nellebelle

I wrote this first for another (homeschooling) list, so some of it may be out of context here. Some members of that list are convinced that dyslexia is something that must be diagnosed and treated, the earlier the better. Just as ADD and ADHD seem to disappear as a problem when children are removed from school, I am suggesting that dyslexia is only a problem for children in situations where others believe they *must* read easily, quickly, and with joy by a certain age.

Mary Ellen



Is dyslexia really a disorder that must be treated - the earlier the better - or is it simply a normal variation of the human brain? I don't believe we can answer this question as long as the belief persists that people must read by a certain age.

It is generally accepted that some people are not very good at arithmetic or art or music or athletics or (fill in the blank). Maybe they can learn the basics, but will always be slow or have difficulty in those areas. This is not seen as a "problem" in our society. We accept that not everyone needs to be musically talented or a whiz at math. As long as a person can do math well enough to balance their checkbook and pay their bills, we feel they will be OK. We don't feel bad for people who don't display art in galleries or compete athletically.

Our society has different beliefs about reading. We talk about grade level, fluency, and speed as if these are relevant to one's ability to function in life. Where is the evidence that the ability to read quickly and easily is truly important? Although I love to read, outside of school I can't think of any situations in which it has been important for me to read easily or at "grade level". Sure there are some fields that may require that ability, just as some fields require high-level mathematical competency or musical talent. No single skill is needed for all jobs.

As our society advances technologically, there are increasing numbers of ways for people to get information. We are no longer dependent on reading as a major source of information -- except in our schools!

Unfortunately for most children, the belief persists that reading is a skill that must be measured and mastered before higher learning can occur. They are not allowed to pursue other routes to learning and are made to feel deficient because this one skill is not their strength.

As far as Leonardo and Einstein, did they not do great things without the safety net of a diagnosis?

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tarazspot

Thank you so much for this article! My 10 year old son who is a
non-reader has many characteristics of being "dyslexic". I have chosen
to simply give him time and trust in the fact that with time his
trouble with reading will be overcome. Right now he has no interest
in reading anyway. Thanks again for the article, it makes perfect
sense and helped to give me the confidence boost I need every once in
a while!
Tara

julie w

tarazspot wrote:

> Thank you so much for this article! My 10 year old son who is a
> non-reader has many characteristics of being "dyslexic". I have chosen
> to simply give him time and trust in the fact that with time his
> trouble with reading will be overcome. Right now he has no interest
> in reading anyway. Thanks again for the article, it makes perfect
> sense and helped to give me the confidence boost I need every once in
> a while!
> Tara

I could go into a long email about testing and reading and dyslexia and
ld's (organic or caused by school) and why we tested and where we are
now and what I've learned so far and how playing World of Warcraft today
ds (13) surprised me with some of the words he could read and how a
comment from Tuckervill a few weeks ago ("if he's reading on a 3rd grade
level he is reading") helped a lot.
What I will say is that being able to use the word "dyslexic" when
someone asks him to read has helped ds immensely. Yes he could say "I
don't want to" or "I can't read that", but he is pretty shy and easily
humiliated and that label just shuts most folks, including Grandparents,
up. It also seems to keep the teasing from other kids at bay, yes
teasing from other homeschool kids even.
For him it is a useful tool to help deal with other folks.....

Now whether I believe that dyslexia is a "real" condition or not.....

Julie W in AR



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nellebelle

>>>>>>What I will say is that being able to use the word "dyslexic" when
someone asks him to read has helped ds immensely. Yes he could say "I
don't want to" or "I can't read that", but he is pretty shy and easily
humiliated and that label just shuts most folks, including Grandparents,
up. It also seems to keep the teasing from other kids at bay, yes
teasing from other homeschool kids even.
For him it is a useful tool to help deal with other folks.....>>>>>>>>>



If I were to tell other people that my child is "dys..." what is to stop them from asking what I am doing to *fix the problem*? I know that would be my mothers first question!

It could confuse a child to be told that the parent doesn't believe something is a problem when the parent encourages the child to tell people it IS a problem.

I think it would be better in the long run to help your son find ways to deflect inquiries into his reading to discussions of things he enjoys and does well. You can intervene with grandparents and ask them to drop it.

Mary Ellen

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Heidi

what has helped me, in this exact situation, (my mother's worries
that my 10 year old "late starting reader" will never read if I don't
get her some professional help) (it doesn't help that my mom was a
school teacher for 15 years)...what I tell her is, first, to remind
her that we HAVE done reading lessons, that Katie DOES desire to
read. She's extremely motivated, she's had lessons, and she's still
not "clicking" with the reading. Secondly, I tell my mom about the
advice I've gotten from multitudinous homeschoolers about letting the
reading "come." Not forcing her to be on some arbitrary, made up,
false timeline. And thirdly, I tell her about dyslexic individuals
who have, at long last, despite the many measures the schools have
taken to "get them reading," finally figured it out, and reading just
began clicking for them.

If we had it to do over again, I might not use the "label" dyslexic.
Instead, I'd use "spatial learner" from the get-go. As it is, I'm
using that "label" more often. But if my Katie said "I don't read
yet. I'm a spatial learner," there'd be some blank stares, for sure.
Dyslexic *is* the "label" we use for "spatial learner" at this point
in time. As research into brains and intelligences becomes more
mainstream, kids maybe won't be labelled with "dys-" labels any more.

But I'd almost hate for "spatial learner" to become the "label" in
school. It'd become synonymous with "stupid" just as "SpecEd" is the
new "MR" in the public schools. No matter how they try, they won't be
able to get "normal" kids to quit teasing the kids who
learn "differently."

