
It comes down to, when a child talks to me, I feel like I am going to
be punished by their parents (in some way) for letting the kid talk
to me. I try to locate their parent and look for reassurance, but...
I sometimes think it's worse being a male and talking to a kid, that
people trust you less with their child, for whatever reason.
-Jason
Robyn Coburn
<<<<< I've also seen parents who went ballistic if you gave their kid ANY
sort of directive, order or discipline. Is the kid who is talking to
me decides to start climbing on something nearby (which kids do), am
I supposed to just watch if he falls or breaks something (since I'm
not responsible for them) or tell them not to climb on it and get
reamed out by a parent who tells me their kid does that all the time
and never causes problems, and how dare I discipline their child... >>>>
This has never happened to me, but that could be because Jayn and I frequent
park days with home- and Un- schoolers pretty much exclusively now. Not only
does she know almost all the adults, but I know almost all the kids, by
sight at least.
When I am with other kids, especially those who are not HS, and they do
something iffy, I will often say something like "That is worrying me because
it looks a little unsafe. Would your mom be happy that you are doing that?"
or "I think we should check with your mom about whether she would want you
to have that cake."
<<<<<It comes down to, when a child talks to me, I feel like I am going to
be punished by their parents (in some way) for letting the kid talk
to me. I try to locate their parent and look for reassurance, but...
I sometimes think it's worse being a male and talking to a kid, that
people trust you less with their child, for whatever reason.>>>>>
I think the answer is to introduce yourself to the other parents, and point
out the child that is yours, so that they know you are a genuine parent and
not some lurking predator. Many of the parks we attend have "no adults
unaccompanied by children" rules in the playground areas.
Robyn L. Coburn
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
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sort of directive, order or discipline. Is the kid who is talking to
me decides to start climbing on something nearby (which kids do), am
I supposed to just watch if he falls or breaks something (since I'm
not responsible for them) or tell them not to climb on it and get
reamed out by a parent who tells me their kid does that all the time
and never causes problems, and how dare I discipline their child... >>>>
This has never happened to me, but that could be because Jayn and I frequent
park days with home- and Un- schoolers pretty much exclusively now. Not only
does she know almost all the adults, but I know almost all the kids, by
sight at least.
When I am with other kids, especially those who are not HS, and they do
something iffy, I will often say something like "That is worrying me because
it looks a little unsafe. Would your mom be happy that you are doing that?"
or "I think we should check with your mom about whether she would want you
to have that cake."
<<<<<It comes down to, when a child talks to me, I feel like I am going to
be punished by their parents (in some way) for letting the kid talk
to me. I try to locate their parent and look for reassurance, but...
I sometimes think it's worse being a male and talking to a kid, that
people trust you less with their child, for whatever reason.>>>>>
I think the answer is to introduce yourself to the other parents, and point
out the child that is yours, so that they know you are a genuine parent and
not some lurking predator. Many of the parks we attend have "no adults
unaccompanied by children" rules in the playground areas.
Robyn L. Coburn
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
--
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Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.11.1/104 - Release Date: 9/16/2005
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Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.11.1/104 - Release Date: 9/16/2005
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/18/2005 8:28:41 AM Central Standard Time,
mrkodytoon@... writes:
I think I realize now that *I* am the stranger, and I get afraid that
some mother will see me talking to their child, instantly think I'm
some molester/kidnapper, and either call the cops on me, or at least,
use me as the "scary older man" in some lengthy discussion later on.
~~~
My husband has the same fear. There's a girl across the street, about 12,
who is very forward and when you open the front door she just comes right in.
It is NOT a good idea for my husband to be alone at home when she does that.
There's no telling what she or her mother might accuse my husband of, just
to get money or attention. I think it's wise in that case for him to be very
clear to her that she's not welcome if Will's not home. It's hard for her
to get the message! Sometimes he calls out to her from the front door when
she gets to the gate, and she STILL walks right into the house! I think it's
wise for him to be that way, and I've asked her not to do that, and to leave
Charles alone when he's at home alone because he's so "busy". Still can't
trust her not to come right in, though.
