Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] supporting needy mothers
Tracy Oldfield
well I'd love to, but it would be over dh or our marriage's dead
body. Just like having a smallholding, or living in a smaller
house... My materialistic hubby just can't let go of his 'comforts.'
But then he's the one who works to pay for them...
Tracy
body. Just like having a smallholding, or living in a smaller
house... My materialistic hubby just can't let go of his 'comforts.'
But then he's the one who works to pay for them...
Tracy
On 2 Jul 2000, at 14:54, Amy wrote:
Oh I don't think this sounds big headed at all. I too,
would love to
undertake a foster parent roll. Hope you get to do it
soon.
amy
Amy
Oh I don't think this sounds big headed at all. I too, would love to
undertake a foster parent roll. Hope you get to do it soon.
amy
undertake a foster parent roll. Hope you get to do it soon.
amy
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield <tracy.oldfield@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2000 8:31 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] supporting needy mothers
> This is one of my pet-project ideas, that I'd love to be doing right
> now but dh wouldn't. I'd like to be a foster-parent to teenage girls
> who are pregnant and have no family support. I know it sounds big-
> headed, but I think I could be a positive role-model for their
> mothering skills, and a good sounding-board for them and their
> lives. I'm not that far removed from their age and I was almost a
> teenage mother myself, so I think I have a lot to give to people in
> such a situation. But what I want to do and what works for our
> family are 2 different things :-(
>
> Tracy
>
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In a message dated 7/2/2000 4:41:05 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
tracy.oldfield@... writes:
<< 'll be a patronising, interfering old bat, rather than a fellow mother.
So if
I'm going to do it, it does need to be now. >>
Sounds like you know what you want and just need the resources to go and do
it.
<>
I don't know about England anymore Tracy, but the problem in America seems to
be getting worse with teenage mothers rather than better. And now they are
flushing them down the toilet to get rid of them.... What will they think of
next (sorry to sound cynical, but I get hardened by all the stories I read
about teenage girls today).... I wonder if these girls are being parented or
just left to cope after school on their own, or is it school that has the
biggest influence on them getting pregnant in the first place??? All lofty
questions to think about on a muggy afternoon in Tucson, or England (LOL)
Dawn F
tracy.oldfield@... writes:
<< 'll be a patronising, interfering old bat, rather than a fellow mother.
So if
I'm going to do it, it does need to be now. >>
Sounds like you know what you want and just need the resources to go and do
it.
<>
I don't know about England anymore Tracy, but the problem in America seems to
be getting worse with teenage mothers rather than better. And now they are
flushing them down the toilet to get rid of them.... What will they think of
next (sorry to sound cynical, but I get hardened by all the stories I read
about teenage girls today).... I wonder if these girls are being parented or
just left to cope after school on their own, or is it school that has the
biggest influence on them getting pregnant in the first place??? All lofty
questions to think about on a muggy afternoon in Tucson, or England (LOL)
Dawn F
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
Amazing tracy!
I know it sounds big-headed, but I think I could be a positive role-model for their mothering skills, and a good sounding-board for them and their lives.
DITTO!
I'm not that far removed from their age and I was almost a
But what I want to do and what works for our family are 2 different things :-(
DITTO!
Nanci K.
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>This is one of my pet-project ideas, that I'd love to be doing rightDITTO!
>now but dh wouldn't. I'd like to be a foster-parent to teenage girls who are pregnant and have no family support.
I know it sounds big-headed, but I think I could be a positive role-model for their mothering skills, and a good sounding-board for them and their lives.
DITTO!
I'm not that far removed from their age and I was almost a
>teenage mother myself, so I think I have a lot to give to people inDITTO!
>such a situation.
But what I want to do and what works for our family are 2 different things :-(
DITTO!
>WOW!
>Tracy
Nanci K.
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Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
>There is a lifetime ahead of you Tracy, wait until your children are older,Well put Beverly, and thank you. This is good advice, for me anyway. I appreciate it.
>give all to them now. You will have so much more to give in ten years time.
