Hi, Im new!
somedayhomefree
Hi, I recently pulled my kids out of school after a very frustrating
and after too many humiliating experiences for them.
My oldest (9) just was completely frustrated. She has epilepsy and she
went from gifted to "maybe she isnt doing well because 5th grade is
just harder" No she isnt doing well because she feels abused by her
teacher, misunderstood and not respected. She has difficulty with
memory and speed in timed work and just couldnt perform well within
guidelines that were useless. I got tired of seeing my daughter in
tears as her happiness and self esteem plummeted.
I have one child who I kept in school, he is 5 and luckily in special
ed. (ADHD, mild PDD-Nos from meningitis in infancy or maybe he just is
because thats the way the Lord made him. Who knows. :) ) They plan to
mainstream him next year with special therapies during his recess, gym
time etc. Which I take to mean that they wont be giving him what he
needs and he will eventually fall into the cracks. I plan to bring him
home then. Right now he needs the therapies they can provide daily.
Speech, occupational therapy etc.
My other son who came home is 7. He still hasnt learned to read, and
he doesnt seem to care to yet. I insisted in kindergarten when they
wanted to hold him back that they absolutely would not do such a
thing! That there were too many studies that suggested it would only
hurt him. He was aware of the idea and it only upset him, Way more
than I thought he needed to care about at his age! That and being that
is younger brother and him would end up in the same grade! So they
promoted him to first and it was a disaster. He wasnt paying
attention, all he wanted to do was draw, he plays well but he still
cant tell the difference between visual letters. He hasnt learned any
more of the 13 alphabet sounds than he knew last year and he cried all
the time saying he loved his friends at school but he didnt want to
go. So we had him tested for special ed. Sure enough he is too smart
after all, so even though he isnt learning anything and at this rate
he would be behind next year by 3 years... He doesnt qualify yet. Then
it finally occurred to me how ridiculous this was! I should watch my
son fail through school, let them hold him back until they finally
promote him for age and then after we have wasted years he will
qualify. No thanks. My son is the brightest child I have. His
imiagination is endless and his mind always wondering, always asking.
He is such an awesome little artist and his personality so sweet but I
was seeing it slowly but surely crushed and discouraged.
Then the other 2 not yet old enough for school but will never go. I
just cant wait to see all of their potential completely uninhibited by
the school system! I brought them home after long consideration.
Maybe a full year. I had yearned for a closer relationship with them,
one that took losing one child to fully appreciate. To really see and
know how little time we have and how much I just love being with them.
What we now know to be real happiness. But I didnt want to make any
rash decisions because of our grieving.
So two years later here we are, I took them out of school a few months
ago and I did so much searching for the "perfect" curriculum. I
thought I had found it with Weaver and so our journey began. This
didnt last long. It didnt feel right. The kids were learning more &
more, and I was so proud of my decision and how well I was I was
getting through to them! Each day though I dreaded the lessons and so
did they. I couldnt find a way to fit everything into a reasonable
(home)school day and managed to take away the whole day. They werent
living any more than they were at school, and they were listening less
to me each day. I saw it.
I broke down and one day while my husband was sleeping (he works third
in order to see us more) I broke down and felt like such a failure I
called the school and asked what I had to do to re-enroll them. To my
utter shock my husband who I had thought was sleeping sat up and told
me no way, dont do it! (This is the man who took forever to convince
and doubted everything) He said, " The kids are learning so much!"
Thats when I told him, I couldnt do it this way anymore. More & more
the days were becoming dreaded. We had to try something new. So I read
more about the Montessori method, unschooling, waldorf etc and thought
unschooling seems so natural. Its what many days have become anyway
when I couldnt bear to bore the kids today. LOL
Unschooling makes so much sense to my husband. He is laid back and go
with the flow and very open minded. Im the control freak, the worrier.
I want so badly to unschool, it feels right! In the back of mind
though, I just keep hoping Im not setting them up to be gas station
attendants. I dont seem to "get" how these kids are going to be ok if
they never learn algebra or if they never WANT to learn algebra. Ive
read a lot, I know theres simple answers from Sandra Dodd about these
ridiculous questions but I cant let it go.
