I need a few suggestions
bbbsmom2000
Hi everyone-
I have a situation with my 17 year old son and I need some
suggestions on how to deal with it. My 3 kids have been out of
school for 4 years (the best 4 years of my life) and I have been
trying to create a positive unschooling life for the entire 4
years. I've come to believe that unschooling is an extension of a
completely positive parenting style, so I've shifted my parenting
style to a much healthier place.
Well, my son Ben has insisted that he wants to take the SAT test and
go to a 4 year university for film making and writing.(I do not want
him to take the SAT). We discussed this at length - the pro's and
con's and ways that he can get into a college without the SAT- and
he made the final decision that he wants to take the SAT and that he
needs the SAT prep class. I really believe that he got caught up in
the hype with some of his friends who are preparing to take the
SAT's.
So, I signed him up for the SAT prep class (at the local high school)
for a fee of $250. I also signed him up for a creative writing
class that he REALLY wanted to take at the local adult ed. center,
for a fee of $39. He got home from the 1st SAT prep class and he
was totally disgusted with it. He was in a state of shock at the
way he was treated, and he was reminded of all the reasons that he
left school. He hates the class and doesn't want to go back! In
contrast, he went to the first writing class and was treated as an
equal, published authors were talking to him as though his
conversation was important. Ben is to call the instructor by his
first name (this was very important to Ben for some reason). Well,
he is so inspired, that he is again writing every day, he is
developing ideas etc.. He really wants his future to be filled with
writing books and making films.
My dilema is that I spent $250 of not so easy to come by cash. My
husband is opposed to letting him drop the class, because of the
money issue and that we advised him against taking the class to
begin with. I see no point in him continuing with the class,
because his mind has already dropped it. However, I am not taking
the $250 expense lightly. He is not insensitive to the $250 issue
and said he will finish out the 5 remaing classes since we paid for
them, but I just know it is a waste of his time and he is very
unhappy about it. I am desparetly trying to find someone to take
his place in the class, and perhaps recoup some of our money, but so
far no luck. Please help me see a sensible resolution to this. And
thank you all for the inspiration that I continually get from this
list.
Karen
I have a situation with my 17 year old son and I need some
suggestions on how to deal with it. My 3 kids have been out of
school for 4 years (the best 4 years of my life) and I have been
trying to create a positive unschooling life for the entire 4
years. I've come to believe that unschooling is an extension of a
completely positive parenting style, so I've shifted my parenting
style to a much healthier place.
Well, my son Ben has insisted that he wants to take the SAT test and
go to a 4 year university for film making and writing.(I do not want
him to take the SAT). We discussed this at length - the pro's and
con's and ways that he can get into a college without the SAT- and
he made the final decision that he wants to take the SAT and that he
needs the SAT prep class. I really believe that he got caught up in
the hype with some of his friends who are preparing to take the
SAT's.
So, I signed him up for the SAT prep class (at the local high school)
for a fee of $250. I also signed him up for a creative writing
class that he REALLY wanted to take at the local adult ed. center,
for a fee of $39. He got home from the 1st SAT prep class and he
was totally disgusted with it. He was in a state of shock at the
way he was treated, and he was reminded of all the reasons that he
left school. He hates the class and doesn't want to go back! In
contrast, he went to the first writing class and was treated as an
equal, published authors were talking to him as though his
conversation was important. Ben is to call the instructor by his
first name (this was very important to Ben for some reason). Well,
he is so inspired, that he is again writing every day, he is
developing ideas etc.. He really wants his future to be filled with
writing books and making films.
My dilema is that I spent $250 of not so easy to come by cash. My
husband is opposed to letting him drop the class, because of the
money issue and that we advised him against taking the class to
begin with. I see no point in him continuing with the class,
because his mind has already dropped it. However, I am not taking
the $250 expense lightly. He is not insensitive to the $250 issue
and said he will finish out the 5 remaing classes since we paid for
them, but I just know it is a waste of his time and he is very
unhappy about it. I am desparetly trying to find someone to take
his place in the class, and perhaps recoup some of our money, but so
far no luck. Please help me see a sensible resolution to this. And
thank you all for the inspiration that I continually get from this
list.
Karen
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/2005 8:18:22 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
krobiche@... writes:
them, but I just know it is a waste of his time and he is very
unhappy about it. I am desparetly trying to find someone to take
his place in the class, and perhaps recoup some of our money, but so
far no luck. Please help me see a sensible resolution to this. And
thank you all for the inspiration that I continually get from this <<
We've had similar situations (although not as much money) such as signing
up for a guitar class and paying for a month in advance and feeling it was
just not worth the time to continue with a particular teacher.