>We really do want to do everything NOW, don't we? The problem isn't going
>to go away. I am sure there are many things you can do to help these small
>families without committing such a large slice of your life. Making other
>people aware of your thoughts and support is a simple way to raise
>awareness - and raising awareness, empathy and tolerance are all good steps.
>
>Beverley
Nanci K.
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Lynda
Some planned parenthood groups and others that help with teenage unwed
mothers also have the equivalent of Big Sisters. You might look into that.
That way you can contribute but without having to take someone into your
home full-time.
Lynda
----------
mothers also have the equivalent of Big Sisters. You might look into that.
That way you can contribute but without having to take someone into your
home full-time.
Lynda
----------
> From: Tracy Oldfield <tracy.oldfield@...>
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] supporting needy mothers
> Date: Sunday, July 02, 2000 4:35 PM
>
> The problem with this idea is that I have walked in these shoes,
> and by the time I have the 'space' in my life a) hubby still won't
> want to do it and b) I won't be 'relevant' to such people. I'll be a
> patronising, interfering old bat, rather than a fellow mother. So if
> I'm going to do it, it does need to be now. What I could do later
> would be to encourage others to do this... I hope it's not as big a
> problem when I'm older, though it's perhaps vain hope...
>
> Tracy
>
> On 3 Jul 2000, at 8:29, Robin & Beverley Paine wrote:
>
>
> There is a lifetime ahead of you Tracy, wait until your
> children are older,
> give all to them now. You will have so much more to
> give in ten years time.
>
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Cathie _
Hi Tracy. I think this is a great idea. I remember once a couple of years
ago I heard about a mentor mom type of program from a welfare agency here
in Ohio where they would pair you up like a big sister to a teen mom.
Cathie
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ago I heard about a mentor mom type of program from a welfare agency here
in Ohio where they would pair you up like a big sister to a teen mom.
Cathie
>From: "Tracy Oldfield" <tracy.oldfield@...>________________________________________________________________________
>
>This is one of my pet-project ideas, that I'd love to be doing right
>now but dh wouldn't. I'd like to be a foster-parent to teenage girls
>who are pregnant and have no family support. I know it sounds big-
>headed, but I think I could be a positive role-model for their
>mothering skills, and a good sounding-board for them and their
>lives. I'm not that far removed from their age and I was almost a
>teenage mother myself, so I think I have a lot to give to people in
>such a situation. But what I want to do and what works for our
>family are 2 different things :-(
>
>Tracy
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Tracy Oldfield
Efforts are being made to approach the problem, mostly by
studying other countries with lower teenage birth rates.
Personally, I have NO problem with teenager having babies, with
support and maturity stemming from responsibility for self, which
the modern (since Victorian/Edwardian times) emphasis on
'childhood' has largely removed. School, and that reliance on
external stuff for conscience etc brought by rewards and
punishments that we were talking about, along with less well
attached children, for whatever reason (and there are VERY
many that I can think of) makes a combination where those who
feel the need for unconditional love and security seek it out by
getting pregnant. From what I've seen, the projects in place to
'combat' teenage pregnancy seem to concentrate on social lessons
for teenagers, health education, etc. The more sexually aware
cultures of Europe tend to have lower teenage birthrates. BUT
many of those cultures don't start academic school until much
later than Britain (and that is getting earlier and earlier, we now
have targets for 3-5yo's and younger, even, sheesh!!) now is that
a coincedence? Hmmm. And many of those cultures have
higher breastfeeding rates and less separation from babies in
hospitals... oh, I feel a 'strongly felt discussion' coming on... <big
grin>
Tracy
PS, that was an English girl who did that recently, wasn't it?
PPS I know what I want to do, but dh doesn't. what can you do,
except shoot the bugger?
studying other countries with lower teenage birth rates.
