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In a message dated 7/2/2005 5:05:03 AM Central Standard Time,
karri_a_lewis@... writes:

I really love the headphone idea! I hope DH will go for that


They have wireless headphones now, that would make it easy for him to sit
anywhere in the room, get up to pee, get up to get the kids a snack, whatever,
and still hear his show.

If I were buying those for my husband, I'd try to get the kind with earbuds,
not necessarily big radio-dj style headphones. The kinds of headphones that
cover your ears are anti-social. Earbuds at least allow you to hear what's
going on around you. Maybe he could listen with one ear, only.

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to watch a little TV, but it seems
to me that he's shutting you guys out by turning it up so loud. My dad was
losing his hearing a little, and when the grandkids would come over, he'd keep
turning up the volume so he could hear over them. (TV watching is a social
activity in our family.) Pretty soon no one could say a word and be heard and
the TV was blaring as loud as it could go. Eventually everyone would leave
and he'd be surprised about it. He thought we were all sitting watching and
enjoying TV with him. Somehow he got the idea to use the captioning and
that's helped. For awhile there, it seemed like he *wanted* them to leave (I was
rarely there, then, because I lived far away).

I do wonder sometimes if it was intentional. I think in your husband's
case, it might not be intentionally shutting the kids out, but more about not
thinking clearly. He's tired after a day's work and he's coming home to noise
that he can't control and he's having trouble seeing the joy in his kids. So
maybe he zones out with the TV because he can't think of anything else to do.
I'd certainly have a talk with him about it, find out what his needs are
and how he's feeling at the end of the day. Don't assume you know how he's
feeling. Maybe just adjusting something simple earlier in your day could change
the flavor of the house when he gets home, and that could make all the
difference. Or just knowing that he's heard and understood could change his

I'd have this conversation before I bought wireless headphones, for sure,
because that could be a happy solution to a productive and peaceful
problem-solving session. The headphones might turn out to be irrelavent.



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