[email protected]


Here's the text, but it probably will have no formatting.
If the link doesn't work, take the line off the end.

Joyce's answers were originally on this list, though I don't know the post

"On candy and other limits"
Joyce Fetteroll
at [email protected]
[Joyce (indented) responding to unnamed skeptic (in boldface):]
I just have to add my two cents prefacing my comments by declaring my bias
as a person who leans toward obsessive complusive ie "addictive" behavior.
I don't think decisions made in response to obsessive compulsive behavior
are a good model to offer to others to make sound decisions from.
I do limit my kids' sugar consumption for multiple reasons, not the least of
which is a family history of diabetes/ late onset which is directly related
to over intake of refined carbohydrates and insulin resistence....
I see a number of flaws in your reasoning. I suspect that you don't want
them pointed out and just want it known that you don't agree with what's being
said because you have reasons that make sense to you.
But, this is a discussion list and the purpose of the list is to hold ideas
up to examination and to help people make rational decisions. If anyone
doesn't want their ideas examined, its best not to post them.
Here's what I see:
If your kids are overweight then you're offering general advice based on a
nongeneral situation. (There *are* other options besides control even for
special circumstances.)
If your kids are not overweight, then you are imposing a solution to a
problem that you only fear may exist in the future.
If by late onset diabetes you mean type 2, the connection isn't directly to
sugar but to being overweight. The problem is taking in too many calories and
not expending enough and becoming overweight. Being overweight doesn't cause
type 2 diabetes, e.g. all overweight people become diabetic, but being
overweight seems to be a factor.
My kids recognize that when they do eat a ton of sugar (say after a birthday
party or what have you) they feel physically ill and grumpy... My seven year
old o naturally doesn't care for refined sugar, he will choose an apple over
birthday cake every time. Our family candy rule is three pieces per day
after a healthy meal... (and they are welcome to throw away and try again if they
hate something, so it's actually three...).
If they aren't drawn to sugar, then why limit it?
They are nine and seven and they have no problem with limits.on TV, movies,
computer time, candy consumption, etc.
If by "no problem" you mean they don't complain, depending on personality
and family atmosphere, some kids will learn that complaining isn't worth the
If by "no problem" you mean that without limits they choose the way you
would choose for them, then why have limits?
(I'd be concerned, though, if my daughter were making the same decisions I
would. It would suggest to me that she was memorizing rules rather than
learning what's right for her by experimentation. We try to help people see that
children will choose what's right for *them*, though, not choose what we'd
choose for them. They *will* choose differently. But they won't eat nothing but
sugar and fat, and won't do nothing but watch TV and play video games.)
Some people, such as those who are naturally drawn to rules, who live under
limitations accept the rules and stick to them. They live in fear and the
rules are like talismans that will keep the boogeyman away. What happens when
they are faced with new situations that they don't have rules in place for?
People often extrapolate from the nonsense and extend the rules. But rational
thought would reveal shoddy foundations for decision making.
If the reasons behind rules make sense, then there isn't a reason to make a
rule. But people who follow rules, aren't learning how to make decisions. They
are only learning to follow someone else's rules.
If the reasons behind rules are nonsense, then people memorize nonsense and
use that as a foundation for decision making.
If your kids have memorized that too much sugar will cause diabetes so it's
good to avoid sugar, they've memorized nonsense and are basing decisions on
If they recognize that sugar will make them feel yucky, then, without rules,
they are free to decide each time if the future yucky feeling is worth it or
not. They'll be listening to their bodies, not a rule they've memorized.

They are nine and seven and they have no problem with limits on TV, movies,
computer time, candy consumption, etc.
If they are memorizing rules that say any time beyond x spent on TV, movies,
computer is damaging, then they're memorizing your responses to your fears
not listening to their bodies or coming to rational decisions through trial
and error about what's right for their unique selves.

_What do you "have to" do? _ (http://sandradodd.com/unschool/haveto) ***
_rules vs. principles _ (http://sandradodd.com/rules) ***_ how important is it? _
(http://sandradodd.com/chore/option) ***_ unschooling main page _
(http://sandradodd.com/unschooling) *** _other parenting considerations _
(http://sandradodd.com/life) .
Also by Joyce Fetteroll: _Transcript of Joyce's presentation at the 2002
Live & Learn Conference _ (http://sandradodd.com/joyce/talk) and _"Always say y
es. Or some form of yes." _ (http://sandradodd.com/joyce/yes)

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