Personally, I have NO problem with teenager having babies, with
support and maturity stemming from responsibility for self, which
the modern (since Victorian/Edwardian times) emphasis on
'childhood' has largely removed. School, and that reliance on
external stuff for conscience etc brought by rewards and
punishments that we were talking about, along with less well
attached children, for whatever reason (and there are VERY
many that I can think of) makes a combination where those who
feel the need for unconditional love and security seek it out by
getting pregnant. From what I've seen, the projects in place to
'combat' teenage pregnancy seem to concentrate on social lessons
for teenagers, health education, etc. The more sexually aware
cultures of Europe tend to have lower teenage birthrates. BUT
many of those cultures don't start academic school until much
later than Britain (and that is getting earlier and earlier, we now
have targets for 3-5yo's and younger, even, sheesh!!) now is that
a coincedence? Hmmm. And many of those cultures have
higher breastfeeding rates and less separation from babies in
hospitals... oh, I feel a 'strongly felt discussion' coming on... <big
grin>
Tracy
PS, that was an English girl who did that recently, wasn't it?
PPS I know what I want to do, but dh doesn't. what can you do,
except shoot the bugger?
On 2 Jul 2000, at 20:31, NumoAstro@... wrote:
Sounds like you know what you want and just need the
resources to go and do
it.
<>
I don't know about England anymore Tracy, but the
problem in America seems to
be getting worse with teenage mothers rather than
better. And now they are
flushing them down the toilet to get rid of them....
What will they think of
next
Tracy Oldfield
Well, heck, I knew there were more like me out there somewhere
(and I'm even slowly 'converting' to Paganism (or rather realising
that it's what I've always believed...)) <big grin>
Tracy
(and I'm even slowly 'converting' to Paganism (or rather realising
that it's what I've always believed...)) <big grin>
Tracy
On 2 Jul 2000, at 20:13, Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall wrote:
Amazing tracy!
DITTO!
DITTO!
DITTO!
DITTO!
WOW!
Nanci K.
Tracy Oldfield
Hmm. Now there's a thought. but maybe I'd be a little 'off-the-wall'
for such groups <g> I'd hate to have to configure myself around
someone else's ideas of what i should be telling folk (which is way
different to mainstream 'advice.') I guess I don't know until I ask...
Tracy
for such groups <g> I'd hate to have to configure myself around
someone else's ideas of what i should be telling folk (which is way
different to mainstream 'advice.') I guess I don't know until I ask...
Tracy
On 2 Jul 2000, at 22:30, Lynda wrote:
Some planned parenthood groups and others that help with teenage unwed
mothers also have the equivalent of Big Sisters. You might look
into that.
That way you can contribute but without having to take someone
into your
home full-time.
Lynda
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/3/2000 1:38:04 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
tracy.oldfield@... writes:
<< I have NO problem with teenager having babies, >>
Tracy:
I think the problem I have with it, is that the majority of them are (a) not
married (b) not in comitted relationships (c) the relationships come to an
quickly, sometimes before the baby is born. This doesn't seem to me to the
best thing for a child, to be without one of their parents (usually the
father).
reading about here in the US.
I guess I can only talk about myself and how I was at 16 and there was no way
I could have given a baby the attention it needs. I was into going out and
having a good time and travelling all over the world. A baby would have been
like a ball and chain around my ankle at that point in my life. I was at
school (in England) with several girls that got pregnant and had the babies
and at my high school reunion 2 years ago (yes I did fly all the way back
there) none of the fathers were still involved with those kids and most of
the women had re-married (if they married in the first place). When talking
to two of them, they told me, even though they loved their kids (their kids
were 23) they wouldn't have done it that way again, but would have waited
until they were older and they were more mature. I'm sure there are mature
teenagers out there, just like there are immature people over the age of 30,
but from the teenagers I've met they are far and few between.
PS This 2nd part is only in big letters because I copied Tracy's writing and
there is no more emphasis on this part than the first part.
Dawn F
tracy.oldfield@... writes:
<< I have NO problem with teenager having babies, >>
Tracy:
I think the problem I have with it, is that the majority of them are (a) not
married (b) not in comitted relationships (c) the relationships come to an
quickly, sometimes before the baby is born. This doesn't seem to me to the
best thing for a child, to be without one of their parents (usually the
father).
>>PS, that was an English girl who did that recently, wasn't it?>>I guess it's going on there as well... but actually it was a story I was
reading about here in the US.