But, in a toddler play area, I can guarantee you, Jason, that most of the
mom's there have already checked out that you have a little kid there with you,
and that puts you in the "safe" category.
As far "helping out" with other kids and fearing mama-wrath....maybe try
some different words. Instead of directives, say "Oh, that's so HIGH!" Talk to
the kid in a way you would like to be spoken to if you were trying something
daring or dangerous. Would you want encouragement or warnings? Talk only
to the ones who stumble into your personal space, and introduce them to your
kid.
My husband suffers the same discomfort. I feel for ya!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mrkodytoon@... writes:
I think I realize now that *I* am the stranger, and I get afraid that
some mother will see me talking to their child, instantly think I'm
some molester/kidnapper, and either call the cops on me, or at least,
use me as the "scary older man" in some lengthy discussion later on.
~~~
My husband has the same fear. There's a girl across the street, about 12,
who is very forward and when you open the front door she just comes right in.
It is NOT a good idea for my husband to be alone at home when she does that.
There's no telling what she or her mother might accuse my husband of, just
to get money or attention. I think it's wise in that case for him to be very
clear to her that she's not welcome if Will's not home. It's hard for her
to get the message! Sometimes he calls out to her from the front door when
she gets to the gate, and she STILL walks right into the house! I think it's
wise for him to be that way, and I've asked her not to do that, and to leave
Charles alone when he's at home alone because he's so "busy". Still can't
trust her not to come right in, though.
But, in a toddler play area, I can guarantee you, Jason, that most of the
mom's there have already checked out that you have a little kid there with you,
and that puts you in the "safe" category.
As far "helping out" with other kids and fearing mama-wrath....maybe try
some different words. Instead of directives, say "Oh, that's so HIGH!" Talk to
the kid in a way you would like to be spoken to if you were trying something
daring or dangerous. Would you want encouragement or warnings? Talk only
to the ones who stumble into your personal space, and introduce them to your
kid.
My husband suffers the same discomfort. I feel for ya!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Salamander starr
Ok, so I'm about to go totally off subject, but Karen's story reminded me of
the other day when ds and I were at the store picking out his bday cake. Ds
has kinda long shocking white blond hair, people walk up to him randomly all
the time to comment about his hair (usually positive and usually to him, not
me..he just turned 5 so that's kinda impressive). Anyway, we're standing
amidst a group of ladies and a random woman walks up to my ds and says "boy,
looks like you need a haircut." He just looks at her so I respond
with"noooo, I don't think so." One of the other ladies totally unrelated
says "oh no! Don't you cut that gorgeous hair!" THEN, the original
commenter turns to her and says, serious, and seriously rude, "I don't think
anybody asked you to be part of this conversation!" Talk about oblivious.
A
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
--Oscar Wilde
Don�t just search. Find. Check out the new MSN Search!
http://search.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200636ave/direct/01/
the other day when ds and I were at the store picking out his bday cake. Ds
has kinda long shocking white blond hair, people walk up to him randomly all
the time to comment about his hair (usually positive and usually to him, not
me..he just turned 5 so that's kinda impressive). Anyway, we're standing
amidst a group of ladies and a random woman walks up to my ds and says "boy,
looks like you need a haircut." He just looks at her so I respond
with"noooo, I don't think so." One of the other ladies totally unrelated
says "oh no! Don't you cut that gorgeous hair!" THEN, the original
commenter turns to her and says, serious, and seriously rude, "I don't think
anybody asked you to be part of this conversation!" Talk about oblivious.
A
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
--Oscar Wilde
>From: tuckervill2@..._________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Do any of you have this problem?
>Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 12:02:36 EDT
>
>
>In a message dated 9/16/2005 10:35:44 AM Central Standard Time,
>SandraDodd@... writes:
>
>Even if all
>adults did see adults and children equally (which we know they don't),
>it's
>not
>okay for adults to "love to talk to adults" in a non-discriminate way.
>
>
>~~~
>
>We were in the grocery store the other day, Will and I. I was in the
>peanut
>butter aisle, choosing some (not Jif! Ha, cultural reference!). There
>was
>a woman in a service-worker's uniform (McDonalds or something) up ahead.
>She
>was talking on her cell phone. I had my back to her and I wasn't paying
>any
>attention to her, choosing pb, but I could tell she was about to end her
>phone call because of what she was saying that I couldn't help but hear.
>
>I picked up the pb and then turned to walk up the aisle with Will. In one
>breath the woman on the phone said, "Okay, I love you, Bye! Is school out
>today?", as she closed the phone.
>
>I was taken aback....was she talking to us? As I squeezed by her cart, I
>looked at her strangely, concluding that she was, indeed now talking to
>us, and
>I said, rather curtly, "We don't believe in school."
>
>Undaunted, she said, "Oh, you must be homeschoolers!" in a rather
>demanding
>way, like, "you must engage me in conversation because I'm manic and can't
>help myself." By then I was a good 10 feet away from her and widening the
>gap.
> I stopped, turned around, looked her in the eye and said, "School is for
>losers.", then turned on my heel and walked away.
>
>This woman was rude and talking inappropriately to someone she didn't know
>and asking personal questions. She didn't have the courtesy to address me
>or
>let me know she was addressing me. Just asked her question like we're
>supposed to be in her brain and bend to her wishes.
>
>I don't actually believe school is for losers. It's a joke Will and I
>have.
> But I don't feel the need to be polite to someone so rude and answer her
>questions. I'd much rather her think I'm crazy than have such a person
>think
>I'm open to speaking with her just because she speaks to me. If she had
>gone
>on, I would have said something less rude and more direct, such as "I'm
>too
>busy to talk."
>
>I've had experiences with kids who wanted to talk and talk, and I think
>there are lots of people who need to learn when enough is enough and when
>it's
>appropriate to speak, not just kids.
>
>Karen
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Don�t just search. Find. Check out the new MSN Search!
http://search.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200636ave/direct/01/
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/05 9:13:32 PM, salamanderstarr@... writes:
I hope you turned to the second speaker and fawned over her and told her that
positive statements were MUCH more welcome than tacky, nosey bossiness.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=-Anyway, we're standingHOW WEIRD.
> amidst a group of ladies and a random woman walks up to my ds and says "boy,
> looks like you need a haircut." He just looks at her so I respond
> with"noooo, I don't think so." One of the other ladies totally unrelated
> says "oh no! Don't you cut that gorgeous hair!" THEN, the original
> commenter turns to her and says, serious, and seriously rude, "I don't think
> anybody asked you to be part of this conversation!" Talk about
> oblivious.-=-
>
I hope you turned to the second speaker and fawned over her and told her that
positive statements were MUCH more welcome than tacky, nosey bossiness.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
queenjane555
> Anyway, we're standing amidst a group of ladies and a randomMy son also has long hair, and so far hasnt had too much negative
>woman walks up to my ds and says "boy, looks like you need a
>haircut." He just looks at her so I respond with"noooo, I don't
>think so." One of the other ladies totally unrelated says "oh >no!
