unschooling2_2011

I have 2 great boys that are 11yrs and almost 13yrs. I am having a hard time getting them to experience new things. I strew things about the house, bring home new books and videos, try new board games and so on. They are just not interested the few things that they are we can not afford to do. I am getting concerned at the lack of interst for other things in life. I have a hard time with the XBOX being the only interest ever. I worry due to the fact that my 13 yr old son has a medical condition: Epilepsy. I worry about the fact that his constant game time is contributing to his increase in seizures.
I really want them to try more and see more. There is so much in the world that I want to share with them but at this age for us, I am not seeing the same enthusiasm as I did a few years back. I love video games and t.v as much as they do. I play with them as much as I can and get involved but it is becoming a point of contention with the family especially when someone else wants to use the T.V. They can play from 8-12 hours a day at times. Maybe I am seeign it all wrong..
We are part of a few groups locally but they have outgrown park days(their words) and there is not much else in the groups outside of the occasional field trip that is going on.
We are on a budget a fairly tight one so a few of the things that they want to do we can not afford at the moment.. ie rock climbing classes or getting DJ equipment.

Thanks for listening.. really struggling here and trying to keep peace in the home.

Kasey

Joyce Fetteroll

On Sep 18, 2012, at 1:45 AM, unschooling2_2011 wrote:

> I am getting concerned at the lack of interst for other things in life.
> I have a hard time with the XBOX being the only interest ever

Video games being a consuming interest in the pre-teen years is very typical.

> I worry due to the fact that my 13 yr old son has a medical condition: Epilepsy.
> I worry about the fact that his constant game time is contributing to his increase in seizures.

Undoubtedly he's noticed! And that tells you how very very interested they are!

Is it common for seizures to increase at puberty? It might not be the games. Are they worsening? Is it dangerous or merely inconvenient? Are you worried because you have information they don't? Or are you worried because you don't have information about the dangers of the seizures and are projecting the worst you can imagine?

Are there breaks during the games? Levels? End of missions? Talk to them about taking breaks because you're concerned about the increase in seizures. And then be aware of when the breaks are coming up and have something fun for them to do for a few minutes. Cookie break. Shooting some baskets. Ask them for suggestions. Be the orchestrator. Don't leave it up to them.

You might talk to the 11 year old separately about supporting you in taking breaks. *Not* to put the burden on him, but so he doesn't undermine your suggestions.

> There is so much in the world that I want to share with them but
> at this age for us, I am not seeing the same enthusiasm as I did a few years back.

"To every thing there is a season." Just as they drifted from interest in the world to video games, so they will drift from video games to something else. Just don't hold your breath! At some point it will be girls and then you'll wish for the simple innocent days of playing video games! :-)

> but it is becoming a point of contention with the family especially when someone else wants to use the T.V.


Do you have Craigs List or Freecycle in your area? Or a homeschoolers list where you can ask? Extra TVs are a thing people are often trying to get rid of.

Joyce

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Meredith

"unschooling2_2011" <unschooling2@...> wrote:
>
> I strew things about the house, bring home new books and videos, try new board games and so on.
***************

Right off the bat, those don't sound like they'd be appealing to an 11 and 13 yo. You've said they're interested in rock climbing and DJing - look for ideas along those lines.

You can't afford a rock climbing class, but you might be able to rig a simple climbing wall at home, or look into local places to do easy, no-ropes climbing. And you can look into similar kinds of activities - things which involve big muscle groups and have an element of challenge/danger. That might be skating, setting up a slack line or zip line or trapeze. It might be playing with fire poi. It might be playing paintball. It might be spelunking. But strew those kinds of things, not books and board games.

What interests them about DJing? Are they looking to do some sampling and mixing? Look into some cheap recording equipment - go to pawn shops! They're often great for cheap electronics.

But it could be they're telling you they're interested in things you'll automatically say no to in order to get you off their backs. When my stepson was 13 he spent most of his time playing Runescape. Now, at 19, he's more often off in the woods with no utilities at all than anywhere near a computer.

One of the wonderful things about unschooling is that it lets kids have Time - time to really delve into their interests in big ways. That can include taking time to delve into the wonderful complexity of video games.

>>it is becoming a point of contention with the family especially when someone else wants to use the T.V.
*************

An actual used TV set is pretty cheap. It can help to divide up various activities to different devices - games, shows, movies, and internet don't all need to happen on the same unit.

