Rue Kream

Rowan's having a lot of fun on this site today. She likes both the group
and single user versions. I should probably mention that people do write
f*** pretty regularly.

http://web.okaygo.co.uk/apps/letters/flashcom/

~Rue

Kristina Kahney

My kids, normally, play together very well. Almost always roll playing with a theme, like let's play the "Thunderbirds" game or "Harry Potter", and it goes on from there. However, in the last few months it's beginning to feel like they're not getting along as well anymore. I'm thinking it's mainly transition from a new baby (3 months ago) coupled with several illnesses and lousy weather, and know these problems will all be addressed in time.

My main obstacle right now is name calling. It started out here and there (and one child does it much more than the others) but it has escalated into the first way they deal with one another when they are frustrated. My husband and I of course never call names to them or one another, not even in teasing, so it's frustrating for us to see them treating one another (and us) in such a hurtful way. Though, being occupied with the baby I'm not always able to be right there when a frustration begins to help them talk it out. Sometimes I'm able to get there, and others I'm in the other room and only hear it when it gets to the yelling, name calling level.

My child that can be "explosive", is the one I have the hardest time with. Just this morning his clothes weren't dry and I was met with "you didn't dry my clothes stupid mommy!". (he's nearly 6). A typical response from me would be "I can see your upset that your clothes are still wet but I do not care to be spoken to like that. It's not a very effective way to get me to help you and get what you want. When your calm let's talk and we'll figure things out." Or something like that. If I try and sit down and talk with him while he's angry he'll continue calling names or it might turn into him throwing things on the floor or at me (though not as much anymore). When he's upset he needs space, and we do our talking later.

But, even with talking, seemingly all the time, about how powerful our words are and how they are not meant to be used to hurt one another and what better feeling words would be that we could use, the name calling just doesn't seem to stop! Even my 3 year old is now telling people to shut-up and calling people stupid! This has to end, I told my kids tonight that our house isn't enjoyable to be in when everybody's speaking like this, and I mean it!

They know it's my hot button and with a new baby I realize it's probably their way of getting my attention. But, it's so hard because it throws me back to all of the old stuff I was raised with and makes me feel like tossing them in their rooms for awhile so I don't have to be called names myself, or hear them do it to each other.

I have to do something different, and I just don't know what. Please tell me others have been through this and that there's hope! The two main things that I have a very difficult time with is the kids hurting one another with words or language, and hurting one another's property. And these seem to happen way too often.

To top it off, I've got a whole extended family breathing down my neck telling me the kids are bored and they wouldn't be doing this kind of stuff if they were in school where there's some "real discipline", as my dad puts it. My kids are more bored than usual right now because we're not getting out as much with the baby, the weather's been crappy and we've been sick often over the last couple of months. I know that plays a part of the root problem, but I also need some suggestions for when it happens...in the moment.

How can I handle this in a non coercive way?
Thanks so much~
Kristina
Mama to Caitlin (71/2), Liam (almost 6), Keenan (almost 4), Sophia (2), and Kira (3 months)





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kristina Kahney

I'm also having a difficult time with trying to figure out tv arrangements. My 7 1/2 yr old really likes exciting, slightly scary, kind of things and we're trying to figure out how to create a space for her to do this. Our TV and DVD player are in the main living area of our house. Our living area and kitchen are all kind of together and this is where we are the majority of the day. When somebody is watching tv there, it's difficult for the younger children to get away from it if they're scared because I'm usually in this area and they want to be with me.

Solutions we've discussed are: add a dvd to the small master bedroom tv so she can watch in there, get her a tv/dvd combo for her own room (but then boys will want one in their room too, so this would really be getting two tv/dvd combos).

My only concern to adding tvs to their bedrooms is that I would prefer to watch and talk with them instead of them closing themselves up in their room to watch. But, maybe we'll still do both, especially after the novelty of having it in their room wore off?

I want to give them the space to watch tv and movies as they choose, but also need our living area to be peaceful and quiet for younger children during the day.

