Deb Lewis

***The dilemma seemed to
me to be over whether a parent choosing to offer personal opinions and
judgments when the child hadn't asked was consistent with unschooling.

If I was at a friends house and my kid stepped in dog poo I'd help him
clean it off his shoe before he tracked it in. If he had a major booger
hanging out his nose I'd give him a tissue. Unschooling is natural
learning and it seems very natural for a mom to help her kid in these
situations. I'd do the same thing for my husband or a stranger and I
sure hope someone would do it for me.

Likewise if I was making a social mess of things, if I was stepping in
social poo or if I had the booger of anti social behavior hanging out my
nose I'd hope someone would point it out so I could clean up.

What's the difference between a real booger and a social booger? (One
tastes better! HA!) But seriously, what is the difference? I'll bet
most moms wondering how much help/opinion/advice to offer wiped boogers
and cleaned up poo.

***Or whether this were the same kind of thing as "teachable moments,"
demonstrating a lack of trust in the child's own discerning powers and
ability to learn about the world.***

When I helped my little kid get dressed it wasn't because I didn't trust
him it was because I saw he needed help. Today if I see him carrying a
big load of laundry I take part of the load, or open the door or whatever
I can do to help. I don't see offering help as a demonstration of lack
of trust. I don't help because I don't trust him to get the laundry to
the washer, I help because it's the right thing to do.

If my child offers his opinion or advice I don't think it's because he
doesn't trust me. I think it's because he wants to help me.

Deb L

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In a message dated 8/24/05 3:48:45 PM, ddzimlew@... writes:

> -=-If my child offers his opinion or advice I don't think it's because he
> doesn't trust me.  I think it's because he wants to help me. -=-
Is that part of what's missing? Children in a situation in which
communication and discussion are normal and honest can "judge" their parents too (which
ALL children do, and must, it's just some learn to do it internally only,
which adds to the negativity of the judgment). If I make a social faux pas or
one of the kids wishes I would do or be different in some situation, they'll say
so, and they have lots of ways to say it nicely and helpfully and calmly,
partly (I'm sure) because we've done that for them.


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