I guess I can only talk about myself and how I was at 16 and there was no way
I could have given a baby the attention it needs. I was into going out and
having a good time and travelling all over the world. A baby would have been
like a ball and chain around my ankle at that point in my life. I was at
school (in England) with several girls that got pregnant and had the babies
and at my high school reunion 2 years ago (yes I did fly all the way back
there) none of the fathers were still involved with those kids and most of
the women had re-married (if they married in the first place). When talking
to two of them, they told me, even though they loved their kids (their kids
were 23) they wouldn't have done it that way again, but would have waited
until they were older and they were more mature. I'm sure there are mature
teenagers out there, just like there are immature people over the age of 30,
but from the teenagers I've met they are far and few between.
PS This 2nd part is only in big letters because I copied Tracy's writing and
there is no more emphasis on this part than the first part.
Dawn F
Bonnie Painter
Me too, Tracy.
Bonnie
Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com
Bonnie
>From: "Tracy Oldfield" <tracy.oldfield@...>________________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] supporting needy mothers
>Date: Mon, 3 Jul 2000 21:55:48 +0100
>
>Well, heck, I knew there were more like me out there somewhere
>(and I'm even slowly 'converting' to Paganism (or rather realising
>that it's what I've always believed...)) <big grin>
>
>Tracy
>
>On 2 Jul 2000, at 20:13, Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall wrote:
>
>Amazing tracy!
>
>DITTO!
>
>DITTO!
>
>DITTO!
>
>DITTO!
>
>WOW!
>
>Nanci K.
>
>
>
Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com
Tracy Oldfield
Well, quite. I did want a family at that age. But not without the
support of the father, so I wasn't. It's the whole responsibility
thing that's the issue for me. Another problem for me (which is
something I'd want to address as a 'big sister' or whatever) is the
attitude given by the supporting agencies, that it's of utmost
importance for these mothers to learn more and go out to work, so
that there are now schools (or school departments) for pregnant
teenagers and teenage mothers, complete with creches. I don't
want to kick off the whole daycare thing again, but the state is
doing it's best to separate these mothers from their kids without
actually taking them away, and convincing the mothers that it's the
absolute best thing. That's what gets up my nose. I don't mean
that it's not important for these mothers to support themselves, I
mean that, as we have discussed, that it's possible without
separating them from their babies. They could even have their
classes with babies in slings, for goodness sake!
The story I read was a British girl at Boston airport who was on
her way back to Blighty to the boyfriend, father of the child, who
didn't know she was pregnant. V sad.
Tracy
support of the father, so I wasn't. It's the whole responsibility
thing that's the issue for me. Another problem for me (which is
something I'd want to address as a 'big sister' or whatever) is the
attitude given by the supporting agencies, that it's of utmost
importance for these mothers to learn more and go out to work, so
that there are now schools (or school departments) for pregnant
teenagers and teenage mothers, complete with creches. I don't
want to kick off the whole daycare thing again, but the state is
doing it's best to separate these mothers from their kids without
actually taking them away, and convincing the mothers that it's the
absolute best thing. That's what gets up my nose. I don't mean
that it's not important for these mothers to support themselves, I
mean that, as we have discussed, that it's possible without
separating them from their babies. They could even have their
classes with babies in slings, for goodness sake!
The story I read was a British girl at Boston airport who was on
her way back to Blighty to the boyfriend, father of the child, who
didn't know she was pregnant. V sad.
Tracy
On 3 Jul 2000, at 17:45, NumoAstro@... wrote:
Tracy:
I think the problem I have with it, is that the
majority of them are (a) not
married (b) not in comitted relationships (c) the
relationships come to an
quickly, sometimes before the baby is born. This
doesn't seem to me to the
best thing for a child, to be without one of their
parents (usually the
father).
[email protected]
Tracy:
What are you doing up at this time of night... It's 4:30pm here in Arizona,
which means it must be 1:30am tomorrow in England!!!! I guess that's the
time to get stuff done....(LOL)
Dawn F (former Brit now living in US)
What are you doing up at this time of night... It's 4:30pm here in Arizona,
which means it must be 1:30am tomorrow in England!!!! I guess that's the
time to get stuff done....(LOL)
Dawn F (former Brit now living in US)
Tracy Oldfield
No, it's 12.30am on Tuesday here. BST and all that. This si my
usual time for playing <g>
Tracy
usual time for playing <g>
Tracy
On 3 Jul 2000, at 19:15, NumoAstro@... wrote:
Tracy:
What are you doing up at this time of night... It's
4:30pm here in Arizona,
which means it must be 1:30am tomorrow in England!!!!