Any suggestions or comments on this one?
Thanks again.
Kristina
Mama to Caitlin (7 1/2), Liam (almost 6), Keenan (almost 4), Sophia (2), and Kira (3 months)

Rue Kream <skreams@...> wrote:
Rowan's having a lot of fun on this site today. She likes both the group
and single user versions. I should probably mention that people do write
f*** pretty regularly.

http://web.okaygo.co.uk/apps/letters/flashcom/

~Rue



"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.

Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

<<<<<My only concern to adding tvs to their bedrooms is that I would prefer
to watch and talk with them instead of them closing themselves up in their
room to watch. But, maybe we'll still do both, especially after the novelty
of having it in their room wore off?

I want to give them the space to watch tv and movies as they choose, but
also need our living area to be peaceful and quiet for younger children
during the day.>>>>

I'm not sure I have a solution, but I can tell you of our experience with
something similar. We got Jayn her own tv/dvd for her little sanctuary, but
with rare exceptions she refuses to watch it. Why? Because the screen is too
small and not as sharp as the nice big TV in the living room. Secondarily
she usually wants me to be near her when she is watching movies, even ones
she has seen numerous times.

We recently got a new flat screen HD screen for the bedroom, so that is now
equal or better to the living room set. It will be interesting to see how
the division of tv watching develops.

BTW she has pretty much stopped doing that switch off game that I posted
about a while ago.

Robyn L. Coburn


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Jill Leggett

We put a tv, vcr, dvd, and PS2 in our son's room so that he can watch
whatever whenever. He still prefers to be "with the family"
downstairs, but when I've just "had it" with the noise, I can ask him
to take it to his room. Sometimes he still objects, but at least he
has an option. After all, consideration for others is part of life.

mamaaj2000

What I have relearned this last week...

You can't make them change today. They are going to continue name
calling today. Think about that for a minute and accept that you
can't change their channel to "polite children."

You can, however, change what you do. Telling them to stop hasn't
been working. Connect. If ds complains rudely, ignore the rude part,
and see the upset child. Pull him close and sympathize.

What I found was that when I stopped reacting to all the crap that
was going on around here and instead saw those kids I love with all
my heart--regardless of their current words and actions--I suddenly
saw the glass as half full again and had a lot more love to give.

And suprise, suprise, with a mom who's smiling and giving more hugs
there's less grumpiness all around. Still some, but now they can
change gears back to loving each other and me more quickly.

They know name calling or hitting is rude. Reminding them every time
they do it can sometimes just get in the way of connecting with them.
If they feel connected to you and each other, they won't have as much
need to call each other names. It can be very hard to ignore it in
the moment, but try.

If you started disiplining more, they would do more stuff behind your
back and develop skills at "getting away with it."

--aj


--- In [email protected], Kristina Kahney
<kkahney@y...> wrote:
>
> But, even with talking, seemingly all the time, about how powerful
our words are and how they are not meant to be used to hurt one
another and what better feeling words would be that we could use, the
name calling just doesn't seem to stop!
>
> To top it off, I've got a whole extended family breathing down my
neck telling me the kids are bored and they wouldn't be doing this
kind of stuff if they were in school where there's some "real
discipline", as my dad puts it. My kids are more bored than usual
right now because we're not getting out as much with the baby, the
weather's been crappy and we've been sick often over the last couple
of months. I know that plays a part of the root problem, but I also
need some suggestions for when it happens...in the moment.

Elizabeth Hill

** My child that can be "explosive", is the one I have the hardest time
with. Just this morning his clothes weren't dry and I was met with "you
didn't dry my clothes stupid mommy!". (he's nearly 6). A typical
response from me would be "I can see your upset that your clothes are
still wet but I do not care to be spoken to like that. It's not a very
effective way to get me to help you and get what you want. When your
calm let's talk and we'll figure things out."**

I think what you said is very reasonable. I just want to point out that
it's long.

I hope the other posters will have other suggestions.

