RE: Salary
Susan Lervold
As I've read this thread, it seems to me that the commonality underlying
financial peace is making the family bank account(s) "ours", rather than
"yours" and "mine". I concur: throughout my 21+ years of marriage with my
sweetie, I can't imagine doing it any other way. Though our situation has
changed over time (from neither of us working, to only me working, and now,
only him), our bank account has always been OURS, regardless of who
contributes what. And I, too, handle the books, not only because I can do
it the fastest, but because I like the control (and my hubby doesn't mind me
having it).
The concept of a division of labor within a family seems to have been
neglected over the past decade or two. I don't think I'm overstating it to
say that a successful division of labor (whenever possible) is the keystone
of a successful marriage. I mean, it just makes sense not to duplicate
labors. The nonsense that domestic tasks are somehow demeaning or
unfulfilling really undermines the most important part of our life (that is,
home-life), and, if you think about it, is neither here nor there anyway,
since domestic chores must be done by SOMEBODY. Not honoring them doesn't
make them go away (I've tried!), and only serves to foster resentment. Now,
when I'm vacuuming dog hair for the 80-jillionth time, I think of it as my
contribution to my family. If I don't vacuum it, someone will have to,
right? Why would I want to give more work to my husband or son? They're
already doing their own jobs. It also helps to think of the blessings
involved, and there are many: I have a house to vacuum; I have a vacuum
cleaner to help with the task; I have a home large enough to have pets; I'm
lucky enough to have a family to take care of; etc.
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2012 12:44 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Digest Number 4710
1a
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/message/49260;_ylc=X3oDMTJz
Y2NhOWZwBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzEyNzg5NTEzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA4MTk3MgRtc2dJ
ZAM0OTI2MARzZWMDZG1zZwRzbGsDdm1zZwRzdGltZQMxMzUyMzY0MjY5> Re: salary
Wed Nov 7, 2012 5:04 am (PST) . Posted by:
<mailto:debra.rossing@...?subject=Re%3A%20salary> "Debra Rossing"
scoopmom
We're kind of on the flip side of this - I am the sole income and hubby has
been at home fulltime with DS for the last 12 years (DS is 14). In the last
couple of years, there are more and more at home dads but for a long time it
was a conversation killer of sorts when meeting people "What do you do?"
"I'm a fulltime stay at home dad" "Oh" Aside from Mr. Mom comments (which
make me crazy - they assume men are incompetent at caring for their own
children), people didn't quite know what to make of it. It's totally by
choice - when DS was born, we consciously decided to have one parent home
with him (barring unusual/unforeseen circumstances beyond our direct
control). What that has turned out to mean is that my job
prospects/pay/benefits have me at work fulltime and hubby at home. He loves
it. He gets to write, create, cook, explore, play videogames (he's been a
gamer since the first home systems came out back in the day). I come home to
a hot meal and a cozy home. I make sure he knows I appreciate his work, as
he lets me know he appreciates me getting out of bed in the dark and cold
and heading off to work.
I handle the bookkeeping stuff by mutual agreement (our first couple years
of marriage, we traded off each year but after a couple of years, he didn't
want it back lol). In most cases, I just pay things as they come due but
when we get additional discretionary funds (holiday bonus for example), we
discuss how to allocate things. We often joke that he's the Captain and I'm
his Executive Officer. Part of my job, as I see it, is to facilitate the
things our family wants to do - checking the funds and looking for ways to
make stuff we want happen, happen, and letting DH and DS know the options -
we can do X now, but that will impact Y that we were thinking about for next
month. We can postpone X, postpone Y, or consider Z.
Deb R
Version: 2012.0.2221 / Virus Database: 2441/5382 - Release Date: 11/08/12
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
financial peace is making the family bank account(s) "ours", rather than
"yours" and "mine". I concur: throughout my 21+ years of marriage with my
sweetie, I can't imagine doing it any other way. Though our situation has
changed over time (from neither of us working, to only me working, and now,
only him), our bank account has always been OURS, regardless of who
contributes what. And I, too, handle the books, not only because I can do
it the fastest, but because I like the control (and my hubby doesn't mind me
having it).
The concept of a division of labor within a family seems to have been
neglected over the past decade or two. I don't think I'm overstating it to
say that a successful division of labor (whenever possible) is the keystone
of a successful marriage. I mean, it just makes sense not to duplicate
labors. The nonsense that domestic tasks are somehow demeaning or
unfulfilling really undermines the most important part of our life (that is,
home-life), and, if you think about it, is neither here nor there anyway,
since domestic chores must be done by SOMEBODY. Not honoring them doesn't
make them go away (I've tried!), and only serves to foster resentment. Now,
when I'm vacuuming dog hair for the 80-jillionth time, I think of it as my
contribution to my family. If I don't vacuum it, someone will have to,
right? Why would I want to give more work to my husband or son? They're
already doing their own jobs. It also helps to think of the blessings
involved, and there are many: I have a house to vacuum; I have a vacuum
cleaner to help with the task; I have a home large enough to have pets; I'm
lucky enough to have a family to take care of; etc.