I guess that's the
time to get stuff done....(LOL)
Dawn F (former Brit now living in US)
David Albert
Tracy Oldfield wrote:
and the rise of industrialism, it is true that teenagers were expected to
have babies, and expected to have more responsibility. BUT, it was also
assumed that people would live in extended family groupings, with family
members all around them, and that grandparents (specifically, the maternal
grandmother) would take a major role in teaching a mother how to care for
and raise a child, and, in fact, would take much of the responsibility on
herself. The idea of doting, distant grandparents is a creation of the same
modern industrial system that produced public education -- nuclear families
were created by an industrial system which needed a mother at whom to raise
the new labor force, while men were slaving away in factories, far away from
their "natural" base of support in agrarian communities.
So it might be said that earlier societies also had an extended "childhood"
-- it just included raising children! And grandparents didn't get off so
easy....
David
--
I will touring the East Coast September 1-19, giving homeschooling talks and
workshops related to "And the Skylark Sings with Me". For dates, and
locations, check out my website at www.skylarksings.com or send an e-mail to
shantinik@...
> Efforts are being made to approach the problem, mostly byKind of a half-truth here. Prior to the Regency (50 years before Victoria)
> studying other countries with lower teenage birth rates.
> Personally, I have NO problem with teenager having babies, with
> support and maturity stemming from responsibility for self, which
> the modern (since Victorian/Edwardian times) emphasis on
> 'childhood' has largely removed.
and the rise of industrialism, it is true that teenagers were expected to
have babies, and expected to have more responsibility. BUT, it was also
assumed that people would live in extended family groupings, with family
members all around them, and that grandparents (specifically, the maternal
grandmother) would take a major role in teaching a mother how to care for
and raise a child, and, in fact, would take much of the responsibility on
herself. The idea of doting, distant grandparents is a creation of the same
modern industrial system that produced public education -- nuclear families
were created by an industrial system which needed a mother at whom to raise
the new labor force, while men were slaving away in factories, far away from
their "natural" base of support in agrarian communities.
So it might be said that earlier societies also had an extended "childhood"
-- it just included raising children! And grandparents didn't get off so
easy....
David
--
I will touring the East Coast September 1-19, giving homeschooling talks and
workshops related to "And the Skylark Sings with Me". For dates, and
locations, check out my website at www.skylarksings.com or send an e-mail to
shantinik@...
Tracy Oldfield
basically it all sounds a whole lot more fun to me than the current
set-up! Those flippin' victorians (et al <g>) who put things on
pedestals which didn't need to be have mucked a whole lot of
stuff up for the rest of us, it seems...
Tracy
set-up! Those flippin' victorians (et al <g>) who put things on
pedestals which didn't need to be have mucked a whole lot of
stuff up for the rest of us, it seems...
Tracy
On 3 Jul 2000, at 17:57, David Albert wrote:
So it might be said that earlier societies also had an
extended "childhood"
-- it just included raising children! And grandparents
didn't get off so
easy....
David
--
David Albert
Actually, a way to think of it is as a trade off between "community and
belonging" and "opportunity". Earlier societies (especially for women, but
before the 18th century for men, too) may have had lots of the first and
none of the 2nd. Contemporary society bends (or at least it does
ideologically) toward the latter. Striking a balance is HARD (which we all
know in our daily lives.)
David
Tracy Oldfield wrote:
I will touring the East Coast September 1-19, giving homeschooling talks and
workshops related to "And the Skylark Sings with Me". For dates, and
locations, check out my website at www.skylarksings.com or send an e-mail to
shantinik@...
belonging" and "opportunity". Earlier societies (especially for women, but
before the 18th century for men, too) may have had lots of the first and
none of the 2nd. Contemporary society bends (or at least it does
ideologically) toward the latter. Striking a balance is HARD (which we all
know in our daily lives.)