** To top it off, I've got a whole extended family breathing down my
neck telling me the kids are bored and they wouldn't be doing this kind
of stuff if they were in school where there's some "real discipline", as
my dad puts it.**

That would drive me bonkers, too! Feel free to give your dad a really
long lecture about how this isn't his business. (In this case, the
longer the better! He's not six, and he deserves it. <g>)

One thing I did realize when I was frustrated with nursing or the family
bed was that I had to carefully pick who I went to for support. (Coming
here's good for this question.) Other attachment parents would offer
support and suggestions that were suitable to me. But more traditional
family members were likely to jump to the quick "solutions" of our
mainstream culture (like let the baby cry it out! Heck, no!) You
don't have to lie to your dad and pretend that life is totally smooth
and that you are well rested, but maybe projecting confidence that you
are using the right approach, treating your kids the way they deserve to
be treated, will make him see you as less vulnerable? I hope?

Betsy

Deb Lewis

***When somebody is watching tv there, it's difficult for the younger
children to get away from it if they're scared ***

I like Elissa's idea about headphones. That'd be one fairly inexpensive
thing to try first, anyway.

Could you get another small TV for the main living area? Tuck it away in
a cozy corner for your older daughter and then even if the other kids
wanted to watch something on the other TV you'd all still be in the same
area? A portable dvd player, maybe? (with headphones<g>)

***My only concern to adding tvs to their bedrooms is that I would prefer
to watch and talk with them instead of them closing themselves up in
their room to watch. But, maybe we'll still do both, especially after the
novelty of having it in their room wore off?***

I think so. I think your kids will prefer to watch where you are,
especially at their ages. But it will give them options. There will
still be things you'll all want to watch together. There are three of us
and we have three TVs. Mostly, when we all watch, we're watching the
same thing on one TV. <g>

When you know someone is watching in their own room you could wander in
for a little snuggle and a quick chat about what's going on in the movie.
If your visit to the private viewing also included snacks you would be
most welcome! <g>

Deb L

mamaaj2000

--- In [email protected], Deb Lewis
<ddzimlew@j...> wrote:
A portable dvd player, maybe? (with headphones<g>)

For the most flexibility, we got a portable DVD player with 2
screens. It will work plugged into the car, run on a rechargable
battery and plug into the house electricity.

I like the idea of making a "scary movie nest" in one (or more)
corners in the house. Easy to avoid if someone doesn't want to be
scared, but also snug and secure if one wants to be a little scared!

--aj

Joni Zander

<<I'm also having a difficult time with trying to figure out tv
arrangements. My 7 1/2 yr old really likes exciting, slightly scary,
kind of things and we're trying to figure out how to create a space for
her to do this. Our TV and DVD player are in the main living area of
our house. >>

If it is just DVD's that your oldest wants to watch (that are not
appropriate for the younger ones) could she watch on your computer?
Ours has a DVD player and we often have a movie going on in the office
and TV in the family room.

Joni Zander
FotoCEO@...

mamaaj2000

--- In [email protected], Joni Zander
<fotoceo@c...> wrote:
>
> If it is just DVD's that your oldest wants to watch (that are not
> appropriate for the younger ones) could she watch on your
computer?
> Ours has a DVD player and we often have a movie going on in the
office
> and TV in the family room.

Yeh, I think for the price of two tv/dvd combos, you could get a new
computer! Maybe not, I'm not sure how cheap you can get the combos,
but worth looking into...

Pam Sorooshian

On Feb 2, 2005, at 11:48 PM, Kristina Kahney wrote:

> Solutions we've discussed are: add a dvd to the small master bedroom
> tv so she can watch in there, get her a tv/dvd combo for her own room
> (but then boys will want one in their room too, so this would really
> be getting two tv/dvd combos).

I'd get one for your master bedroom - we did that long ago and it
worked out well. I had the same concerns about wanting to hang with
them and be there seeing what they're seeing, etc. But, you have FIVE
kids, sweetie. Even with just three kids, I discovered that finding
ways to give them space to do their own thing, without imposing on
others, was a critical part of my role. Helping the kids have a place
to watch tv or movies out of the hustle and bustle of all those other
kids is a simple and very very kind and useful gift you can give them.
>
> My only concern to adding tvs to their bedrooms is that I would prefer
> to watch and talk with them instead of them closing themselves up in
> their room to watch. But, maybe we'll still do both, especially after
> the novelty of having it in their room wore off?

