Daughter not leaving enough time to "explore".....
greencow32766
I'm really trying to fully understand unschooling - it's scary! I
have really backed off my daughter. She has shown me a few times
already that if she's interested in something she'll put 100% into it
and enjoy it. I've decided (with her approval) that I will cut out
any articles out of the paper that might interest her, let her know
of upcoming shows on the History channel etc... that might interest
her that we could record and I let her "pack her own backpack of
things to do" when she goes to work with me at my parents (her
grandparents).
So...this is what the past two weeks have been like: I have a small
stack of newspaper articles that she hasn't expressed an interest in
yet, I've recorded probably 8 shows she said she be interested in but
hasn't wanted to watch them yet, she decided she'd like to work more
on girl scout stuff so I got that all figured out and helped her get
started and she hasn't done anything else with it.. All she is doing
is staying up late playing a "medieval" type role playing games on
the computer, sleeping in late, getting up just in time for chorus at
school at 2pm, home and back on the computer, I will give her major
credit for one thing - she's actually reading for pleasure - BIG
ACHIEVMENT!!!! I'm so proud of her. But that's it - computer games,
reading, sleeping & chorus.... She is really really into the
computer, she says she'd love to think about getting into some kind
of field relating to computer security so I try to look at her 7
hours a day on the computer as "okay", I am proud of the reading but
she's not giving herself any time to become interested in anything
else. Just being exposed to life is teaching her a lot too I think,
she's around an uncle that is recovering from prescription drug
abuse, a great grandmother with heart problems that are discussed on
a daily basis, being involved and helping in a small family run a/c
business etc..... but I still worry! Sometimes I think I should
really limit the computer time but being on the computer has been her
passion for going on a year now....
Any suggestions???? Is what I've described unschooling? I do I know
she'll ever want to do anything else???? Heck, If I had a choice,
I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......
have really backed off my daughter. She has shown me a few times
already that if she's interested in something she'll put 100% into it
and enjoy it. I've decided (with her approval) that I will cut out
any articles out of the paper that might interest her, let her know
of upcoming shows on the History channel etc... that might interest
her that we could record and I let her "pack her own backpack of
things to do" when she goes to work with me at my parents (her
grandparents).
So...this is what the past two weeks have been like: I have a small
stack of newspaper articles that she hasn't expressed an interest in
yet, I've recorded probably 8 shows she said she be interested in but
hasn't wanted to watch them yet, she decided she'd like to work more
on girl scout stuff so I got that all figured out and helped her get
started and she hasn't done anything else with it.. All she is doing
is staying up late playing a "medieval" type role playing games on
the computer, sleeping in late, getting up just in time for chorus at
school at 2pm, home and back on the computer, I will give her major
credit for one thing - she's actually reading for pleasure - BIG
ACHIEVMENT!!!! I'm so proud of her. But that's it - computer games,
reading, sleeping & chorus.... She is really really into the
computer, she says she'd love to think about getting into some kind
of field relating to computer security so I try to look at her 7
hours a day on the computer as "okay", I am proud of the reading but
she's not giving herself any time to become interested in anything
else. Just being exposed to life is teaching her a lot too I think,
she's around an uncle that is recovering from prescription drug
abuse, a great grandmother with heart problems that are discussed on
a daily basis, being involved and helping in a small family run a/c
business etc..... but I still worry! Sometimes I think I should
really limit the computer time but being on the computer has been her
passion for going on a year now....
Any suggestions???? Is what I've described unschooling? I do I know
she'll ever want to do anything else???? Heck, If I had a choice,
I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......
Pam Sorooshian
She is 12, has vision problems, and has been out of school ONLY since
October. Plus she has to pack up stuff to take with her when you take
her with you to work. She had low self-esteem - which is why you took
her out of school.
AND - she's an extreme night owl, probably partly vision-related
reasons and, it sounds like, just because that is her personal nature.
PLEASE listen to this: start summer vacation right now.
Spend the "summer" (meaning from now until September) just having fun
together. Don't try to get her to learn anything at all. (I'd like to
say, "Try to stop her," but I won't go quite that far <g>.)
Seriously, don't take any action or say anything to her that is
designed to get her to learn anything. Instead of finding articles or
videos that you think "should" interest her, just get movies that you
know she'll enjoy. (Have you seen "Spirited Away?" or "Kiki's Delivery
Service?")
You're not seeing clearly yet - YOU haven't got your own vision cleared
regarding learning versus schooling. There is a certain amount of
faith/trust that you have to have to "get it" and you're agitated and
busy and worrying yourself too much - you have to relax and let your
vision clear.
If you could let go of all preconceived notions about what learning
looks like, I think you'd be pretty darn impressed with your daughter.
She sounds wonderful to me. It is YOU who could do a way better job of
facilitating her learning - you're not supporting her, you're still
trying to shape her to fit into a mold that you have in YOUR head.
You're discounting HER interests and not supporting her strengths and
her very individual, unique self.
If she read what you've written to us, would you be embarrassed at all?
Would what you've written to us be good for HER self esteem?
Imagine you were writing it about me - a 53 yo woman friend. I would be
terribly insulted that you thought what I chose to do with my time
wasn't good enough.
