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HUSBAND'S VERBAL ABUSE STOPS ONLY AFTER HE LEAVES FOR GOOD

ABBY: You printed a letter from "Beaten Down in Oklahoma,"
who said that although she had a history of severe
depression, her verbally abusive husband refused to allow
her to get medication "because he didn't believe in it." He
told her she was "worthless" and said he only kept her
around so he could be near the kids. That letter could have
been written by me five years ago.

I was nine years into a physically and emotionally abusive
marriage. I heard the same things from my husband. And
afterward, when he was trying to make up, he too always
said he "didn't mean it."

Well, it turned out he did mean it. Once he found his next
victim -- a younger woman -- he walked out. As he left, he
announced it was because everything he'd said had been the
truth. I was ugly, fat, worthless, lousy in bed, and he'd
only stayed because he wanted to be around the kids.

You should have advised "Beaten Down" to see a lawyer in
addition to a counselor, while she still has a shred of
self-esteem. Following my divorce, I got counseling. Once
I felt better about myself, I met a wonderful man. We're
married now. I wish I could give "Beaten Down" a hug,
because she's not alone. She's in my prayers.
-- FULL OF HOPE IN GEORGIA

FULL OF HOPE: I heard from many readers who identified with
that letter and felt it was important for her to break away.
Read on:


ABBY: A husband who tells his wife she's worthless and
stupid is using verbal abuse to wear her down and control
her. Marriage counseling and psychiatrists won't help. The
man has low self-esteem and tries to make himself appear
powerful and intelligent by making his wife feel inadequate.
Every day she stays with him is far more harmful to the
children than taking them and leaving. Abuse is not always
physical. She needs to get out BEFORE it becomes physical.
-- DIANE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DIANE: It's true; children model their behavior on what
they're exposed to.


Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you;
They're supposed to help you discover who you are.
~Bernice Johnson Reagon


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