Re:support group and people
[email protected]
HI There,
It's been a rough road yesterday and today as my support group takes a large tangent from the police issue and hack out the problems my son creates at parkday. 1 mom admitted she tells her kid not to talk to mine or share anything with him because he is emotionally explosive. And this is one of the kids that Riley tends to blow up around because the kid won't share. I have known this family for 3 years and the mom doesn't even know the age of my kid. She said it was tough love to send the police and put him on time-outs etc..I have a feeling a few mothers got together and motivated the first to call the police because periodically Riley does use fists before words and has now a record of lousy behavior towards the few boys his own age. I have received some om my gosh the police from others. As it turns out the kid he kicked had nightmares and had trouble urinating without pain the next day, though I saw Riley clearly kick the kid in the rump. This kid he kicked was "severly beaten" at a waldorf school prior to homeschooling. His mom who called the police worked in the prison system for years and his father use to be an officer.
The family has not tried to contact me nor have they said anything in the general conversation on our email list. I found out the specifics from another mom after a personal conversation who was also worried about the situation.
For now for us I am going to try to contact the family I think to find out if there is anything they need to talk about and to make sure they received my letter of apology. Riley and I will not be going to park days for a while, he really is tired of being clearly odd man out. I am going to compose a letter to the group requesting that they take a more active role in the group dynamics, so when they see their kid chasing mine down that they try to get up from knitting and say something before their kid gets to mine, who is in the flight mode of fight or flight I have personally stopped others from charging my kid for items close to a dozen times this Fall. Rarely do other parents even gotten up to see what happened.
As a parent of a very active sometimes aggressive explosive child, I have definately come to realize some people see only the kid who was hit the hardest. They have the hardest time seeing through the eyes of the one who, finally, has lashed out to make his point. Now if only I could run as fast as my little speedy dash and scoop him up into the loving arms that help him feel calm and o.k. (Riley looks a little bit like Dash from the Impossibles and is about as fast).
Mary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It's been a rough road yesterday and today as my support group takes a large tangent from the police issue and hack out the problems my son creates at parkday. 1 mom admitted she tells her kid not to talk to mine or share anything with him because he is emotionally explosive. And this is one of the kids that Riley tends to blow up around because the kid won't share. I have known this family for 3 years and the mom doesn't even know the age of my kid. She said it was tough love to send the police and put him on time-outs etc..I have a feeling a few mothers got together and motivated the first to call the police because periodically Riley does use fists before words and has now a record of lousy behavior towards the few boys his own age. I have received some om my gosh the police from others. As it turns out the kid he kicked had nightmares and had trouble urinating without pain the next day, though I saw Riley clearly kick the kid in the rump. This kid he kicked was "severly beaten" at a waldorf school prior to homeschooling. His mom who called the police worked in the prison system for years and his father use to be an officer.
The family has not tried to contact me nor have they said anything in the general conversation on our email list. I found out the specifics from another mom after a personal conversation who was also worried about the situation.
For now for us I am going to try to contact the family I think to find out if there is anything they need to talk about and to make sure they received my letter of apology. Riley and I will not be going to park days for a while, he really is tired of being clearly odd man out. I am going to compose a letter to the group requesting that they take a more active role in the group dynamics, so when they see their kid chasing mine down that they try to get up from knitting and say something before their kid gets to mine, who is in the flight mode of fight or flight I have personally stopped others from charging my kid for items close to a dozen times this Fall. Rarely do other parents even gotten up to see what happened.
As a parent of a very active sometimes aggressive explosive child, I have definately come to realize some people see only the kid who was hit the hardest. They have the hardest time seeing through the eyes of the one who, finally, has lashed out to make his point. Now if only I could run as fast as my little speedy dash and scoop him up into the loving arms that help him feel calm and o.k. (Riley looks a little bit like Dash from the Impossibles and is about as fast).
Mary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/1/05 10:54:27 AM, mfhickman@... writes:
<< As it turns out the kid he kicked had nightmares and had trouble urinating
without pain the next day, though I saw Riley clearly kick the kid in the
rump. >>
Did he kick him higher up, maybe? Kidneys?
Or did he maybe kick him more than once? :-/
Bummer.
Sandra
<< As it turns out the kid he kicked had nightmares and had trouble urinating
without pain the next day, though I saw Riley clearly kick the kid in the
rump. >>
Did he kick him higher up, maybe? Kidneys?
Or did he maybe kick him more than once? :-/
Bummer.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/1/2005 12:54:10 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
mfhickman@... writes:
I have definately come to realize some people see only the kid who was hit
the hardest. They have the hardest time seeing through the eyes of the one
who, finally, has lashed out to make his point. <<<
Like the boys from Columbine.