>Don't you cut that gorgeous hair!" THEN, the original >commenter
>turns to her and says, serious, and seriously rude, "I >don't think
>anybody asked you to be part of this conversation!" >Talk about
>oblivious.
feedback.(Except for his paternal grandmother who usually forces him
to get it cut whenever he goes to see her--which isnt, needless to
say, very often) However he DOES get comments on the fact that his
hair is red ALL the time. To the point that it becomes somewhat
instrusive. You'd think that people have never seen a redhead or
something. Why people feel free to comment openly i don't know. And
it
isnt just "My what lovely red hair you have!" but almost
*always* "Where'd ya get that red hair??" (And they expect an
answer!!) I've even been asked "Does his father have red hair???" I
know people generally mean well, but it seems like an awfully
personal
question to me. They have no idea if he is my son, if is father is in
the picture or i even know who he is, if he is adopted, and yet they
ask these questions right out there in the open, while shopping. Very
weird. Usually i'm nice about it, and say "Oh you know those
recessive
genes....we had no idea that great grandparents on both sides were
redheads!"
Seamus new little cousin has red hair just the color of seamus', and
he told her "just wait, you are gonna get asked "where'd you get that
read hair" ALL the time growing up so be prepared!!!" Too cute. The
good thing is that despite all the public attention, Seamus likes
having red hair, and LOVES his freckles even more.
Katherine
Marjorie Kirk
Why people feel free to comment openly i don't know. And it isnt just "My
what lovely red hair you have!" but almost
*always* "Where'd ya get that red hair??" (And they expect an
answer!!)
****************************************************************************
*******************************************
Next time someone asks where he got that red hair, he could just say, "It
came with my head!" ;-)
Marjorie
what lovely red hair you have!" but almost
*always* "Where'd ya get that red hair??" (And they expect an
answer!!)
****************************************************************************
*******************************************
Next time someone asks where he got that red hair, he could just say, "It
came with my head!" ;-)
Marjorie
beanmommy2
--- In [email protected], "queenjane555"
<queenjane555@y...> wrote:
ALL the time when I was a kid!! What a stupid question: How you
possibly answer it anyway? I think as I got older I started
saying, "God gave it to me."
Neither of my parents have red hair, and neither of my own children
have red hair.
On another note: sometimes people in the grocery store, whatever, will
see me with my two daughters and ask me, "Are they both yours?" Not
really rude, but odd.
Jenny
<queenjane555@y...> wrote:
> My son also has long hair, and so far hasnt had too much negativeOh my gosh, I have red hair, and I remember adults saying that to me
> feedback.(Except for his paternal grandmother who usually forces him
> to get it cut whenever he goes to see her--which isnt, needless to
> say, very often) However he DOES get comments on the fact that his
> hair is red ALL the time. To the point that it becomes somewhat
> instrusive. You'd think that people have never seen a redhead or
> something. Why people feel free to comment openly i don't know. And
> it
> isnt just "My what lovely red hair you have!" but almost
> *always* "Where'd ya get that red hair??" (And they expect an
> answer!!)
ALL the time when I was a kid!! What a stupid question: How you
possibly answer it anyway? I think as I got older I started
saying, "God gave it to me."
Neither of my parents have red hair, and neither of my own children
have red hair.
On another note: sometimes people in the grocery store, whatever, will
see me with my two daughters and ask me, "Are they both yours?" Not
really rude, but odd.
Jenny
[email protected]
>I've got curly hair, as does my daughter, and when I was little, adult women used to come up and, not only comment on how "beautiful" my hair was, but attempted to run their fingers through my hair!
> --- In [email protected], "queenjane555"
> <queenjane555@y...> wrote:
>
> > My son also has long hair, and so far hasnt had too much negative
> > feedback.(Except for his paternal grandmother who usually forces him
> > to get it cut whenever he goes to see her--which isnt, needless to
> > say, very often) However he DOES get comments on the fact that his
> > hair is red ALL the time. To the point that it becomes somewhat
> > instrusive. You'd think that people have never seen a redhead or
> > something. Why people feel free to comment openly i don't know. And
> > it
> > isnt just "My what lovely red hair you have!" but almost
> > *always* "Where'd ya get that red hair??" (And they expect an
> > answer!!)
>
>
> Oh my gosh, I have red hair, and I remember adults saying that to me
> ALL the time when I was a kid!! What a stupid question: How you
> possibly answer it anyway? I think as I got older I started
> saying, "God gave it to me."
