Heidi Crane

I'm glad this place is here, because this morning, if there were no place to
rant and rave, I'd be hauling the kids out of bed (despite their 1 am or
later bedtime) and cracking the whip.

Thank goodness, I needed to bake bread, too. :) that helped calm me down.

Now. When I woke up this morning I had in my mind pictures of the things I
knew I needed to do today. Since starting geo-caching, and spending more
time at a "pin money" side job, the house has been more cluttered than I
like. Yesterday I decluttered some surfaces, like the kitchen table and side
tables in the front room. Swept. Dishes. etc. Things weren't super when I
went to bed, but they were...less irritatingly messy.

When I woke up this morning, the powdered milk and sugar were out on the
table, along with a bottle of lemon juice (empty). There were crumbled
tortilla chips in my chair and on the floor near it. There is also powdered
milk...you know, milk powder?...on the floor. Not a whole lot, but enough to
crunch under foot. ew. The sink, which had a couple of bowls and a drinking
cup or two last night, this morning had discarded ramen noodles (and smelled
it...ramen noodle juice is strong) and more bowls, along with cups harvested
from various other rooms around the house. A little bowl with a few tortilla
chips on the side table. On the other side table, a piece of yellow bell
pepper, (along with some stuff that belongs there).

In the laundry room, I just discovered piles and PILES of laundry, peed on
by the cat. Someone had "cleaned her room" by bringing down all the dirty
clothes that had accumulated on the floor over the past weeks, and dumping
it on the floor. The cat found it, and it was DISGUSTING. This, all over
night. There was dirty laundry in there, but not on the FREAKING FLOOR!

Let me tell you where I'm at with this. 1) the kids are going to start doing
their own laundry. I've about had it. Actually, sending out my Unschooling
Sensor, I can't think of anything wrong with this. If their dirty clothes
make it into the baskets in the laundry room, I'll wash it. If it's in piles
on the floor...well, what will I do? I can't leave cat urine smelling
clothes. sheesh. Never mind. My unschooling sensors are BROKEN in this case.
I'm seeing red. It's just plain inconsiderate.

2) I'm calling "kitchen closed" when i go to bed. This is not the first time
I've found all kinds of messes in the morning, because they stay up and
watch TV or play computer games after I've gone to bed. Get the munchies?
Great! We'll make lemonade, and EAT POWDERED MILK? and chips and salsa. And
any candy, or ice cream. In fact, we had two half gallons of ice cream. I
got one bowl, my hubby got one bowl. I think my older girl had a bowl of
each flavor. And the kids got the rest. And no money until the end of the
week, to buy more groceries of any kind, let alone supply their stinking
SUGAR HABIT.

I also found my younger girl's art kit out, with a streak of chocolate sauce
across the top. This makes me think they made chocolate milk, and since we
are out of regular milk (two gallons of which disappeared in two days, with
the breakfast cereal, a week ago) (I purchase my milk locally, from a dairy
farm that doesn't use BGH or antibi's. It's the same price, but 15 miles
across town, so...I hadn't gotten over there at $2.16 a gallon of gas to
pick up more...so sorry) Well, they made their milk from powdered, which I
usually have on hand, and then put the chocolate syrup in it, and got THAT
all over things, too.

I'm on the verge of telling them (especially my night owl 10 year old girl
who hits her peak at 11pm and doesn't wind down until 3 or 4 in the morning)
that they can stay awake IN THEIR OWN ROOMS. Don't raid the kitchen. Don't
this, don't that. She actually fell asleep on the floor in the front room,
TV on. Who knows what kinds of advertising she's seeing. ew. Well, it's
probably cartoon network or Nickelodeon, but some of the channels have
revolting ads late at night. "College Girls Naked!" kind of things. ew.

What I did: I picked up the "big chunks" in the front room. I'm going to ask
them to help finish up in there by sweeping and vacuuming the floor. I did
all the dishes and made sweet rolls and a loaf of bread. And cleaned up
after myself in there, so there are no dirty dishes at this time. I'm going
to ask one of them to put away the clean dishes and (maybe) sweep the floor.
I have a load of laundry going and plan on getting a whole bunch done today.
The cat smell is pretty bad. I might ditch the freaking cat. I've always had
problems with this one, anyway. Scratching around in house plants and peeing
in...clothes.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent a bit. More than likely, it's "family
meeting time." and I'll be able to express my frustrations without trashing
the kids. Lots of my anger was already dissipated from picking up and from
baking bread. and practicing my piano.

blessings, HeidiC

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/12/2005 12:17:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,
bunsofaluminum60@... writes:
> Okay, thanks for letting me vent a bit. More than likely, it's "family
> meeting time." and I'll be able to express my frustrations without trashing
> the kids. Lots of my anger was already dissipated from picking up and from
> baking bread. and practicing my piano.


