Thank you. The discussion group is very hepful, If anything to be able to get stuff off my chest helps a lot. Thank you for your help. It is definately hard to realize how he feels in the heat of the moment. But I am going to work on it. Have a great day everyone!!!!

----- Original Message -----
From: Fetteroll
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, November 12, 2004 2:48 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Discipline (was Christian andUnschooling)

on 11/11/04 5:03 PM, Wilsonfamily28 at wilsonfamily28@... wrote:

> One situation would be :my daughter and him would be playing great and then
> the next minute he is hitting or yelling (usually because she does not want to
> do things the same way he does). He does not communicate his feelings very
> well yet.

I'd second the book recommendations and the NoMoreSpanking list.

In the meantime, I think it will help you look at his behavior differently
if you see that he's reacting out of supreme frustration. It's not that he
doesn't know better but that when he's in a situation where he wants things
to happen differently he doesn't know how to make that happen. He only knows
he's not supposed to hit. So he gets frustrated and he hits.

But understanding why isn't the same as condoning, of course. You need to
stop him each time he's hitting and yelling at your daughter. (Even keep him
occupied by your side if it's happening too often and getting her stresed
out.) She needs to feel safe in her own home and needs to feel that someone
will come running if there's someone trying to hurt her.

But treat him hitting her separate from helping him learn better ways. He
can't stop being frustrated (and therefore hitting) unitl he has and can use
in high emotional times better tools to deal with the sitaution.

Stopping your daughter from being hurt is one issue. Tell him that's not an
acceptable way to let people know his feelings. You may have to do that a
fair number of times.

But then as a separate issue, help him figure out better ways.

Sandra had a three step process for kids to go through. (I was going to try
to paraphrase but I found a quote :-)

> When they were little the I'd tell them they couldn't hit unless they had
> first tried to talk about it, THEN get an adult to help them solve their
> problem, and if that didn't help then they could hit.


"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.

Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
Yahoo! Groups Links

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]