Don't make the mistake of thinking that the family needs to be hanging
around together all the time. Watch, instead, for chances to support
their needs for solitude and privacy and just quieter space to do some
things - that is going to be harder to come by in your family than
togetherness. The ability to get away from each other will help them
get along WAY better.

And - I'm guessing that this post is relevant to your previous question
about namecalling and so on, too.

You're going to have sibling rivalry, almost for sure. Steel yourself.
They are very close in age and they're not going to have the luxury of
their time and space being "their own," and they're going to resent it,
to some degree. There are other wonderful things about having siblings
and I am sure they'll appreciate that, too, but don't stick your own
head in the sand and pretend that it isn't often a big pain to have to
share their time and space and parent's time and energy with all those
other kids. Some kids will cope better and others will be desperate for
space and solitude.

Read "Siblings Without Rivalry" now - and then read it again and again.
It'll help a LOT.

-pam

robin marcoccia

Thanks so much! I really needed to hear this today,,,,

-Robin


You can't make them change today.

You can, however, change what you do. Connect.

What I found was that when I stopped reacting to all the crap that
was going on around here and instead saw those kids I love with all
my heart--regardless of their current words and actions--I suddenly
saw the glass as half full again






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The Bartels

>You can't make them change today. They are going to continue name
calling today. Think about >that for a minute and accept that you can't
change their channel to "polite children."
>You can, however, change what you do. Telling them to stop hasn't been
working. Connect. If ds >complains rudely, ignore the rude part, and see
the upset child. Pull him close and sympathize.

oh gosh...thanks for this timely reminder!!! shifting from *how to
change them* to *how can i change my reaction*...brilliant! :)

>What I found was that when I stopped reacting to all the crap that was
going on around here and >instead saw those kids I love with all my
heart--regardless of their current words and actions--I >suddenly saw
the glass as half full again and had a lot more love to give.

note to self: stop reacting to crap, focus on people

>And suprise, suprise, with a mom who's smiling and giving more hugs
there's less grumpiness all >around. Still some, but now they can change
gears back to loving each other and me more >quickly.

the real key...we can either be part of the problem or part of the
solution. be light, be loving, be open! it never ceases to amaze me
just how quickly i turn from happy go-lucky me to psycho-dominating *you
can't TALK to people like that!* i have to remember that these
undesirable behaviors are not who my kids are...not even in the moment
that they're acting that way. they're simply kids who don't have better
tools to use. too bad they live with parents who are similarly lacking
in tools!

>They know name calling or hitting is rude. Reminding them every time
they do it can sometimes >just get in the way of connecting with them.
If they feel connected to you and each other, they >won't have as much
need to call each other names. It can be very hard to ignore it in the
moment, >but try.

this is the part that seems to really trip me up! i want to trust that
my children know that treating others disrepectfully (ie. hitting,
calling names,etc.) is NOT ok, but it's hard to trust that notion when
they're acting otherwise. i need to give my kids the benefit of the
doubt, allow them room to learn from their slip-ups, and lend the
guidance (not the lecturing!) to fixing things when they get out of
control. ultimately, connecting with my kids is more important...no doubt.

>If you started disiplining more, they would do more stuff behind your
back and develop skills at >"getting away with it."

yeah, um...let's not start that! i see too many kids with a
disintegrated ability to communicate with their parents (heck, i grew up
like that myself!) i know i don't want to create that dynamic...so
onward i plod, trying to open myself even more to being where my kids
are instead of expecting them to be *perfect* or *polite*.

i can't tell you how much your letter helped me today. :)

thanks, aj!
-lisa

Fetteroll

on 2/3/05 2:33 PM, The Bartels at ecotopian@... wrote:

> this is the part that seems to really trip me up! i want to trust that
> my children know that treating others disrepectfully (ie. hitting,
> calling names,etc.) is NOT ok, but it's hard to trust that notion when
> they're acting otherwise.

Is there anything that you know you should do but don't always act as though
you know?

I know I shouldn't leave the kitchen with something on the stove. I *know*
I'll get distracted. And yet I still leave the kitchen. And I usually regret
it.