David
Tracy Oldfield wrote:
> basically it all sounds a whole lot more fun to me than the current--
> set-up! Those flippin' victorians (et al <g>) who put things on
> pedestals which didn't need to be have mucked a whole lot of
> stuff up for the rest of us, it seems...
>
> Tracy
>
> On 3 Jul 2000, at 17:57, David Albert wrote:
>
> So it might be said that earlier societies also had an
> extended "childhood"
> -- it just included raising children! And grandparents
> didn't get off so
> easy....
>
> David
> --
>
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I will touring the East Coast September 1-19, giving homeschooling talks and
workshops related to "And the Skylark Sings with Me". For dates, and
locations, check out my website at www.skylarksings.com or send an e-mail to
shantinik@...
Cathie _
>From: Robin & Beverley Paine <rnbpaine@...>I think I respectfully disagree. Too many times we as Mothers will let our
>Tracy wrote:
> >teenage mother myself, so I think I have a lot to give to people in
> >such a situation. But what I want to do and what works for our
> >family are 2 different things :-(
>
>There is a lifetime ahead of you Tracy, wait until your children are older,
>give all to them now. You will have so much more to give in ten years time.
>We really do want to do everything NOW, don't we? The problem isn't going
>to go away.
own dreams go to the back burner because the families needs come first. Now
I am almost 40 and alot of those dreams I have forgotten or just aren't
important to me anymore. I remember once when I read about an oil spill on a
river in Pennsylvania (I am in Ohio) where they were calling for people to
come and help clean up ducks. I really wanted to go and help, but I didn't.
I wanted to go to a raptor rehab facility and appentice, too. Didn't do that
either. Now I really regret those missed opportunities, and I think that if
I had taken more time for my own dreams all these years I would be a better
person, a better mother, and a better teacher for my kids now.
I've encouraged myself-its not too late-wonder what I could get into now? I
hate to think how many regrets I will have when I am almost 80 if I wait
another 15 years til everyone is grown up!
Cathie
________________________________________________________________________
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In a message dated 7/4/2000 6:56:50 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
cathie_98@... writes:
<< I've encouraged myself-its not too late-wonder what I could get into now?
I
hate to think how many regrets I will have when I am almost 80 if I wait
another 15 years til everyone is grown up >>
Thank you Cathie for your honesty... I came to motherhood late in "normal"
terms I was 36 and 40. However prior to have my kids, I worked on a cruise
ship around the Mediterranean, Sang in a band, worked in London, when I lived
65 miles away (not a big deal to the Americans) but I had to take a trian up
to London every day while friends were working in my local village... I had
about 60 jobs since I was 16 years old (age we leave school) and quit each
and every one of them to do what I wanted to do, which was travel and
experience the world...
Now that I have my own business and run it around my family, I sometimes find
myself doing the same thing and saying "when the kids get older"... It's
amazing that I find time to do things I don't really want to do such as
grocery shopping, cleaning, etc and yet if I left it to hubbie, who would
happily do it I would have the time to spend at the Women's Crisis Center
(women that have been beaten and raped)... thanks for the wake up call and
reminding me that not everything in life has to be either tied to my business
or my kids.
Dawn F
cathie_98@... writes:
<< I've encouraged myself-its not too late-wonder what I could get into now?
I
hate to think how many regrets I will have when I am almost 80 if I wait
another 15 years til everyone is grown up >>
Thank you Cathie for your honesty... I came to motherhood late in "normal"
terms I was 36 and 40. However prior to have my kids, I worked on a cruise
ship around the Mediterranean, Sang in a band, worked in London, when I lived
65 miles away (not a big deal to the Americans) but I had to take a trian up
to London every day while friends were working in my local village... I had
about 60 jobs since I was 16 years old (age we leave school) and quit each
and every one of them to do what I wanted to do, which was travel and
experience the world...
Now that I have my own business and run it around my family, I sometimes find
myself doing the same thing and saying "when the kids get older"... It's
amazing that I find time to do things I don't really want to do such as
grocery shopping, cleaning, etc and yet if I left it to hubbie, who would
happily do it I would have the time to spend at the Women's Crisis Center
(women that have been beaten and raped)... thanks for the wake up call and
reminding me that not everything in life has to be either tied to my business
or my kids.
