alone time with husband
fundayeveryday
>What does that movie represent to you?Movies are my husband's favorite down time activity. On his days off, he likes us to watch a movie at night, without the kids- definitely by 10 pm. It's his 'thing' and I like to honor that, as I am honoring mine and my children's 'things that we like' all day! I figure he deserves 2 hrs. of my time-it sounds fair to me, but has become very hard/impossible to put into practice every week.
I appreciate the conversations going on here!
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Meredith
fundayeveryday <kristenssrr@...> wrote:
I should think so! It's not a terribly realistic expectation on his part. Little kids are rarely amenable to that much scheduling - regardless of whether or not you're unschooling - unless you're willing to be really cold-blooded about their feelings.
When kids want something that isn't realistic, it can help to dig down under the surface of that desire and see if there are ways to meet parts of it or ways to meet underlying needs separately. The same principle applies just as well to adults - better, because adults can do something kids (especially younger kids) cannot which is delay gratification.
---Meredith
>> I figure he deserves 2 hrs. of my time-it sounds fair to meWhat sounds fair from an adult perspective may not feel all that fair to kids - that's the trouble with applying ideas like "fairness" unilaterally. It doesn't matter one bit if it's fair by some objective standard if that's not the direct, personal experience of the people involved.
>>> Movies are my husband's favorite down time activity. On his days off, he likes us to watch a movie at night, without the kids- definitely by 10 pm.... but has become very hard/impossible to put into practice every week.*************
I should think so! It's not a terribly realistic expectation on his part. Little kids are rarely amenable to that much scheduling - regardless of whether or not you're unschooling - unless you're willing to be really cold-blooded about their feelings.
When kids want something that isn't realistic, it can help to dig down under the surface of that desire and see if there are ways to meet parts of it or ways to meet underlying needs separately. The same principle applies just as well to adults - better, because adults can do something kids (especially younger kids) cannot which is delay gratification.
> I am honoring mine and my children's 'things that we like' all day!Always instantly and perfectly without any compromises? You're a phenomenon! Do your kids ever want to grab things another has, knock over things another built, do the exact opposite of a sibling? How do you handle those situations? Apply the same principles to the problem of your husband wanting something which is unrealistic and incompatible with the needs and desires of other family members. Find gentle, compassionate ways for him to get what he wants, but realize it's not possible for him to always get what he wants exactly how and when he wants it. Look for ways to help him wait and meet the underlying needs when he can't have what he wants right now.
---Meredith