I really seriously think you should stop it. Stop agitating yourself
over this and focus on learning something yourself ABOUT learning. Read
"The Book of Learning and Forgetting" by Frank Smith. Read "The
Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Fitzenreiter. Read "The Unschooler's
Handbook" by Mary Griffith. Read "Learning All the Time" by John Holt.
Last, but definitely not least, read as much as you can on
<SandraDodd.com>, particularly those articles written by Sandra,
herself.
You have great instincts - you lack confidence. Bolster yourself by
educating yourself. In the meantime, just enjoy time with your 12 yo -
trust me please - I have 3 daughters, 14, 17, and 20. Twelve is a VERY
special age - poised at the edge of womanhood. Don't miss out on the
joy of it by creating an adversarial relationship at all. Don't fight
her - support her.
-pam
October. Plus she has to pack up stuff to take with her when you take
her with you to work. She had low self-esteem - which is why you took
her out of school.
AND - she's an extreme night owl, probably partly vision-related
reasons and, it sounds like, just because that is her personal nature.
PLEASE listen to this: start summer vacation right now.
Spend the "summer" (meaning from now until September) just having fun
together. Don't try to get her to learn anything at all. (I'd like to
say, "Try to stop her," but I won't go quite that far <g>.)
Seriously, don't take any action or say anything to her that is
designed to get her to learn anything. Instead of finding articles or
videos that you think "should" interest her, just get movies that you
know she'll enjoy. (Have you seen "Spirited Away?" or "Kiki's Delivery
Service?")
You're not seeing clearly yet - YOU haven't got your own vision cleared
regarding learning versus schooling. There is a certain amount of
faith/trust that you have to have to "get it" and you're agitated and
busy and worrying yourself too much - you have to relax and let your
vision clear.
If you could let go of all preconceived notions about what learning
looks like, I think you'd be pretty darn impressed with your daughter.
She sounds wonderful to me. It is YOU who could do a way better job of
facilitating her learning - you're not supporting her, you're still
trying to shape her to fit into a mold that you have in YOUR head.
You're discounting HER interests and not supporting her strengths and
her very individual, unique self.
If she read what you've written to us, would you be embarrassed at all?
Would what you've written to us be good for HER self esteem?
Imagine you were writing it about me - a 53 yo woman friend. I would be
terribly insulted that you thought what I chose to do with my time
wasn't good enough.
I really seriously think you should stop it. Stop agitating yourself
over this and focus on learning something yourself ABOUT learning. Read
"The Book of Learning and Forgetting" by Frank Smith. Read "The
Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Fitzenreiter. Read "The Unschooler's
Handbook" by Mary Griffith. Read "Learning All the Time" by John Holt.
Last, but definitely not least, read as much as you can on
<SandraDodd.com>, particularly those articles written by Sandra,
herself.
You have great instincts - you lack confidence. Bolster yourself by
educating yourself. In the meantime, just enjoy time with your 12 yo -
trust me please - I have 3 daughters, 14, 17, and 20. Twelve is a VERY
special age - poised at the edge of womanhood. Don't miss out on the
joy of it by creating an adversarial relationship at all. Don't fight
her - support her.
-pam
On Apr 21, 2005, at 8:47 PM, greencow32766 wrote:
>
> Any suggestions???? Is what I've described unschooling? I do I know
> she'll ever want to do anything else???? Heck, If I had a choice,
> I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/21/2005 10:05:28 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
McGeath3@... writes:
-=- Heck, If I had a choice,
I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......-=-
You do have a choice.
For various reasons, based on your desires and beliefs, you choose to do
whatever all you do.
If you're living your life thinking you have no choices, that's a recipe for
unhappiness and resentment. Some of the best parts of another time this
topic came through here are collected here:
_http://sandradodd.com/unschool/haveto_
(http://sandradodd.com/unschool/haveto)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
McGeath3@... writes:
-=- Heck, If I had a choice,
I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......-=-
You do have a choice.
For various reasons, based on your desires and beliefs, you choose to do
whatever all you do.
If you're living your life thinking you have no choices, that's a recipe for
unhappiness and resentment. Some of the best parts of another time this
topic came through here are collected here:
_http://sandradodd.com/unschool/haveto_
(http://sandradodd.com/unschool/haveto)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Hill
**
Any suggestions???? Is what I've described unschooling? I do I know
she'll ever want to do anything else???? Heck, If I had a choice,
I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......**
Even as a middle-aged adult, when my mom pokes and prods me to do something, my intrinsic motivation crumbles and I get kind of pissed-off and contrary.
I'm trying to apply this insight to restrain myself from nagging my husband. Not easy -- but worth doing. (To let him maintain his internal sense of satisfaction.)
Betsy
Any suggestions???? Is what I've described unschooling? I do I know
she'll ever want to do anything else???? Heck, If I had a choice,
I'd rather play on the computer and read all day too.......**
Even as a middle-aged adult, when my mom pokes and prods me to do something, my intrinsic motivation crumbles and I get kind of pissed-off and contrary.
I'm trying to apply this insight to restrain myself from nagging my husband. Not easy -- but worth doing. (To let him maintain his internal sense of satisfaction.)
Betsy