Dawn F
Robin & Beverley Paine
>I wanted to go to a raptor rehab facility and appentice, too. Didn't do thatHi Cathie, when I was sixteen and my life was a small mess, no self esteem
>either. Now I really regret those missed opportunities, and I think that if
>I had taken more time for my own dreams all these years I would be a better
>person, a better mother, and a better teacher for my kids now.
>
>I've encouraged myself-its not too late-wonder what I could get into now? I
>hate to think how many regrets I will have when I am almost 80 if I wait
>another 15 years til everyone is grown up!
to talk about, I faced a pyschological crisis in my life. I vowed then to
live a life of 'no regrets'. My every moment was harrowed by guilt and
shame. I felt guilty for being alive. Everything that happened in a day was
'my fault' in my mind whether I had anything to do with it or not. Saying
'no regrets' for every moment of my life - that is everything that ever
happens to me is a good and positive thing, no matter what direction or
what consequence, it is for my greater good and I WILL see the learning in
every moment by becoming as aware as possible and looking for the positive,
was the first step in the road to recovery of self esteem for me. Twenty
years later I had a breakdown that finally allowed me to let go of the
remnant guilt attached to such a damaged childhood.
There are lots of things in life that don't happen the way I want them to
right now. But I learn to see that what is happening right now has very
valuable lessons for me... lessons that my conscious mind might not bring
my way. I value what does come my way... I live for each and every moment,
not future or past moments.
Living without 'regrets' is incredibly empowering and makes my life so much
more satisfying. It is, above all else, just an attitude.
It also frees me up from the baggage my parents would place on me, with
comments like "you could have been successful" - I AM successful, I am a
wonderful parent, a dedicated homeschooling pioneer and networker, a
permaculturalist, tread lightly on the earth, good financial manager, home
builder.... I just don't live like they do, and I don't have any regrets in
life!
When I was ten I dreamed of writing novels. When I was twenty I knew that I
would be 'mature' enough to do this at forty.... When I was seventeen I
told my lover that we would know what love is, really is, when we were
sixty... I am a patient person and know that time enriches my life, not
detracts from it. Every moment is a learning lesson for me, and I count my
blessings!
I am writing novels now, I am self publishing homeschooling books, I play
with a 'business'... I prioritise my time carefully so that I can do what I
need and want to do in all areas of my life. If I feel strongly about an
issue I attend to it. I don't sacrifice anything in my life for my family
or homeschooling...
The thing that has astounded me about all of this is how it has affected
the children's personal development - and often how they have shown me the
way to stay true to my 'no regrets' policy in life. I think it is all about
honouring oneself and having realistic expectations of one's abilities,
limitations, and knowing one's own boundaries and self.
cheers,
Beverley
Check out Joel's HOMESCHOOLING EXPO web page
http://www.dove.net/dosborne/expo
Author "Getting Started with Homeschooling - Practical Considerations" and
"Learning in the Absence of Education - Essays on Homeschooling", both $19
from B Paine, PO Box 371 Yankalilla 5203
SA HOMESCHOOLING EXPO Saturday 22nd July - Celebrating and showcasing the
diversity of homeschooling practice in South Australia!
Robin & Beverley Paine
I hear what Cathie and Dawn are saying on this thread, but does it have to
be either/or? Can't mums find a way to do the things they need and want to
in order to lead satisfying personal lives and still do the whole immersion
parenting thing too? I feel like I have, and now my kids are older I can
see the benefits in their behaviour and attitudes. They respect that there
mum is driven, passionate woman who won't put herself second or be
sacrificed to a traditional view of motherhood, yet firmly believes in
family values and mothering.... Isn't it just about arranging life, setting
priorities, etc?
cheers,
Beverley
Check out Joel's HOMESCHOOLING EXPO web page
http://www.dove.net/dosborne/expo
Author "Getting Started with Homeschooling - Practical Considerations" and
"Learning in the Absence of Education - Essays on Homeschooling", both $19
from B Paine, PO Box 371 Yankalilla 5203
SA HOMESCHOOLING EXPO Saturday 22nd July - Celebrating and showcasing the
diversity of homeschooling practice in South Australia!
