challenges, schedules and influence
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-=-If a person (and I mean anyone) could live their lives however they wanted doing whatever
they wanted, how ever they wanted, where would be the challenge? Where would be the test?-=-
Challenge is inevitable. Creating false hardship as a test is cruel.
And you do live your life doing what you want. You seem to really want to be with your child, and you're choosing to do that. I commend you for your choices there. If you doubt you're making choices, please read this:
http://sandradodd.com/choice
http://sandradodd.com/joyce/logic
http://sandradodd.com/benrules
Earlier in the same post:
-=-We lost several family members (close relations) within in few months period. It was so bewildering and life changing. We suddenly had no money. I mean, no money. It was actually quite terrifying.-=-
Wasn't that a test of everything? And naturally occurring.
-=-I believe my son is being challenged daily because he's learning to live with people and around people and compromising and finding that you don't always get your way, period. There are things that must be done, so put down that game and get to it. I need you to help with the laundry because I can't get down the steps
today. Or I need you to help with the dishes because I can't hold them. Your cat needs to be fed and you will do it... sorry, turn off the tv there are things to be done. -=-
From those specific examples, it sounds like you're doing more than asking for his help. You're telling him when and how to do the things your way. Otherwise, you could ask him to turn the game off when he gets to a good stopping place, rather than "so put down that game and get to it." Are you partners, or are you the manager and he's the employee?
Cats need to eat, but food can be put down in any thirty second window. It doesn't have to be a specific one.
-=-My son doesn't have a sense of time. He doesn't understand the passing of time until it's gone. He is always shocked when the day turns to evening and so much time has passed.-=-
Shocked in a bad way, or surprised to have had so much fun and not even noticed the time has passed? The latter isn't so bad. How many of us have read until it got too dark to read and hadn't realized how much time had passed. It's pretty cool!
-=-The idea that things fit into half an hour slots continually seems confusing to him and it makes him angry because of it. So, I say, time's up, you've been there for two hours, time to do something else 'cause Mom needs help.
-=-
Things don't "fit into half an hour slots continually." WHAT things? Half hour sitcoms, but you don't have TV. Why think of your life as half hour slots in the absence of TV? <g>
-=-So, I say, time's up, you've been there for two hours, time to do something else-=-
That's arbitrary. If you need help, you need help when you need it, and two hours isn't a real measure of need or of anything else (except those 8:00 to 10:00 p.m. movie slots on TV, and you don't have TV).
"Time to do something else" isn't a friend to natural learning, nor to peace, nor to someone's involvement in something fascinating.
-=-As far as a TV being another window to the world... in some cases I believe you are correct. But over all, it's not like that for me. That's my personal view. Whether my son would agree with that or not, I don't know,-=-
If he's free to make different decisions different days, different hours, different moments, you don't need to know. Things change. Kids' needs change.
You have an only child and you're not well. Why deprive him of a window to the world just because you don't need one? You've been to school, you've been out there. He's twelve and has no siblings and no dad. Maybe he could use TV if for no other reason than to consider situations of sibling interaction and of larger families.
-=-So, I think, really, the larger issue here, the bigger debate, would be whether we influence our children and their choices or not? I would have to say we do. Even if we don't mean to. -=-
Yes, we influence our children all the time.
Limitations aren't "influence." They're limits.
-=-I would say that children watch us and they make their choices based on a lot different things... but they watch us and they do learn from us and we definately learn from them. We learn soooooo much from them it's amazingly wonderful. Why isn't it equally wonderful to have that available for a child?
-=-
That they can learn from their children?
That they can learn from watching and thinking?
Why should it be just one parent he's watching and thinking about and learning from?
-=-I think a little challenge is a danged good thing.
-=-
I think the world is full of challenges and parents shouldn't impose them on children.
Sandra
they wanted, how ever they wanted, where would be the challenge? Where would be the test?-=-
Challenge is inevitable. Creating false hardship as a test is cruel.
And you do live your life doing what you want. You seem to really want to be with your child, and you're choosing to do that. I commend you for your choices there. If you doubt you're making choices, please read this:
http://sandradodd.com/choice
http://sandradodd.com/joyce/logic
http://sandradodd.com/benrules
Earlier in the same post:
-=-We lost several family members (close relations) within in few months period. It was so bewildering and life changing. We suddenly had no money. I mean, no money. It was actually quite terrifying.-=-
Wasn't that a test of everything? And naturally occurring.
-=-I believe my son is being challenged daily because he's learning to live with people and around people and compromising and finding that you don't always get your way, period. There are things that must be done, so put down that game and get to it. I need you to help with the laundry because I can't get down the steps
today. Or I need you to help with the dishes because I can't hold them. Your cat needs to be fed and you will do it... sorry, turn off the tv there are things to be done. -=-
From those specific examples, it sounds like you're doing more than asking for his help. You're telling him when and how to do the things your way. Otherwise, you could ask him to turn the game off when he gets to a good stopping place, rather than "so put down that game and get to it." Are you partners, or are you the manager and he's the employee?
Cats need to eat, but food can be put down in any thirty second window. It doesn't have to be a specific one.
-=-My son doesn't have a sense of time. He doesn't understand the passing of time until it's gone. He is always shocked when the day turns to evening and so much time has passed.-=-
Shocked in a bad way, or surprised to have had so much fun and not even noticed the time has passed? The latter isn't so bad. How many of us have read until it got too dark to read and hadn't realized how much time had passed. It's pretty cool!
-=-The idea that things fit into half an hour slots continually seems confusing to him and it makes him angry because of it. So, I say, time's up, you've been there for two hours, time to do something else 'cause Mom needs help.
-=-
Things don't "fit into half an hour slots continually." WHAT things? Half hour sitcoms, but you don't have TV. Why think of your life as half hour slots in the absence of TV? <g>
-=-So, I say, time's up, you've been there for two hours, time to do something else-=-
That's arbitrary. If you need help, you need help when you need it, and two hours isn't a real measure of need or of anything else (except those 8:00 to 10:00 p.m. movie slots on TV, and you don't have TV).
"Time to do something else" isn't a friend to natural learning, nor to peace, nor to someone's involvement in something fascinating.
-=-As far as a TV being another window to the world... in some cases I believe you are correct. But over all, it's not like that for me. That's my personal view. Whether my son would agree with that or not, I don't know,-=-
If he's free to make different decisions different days, different hours, different moments, you don't need to know. Things change. Kids' needs change.
You have an only child and you're not well. Why deprive him of a window to the world just because you don't need one? You've been to school, you've been out there. He's twelve and has no siblings and no dad. Maybe he could use TV if for no other reason than to consider situations of sibling interaction and of larger families.
-=-So, I think, really, the larger issue here, the bigger debate, would be whether we influence our children and their choices or not? I would have to say we do. Even if we don't mean to. -=-
Yes, we influence our children all the time.
Limitations aren't "influence." They're limits.
-=-I would say that children watch us and they make their choices based on a lot different things... but they watch us and they do learn from us and we definately learn from them. We learn soooooo much from them it's amazingly wonderful. Why isn't it equally wonderful to have that available for a child?
-=-
That they can learn from their children?
That they can learn from watching and thinking?
Why should it be just one parent he's watching and thinking about and learning from?
-=-I think a little challenge is a danged good thing.
-=-
I think the world is full of challenges and parents shouldn't impose them on children.
Sandra