Pam Sorooshian

Cleaning out old documents and I found something I wrote but never sent
anywhere, I don't think. I thought those of you with younger children
might especially appreciate it:

I Just Don’t Want to Mess Up My Child!!

The big secret to being happy with yourself, as a parent, is to focus
on the little moments. Don't be constantly worrying about the future,
but REALLY enjoy each age and stage and respect and honor the child as
he is right now. Easy to say, but this is so much harder for most of us
than it sounds.

Let your child teach you how to parent her. Think of yourself as a
learner. Your child knows perfectly well how to be exactly what she is
right now; you’re the one who needs to intellectualize because you are
carrying around all kinds of baggage. Many of your reflexive responses
to her are likely to be bound up in unexamined societal expectations
and in duplication of or reaction to how you were, yourself, parented.

So, work on being reflective instead of reflexive; put yourself in your
child’s place as much as you can. Practice seeing the world from his
point of view and you'll realize that he wants to grow up capable and
competent and successful in his own way and that he wants to have good
relationships and to feel good about himself. And, you’ll know just how
much he wants you to support and encourage and help him.

Mostly, what your child really needs is for you to recognize and
celebrate the shining beautiful spirit within her because how her
parents see her, when she is a child, is very possibly how she'll see
herself for the rest of her life.

The rest is just details!

-pam sorooshian