I imagine your son does feel bad about the money and I would do everything I
could to support his decision and just let it go. What would you do if you
signed up for a real estate class and paid $395.00 and realized after a
couple of weeks that real estate was not something you ever wanted to do? I'd
double check their refund policy and then just chalk up as something that
didn't work out.
The money is not nearly as important as your relationship with your son and
I think supporting his decision to drop the class and help him not feel
guilty about it is much more valuable than the $295.00. He evaluated the
situation and made a decision that was best for him. I imagine it was a huge
learning experience and I'd rather my child make that kind of decision rather than
sit through weeks of something that was not going to be worthwhile for him.
Gail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
krobiche@... writes:
>>He is not insensitive to the $250 issueand said he will finish out the 5 remaing classes since we paid for
them, but I just know it is a waste of his time and he is very
unhappy about it. I am desparetly trying to find someone to take
his place in the class, and perhaps recoup some of our money, but so
far no luck. Please help me see a sensible resolution to this. And
thank you all for the inspiration that I continually get from this <<
We've had similar situations (although not as much money) such as signing
up for a guitar class and paying for a month in advance and feeling it was
just not worth the time to continue with a particular teacher.
I imagine your son does feel bad about the money and I would do everything I
could to support his decision and just let it go. What would you do if you
signed up for a real estate class and paid $395.00 and realized after a
couple of weeks that real estate was not something you ever wanted to do? I'd
double check their refund policy and then just chalk up as something that
didn't work out.
The money is not nearly as important as your relationship with your son and
I think supporting his decision to drop the class and help him not feel
guilty about it is much more valuable than the $295.00. He evaluated the
situation and made a decision that was best for him. I imagine it was a huge
learning experience and I'd rather my child make that kind of decision rather than
sit through weeks of something that was not going to be worthwhile for him.
Gail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/05 6:18:26 AM, krobiche@... writes:
<< and
he made the final decision that he wants to take the SAT and that he
needs the SAT prep class. >>
I can see letting him make that first decision, but sheesh, there are books
he could've gotten USED rather than taking the class. He can decide to take a
class, but how can he unilaterally make the final decision that you will
spend $250?
On the other hand, if he bought a dozen donuts and the first one made him
puke, would your husband force him to eat the other 11? Would it matter whether
the donuts had cost $3 or $250?
On a third hand (look how many of us there are here, we can have hundreds of
different suggestions <g>), maybe try to CALMLY tell him that you don't mind
paying $250 for a class he wanted to take, but you're not thrilled with $250
down a rat hole, so he should pay you back for the classes he didn't take so
you won't resent it for life, or he should just suck it up and go to the classes.
I wouldn't make him pay right now, but just kinda put it on his account to
repay you someday when he's makng money.
It's not the best idea, but it's an idea.
Sandra
<< and
he made the final decision that he wants to take the SAT and that he
needs the SAT prep class. >>
I can see letting him make that first decision, but sheesh, there are books
he could've gotten USED rather than taking the class. He can decide to take a
class, but how can he unilaterally make the final decision that you will
spend $250?
On the other hand, if he bought a dozen donuts and the first one made him
puke, would your husband force him to eat the other 11? Would it matter whether
the donuts had cost $3 or $250?
On a third hand (look how many of us there are here, we can have hundreds of
different suggestions <g>), maybe try to CALMLY tell him that you don't mind
paying $250 for a class he wanted to take, but you're not thrilled with $250
down a rat hole, so he should pay you back for the classes he didn't take so
you won't resent it for life, or he should just suck it up and go to the classes.
I wouldn't make him pay right now, but just kinda put it on his account to
repay you someday when he's makng money.
It's not the best idea, but it's an idea.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/26/05 7:18:03 AM, gailbrocop@... writes:
<< The money is not nearly as important as your relationship with your son
and
I think supporting his decision to drop the class and help him not feel
guilty about it is much more valuable than the $295.00. >>
And the silent, lifelong monument to "I Told You So" that will be erected on
that spot in his subconscious? Priceless. <g>
Sandra
<< The money is not nearly as important as your relationship with your son
and
I think supporting his decision to drop the class and help him not feel
guilty about it is much more valuable than the $295.00. >>
And the silent, lifelong monument to "I Told You So" that will be erected on
that spot in his subconscious? Priceless. <g>
Sandra
Robyn Coburn
<<<<<<<My dilema is that I spent $250 of not so easy to come by cash. My
husband is opposed to letting him drop the class, because of the
money issue and that we advised him against taking the class to
begin with. >>>>>>
Perhaps it would help your husband to see it in some perspective. How much
do you spend on birthday or Christmas (if you do it) gifts? What if you had
been purchasing a high school graduation gift as well? Maybe it would seem
like a smaller sum of money if compared to other things that are *gifts* -
ie no strings attached.