So today I just kept reminding myself that I didnt have to teach any
of these kids to walk & talk, they WANTED to. They want to learn and
it doesnt have to be by societys standards, or uncomfortable shoved
down their throats learning. We got up, they played a few board games,
we went to the library and picked up tons of books on tape that my son
loves to do and my daughter got one (on her own!) about Frank Lloyd
Wright and she asked for some picture books to read to her littlest
brother. (Ofcourse somewhere in there I threw in how Matthew should
feel free to let me know when it is that he "wants" me to help him
learn to read. They then went to gymnastics, bought a cake for their
brothers birthday. Threw him a surprise party and helped clean up the
house. They folded and put away their own laundry which I wash. They
helped cook dinner. Followed by movies, (none educational) but kid
movies. Another attempt at a board game which was abruptly ended by
fighting amongst them. Some internet sites, like M& M's, American Girl
etc. A few books on tape, eventually went to bed with some urging
about 1 am. I loved today! It was natural and wondefully peaceful. It
totally flowed the way living feels it should be.
So here I am now, searching for more reassurances that our day was
normal for an unschooler, what I shouldve done better, what I didnt do
and what else I NEED to know! Wondering how I can justify "literally"
teaching them nothing. Please help me.
Samantha
and after too many humiliating experiences for them.
My oldest (9) just was completely frustrated. She has epilepsy and she
went from gifted to "maybe she isnt doing well because 5th grade is
just harder" No she isnt doing well because she feels abused by her
teacher, misunderstood and not respected. She has difficulty with
memory and speed in timed work and just couldnt perform well within
guidelines that were useless. I got tired of seeing my daughter in
tears as her happiness and self esteem plummeted.
I have one child who I kept in school, he is 5 and luckily in special
ed. (ADHD, mild PDD-Nos from meningitis in infancy or maybe he just is
because thats the way the Lord made him. Who knows. :) ) They plan to
mainstream him next year with special therapies during his recess, gym
time etc. Which I take to mean that they wont be giving him what he
needs and he will eventually fall into the cracks. I plan to bring him
home then. Right now he needs the therapies they can provide daily.
Speech, occupational therapy etc.
My other son who came home is 7. He still hasnt learned to read, and
he doesnt seem to care to yet. I insisted in kindergarten when they
wanted to hold him back that they absolutely would not do such a
thing! That there were too many studies that suggested it would only
hurt him. He was aware of the idea and it only upset him, Way more
than I thought he needed to care about at his age! That and being that
is younger brother and him would end up in the same grade! So they
promoted him to first and it was a disaster. He wasnt paying
attention, all he wanted to do was draw, he plays well but he still
cant tell the difference between visual letters. He hasnt learned any
more of the 13 alphabet sounds than he knew last year and he cried all
the time saying he loved his friends at school but he didnt want to
go. So we had him tested for special ed. Sure enough he is too smart
after all, so even though he isnt learning anything and at this rate
he would be behind next year by 3 years... He doesnt qualify yet. Then
it finally occurred to me how ridiculous this was! I should watch my
son fail through school, let them hold him back until they finally
promote him for age and then after we have wasted years he will
qualify. No thanks. My son is the brightest child I have. His
imiagination is endless and his mind always wondering, always asking.
He is such an awesome little artist and his personality so sweet but I
was seeing it slowly but surely crushed and discouraged.
Then the other 2 not yet old enough for school but will never go. I
just cant wait to see all of their potential completely uninhibited by
the school system! I brought them home after long consideration.
Maybe a full year. I had yearned for a closer relationship with them,
one that took losing one child to fully appreciate. To really see and
know how little time we have and how much I just love being with them.
What we now know to be real happiness. But I didnt want to make any
rash decisions because of our grieving.