Cameron had two friends like this school. They had been beaten down and
humiliated for soooo long. Eventually *they* were the ones to last out harder and
get in trouble. Had the school done something from the get-go.....
Good luck with this.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mfhickman@... writes:
I have definately come to realize some people see only the kid who was hit
the hardest. They have the hardest time seeing through the eyes of the one
who, finally, has lashed out to make his point. <<<
Like the boys from Columbine.
Cameron had two friends like this school. They had been beaten down and
humiliated for soooo long. Eventually *they* were the ones to last out harder and
get in trouble. Had the school done something from the get-go.....
Good luck with this.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/1/2005 2:45:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
Eventually *they* were the ones to last out harder and
get in trouble.<<<<
That's LASH out harder....
~K
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
Eventually *they* were the ones to last out harder and
get in trouble.<<<<
That's LASH out harder....
~K
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dana Matt
Rarely
kids playing with other kids....If I want to help my
kids, I am there, with them, helping them with their
problems...and if I am away I am still aware of what's
going on, sitting a few feet away, but knowing what's
still going on. Other parents pay no attention--if
there is screaming or blood, that is the only time to
step in....All that teaches *me* is "Better get to the
blood quick, so I can get some help with the problem!"
Gross....
Dana
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> do other parents even gotten up to see whatThis is the biggest problem I've had involving the
> happened.
kids playing with other kids....If I want to help my
kids, I am there, with them, helping them with their
problems...and if I am away I am still aware of what's
going on, sitting a few feet away, but knowing what's
still going on. Other parents pay no attention--if
there is screaming or blood, that is the only time to
step in....All that teaches *me* is "Better get to the
blood quick, so I can get some help with the problem!"
Gross....
Dana
=====
Guadalupe's Coffee Roaster
100% Organic Fair Trade Coffee
Roasted to Perfection Daily
Free Home Delivery in Whatcom County
(360) 715-1900
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The all-new My Yahoo! - Get yours free!
http://my.yahoo.com
Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani
----- Original Message -----
From: Dana Matt
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, January 01, 2005 6:06 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re:support group and people
****All that teaches *me* is "Better get to the
blood quick, so I can get some help with the problem!"
Gross....*****
I don't know. I've seen the kids take care of themselves and teach each other some pretty wonderful lessons without the parents stepping in. For instance, there was a little girl who was angry a lot and who would bully a lot. At first, Margaux gave in to everything she said, even though she didn't like it. I let her experience the not liking it. I talked with her later about doing things she doesn't like to do. She said she was afraid of losing her as a friend if she didn't. So, we talked about how she could assert herself. At first her new behavior led to the little girl being extremely pissed off, but M stood her ground. Any time a new kid came in to the group, the little girl singled him out and would act the same way she used to act with M. So, M basically showed the other kids how to stand up for themselves and they refused to take the negative actions of the other little girl. They still liked her, but they didn't want to be bullied by her. The little girl's behavior changed dramatically and now she's very nice to all the kids and has learned how to get along with everyone at park days.
When the family first joined the group, the mother was always following the little girl around and keeping the other kids from handling the problems with the girl. We all kind of held the mom's hand and asked her to be patient, told her that her daughter was fine and the kids would handle it. These were never physical fights, just mouth battles and anger, which, in itself is very intense when felt from within and from without, but we were all sure that the kids could handle it.
I think had we all been stepping in all the time, the conflicts would still be occuring.
Nichole
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
Hi Mary -
I wonder if you've read "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for
Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible
Children" by Ross W. Greene?
I know Mary, in real life, and have seen her with her kids and always
been very impressed by her attentiveness and sweetness with them. Mary
- I wonder if you could be more open with the other moms - particularly
of the boys Riley's age - about how you're trying to help him get along
better? They might become more your allies?
This might be a bad idea and only you'll know if there are any moms it
would work with - but worth considering, anyway. I know that I'm always
very very willing to encourage my kids to overlook problems with kids
when I know the parent is aware of the issues and is sincerely trying
to help their child function better, as opposed to when my kids have
repeated problems with another kid and I see the parent as part of the
problem, in which case I try to reduce contact to a minimum.
-pam
I wonder if you've read "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for
Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible
Children" by Ross W. Greene?
I know Mary, in real life, and have seen her with her kids and always
been very impressed by her attentiveness and sweetness with them. Mary
- I wonder if you could be more open with the other moms - particularly
of the boys Riley's age - about how you're trying to help him get along
better? They might become more your allies?
This might be a bad idea and only you'll know if there are any moms it
would work with - but worth considering, anyway. I know that I'm always
very very willing to encourage my kids to overlook problems with kids
when I know the parent is aware of the issues and is sincerely trying
to help their child function better, as opposed to when my kids have
repeated problems with another kid and I see the parent as part of the
problem, in which case I try to reduce contact to a minimum.
-pam