Fantastic vent. I read it all and took a deep breath for you. Thank
goodness some things can help us cool off before we fire it all out.

I ususally don't have much of an issue in the house cuz my kids are still
really little and we all kinda go to bed about the same time so I have no
surprises in the morning. But for us, occasionally mine will get beyond my patience
when we are out running errands or whatever and I am so thankful that we have
the ride home to listen to music or the DVD or the gameboys or whatever, to
calm us all down. By the time we get home, it's no biggie and we can talk if we
need to.

I think setting some rules for "after hours" is a good thing. They may be
tired and really aren't thinking about cleaning up at night, maybe the lights
are low and they don't see all the crumbs and stuff. If there are dishes
they've used, they should help clean and put them away. Same with toys, books, or
whatever. Unless of course they are using those things again later. Since we
all share the same home, especially "family rooms or common spaces", they can
help by taking care of their things. They probably won't mind, they may not
even realize that you feel this way come morning time. When it comes to the
dispersing of food (goodies), I really don't know what helps. When it comes to
money and driving to shop, I think it's much more important to have a few
guidelines. If you don't have the funds to shop continuously then they should
know that there won't be more until next time. No special trips. If you usually
buy 2 gallons of milk, maybe when the first is gone, the other should be for
cooking only. With ice cream, buy the usual and if it's gone, see if they'd
like to make their own. It's funny with us because we have bought snacks or
foods that each family member enjoys and then everyone has something they like.
Well, now our boys are bigger and beginning to like Daddy's snacks so he
always says he'll have to start hiding his goodies :o) Even though he wouldn't.
He just remembers a time when they would turn their noses up to almost all of
our stuff and now they are enjoying those things too.

Thanks for sharing, I feel like I'm less alone when others have share their
ups and downs. I hope all goes well with your family meeting.

Pamela


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-=-along with cups harvested
from various other rooms around the house=-

They picked up cups from the rest of the house! Cool.


-=- Someone had "cleaned her room" by bringing down all the dirty
clothes that had accumulated on the floor over the past weeks, and dumping
it on the floor. [... In the laundry room]-=-

Sounds like she brought it right by the washing machine. Cool!

-=- If their dirty clothes make it into the baskets in the laundry room,
I'll wash it. If it's in piles
on the floor...well, what will I do? -=-

Wash it? It's a technicality, basket or out. Were there enough empty
baskets for the stuff from her room? Was the washing machine empty? Was she more
excited about going right back and cleaning?

Did she decide on her own to clean her room voluntarily?

-=-I'm calling "kitchen closed" when i go to bed.-=-

What's the principle behind that?
Would it be better to talk go them about leaving it cleaner than they found
it, or could you have snacks already ready that are NOT really messy?

Making rules about times doesn't help them learn to clean up, or to help
them decide what is and isn't a good late-night food project and why.

I came back last night to LOTS of dirty dishes, and a dishwasher full of
clean dishes, not put away. Well they weren't out of clean dishes. I waited
until this morning, and cleaned the kitchen. I COULD have worked up a froth of
resentment, but I chose not to. I had already thought lovely thoughts about
how nice it was that when I had called a few hours before they were all home,
even though I hadn't been home since 10:30 a.m. and hadn't seen them. Kirby
had taken the car Marty usually drives and had put gas in it! Kinda sweet,
but Marty had been forced to take the big van Kirby usually drives, which was
almost out of gas, and Marty didn't have as much choice as Kirby to put gas
in. No way could he afford to fill it up. But they were all home, each
having put gas in a car. All were getting along well and being helpful.

I had been at the hospital (emergency room and admission) with Keith for 13
or 14 hours, and yet the kids had still gone to class, work, had friends over,
driven a friend home and come back, NOT been in any way irresponsible.
Holly felt safe and happy, Marty wished he'd been driving the 30mpg instead of
the 8/9mpg monster, but he'll recover (only put in $5).

They left a mess in the kitchen, but they had also fed themselves and put
the dishes in the sink. And they were alive and healthy and I had been able to
be at the hospital because I trust them and they didn't act differently with
me gone than they would've with me there.