be either/or? Can't mums find a way to do the things they need and want to
in order to lead satisfying personal lives and still do the whole immersion
parenting thing too? I feel like I have, and now my kids are older I can
see the benefits in their behaviour and attitudes. They respect that there
mum is driven, passionate woman who won't put herself second or be
sacrificed to a traditional view of motherhood, yet firmly believes in
family values and mothering.... Isn't it just about arranging life, setting
priorities, etc?
cheers,
Beverley
Check out Joel's HOMESCHOOLING EXPO web page
http://www.dove.net/dosborne/expo
Author "Getting Started with Homeschooling - Practical Considerations" and
"Learning in the Absence of Education - Essays on Homeschooling", both $19
from B Paine, PO Box 371 Yankalilla 5203
SA HOMESCHOOLING EXPO Saturday 22nd July - Celebrating and showcasing the
diversity of homeschooling practice in South Australia!
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/4/2000 5:44:20 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
rnbpaine@... writes:
<< Isn't it just about arranging life, setting
priorities, etc? >>
I think you are absolutely right about this Beverly (IMHO).. However before
women get to this stage they need to know that this is a possibility and go
through the other stages first....I think that's what happened to me in life
with not working for other people. I didn't realize for a long time that I
could work for myself and still be at home with the kids and have the kind of
life I wanted (this is when Zak went to preschool, which is what I thought
had to happen in order for me to accomplish "my stuff") The next step was
realizing that I didn't have to send my kids away to get my needs met and
that with the support of dh and his constant involvement and chaning of his
work schedule we could all have our needs met. I guess it just takes time to
come to those realizations.
Dawn F
rnbpaine@... writes:
<< Isn't it just about arranging life, setting
priorities, etc? >>
I think you are absolutely right about this Beverly (IMHO).. However before
women get to this stage they need to know that this is a possibility and go
through the other stages first....I think that's what happened to me in life
with not working for other people. I didn't realize for a long time that I
could work for myself and still be at home with the kids and have the kind of
life I wanted (this is when Zak went to preschool, which is what I thought
had to happen in order for me to accomplish "my stuff") The next step was
realizing that I didn't have to send my kids away to get my needs met and
that with the support of dh and his constant involvement and chaning of his
work schedule we could all have our needs met. I guess it just takes time to
come to those realizations.
Dawn F
[email protected]
Tracy wrote:
<< But what I want to do and what works for our
family are 2 different things :-(
a crisis pregnancy center or an organization like that?
I started volunteering in a local pregnancy helpline about 4 years ago (I
also was very close to becoming an unwed teen mother-lost the baby through
miscarriage). I was paired up to mentor a young girl who was 16; very
estranged from her parents and very scared. She ended up keeping her baby
and though wasn't our official foster child-she lived with us off and on
(with her parent's permission) and she and the baby both became very close to
us. Now she's 19, living with her parents again temporarily, taking college
courses, working...and my 13 yog babysits for her 3yo son. It's been a great
learning and giving experience all around. My dh and I have learned a ton,
too. It hasn't just been one-sided.
Just thought I'd share another way to tackle the desire without necessarily
becoming a foster parent.
Take care-
Carol from WI
<< But what I want to do and what works for our
family are 2 different things :-(
>>Tracy-Have you ever considered volunteering to work with/talk to teen Moms at
a crisis pregnancy center or an organization like that?
I started volunteering in a local pregnancy helpline about 4 years ago (I
also was very close to becoming an unwed teen mother-lost the baby through
miscarriage). I was paired up to mentor a young girl who was 16; very
estranged from her parents and very scared. She ended up keeping her baby
and though wasn't our official foster child-she lived with us off and on
(with her parent's permission) and she and the baby both became very close to
us. Now she's 19, living with her parents again temporarily, taking college
courses, working...and my 13 yog babysits for her 3yo son. It's been a great
learning and giving experience all around. My dh and I have learned a ton,
too. It hasn't just been one-sided.
Just thought I'd share another way to tackle the desire without necessarily
becoming a foster parent.
Take care-
Carol from WI