>
> Neither of my parents have red hair, and neither of my own children
> have red hair.
>
> On another note: sometimes people in the grocery store, whatever, will
> see me with my two daughters and ask me, "Are they both yours?" Not
> really rude, but odd.
>
> Jenny
>
My little girl, when people comment on her curly hair, doesn't really say anything, but gives them "the look".
Kevin
Julie Bogart
We have two red heads. We get the "Where'd you get the red hair" every
day of our lives.
My son always replies: "My mom ate spaghetti while she was pregnant."
My daughter says, "We're Irish."
My daughter thinks it's criminal that red heads aren't allowed to dye
their hair another color. Any time she brings it up to friends, they
say, "Oh you can't dye your hair. It's red! It's such a lovely color."
So she dyed her tips black last year (the bottom six inches). :)
Red heads also seem to collect around each other. My daughter has had
four best best friends over her 16 years and three of them have been
red heads. She meets them in lines, she talks to them at stores...
it's like they are drawn to each other.
My red headed son's best friend is also a red head. Amazing.
My husband and I are brunettes.
Go figure.
Julie B
day of our lives.
My son always replies: "My mom ate spaghetti while she was pregnant."
My daughter says, "We're Irish."
My daughter thinks it's criminal that red heads aren't allowed to dye
their hair another color. Any time she brings it up to friends, they
say, "Oh you can't dye your hair. It's red! It's such a lovely color."
So she dyed her tips black last year (the bottom six inches). :)
Red heads also seem to collect around each other. My daughter has had
four best best friends over her 16 years and three of them have been
red heads. She meets them in lines, she talks to them at stores...
it's like they are drawn to each other.
My red headed son's best friend is also a red head. Amazing.
My husband and I are brunettes.
Go figure.
Julie B
--- In [email protected], <kevin-tucker@c...> wrote:
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "queenjane555"
> > <queenjane555@y...> wrote:
> >
> > > My son also has long hair, and so far hasnt had too much negative
> > > feedback.(Except for his paternal grandmother who usually forces
him
> > > to get it cut whenever he goes to see her--which isnt, needless to
> > > say, very often) However he DOES get comments on the fact that his
> > > hair is red ALL the time. To the point that it becomes somewhat
> > > instrusive. You'd think that people have never seen a redhead or
> > > something. Why people feel free to comment openly i don't know. And
> > > it
> > > isnt just "My what lovely red hair you have!" but almost
> > > *always* "Where'd ya get that red hair??" (And they expect an
> > > answer!!)
> >
> >
> > Oh my gosh, I have red hair, and I remember adults saying that to me
> > ALL the time when I was a kid!! What a stupid question: How you
> > possibly answer it anyway? I think as I got older I started
> > saying, "God gave it to me."
> >
> > Neither of my parents have red hair, and neither of my own children
> > have red hair.
> >
> > On another note: sometimes people in the grocery store, whatever,
will
> > see me with my two daughters and ask me, "Are they both yours?" Not
> > really rude, but odd.
> >
> > Jenny
> >
>
> I've got curly hair, as does my daughter, and when I was little,
adult women used to come up and, not only comment on how "beautiful"
my hair was, but attempted to run their fingers through my hair!
>
> My little girl, when people comment on her curly hair, doesn't
really say anything, but gives them "the look".
>
> Kevin
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/24/05 10:06:53 AM, kevin-tucker@... writes:
basic human behavior. How would we act without all our cultural overlays,
without so many clothes on, if we had a natural way to be?
It might not make you feel better, but some people touch pregnant women's
bellies. Some ask first.