The day goes much smoother if I take a shower as soon as I get up and not
wait until my daughter wakes up. But I really want to get writing in the
morning and I have to pass the computer to get to the bathroom. And the
light takes minutes sometimes to turn on so just a few minutes on the
computer while I wait ... Yeah, right.

People yelling at me or getting frustrated with me wouldn't help and only
whittle away at their relationship with me.

Joyce

Kristina Kahney

mamaaj2000 <mamaaj2000@...> wrote:

>You can, however, change what you do.<
Oh, yes. This is the only thing I can do, and I realize it. I totally agree with you, they behave in this manner when they are feeling disconnected, so a huge part of this is connecting.

>What I found was that when I stopped reacting to all the crap that
was going on around here and instead saw those kids I love with all
my heart--regardless of their current words and actions--I suddenly
saw the glass as half full again and had a lot more love to give.<

Thanks for the reminder, too true. This is much easier for me to do when I'm taking good care of myself too with getting enough sleep, time outdoors and having an outlet for creativity (currently knitting is working well for this :)

It's the days when I've had very broken sleep the night before with the baby, or any/all of the kids, I haven't showered in 3 days, laundry's piled up around my ears, I'm wondering how I'm going to get all of us to the grocery store so we can get some food for dinner, all while I'm trying to help them with all of the things they need help with throughout the day. Luckily, the overwhelming days are happening much fewer and farther between, and I know that as more time passes it certainly gets easier.

>They know name calling or hitting is rude. Reminding them every time they do it can sometimes just get in the way of connecting with them. <
Good point, I'll definitely remember this. I do get naggy about it.

>It can be very hard to ignore it in the moment, but try.<
I do struggle with this. How much to "ignore" and how much to talk. But, as another poster correctly pointed out, my responses tend to be long. I'm verbal and can drive my son crazy with my talking. My daughter and I communicate well verbally and can hash things out for an hour or so very nicely. My boys are helping me grow and learn and to meet their needs on thier terms, not mine. I am grateful to my children every day for all they teach me.

Thanks for taking time to reply!
Kristina


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

TreeGoddess

On Feb 3, 2005, at 12:05 PM, mamaaj2000 wrote:

-=-Yeh, I think for the price of two tv/dvd combos, you
could get a new computer! -=-

If a whole new computer isn't in the cards, you could upgrade your
regular CD-ROM drive to a DVD-ROM drive for less than two tv/dvd
combos.

-Tracy-

"Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of
happiness lost." -- Leo Buscaglia

Kristina Kahney

Elizabeth Hill <ecsamhill@...> wrote
>I think what you said is very reasonable. I just want to point out that it's long.<
LOL! I know this is something I must constantly work on. I have a tendency to be too verbal and long winded with my children. Thanks for pointing it out, it's true!!

>One thing I did realize when I was frustrated with nursing or the family bed was that I had to carefully pick who I went to for support. (Coming here's good for this question.)>>
Well, I debated whether to post this here or not, wondering about it's pertinence to unschooling. But, it's part of a larger picture and I need *somebody* that I can vent to a little that will understand that venting and processing is part of growth and change, and that's GOOD! Even my husband's response to my venting can be "well, you're the one that wanted to have a large family and unschool!". Well, thanks hon, you know what I mean? The support here is absolutely invaluable in my growth as an unschooling mother.

Thanks,
Kristina



Other attachment parents would offer
support and suggestions that were suitable to me. But more traditional
family members were likely to jump to the quick "solutions" of our
mainstream culture (like let the baby cry it out! Heck, no!) You
don't have to lie to your dad and pretend that life is totally smooth
and that you are well rested, but maybe projecting confidence that you
are using the right approach, treating your kids the way they deserve to
be treated, will make him see you as less vulnerable? I hope?