Blessings, HeidiC


--- In [email protected], "nellebelle"
<nellebelle@c...> wrote:
> >>>>>>What I will say is that being able to use the word "dyslexic"
when
> someone asks him to read has helped ds immensely. >
>
> If I were to tell other people that my child is "dys..." what is to
stop them from asking what I am doing to *fix the problem*? I know
that would be my mothers first question!
>
>
> Mary Ellen
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/3/2005 10:42:45 AM Mountain Standard Time,
bunsofaluminum60@... writes:

But I'd almost hate for "spatial learner" to become the "label" in
school. It'd become synonymous with "stupid" just as "SpecEd" . . .
-----------

"Spatial Education."

Ha ha ha ha ha... <g>

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

julie w

I wrote:

> >>>>>>What I will say is that being able to use the word "dyslexic" when
> someone asks him to read has helped ds immensely. Yes he could say "I
> don't want to" or "I can't read that", but he is pretty shy and easily
> humiliated and that label just shuts most folks, including Grandparents,
> up. It also seems to keep the teasing from other kids at bay, yes
> teasing from other homeschool kids even.
> For him it is a useful tool to help deal with other folks.....>>>>>>>>>
>
>
> Then someone else wrote:
> If I were to tell other people that my child is "dys..." what is to
> stop them from asking what I am doing to *fix the problem*? I know
> that would be my mothers first question!

I guess I should have said "this is what works for us, not advocating it
for all".
As to your question, what can I say...no one bothers me. They know I
will just give a vague answer and ignore them.
Seiously.
I have a pretty strong personality and everyone just leaves me the hell
alone in my family. I mean really, if someone was nosy enough to ask me
"what are you doing to fix the problem?" the answer could range from
truth to none of your business depending on the person, my relationship
to them and their adittude about our life choices. I have a habit of
throwing information out to folks (stuff that I know will entail long,
drawn out discussions that I just can't abide) and then walking away.
Its amazing how well this works.

>
> It could confuse a child to be told that the parent doesn't believe
> something is a problem when the parent encourages the child to tell
> people it IS a problem.

Well YMMV, but ds (13) is not confused.
He gets the whole idea of telling folks one thing to just get them to
leave you alone. He knows that dh and I feel he fine as he is and know
that when and if he wants to read on a higher level he will.
He does not like answering personal questions nor being grilled by
adults so this is the way he (and please understand it really was HIS
choice) has chosen to deal with it. With most people and kids its stops
the questions AND makes folks in say a co-op learning situation not ask
him to read something...which he lives in serious fear of. I have to
state again that this will not work for all kids, and most kids do not
have this hyper fear of humiliation that my ds has. Its just part of his
personality. He never, ever wants to be singled out or put on the spot.
Its one of the reasons he does not play sports.
I find that in some situations its just easier to lie to folks who are
asking questions that are intrusive and not their business....I feel
that way about my local goverment too.

> I think it would be better in the long run to help your son find ways
> to deflect inquiries into his reading to discussions of things he
> enjoys and does well. You can intervene with grandparents and ask
> them to drop it.

But for my parents that's all they needed to know.
That was it.
It answered all their questions, plus they know what a bright, funny,
creative kid ds is. They see he is not "slow" as some would put it. The
word dyslexic helps them to answer why, without me having to have long,
annoying conversations about learning, unschooling, how kids learn ect.
with them and the hurt feelings/anger/misunderstandings that might
ensue. My parents having this information then diseminated it to others
within the family not as friendly about homeschooling (like my wonderful
sister who thinks it should be ilegal....thank God she lives in Iowa) or
with as close a relationship with ds thus shutting down unwelcome
discussions and questions. Periodicly one of them will ask how his
reading is going and I'll say "just fine" (firmly) and that keeps them
happy.
(also I guess my 1st email made it sound like we have a problem with my
parents, we really don't (and MIL lives too far away and does not
visit....plus she just ignores the fact we homeschool, would not
understand unschooling or even relaxed homeschooling and knows not to
tell me how to raise my child) I ment that in other families with
Grandparents who seem to think its any of their business what your kid
is doing this could be one way to not have to deal with endless
questions, pop quizes, and forced reading.)
It has taken years of conditioning to get my parents and MIL to this
point of leaving us alone...their training began the day my MIL fed my
exclusivly breast-fed, top of the chart 4 month old "cereal" when we
left him (along with bottles of breast milk) with her for 4 hours while
we went to dh's class reunion....she never tried to usurp our position
as parents again. Lukily my mom has always been the mom/mil that anyone
could hope for. She (which means then dad) nevers nags, criticizes or
offers advice unless asked 1st. She is this way because her mother and
MIL were always in her business and swore she would never be that way.
"Its your lives, you have to make your own decisions."
They know he has never been the kid who would do "school" stuff for them
to prove he knew something. He always hated to even sing a song he might
have learned for them ("Sing that song you sang for me for Grammy,
sweetie").
For ds this is the way he has chosen to deal with inquiries, for others
it would not work.

Truthfully I'm not mean or cruel. I would love to speard the gospel of
unschooling to everyone I know. But I do not have time nor the energy to
deal with all the angst that would go with it from some folks. Its
easier to just let them belive what they will, tell them what they need
to hear and be firm when they step over the line. maybe when ds has
grown and gone onto shine in his own special way I will take up the
fight in case he makes the same choices as a parent as we have.

Like I said. This is what works for us.
YMMV.
Julie W in AR

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