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2012 12:44 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Digest Number 4710
1a
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/message/49260;_ylc=X3oDMTJz
Y2NhOWZwBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzEyNzg5NTEzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTA4MTk3MgRtc2dJ
ZAM0OTI2MARzZWMDZG1zZwRzbGsDdm1zZwRzdGltZQMxMzUyMzY0MjY5> Re: salary
Wed Nov 7, 2012 5:04 am (PST) . Posted by:
<mailto:debra.rossing@...?subject=Re%3A%20salary> "Debra Rossing"
scoopmom
We're kind of on the flip side of this - I am the sole income and hubby has
been at home fulltime with DS for the last 12 years (DS is 14). In the last
couple of years, there are more and more at home dads but for a long time it
was a conversation killer of sorts when meeting people "What do you do?"
"I'm a fulltime stay at home dad" "Oh" Aside from Mr. Mom comments (which
make me crazy - they assume men are incompetent at caring for their own
children), people didn't quite know what to make of it. It's totally by
choice - when DS was born, we consciously decided to have one parent home
with him (barring unusual/unforeseen circumstances beyond our direct
control). What that has turned out to mean is that my job
prospects/pay/benefits have me at work fulltime and hubby at home. He loves
it. He gets to write, create, cook, explore, play videogames (he's been a
gamer since the first home systems came out back in the day). I come home to
a hot meal and a cozy home. I make sure he knows I appreciate his work, as
he lets me know he appreciates me getting out of bed in the dark and cold
and heading off to work.
I handle the bookkeeping stuff by mutual agreement (our first couple years
of marriage, we traded off each year but after a couple of years, he didn't
want it back lol). In most cases, I just pay things as they come due but
when we get additional discretionary funds (holiday bonus for example), we
discuss how to allocate things. We often joke that he's the Captain and I'm
his Executive Officer. Part of my job, as I see it, is to facilitate the
things our family wants to do - checking the funds and looking for ways to
make stuff we want happen, happen, and letting DH and DS know the options -
we can do X now, but that will impact Y that we were thinking about for next
month. We can postpone X, postpone Y, or consider Z.
Deb R
Version: 2012.0.2221 / Virus Database: 2441/5382 - Release Date: 11/08/12
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"Susan Lervold" <susanlervold@...> wrote:
---Meredith
>I don't think I'm overstating it toClarity of expectations is more important than "division of labor" per se. It makes sense to know who's going to be cooking dinner before everyone's hungry ;) And it may make sense for one person to do certain tasks based on ability or interest - for instance, for awhile I did all the stacking of firewood and hauling of trash because George wasn't able to do so. And nowadays I do all the sweeping and mopping because he's kind of oblivious to the degree of cleanliness at floor level and I like to walk around in bare feet. But things like dishes and laundry and weed-eating we both do.
> say that a successful division of labor (whenever possible) is the keystone
> of a successful marriage. I mean, it just makes sense not to duplicate
> labors.
---Meredith
Kelly Lovejoy
Nope. Not all of us. I get a monthly "allowance." No, it's not what most of my friends do, but it works best for *us*. We handle money completely differently: Ben accounts for every penny. I *never* reconcile my account. The way I do it makes him very, very uncomfortable. This works for us.
I think it may take a while for each family to find what makes everyone comfortable.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Susan Lervold <susanlervold@...>
As I've read this thread, it seems to me that the commonality underlying
financial peace is making the family bank account(s) "ours", rather than
"yours" and "mine".
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think it may take a while for each family to find what makes everyone comfortable.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Susan Lervold <susanlervold@...>
As I've read this thread, it seems to me that the commonality underlying
financial peace is making the family bank account(s) "ours", rather than
"yours" and "mine".
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
"Susan Lervold" <susanlervold@...> wrote:
>I don't think I'm overstating it toMaybe. But as long as there non of the sides is keeping tabs in who is doing more or who is doing less because that would lead to resentment.
> say that a successful division of labor (whenever possible) is the keystone
> of a successful marriage. I mean, it just makes sense not to duplicate
> labors.
My husband is the breadwinner . He is a dairy farmer. He works 365 days a week from 4 :30 in the morning until 8-9 PM and sometimes had to get up at night to check on pregnant cows or deliver babies, or sick animals.
I do everything else, kids, home, yard. He helps me by cutting wood with the chain saw. I stack, load, unload and split the easy ones. We help each other. We do not keep tabs. I do what I can to help him and he does the same to me.Since he works very very hard everyday and I get to sleep in ( he never does only when he went to the hospital) I am super nice to him. I also manage our finances, pay the bills and even sign his checks. He just deposits the check in his account and I do the rest ( he does not even know how to log in online to his account!)
I think it is because we are friends and trust each other. We discuss any big expense. Which for us is like 100 dollars up for anything other than groceries!
We did have an agreement that if we had kids I would stay home with them. I did work until my son was almost two and took him to work until he was 13 months than my mom watched him but that was hard so I quit.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]