Betsy


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The Bartels

>
> Is there anything that you know you should do but don't always act as
> though you know?

oh, definitely! and that's what i try to remember when i get stuck in
this pattern of judging my kids' behaviors. heck, when i lose it and
yell at my kids, i'm doing just exactly that! i know it's not ok, but i
lose focus and it happens (of course, less now than before, but it still
happens!)

i've also recognized that i have a really hard time forgiving myself
when i slip up and do something i know i shouldn't do. i feel like it
reflects badly on me that i couldn't control myself...means i'm a bad
mom or wife or person. maybe that's why i'm reacting so strongly when
they slip up! i feel like their calling their brother a dummy or
smacking someone out of frustration means their a bad kid and always
will be...and that doesn't jive with what i know is true.

but i realize that this is a) an unfair *conclusion* because a person's
actions from time to time do not make them who they ARE, and b) just
another learning opportunity for myself...a chance to look deeper at
what's going on instead of just REACTING.

lisa

Kristina Kahney

Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>>But, you have FIVE kids, sweetie. Even with just three kids, I discovered that finding ways to give them space to do their own thing, without imposing on others, was a critical part of my role.>>

Herein lies the root of my insecurities. Can I unschool, and live life the way I envision us living, with 5 children? Now, I know that I can, and that I will..it is just my fear that creeps up every now and then when life gets overwhelming and it feels like we're never going to get out of survival mode. I feel that after time this fear will dissipate completely, but it's still lingering now.

I want to honor and do all that I can for each of children every single moment of every single day, and it frustrates me when I realize that I can't always do this. It was different when they were younger, but as my two oldest children are now 7.5 and nearly 6 they have desires that require more of me and need me to play different roles that I'm just coming to figure out. I hope this makes sense.

>>Helping the kids have a place to watch TV or movies out of the hustle and bustle of all those other kids is a simple and very very kind and useful gift you can give them.>>
I agree and I want to honor their needs/desires of what to watch and when. We will figure out how to carve out these spaces in our small home with many people.

>>Watch, instead, for chances to support
their needs for solitude and privacy and just quieter space to do some things - that is going to be harder to come by in your family than togetherness. The ability to get away from each other will help them get along WAY better.>>
I know you're right about this. It's funny, when one of my oldest 2 goes into their rooms to listen to music or draw or something, it's not 10 minutes before the rest of the kids are knocking on their door saying "are you done? can you play now? please?" LOL! They've become so used to everyone always playing together they are now going to need to understand and respect when others choose *not* to play. I can help them with this, too.

> Some kids will cope better and others will be desperate for
space and solitude.>
Definitely. Each one is very different with different levels of needing space. Things are best around here when I pick up on the cues of my child that can get overwhelmed easily and swoop into help *before* things get out of hand. I need to help them see how they can get their space, and make sure they have places they can go to, with me if needed, when necessary.

>>Read "Siblings Without Rivalry" now - and then read it again and again.>>
Yes, I will. I've had it a long time and read it in the past, but it's been a couple of years. Time for a re-read I believe!

Thank you so much for taking time to post.
Kristina



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The Bartels

> I'm verbal and can drive my son crazy with my talking. My daughter and
> I communicate well verbally and can hash things out for an hour or so
> very nicely. My boys are helping me grow and learn and to meet their
> needs on thier terms, not mine. I am grateful to my children every day
> for all they teach me.

this is what our life looks like too...my daughter was born first and is
very verbal like me. she and i have an easy time of talking things
through and really understanding each other. when my son came along, i
assumed that things would work in the same way, but he just coudln't
tolerate me wanting to scoop him up and snuggle and talk at all! in
learning a new way to communicate with him, i discovered that my husband
is much like my son (and hence, polar opposite of myself.) when i
started to give both my boys space to unwind and decompress instead of
butting in and trying to smooth through conflict with me-led discussion,
life got a lot easier. :)

my kids are teaching me so much about interpersonal skills! thank
goodness! :)

-lisa

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/3/05 2:21:56 AM, kkahney@... writes:

<< My only concern to adding tvs to their bedrooms is that I would prefer to
watch and talk with them instead of them closing themselves up in their room
to watch. But, maybe we'll still do both, especially after the novelty of
having it in their room wore off? >>

My kids watch with me more than they watch alone, it seems. Or they'll call
me in to show me something they've discovered.