Keith had an array of puzzling system. He has (at least, maybe other
things, maybe not) a 7 cm abcess between lower colon and bladder, so no wonder. No
wonder LOTS of things, and he's on big IV antibiotics. He had been very ill
for 10 days. Now we know it's not a horrible surgery-requiring thing, and
he will probably recover pretty easily. The kids are healthy and safe. And I
can do some dishes and laundry and be grateful.

Sandra







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bunsofaluminum

> -=-along with cups harvested
> from various other rooms around the house=-
>
> They picked up cups from the rest of the house! Cool.

oops sorry. the kids didn't harvest the cups. I harvested the cups
before I got started on the dishes. they were part of the pile I
washed, because I went through and gathered them.



> -=- Someone had "cleaned her room" by bringing down all the dirty
> clothes that had accumulated on the floor over the past weeks, and
dumping
> it on the floor. [... In the laundry room]-=-
>
> Sounds like she brought it right by the washing machine. Cool!

Yeah. It was the cat pee that had me irritated this morning.

> -=- If their dirty clothes make it into the baskets in the laundry
room,
> I'll wash it. If it's in piles
> on the floor...well, what will I do? -=-


> Wash it? It's a technicality, basket or out. Were there enough
empty
> baskets for the stuff from her room? Was the washing machine
empty? Was she more
> excited about going right back and cleaning?
> Did she decide on her own to clean her room voluntarily?
>

this is standard procedure. Cleaning the bedroom means taking all
clothing off the floor and putting it in the laundry room. Both girls
do it. Laundry that has been folded is taken into their rooms by
them, and left on the bed until it dumps on the floor, and then
clean, folded clothing is put back into the laundry room. I've
unfolded clean clothes from laundry baskets waiting to be washed.
Usually, I can just put it back on whoever's folded pile, and get it
back to them. Not when the cat's been in it.

Part of what I was venting about this morning was the inconsiderate-
ness of "cleaning her room" simply meaning "letting mom do all this
laundry" and MOST of that was just because it's how it is done SO
often around here.


> -=-I'm calling "kitchen closed" when i go to bed.-=-
>
> What's the principle behind that?
> Would it be better to talk go them about leaving it cleaner than
they found
> it, or could you have snacks already ready that are NOT really
messy?
>
> Making rules about times doesn't help them learn to clean up, or to
help
> them decide what is and isn't a good late-night food project and
why.

Yeah. I just needed to rattle it out. That was me, after a couple of
hours getting some cleaning up done, making bread, practicing my
piano, starting a load of laundry. I wasn't nearly as ticked off when
I wrote that, as I was when I first got up and was confronted by the
mess.

I did ask the kid(s) responsible not to leave messes like that any
more. They said "okay." I'll remind them tonight before I hit the
sack.


> I came back last night to LOTS of dirty dishes, and a dishwasher
full of
> clean dishes, not put away. Well they weren't out of clean
dishes. I waited
> until this morning, and cleaned the kitchen. I COULD have worked up
a froth of
> resentment, but I chose not to.

Usually, I'm quite calm about the housework. I'm relaxed anyway.
Things are never pristine around here, and I pick up when the clutter
gets too much for me. Sometimes the kids pitch in. Usually, if I ask
them to help,they jump right in. For some reason, this morning just
pushed me a bit more than usual.




> Keith had an array of puzzling system. He has (at least, maybe
other
> things, maybe not) a 7 cm abcess between lower colon and bladder,
so no wonder. No
> wonder LOTS of things, and he's on big IV antibiotics. He had
been very ill
> for 10 days. Now we know it's not a horrible surgery-requiring
thing, and
> he will probably recover pretty easily. The kids are healthy and
safe. And I
> can do some dishes and laundry and be grateful.

How scary for you and your hubby! I hope everything turns out okay.
yikes! and it is a blessing to have self-reliant, trustworthy kids. I
know that.


>
> Sandra
>
blessings, Heidic
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sylvia Toyama

they were alive and healthy and I had been able to be at the hospital because I trust them and they didn't act differently with
me gone than they would've with me there.

Keith had an array of puzzling system. He has (at least, maybe other things, maybe not) a 7 cm abcess between lower colon and bladder, so no wonder. No wonder LOTS of things, and he's on big IV antibiotics. He had been very ill for 10 days. Now we know it's not a horrible surgery-requiring thing, and he will probably recover pretty easily. The kids are healthy and safe. And I
can do some dishes and laundry and be grateful.