What if dh had bought tickets to a series of sailboat trips and turned out
to get so seasick that Dramamine didn't help? Would dh feel he had to
continue anyway? Others will have other examples of not continuing with
something because it is harmful and a waste of time.
Perhaps your ds has gotten a million dollars worth of great knowledge just
from that one class he took, so it was worth it to return him to his
unschooling mindset. You took him out of school didn't you? What if you and
dh had felt it was a "waste" of the prior investment in school to not make
him finish out high school? Wouldn't your lives of joy be diminished? I hope
you can convince dh not to let your son's last few months of being at home,
if he is going off to college soon, be diminished by this "mistake" of
thinking he needed this class.
Finally, if all else fails, you could call it a loan to your son (by all
mean pro-rate the one class he did attend!) and make the pay back date some
time in the far future when your ds is a famous published author with pots
of money. Then in a little while when the "emotional wound" of seeing that
money go away is healed, you and dh can "forgive" the debt.
Robyn L. Coburn
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husband is opposed to letting him drop the class, because of the
money issue and that we advised him against taking the class to
begin with. >>>>>>
Perhaps it would help your husband to see it in some perspective. How much
do you spend on birthday or Christmas (if you do it) gifts? What if you had
been purchasing a high school graduation gift as well? Maybe it would seem
like a smaller sum of money if compared to other things that are *gifts* -
ie no strings attached.
What if dh had bought tickets to a series of sailboat trips and turned out
to get so seasick that Dramamine didn't help? Would dh feel he had to
continue anyway? Others will have other examples of not continuing with
something because it is harmful and a waste of time.
Perhaps your ds has gotten a million dollars worth of great knowledge just
from that one class he took, so it was worth it to return him to his
unschooling mindset. You took him out of school didn't you? What if you and
dh had felt it was a "waste" of the prior investment in school to not make
him finish out high school? Wouldn't your lives of joy be diminished? I hope
you can convince dh not to let your son's last few months of being at home,
if he is going off to college soon, be diminished by this "mistake" of
thinking he needed this class.
Finally, if all else fails, you could call it a loan to your son (by all
mean pro-rate the one class he did attend!) and make the pay back date some
time in the far future when your ds is a famous published author with pots
of money. Then in a little while when the "emotional wound" of seeing that
money go away is healed, you and dh can "forgive" the debt.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.2 - Release Date: 3/25/2005
Vesna
Karen,
DEMAND your money back! If the class is as your son describes, it is a
bad class and they should refund your money. The company needs to know
that there is a problem with the teacher for that class, or whatever
is behind this poor quality. If the local office is unresponsive, and
it is a national company, contact the headquearters. They need to know
that there is a problem in their organization.
I would leave out any mention of your son as a homeschooler. It is
irrelevant and could muddy the water. You don't want them thinking,
"Oh, this spoiled homeschhool brat can't cut it in the normal world."
Clearly the class is not as it was promoted, or your son would not be
experiencing something so different from his expectations. They owe
you a refund -- and an apology!!
If no matter how hard you fight for your consumer rights, you can't
get your money back, then what? Ask yourself what you would do if it
were you or your husband, rather than your son, who was all for taking
the class. Or what you would do it were a class that you were taking
for yourself that you hated, but couldn't get your money back from.
By the way, I used to teach SAT and GRE prep classes (for the
Princeton Review). The students and I had a lot of fun, and I could
tell that for the high school students, especially, it was such a
relief -- sometimes even a shock -- to be with someone who treated
them as equals who were there of their own free will to get something
they wanted, not as wards who were there to something feisted on them
whether they liked it or not. That was how the PR prepped me in their
training.
DEMAND your money back! If the class is as your son describes, it is a
bad class and they should refund your money. The company needs to know
that there is a problem with the teacher for that class, or whatever
is behind this poor quality. If the local office is unresponsive, and
it is a national company, contact the headquearters. They need to know
that there is a problem in their organization.
I would leave out any mention of your son as a homeschooler. It is
irrelevant and could muddy the water. You don't want them thinking,
"Oh, this spoiled homeschhool brat can't cut it in the normal world."
Clearly the class is not as it was promoted, or your son would not be
experiencing something so different from his expectations. They owe
you a refund -- and an apology!!
If no matter how hard you fight for your consumer rights, you can't
get your money back, then what? Ask yourself what you would do if it
were you or your husband, rather than your son, who was all for taking
the class. Or what you would do it were a class that you were taking
for yourself that you hated, but couldn't get your money back from.
By the way, I used to teach SAT and GRE prep classes (for the
Princeton Review). The students and I had a lot of fun, and I could
tell that for the high school students, especially, it was such a
relief -- sometimes even a shock -- to be with someone who treated
them as equals who were there of their own free will to get something
they wanted, not as wards who were there to something feisted on them
whether they liked it or not. That was how the PR prepped me in their
training.