The other day we passed by a house we nearly bought, and Holly and I
discussed, again, a bit, the advantages of the house we're in (which both Holly and I
argued against when the change was being discussed). Our family wouldn't have
been as happy in that other house. The boys would have been crowded together
in small rooms, the floor plan was so open we'd be hearing and seeing each
other too much, the back yard was smaller, there weren't as many bathrooms. At
one time we BADLY wanted that house. We had the keys, and had played
sardines in it, and planned where all the furniture would go. But we're better off
with a house with lots of doors and closets so we can hide things and people
away better.

That might not help, but it seemed an appropriate moment to ramble. <g>
(sorry)

Another thing:

Headphones


Sandra

Kristina Kahney

SandraDodd@... wrote:

>Another thing:

Headphones<<
Yet another headphone vote. I see that this can be a very good thing. We have wireless headphones already for the car dvd player, I'll have hubby investigate to see if we can use the same ones (they're nice) for inside. Thanks guys!
Kristina




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kristina Kahney

-=-Yeh, I think for the price of two tv/dvd combos, you
could get a new computer! -=-

<<If a whole new computer isn't in the cards, you could upgrade your regular CD-ROM drive to a DVD-ROM drive for less than two tv/dvd
combos.>>

All great ideas. However, our computer is set up about 20 ft away from our tv. It's a very open floor plan with walls that have cut-out windows (kinda), etc. So, I don't think the computer would solve much....though we are in the process of getting another computer so the kids have another to play on.

The cheapest solution would be to get us a new dvd player (which my hubby would like), put our old one in the master bedroom with the smaller (20 inch)tv and try that out for awhile. Since many of you said your kids don't watch as much alone in their rooms, I think we'll give this a go first and then continue from there if someone is still needing more space. I wish our house had a room that could be just a game/tv room for the kids, but we don't.

Now, just need to figure out how to share computers too....lol!

Thanks guys!

Kristina




-Tracy-

"Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of
happiness lost." -- Leo Buscaglia



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

mamaaj2000

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> The other day we passed by a house we nearly bought, and Holly and
I
> discussed, again, a bit, the advantages of the house we're in
(which both Holly and I
> argued against when the change was being discussed). Our family
wouldn't have
> been as happy in that other house. The boys would have been
crowded together
> in small rooms, the floor plan was so open we'd be hearing and
seeing each
> other too much, the back yard was smaller, there weren't as many
bathrooms.

Looking forward to moving this summer, I've started thinking about
what kinds of houses (and neighborhoods, etc.) would support our
unschooling. Currently, we have a huge living room that's not divided
up at all. That's been great for little kids, but with a burst of
independence from ds, I'm seeing that, yes, we're going to need
separate spaces more in the future.

I'm curious about what other thoughts people have on "unschooling
space".

Thanks,
aj

Pam Sorooshian

On Feb 3, 2005, at 1:54 PM, Kristina Kahney wrote:

> The cheapest solution would be to get us a new dvd player (which my
> hubby would like), put our old one in the master bedroom with the
> smaller (20 inch)tv and try that out for awhile. Since many of you
> said your kids don't watch as much alone in their rooms, I think we'll
> give this a go first and then continue from there if someone is still
> needing more space. I wish our house had a room that could be just a
> game/tv room for the kids, but we don't.

We just got a Sony Playstation 2 for the bedroom tv --- and it also
works as a DVD player.

Let's see - that makes one on our living room tv, one on my computer,
one on Roxana's computer, one on Roya's little tv in her room, one in
the master bedroom combined with the video game and one in the car.
More dvd players than people.

AND yet - we watch movies and tv shows together a lot because we WANT
to, not because it is our only choice.

Anyway - just another idea - I don't know what a plain old DVD player
would cost these days - but a Playstation 2 might not be a lot more.

Oh - and don't get a DVD/TV combination set - get them separately- so
that if one breaks you still have the other. AND - if you buy one of
those really cheap little tv's, make sure the DVD player can work with
it - the first one I bought for Roya wasn't equipped to plug a dvd
player into it and I had to return it (after an hour of being sure that
I was just going blind and couldn't see where to plug in the dvd
player).

-pam

nellebelle

>>>>>> I've started thinking about what kinds of houses (and neighborhoods, etc.) would support our unschooling.>>>>>

I'm sure there is no one correct answer! I will share a few things that I wish for in my housing, and maybe will get someday.