Sandra

******

I'm glad to hear it's not any big, scary thing with Keith. I'd read another post from you about him not being well, and was thinking of you all. It sounds like everyone did a great job of taking care of each other, and all went well enough to allow you to be where Keith needed you. I hope he's feeling better and back home soon.

Sylvia


---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Make Yahoo! your home page

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nellebelle

>>>>>>>I'm glad this place is here, because this morning, if there were no place to
rant and rave, I'd be hauling the kids out of bed (despite their 1 am or
later bedtime) and cracking the whip.>>>>>>>

I'm glad you let it out here, rather than on your kids. I hope that helped you to let it go.



>>>>>>>>>>My unschooling sensors are BROKEN in this case.
I'm seeing red. It's just plain inconsiderate.>>>>>>>>

Reading your post, a couple things came to mind. One: The sappy poem about rocking your baby instead of cleaning the cobwebs. Two: Yes, it is sometimes overwhelming being the responsible party. What a gift to our children that someone else is there to take care of things, for a few years anyway.

How many of us really paid attention when the more experienced mothers said "nap with your baby" "the housework can wait" "they grow so fast" and those other words of wisdom that are so true?

My babies are gone. Forever. Why did I think anything was more important than just holding them and playing with them? They are 9 and 12 now. Why do I still sometimes think that there is anything more important than just hanging out with my pre-teens or helping them meet their needs? In about 10 years, they will be young adults and won't be 'bothering' me about things like laundry, messy rooms, wanting snacks when I've just cleaned the kitchen, or spilling the beverage they poured on their own (rather than asking me to do it for them). I will have no excuses for the messy house (except for dh, maybe). My children will no longer be the major part of my life.

Yes, it is frustrating to face never ending laundry, dishes, spills, etc. Don't take it out on the kids!

Mary Ellen

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/12/2005 5:48:35 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

Keith had an array of puzzling system. He has (at least, maybe other
things, maybe not) a 7 cm abcess between lower colon and bladder, so no
wonder. No
wonder LOTS of things, and he's on big IV antibiotics. He had been very
ill
for 10 days. Now we know it's not a horrible surgery-requiring thing, and
he will probably recover pretty easily. The kids are healthy and safe.
And I
can do some dishes and laundry and be grateful.



~~~

That sounds really painful. I hope it's not. I hope he recovers really
quick.

Karen

www.badchair.net


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/13/2005 12:11:26 AM Central Standard Time,
nellebelle@... writes:

I will have no excuses for the messy house (except for dh, maybe).


~~~

My mother retired, and lives alone. A few years after her retirement, while
I was visiting she said, "I used to think you kids were the reason the house
was always a mess. Now I realize it was ME all along!" :)

Karen

www.badchair.net


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kandi Bolton

Heidi,
I was reading this post and I guess I have "been there" so many times that
I really was laughing. Not at you, but at how familiar it all seemed. I have
had these very same things happen to me and reading your posts and the
replies helped me to understand how I was feeling. Thank you for putting my
thoughts into words. Maybe the next time I am feeling this way, I might try
venting to the cyber-world. Blessings, Kandi

Brenda Rose

Heidi wrote:

> I'm glad this place is here, because this morning, if there were no place
> to
> rant and rave, I'd be hauling the kids out of bed (despite their 1 am or
> later bedtime) and cracking the whip.<<<

I"ve felt the same way sometimes and been glad to come sit and read what
others have to say. There are always people with worse problems than I
have, plus the advice here is so positive and encouraging that it (almost)
immediately lifts my mood.

> Thank goodness, I needed to bake bread, too. :) that helped calm me
> down.<<<

It's great that you have that positive outlet.:-)


> When I woke up this morning, the powdered milk and sugar were out on the
> table, along with a bottle of lemon juice (empty). There were crumbled
> tortilla chips in my chair and on the floor near it. There is also
> powdered
> milk...you know, milk powder?...on the floor. Not a whole lot, but enough
> to
> crunch under foot. ew.<<<

I ask my children (and husband) to clean up their messes - sometimes they do
it and other times they tell me that "the commercial was over and the show
was starting" or some other reason (not excuse). If I ask them later all
of them will usually do it without complaint. Most of the time I just clean
it up myself.