---Meredith

Meredith

Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>At some point it will be girls and then you'll wish for the simple innocent days of playing video games! :-)
**************

Good point! There have been many times I've looked back on the days when Ray lived vampire hours to maximize the amount of time he could spend playing Runescape with nostalgia. Girlfriends. His first hitchhiking trip. His first tattoo. Learning how to drive a car. Midnight requests to go to the hospital because that tiny little blacksmithing accident he didn't bother to mention at noon was worse than he thought... oh, yeah, enjoy the video games while they last!

---Meredith

unschooling2_2011

>>> Is it common for seizures to increase at puberty? It might not be the games. Are they worsening? Is it dangerous or merely inconvenient? <<

They do increase with puberty but he also has photosensitive seizures. He is on medication for it, but it can be dangerous.
I worry when he is at home playing and we are not there, that there is a chance of a seizure episode. He first gran mal seizure was while playing Crash Bandicoot.

>>Do you have Craigs List or Freecycle in your area? Or a homeschoolers list where you can ask? Extra TVs are a thing people are often trying to get rid of.<<
We just purchased a brand new 55" plasma T.V and we all want to be able to use it. He wants to play on it as we want to enjoy it. We have spoke about a separate t.v. Not an option right now. Maybe later. He is really good about taking a break most times, but not all the time. He is also on the Autism spec. very high functioning, sometimes talking to him can be a challenge. He has a hard time understanding things at times.

Thanks
Kasey



>

unschooling2_2011

My 11yr old loves to read, so I guess some of the book strewing is for him. We really enjoy munchkin and zombie dice.
For the most part, you are correct I would see those things as boring too.. LOL

<<What interests them about DJing? Are they looking to do some sampling and mixing?<<

My almost 13yr old son is the one interested in DJing. He has always loved techno music and has great rhythm. He wants to mix his own music and eventually DJ in clubs some day.
I have looked on CL and what not. Still looking. We are trying to learn what he would need to start. LOL

> But it could be they're telling you they're interested in things you'll automatically say no to in order to get you off their backs.<<

We have a great open relationship with both the boys. These are things they really want to do that we have been working on for a few months now. If they want me off their back they will say so.. LOL :)

I think the point of contention is coming from my husband. He is getting flustered that they only sit most of the day playing video games and they when we ask to use the TV at 10pm or so we get a struggle. He has always been on board with unschooling, came to the LIG conference this year and absolutely loved it. It just stresses him a bit after a hard days work to get a problem to use the T.V..
He wants the boys to start a project?? Not sure what the entails. I think he wants to see them doing more..

We have had a lot of stress in our family in the last few months. I have a neurological issue similar to MS and it is causing me to not be as physically active as I used to be. My walking is being affected. So the boys are not out as much as we used to be.
Then 2-3 weeks ago my dad was diagnosed with AML leukemia and I am 3000 miles away. He is in Buffalo and we are in Seattle. That has put a lot of stress on us too.

Thanks for being so supportive and wonderful on this list.

Kasey


>

Joyce Fetteroll

On Sep 18, 2012, at 6:43 PM, unschooling2_2011 wrote:

> I think the point of contention is coming from my husband. He
> is getting flustered that they only sit most of the day playing video
> games and they when we ask to use the TV at 10pm or so we get a struggle.

Then they need help being thoughtful.

Support them in exploring their interests in ways that are safe, doable AND respectful. You do them no favors by not helping them find ways for everyone to get their needs met. Adults have more power to adjust their lives to allow the kids' needs to take priority, but Dad only has a few hours at home in the evening to watch TV. You need to help them see this in perspective so other people get what they want too.

Joyce

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Doug & Melissa Edwards

Meredith wrote:
"Right off the bat, those don't sound like they'd be appealing to an 11 and 13 yo. You've said they're interested in rock climbing and DJing - look for ideas along those lines.

You can't afford a rock climbing class, but you might be able to rig a simple climbing wall at home, or look into local places to do easy, no-ropes climbing. And you can look into similar kinds of activities - things which involve big muscle groups and have an element of challenge/danger. That might be skating, setting up a slack line or zip line or trapeze. It might be playing with fire poi. It might be playing paintball. It might be spelunking. But strew those kinds of things, not books and board games."