It seems there must be some grooming or learning thing going on with the
desire to touch unusual features.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=-I've got curly hair, as does my daughter, and when I was little, adultIt's worth looking at what that might be in terms of primate behavior or more
> women used to come up and, not only comment on how "beautiful" my hair was,
> but attempted to run their fingers through my hair!-=-
>
basic human behavior. How would we act without all our cultural overlays,
without so many clothes on, if we had a natural way to be?
It might not make you feel better, but some people touch pregnant women's
bellies. Some ask first.
It seems there must be some grooming or learning thing going on with the
desire to touch unusual features.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
My husband is dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark-skinned Iranian and I'm
more the blondish, blue-eyed, can't-even-get-a-tan freckled type. My
oldest and youngest are pretty light - light brown hair and blue/
green eyes. But my middle daughter is very Iranian looking. So -
people would see me with my three little girls and say very rude,
hurtful things, right to her: "Why don't you look like your mommy?"
"You must have a different daddy than your sisters?" "You sure don't
look like your sisters." "You don't look ANYTHING like your mommy."
I used to respond for her with, "You'd be amazed how she looks
EXACTLY like me, on the inside."
-pam
more the blondish, blue-eyed, can't-even-get-a-tan freckled type. My
oldest and youngest are pretty light - light brown hair and blue/
green eyes. But my middle daughter is very Iranian looking. So -
people would see me with my three little girls and say very rude,
hurtful things, right to her: "Why don't you look like your mommy?"
"You must have a different daddy than your sisters?" "You sure don't
look like your sisters." "You don't look ANYTHING like your mommy."
I used to respond for her with, "You'd be amazed how she looks
EXACTLY like me, on the inside."
-pam
On Sep 24, 2005, at 7:55 AM, beanmommy2 wrote:
>
> On another note: sometimes people in the grocery store, whatever, will
> see me with my two daughters and ask me, "Are they both yours?" Not
> really rude, but odd.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
is: Daddy on the outside, Mommy on the inside <bg> Hannah was VERY dark
when she was born, the nurses kept looking at her then at Mitch, then
ominously warned me: "kids get darker, ya know" -- like what?? we should
put her back?? give her up to darker skinned parents?? HA! She got
*lighter* but is still far more tan than I ever hope to be <bg> It's
often assumed that Hayden looks like me, because we have the same skin
tone... actually, he looks *exactly* like my mother-in-law, just far,
far lighter (same chocolate brown eyes <g>)
:) diana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>I used to respond for her with, "You'd be amazed how she looksFunny, my response when people comment how much Hannah looks like Mitch
>EXACTLY like me, on the inside."
>
>
is: Daddy on the outside, Mommy on the inside <bg> Hannah was VERY dark
when she was born, the nurses kept looking at her then at Mitch, then
ominously warned me: "kids get darker, ya know" -- like what?? we should
put her back?? give her up to darker skinned parents?? HA! She got
*lighter* but is still far more tan than I ever hope to be <bg> It's
often assumed that Hayden looks like me, because we have the same skin
tone... actually, he looks *exactly* like my mother-in-law, just far,
far lighter (same chocolate brown eyes <g>)
:) diana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nomie20
>I don't get comments about appearances, with us it's the size of our
> >I used to respond for her with, "You'd be amazed how she looks
> >EXACTLY like me, on the inside."
> >
> >
family. I have 5 kids that go with me everywhere, and I constantly
get comments like "Are all these yours!?" "My, you must be a busy
mom!?", and sometimes even "I bet they drive you crazy!?". I know
they don't mean to be rude, but of course they are all mine, yes by
the same father (I've never had those comments, but I've had those
kind of "looks"), nope, I'm really not all that busy, and absolutely
no they do not drive me crazy! My usually response is "of course
their all mine, and I love every minute of it".
Oh yeah, the other comment I've gotten a ton of is "Do you know what
causes it yet?" and my answer is " well no, no one will tell me!!"
with a shocked expression....giggle.
Naomi
Proud mom of five wonderful kids under nine, and wife to my
highschool sweetheart since Oct 7, '95.