Our "country living" neighborhood forces us to drive everywhere. I wish we could walk a few places - store, park, library, so forth. The city buses don't even come here.

Undeveloped space in the yard. We bought a completely landscaped home, primarily because we didn't have the time to do it ourselves when we moved here with a toddler and an infant. It didn't take me long to realize that there was no place in the yard for kids to mess around. As it turned out, a new development behind ours resulted in us getting an extra 2,500 sq feet of sand. Dh thinks it would be easier if it was planted in grass, but I love our wild strip and the kids have had fun digging big holes simply for the joy of digging.

Bigger kitchen area. My kitchen itself is big enough, but there is only a small dining area next to it and that is where we often end up. So there are often piles on the kitchen table and counter that have to be cleared away for meals.

Family room. What were we thinking? Guess it comes back to the kids being so small when we moved and we were in 750 sq ft. before. This place seemed so huge that I didn't notice there wasn't some sort of family room. Instead, the living room is the first room you walk into and it is very lived in! I often wish for space to leave works in progress laying around for as long as they need to be without making the first impression of the house so messy and cluttered.

Cable and telephone jacks, electric outlets. If you may be putting TVs, computers and such in rooms, it's nice if the paraphernalia is already in place.

Lots of shelves and closets to keep all your cool stuff.

I'll look forward to hearing other's ideas about the perfect unschooling home!

Mary Ellen

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thalia Ravlin

-_-_-_-_The Bartels <ecotopian@j...> wrote:
i've also recognized that i have a really hard time forgiving myself
> when i slip up and do something i know i shouldn't do. i feel like it
> reflects badly on me that i couldn't control myself...means i'm a bad
> mom or wife or person. maybe that's why i'm reacting so strongly when
> they slip up! i feel like their calling their brother a dummy or
> smacking someone out of frustration means their a bad kid and always
> will be...and that doesn't jive with what i know is true.
>
> but i realize that this is a) an unfair *conclusion* because a person's
> actions from time to time do not make them who they ARE, and b) just
> another learning opportunity for myself...a chance to look deeper at
> what's going on instead of just REACTING.-_-_-_

At our house we have something we call the "do over". At the point one
of us realizes we're behaving badly we admit it, call attention to it,
and just ask for a "do over". We say something like "Geez, that was
really wrong of me, sorry, could I do that over?" or "Whoa, who was
that? Let's try that again." and then we all rewind and do the scene
again with the respect and awareness we wished we'd had the first time.

It doesn't apply to all situations, but when appropriate this has been
a good way to model to my son that I know I've messed it up, and that
I can acknowledge that I behaved badly; I can model remorse, or
chagrin, or apology, humbleness, whatever is appropriate, as well as
showing a desire and a willingness to put things right again straight
away.

From the get go he has always been way better at acknowledging a
wrong, apologizing, and moving on than I ever was until I was well
into my thirties.

Thalia

TreeGoddess

On Feb 3, 2005, at 7:03 PM, Pam Sorooshian wrote:

-=-Oh - and don't get a DVD/TV combination set - get
them separately- so that if one breaks you still have the
other.-=-

I second this -- we have a dead DVD player in our TV and it's just
bulky dead space now. :'P

-Tracy-

"Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of
happiness lost." -- Leo Buscaglia

Pamale Teitelbaum

--- Jill Leggett <vleggett@...> wrote:

>
>
> We put a tv, vcr, dvd, and PS2 in our son's room so
> that he can watch
> whatever whenever. He still prefers to be "with the
> family"
> downstairs, but when I've just "had it" with the
> noise, I can ask him
> to take it to his room. Sometimes he still objects,
> but at least he
> has an option. After all, consideration for others
> is part of life.
>
>
> We also have a small tv/vcr and dvd in our boys room
and it's invaluable, esp when one wants to watch this
and the other that. Ditto for me with the noise. Our
downstairs space is combined, kitchen/living room and
the video game sounds can be overwhelming for others
at times, but my youngest won't play upstairs
(understandably) b/c the screen is too small. We
considered buying a bigger TV for their room, but all
agree that our financial priority is getting another
computer. Maybe next year.
>
>
>




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