So two years later here we are, I took them out of school a few months
ago and I did so much searching for the "perfect" curriculum. I
thought I had found it with Weaver and so our journey began. This
didnt last long. It didnt feel right. The kids were learning more &
more, and I was so proud of my decision and how well I was I was
getting through to them! Each day though I dreaded the lessons and so
did they. I couldnt find a way to fit everything into a reasonable
(home)school day and managed to take away the whole day. They werent
living any more than they were at school, and they were listening less
to me each day. I saw it.
I broke down and one day while my husband was sleeping (he works third
in order to see us more) I broke down and felt like such a failure I
called the school and asked what I had to do to re-enroll them. To my
utter shock my husband who I had thought was sleeping sat up and told
me no way, dont do it! (This is the man who took forever to convince
and doubted everything) He said, " The kids are learning so much!"
Thats when I told him, I couldnt do it this way anymore. More & more
the days were becoming dreaded. We had to try something new. So I read
more about the Montessori method, unschooling, waldorf etc and thought
unschooling seems so natural. Its what many days have become anyway
when I couldnt bear to bore the kids today. LOL
Unschooling makes so much sense to my husband. He is laid back and go
with the flow and very open minded. Im the control freak, the worrier.
I want so badly to unschool, it feels right! In the back of mind
though, I just keep hoping Im not setting them up to be gas station
attendants. I dont seem to "get" how these kids are going to be ok if
they never learn algebra or if they never WANT to learn algebra. Ive
read a lot, I know theres simple answers from Sandra Dodd about these
ridiculous questions but I cant let it go.
So today I just kept reminding myself that I didnt have to teach any
of these kids to walk & talk, they WANTED to. They want to learn and
it doesnt have to be by societys standards, or uncomfortable shoved
down their throats learning. We got up, they played a few board games,
we went to the library and picked up tons of books on tape that my son
loves to do and my daughter got one (on her own!) about Frank Lloyd
Wright and she asked for some picture books to read to her littlest
brother. (Ofcourse somewhere in there I threw in how Matthew should
feel free to let me know when it is that he "wants" me to help him
learn to read. They then went to gymnastics, bought a cake for their
brothers birthday. Threw him a surprise party and helped clean up the
house. They folded and put away their own laundry which I wash. They
helped cook dinner. Followed by movies, (none educational) but kid
movies. Another attempt at a board game which was abruptly ended by
fighting amongst them. Some internet sites, like M& M's, American Girl
etc. A few books on tape, eventually went to bed with some urging
about 1 am. I loved today! It was natural and wondefully peaceful. It
totally flowed the way living feels it should be.
So here I am now, searching for more reassurances that our day was
normal for an unschooler, what I shouldve done better, what I didnt do
and what else I NEED to know! Wondering how I can justify "literally"
teaching them nothing. Please help me.
Samantha
Angela S
How did you learn about unschooling? Did someone teach you all about it or
did you have an interest and follow it, learning as you went? Your kids
will learn in the same way, without you teaching them. However, I think
unschooling parents have an important role to play in their children's
lives. They need to be connected with them and tuned in, so they can see
their kids' interests and help them navigate the world to feed those
interests.
Good for you for taking your kids out of school. Each day will look
different and each unschooling family will have different interests. It's
about helping your kids to follow *their* interests and not comparing them
to other children of the same age. Give yourself the gift of time. Start
by thinking to yourself that you are taking a couple months off and make
sure you don't push anything on them during that time. When that time
period ends, you should feel more secure in unschooling if you've noted in
your head all the things that they learned without your teaching. Just
don't expect unschooling learning to look like school work. They probably
won't sit down and do math worksheets, but they might play games involving
math or figure out how much money they need to buy something. Real life
math.
Angela
game-enthusiast@....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
did you have an interest and follow it, learning as you went? Your kids
will learn in the same way, without you teaching them. However, I think
unschooling parents have an important role to play in their children's
lives. They need to be connected with them and tuned in, so they can see
their kids' interests and help them navigate the world to feed those
interests.