>>> The sink, which had a couple of bowls and a drinking
> cup or two last night, this morning had discarded ramen noodles (and
> smelled
> it...ramen noodle juice is strong) and more bowls, along with cups
> harvested
> from various other rooms around the house. <<<<

I don't like to do dishes late at night, but in the morning it's as relaxing
to me as the baking is for you. I love the feel of the suds and water, the
sense of accomplishment at seeing the (often huge) pile go down, and the
time alone to think my own thoughts and plans for the day. Trust me, no one
bothers me at that time (they might be asked to dry and put away!). <BG>
Actually, sometimes one will come talk and help, if it's later in the day.


> In the laundry room, I just discovered piles and PILES of laundry, peed on
> by the cat. Someone had "cleaned her room" by bringing down all the dirty
> clothes that had accumulated on the floor over the past weeks, and dumping
> it on the floor. The cat found it, and it was DISGUSTING. This, all over
> night. There was dirty laundry in there, but not on the FREAKING FLOOR!

We just got a kitten ths week and I hope that he's a good litter-box user.
We've had both kinds, so I can definitely sympathize!
Can you close the laundry room door to keep the cat out? Or is that where
the litter box is? I'm always glad when the boys bring their laundry from
their rooms and epecially if they do it unasked! Could you give each child
a basket to carry down to the laundry room? I've tried this and it works a
little bit (not consistently, but it helps). My pattern is to do the
laundry, sort it on my bed, then put it in baskets in the hall for the boys
to carry upstairs to their rooms. But I found out our pomeranian Snoopy
likes to sleep in those baskets, so now I try to hand them the baskets when
they're on their way up. I thought about having each do their own laundry,
but it's actually easier for us to mix it because then I wash fewer and full
loads - saves on elec., water, soap, etc.

>>>> I'm calling "kitchen closed" when i go to bed. This is not the first
>>>> time
> I've found all kinds of messes in the morning, because they stay up and
> watch TV or play computer games after I've gone to bed. <<<<

Mine almost always are up until after I go to bed and they definitely want
to eat. Also, my dh gets home from work many nights at 1 or 2 am, and he
usually wants to eat then too. I could never close the kitchen. I do ask
them to put away perishables (refrig. or frozen stuff). Maybe you could ask
them what they might want later for a snack and fix it for them before you
go to bed. Or have some non-messy things to choose. My children do a lot
of microwave foods (and also Ramen noodles - John almost lives on those).


>>> In fact, we had two half gallons of ice cream. I
> got one bowl, my hubby got one bowl. I think my older girl had a bowl of
> each flavor. And the kids got the rest. And no money until the end of the
> week, to buy more groceries of any kind, let alone supply their stinking
> SUGAR HABIT.<<<

There are some foods that are so popular with our kids that we do portion
them to be "fair." When I buy yogurt I let them choose what kind they
want. If they choose Trix and I can only afford one package, they each get
two. Last week, I was able to get them each their own package - James got
Trix and John and Joshua chose X-something (only 4 to a pack and almost
$3.00). Often I buy three medium-size bottles of PowerAde so each boy has
his own. This whole system works well for us, because some family members
eat or drink something in one day, while others take a little each day for
several days. They all feel this is a good way to divide the special things
(and sometimes when one has run out another will share, and other times I
hear them bargaining and I think of the Bible story of Jacob and Esau).


>>> I'm on the verge of telling them (especially my night owl 10 year old
>>> girl
> who hits her peak at 11pm and doesn't wind down until 3 or 4 in the
> morning)
> that they can stay awake IN THEIR OWN ROOMS. Don't raid the kitchen.<<<

My ds 26 and his wife gave John a mini-fridge for his (I think) 12th
birthday. His friends think it is soooo cool. He keeps his drinks, yogurt,
and other snacks in his room. If he wants warm (like Ramen or pizza) he
does go down to the kitchen. For a long time I had trouble getting him to
bring the dishes back down, but now I have a huge stack of paper plates and
he can use those. Also, for a dollar (sometimes free) his brother will get
them all for me and collect the cans (which he then recycles and gets paid
again).


> Okay, thanks for letting me vent a bit. More than likely, it's "family
> meeting time." and I'll be able to express my frustrations without
> trashing
> the kids. Lots of my anger was already dissipated from picking up and from
> baking bread. and practicing my piano.
>
> blessings, HeidiC<<<


Thank You for sharing and trusting others to listen and support. Best
wishes for your family meeting and for the rest of your day!

Peace,

Brenda Rose