Along these same lines: Parkour is a big strength and technique exercise like rock climbing and it doesn't cost anything. There are many Youtube videos as well.
Melissa

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Rinelle

<<What interests them about DJing? Are they looking to do some sampling and
mixing?<<

> My almost 13yr old son is the one interested in DJing. He has always loved
> techno music and has great rhythm. He
> wants to mix his own music and eventually DJ in clubs some day.
> I have looked on CL and what not. Still looking. We are trying to learn
> what he would need to start. LOL

A lot of music mixing is done on computers these days. My husband has a
friend who records electronic music, and I know he does live DJ work with
his laptop computer too. Might be worth looking into computer programs as
well. You might be able to get some cheap ones to at least play around on
and begin to learn on.

Tamara

Rinelle

> You can't afford a rock climbing class, but you might be able to rig a
> simple climbing wall at home, or look into local
> places to do easy, no-ropes climbing. And you can look into similar kinds
> of activities - things which involve big muscle
> groups and have an element of challenge/danger.

I don't know about in the US, but here in Australia they often have climbing
walls at fairs and special events, and it usually is really cheap to have a
go. There are some great rock climbing books too. You don't necessarily need
a full class either, you can get one on one lessons (here in Australia
anyway) for not too much outlay, then just go climbing and practice
in-between. My DH has a climbing wall in our garage. A bit of a cost to set
up initially, but now it costs him nothing to go out there and climb.

Tamara

Dana Hoffman Ellis

We have a 4 story rock wall at YMCA which can be climbed for free for members, or $5 a day otherwise :)

Dana

> You can't afford a rock climbing class, but you might be able to rig a simple climbing wall at home, or look into local places to do easy, no-ropes climbing. And you can look into similar kinds of activities - things which involve big muscle groups and have an element of challenge/danger. .

[email protected]

It just stresses him a bit after a hard days work to get a problem to use the T.V..


**Get Dad his own TV. Or two. Or three. Per my DH, that's how many (at least) you need to watch all the sports that are on. And to have a spare one for the news. And another just in case. :)

**Freecycle or thrift stores. That's where he has gotten all of his TVs. Nice ones, too. He has a pole barn out back and can watch to his heart's content.

Nance

Melissa Jones

> A bit more on rock climbing:
In my neck of the woods, an indoor rock wall membership is cheaper than playing city organized sports year round. Just saying.
My ds (8) boulder climbs: no harnesses unless it's super high. He joined a few classes, which ran $21.88 each, and included shoe rental (not entirely necessary, but helpful). But he is a natural climber. He doesn't need a semester of classes. Maybe that is doable for you too.

Just a thought.
Mel in AL
>
>



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Meredith

"marbleface@..." <marbleface@...> wrote:
> **Get Dad his own TV. Or two. Or three.

You might even talk with everyone in the family (either as a group or one on one) about the problems being created by having one big tv. It might be less stressful on everyone to sell it and have several smaller tvs.

---Meredith

Ann

I agree. We finally have a computer and a TV for ever person in the house and it's way less stressful. And amazingly, we still do the same amount of stuff together! It has not split our family apart.

Ann

--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> "marbleface@" <marbleface@> wrote:
> > **Get Dad his own TV. Or two. Or three.
>
> You might even talk with everyone in the family (either as a group or one on one) about the problems being created by having one big tv. It might be less stressful on everyone to sell it and have several smaller tvs.
>
> ---Meredith
>

unschooling2_2011

Thank you everyone for all the suggestions. We were able to have a great family discussion about the t.v and we were all able to come to a consensus for now. I
am sure the need will change over time.. when it does we will again talk as a family. I am looking into some of the ideas to see what is available within a decent driving radius for I have medical issues.
Kasey


--- In [email protected], "Ann" <auntannies2002@...> wrote:
>
> I agree. We finally have a computer and a TV for ever person in the house and it's way less stressful. And amazingly, we still do the same amount of stuff together! It has not split our family apart.
>
> Ann
>
> --- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@> wrote:
> >
> > "marbleface@" <marbleface@> wrote:
> > > **Get Dad his own TV. Or two. Or three.
> >
> > You might even talk with everyone in the family (either as a group or one on one) about the problems being created by having one big tv. It might be less stressful on everyone to sell it and have several smaller tvs.
> >
> > ---Meredith
> >
>