Beverley Paine

Cally wrote:
I say to them, it's not that I don't trust you, it's not that I want to poke my nose into your private life, I don't need to know exactly where you are or who you're with, I just love you and want to know you're safe.

It's the same for me. I'm finding that it's all part of the transition stage that us parents go through - the letting go stage. Now that my eldest is 24 I very rarely worry about her on the road. She's more experienced for sure, and she's had more than her fair share of breakdowns and minor accidents while driving alone, both in the city and country. She lives a 90 minute drive from where we live and sometimes when she leaves late at night after visiting I worry, but I don't lie awake any more like I used to. For a couple of years she'd text 'I'm home'. Now we simply trust. But it was hard for those first few years. It was easier learning to let go with the next child, now 22, in so far as it didn't take as long to go through that really anxious stage.

Re: Daughter's friend needs place to live - I agree with Sandra's comments. I'd be treading very cautiously and not allowing my generosity of spirit 'rescue' this girl when this course of action is sure to stir up more trouble than I'd like to handle. I'd be talking very openly and honestly about as many issues that could possibly arise as a result of taking this person into our home with my family, while looking at other shelter options. I have a friend who ultimately had to leave the country to protect his family - they'd sheltered a 16 year old girl and her family made death threats against them, as well as the girl... Even if nothing on this scale occurs, constant intimidation by a hostile family and their friends can cause much grief and fear. The passage of time may not lessen the threat to those that shelter the girl, although things may be patched up between the girl and her parents.

My responsibility as a parent is to my children first, then I do my best to try and change society in ways that nourish others and myself. It's hard when people are so needy, to offer so little sometimes, but often the most immediately obvious solution isn't the best one. I'd be talking to people - such as shelter workers or counsellors - to find out what other solutions there are for this child, while still offering as much support as I can, without taking full responsibility.

wishing you peace and prosperity,
Beverley Paine and
Always Learning Books -
PO Box 371, Yankalilla 5203 South Australia

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