Good for you for taking your kids out of school. Each day will look
different and each unschooling family will have different interests. It's
about helping your kids to follow *their* interests and not comparing them
to other children of the same age. Give yourself the gift of time. Start
by thinking to yourself that you are taking a couple months off and make
sure you don't push anything on them during that time. When that time
period ends, you should feel more secure in unschooling if you've noted in
your head all the things that they learned without your teaching. Just
don't expect unschooling learning to look like school work. They probably
won't sit down and do math worksheets, but they might play games involving
math or figure out how much money they need to buy something. Real life
math.
Angela
game-enthusiast@....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/19/2005 6:22:14 AM Eastern Standard Time,
somedayhomefree@... writes:
That day was normal for your unschooling family. I think everyone's family
will be different. There is no form fit. That's what makes it wonderful.
Every day has new experiences.
You may be "literally" NOT using a curriculum and NOT teaching or talking AT
them. But they will learn many, many things. Naturally.
Example: Our 7 year old has been in Kindergarten. He knew tons of things
before and knew less when he came home. The way he learned before was natural,
by exposure and everyday life. While there he learned to learn their way,
their speed. Learning to learn is absurd! Our 3 year old, never in any school,
seems like he knows nothing because if you ask him a color, or number, etc.,
he plays with you an acts like he doesn't know. But if he plays a game or does
a puzzle or whatever, you hear him saying the colors and counting. It's
hilarious, it's his way. He hides what he knows, while my other one is very
likely to tell you everything he knows, ALL DAY LONG :o)
I would say that some deschooling would be good. Let go of all schoolie
things as much as possible and let them rediscover that childhood freedom. Help
them follow their interests and/or find the resources they need to learn more
about whatever it may be.
HTH
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
somedayhomefree@... writes:
> So here I am now, searching for more reassurances that our day wasCongrats on your decision.
> normal for an unschooler, what I shouldve done better, what I didnt do
> and what else I NEED to know! Wondering how I can justify "literally"
> teaching them nothing. Please help me.
That day was normal for your unschooling family. I think everyone's family
will be different. There is no form fit. That's what makes it wonderful.
Every day has new experiences.
You may be "literally" NOT using a curriculum and NOT teaching or talking AT
them. But they will learn many, many things. Naturally.
Example: Our 7 year old has been in Kindergarten. He knew tons of things
before and knew less when he came home. The way he learned before was natural,
by exposure and everyday life. While there he learned to learn their way,
their speed. Learning to learn is absurd! Our 3 year old, never in any school,
seems like he knows nothing because if you ask him a color, or number, etc.,
he plays with you an acts like he doesn't know. But if he plays a game or does
a puzzle or whatever, you hear him saying the colors and counting. It's
hilarious, it's his way. He hides what he knows, while my other one is very
likely to tell you everything he knows, ALL DAY LONG :o)
I would say that some deschooling would be good. Let go of all schoolie
things as much as possible and let them rediscover that childhood freedom. Help
them follow their interests and/or find the resources they need to learn more
about whatever it may be.
HTH
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Hill
**No she isnt doing well because she feels abused by her teacher,
misunderstood and not respected.**
Hi, Samantha --
That's really hard! I'm glad you were able to understand her struggle
and look for an alternative for her.
While you may find some of the advice on this list surprising, the good
news is you won't find anyone who will say and think that your daughter
should just "suck it up" and be miserable because "that's what life is
like" and learning to write book reports or multiply fractions is
vital. We won't say that learnining gain must come from pain. So we
can really support you in removing your daughter from an awful situation.
**Which I take to mean that they wont be giving him what he needs and he
will eventually fall into the cracks. I plan to bring him home then.**
I had a friend who had a young son who was getting some preschool
therapies. When she told me how helpful his teachers were, I always
said "Great!" and was supportive. But I tried to subtly prepare her to
watch out for that point when the teachers (may) stop working for the
child and start working against the child. Sounds like your thoughts
and mine are in alignment on that issue. The therapists need to be
attempting to serve the child's interests, not making the child serve
the system.
**Sure enough he is too smart after all, so even though he isnt learning
anything and at this rate he would be behind next year by 3 years...**
Fortunately, outside of school, a kid can learn tons of stuff without
being able to read a textbook or worksheet. My son learns a lot of
information about science and history watching documentaries. (He's
10. He picked up reading at about age 7, but wasn't in school competing
with other kids and had no sense of being "late". )
**To really see and know how little time we have and how much I just
love being with them. What we now know to be real happiness.**
This is the crucial part. It was really great to read your post and
feel your passion.
**In the back of mind though, I just keep hoping Im not setting them up
to be gas station attendants. I dont seem to "get" how these kids are
going to be ok if they never learn algebra or if they never WANT to
learn algebra.
I don't teach my son math (and we don't bump into it accidentally very
often), but on the treadmill this week he told me that walking at a
speed 3mph it would take him 5 minutes to walk one quarter of a mile.
(I thought this was pretty sophisticated. He's 10.)
OK, my worst case scenario response is that if I imagine my son as a 25
year old gas station attendant, I know I am willing to still have him at
home and still feed him if he finally gets the desire to go to community
college and "prepare" for a more rewarding job. I have friends whose 21
year old (schooled through 12th grade) son is following his passion and
trying to make a living as a ballet dancer. They know that this is a
long shot because it is a low-paying field and few rise to the top. In
their family there is no shame if he does this for some years and then
comes back home, for financial support, while he transitions into
something else. (In families where parents are determined to kick kids
out at age 18 there is more deadline pressure, but I don't have to
create that in my family, I can be more flexible.)
Betsy
misunderstood and not respected.**
Hi, Samantha --
That's really hard! I'm glad you were able to understand her struggle
and look for an alternative for her.
While you may find some of the advice on this list surprising, the good
news is you won't find anyone who will say and think that your daughter
should just "suck it up" and be miserable because "that's what life is
like" and learning to write book reports or multiply fractions is
vital. We won't say that learnining gain must come from pain. So we
can really support you in removing your daughter from an awful situation.
**Which I take to mean that they wont be giving him what he needs and he
will eventually fall into the cracks. I plan to bring him home then.**
I had a friend who had a young son who was getting some preschool
therapies. When she told me how helpful his teachers were, I always
said "Great!" and was supportive. But I tried to subtly prepare her to
watch out for that point when the teachers (may) stop working for the
child and start working against the child. Sounds like your thoughts
and mine are in alignment on that issue. The therapists need to be
attempting to serve the child's interests, not making the child serve
the system.
**Sure enough he is too smart after all, so even though he isnt learning
anything and at this rate he would be behind next year by 3 years...**
Fortunately, outside of school, a kid can learn tons of stuff without
being able to read a textbook or worksheet. My son learns a lot of
information about science and history watching documentaries. (He's
10. He picked up reading at about age 7, but wasn't in school competing
with other kids and had no sense of being "late". )
**To really see and know how little time we have and how much I just
love being with them. What we now know to be real happiness.**
This is the crucial part. It was really great to read your post and
feel your passion.
**In the back of mind though, I just keep hoping Im not setting them up
to be gas station attendants. I dont seem to "get" how these kids are
going to be ok if they never learn algebra or if they never WANT to
learn algebra.
I don't teach my son math (and we don't bump into it accidentally very
often), but on the treadmill this week he told me that walking at a
speed 3mph it would take him 5 minutes to walk one quarter of a mile.
(I thought this was pretty sophisticated. He's 10.)
OK, my worst case scenario response is that if I imagine my son as a 25
year old gas station attendant, I know I am willing to still have him at
home and still feed him if he finally gets the desire to go to community
college and "prepare" for a more rewarding job. I have friends whose 21
year old (schooled through 12th grade) son is following his passion and
trying to make a living as a ballet dancer. They know that this is a
long shot because it is a low-paying field and few rise to the top. In
their family there is no shame if he does this for some years and then
comes back home, for financial support, while he transitions into
something else. (In families where parents are determined to kick kids
out at age 18 there is more deadline pressure, but I don't have to
create that in my family, I can be more flexible.)
Betsy